Change in Heart
by lawsbian
Summary: Spencer Carlin would do anything not to move to LA, forced by her mother. As time progresses, will she change her mind or stand her ground?
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

"I can't believe you're leaving me."

"I can't believe I'm leaving. I'm so mad that my mom won't let me live with you guys. I mean, come on, she thinks of you as a second daughter to her! Our families have been close as long as I can remember,"

I glance down at my watch. 6 AM. It's too early to be awake. I am glad that Mom let me sleep at Deb's house for my last night in Ohio.

"Well, I better get going. Mom said she'd be here at exactly 6."

I reach down for one suitcase and one carry-on. The rest has already been shipped to my new home. Before I get to them, Deb grabs them and smiles sincerely to me.

I open the door for us, letting Deb go before me. Before shutting her door, I look around her house. Who knows when I'll be back. This is going to be so hard.

Deb sets my luggage down briefly and I pull her into a hug. I don't know who starts to cry first. How does my mom expect me to live without my best friend? I've never been so close to anybody in my life. The only reason Mom's making me go with them is because she'll "miss me too much". How selfish is that! If she really loved me, she'd let me stay. My home my whole life. Living with my best friend and her family who is like a family to me.

Eventually we let go, tears in each of our eyes.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Spencer."

"I'm going to miss you more than you can ever imagine. I'll write to you, I'll text you, and I'll call you all the time. It's going to be just like we're together... except we're not." I finish my sentence not as happy as I had started it.

"I'll try to visit you and you can try to visit me lots."

"Bye, Deb."

"Bye, Spence."

I place my bags in the trunk of our SUV and hop in the back with Clay and Glen. We wave as we begin our drive to the airport. I look at my mom as she's waving with a grin on her face. How can she smile? How can she act so polite? This is cruel. She's taking me away from my home, my best friend, Ohio. I don't want to go to a new school. I don't want to make new friends. I don't want to start over. I love it here. Mom is taking everything away from me.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_ "Who let that out of the house?"_

_ "The house? More like a shelter!"_

_ "What is she wearing?"_

_ "She doesn't stand a chance here."_

_ "Someone should tell her."_

What have I done so wrong? I haven't done a thing to any of them. Am I the only new kid to ever arrive in LA? Or do they just make fun of every new kid? Maybe they should help the new girl out. Back in Ohio, people would warmly welcome any newcomer and they certainly wouldn't make fun of anyone. Here it seems as if I'm on a new planet.

I feel dozens of eyes burning on me all over my body; I've never felt so self-conscious in my entire life. It's at least eighty degrees and I can feel the sweat forming on my forehead due to the heat and getting worked up. I accept that my make-up is going to get ruined. I guess it will go with the rest of me because apparently, according to the whispers all around, I look bad. I look up for a split second and see my brother who, at this point, seems like my safe haven.

_"Glen!" _I shout hopefully.

I start to him once I realize he isn't coming my way. As I do, he turns the opposite way, with at least three girls already trailing behind him, avoiding my gaze. My own brother is acting like he doesn't even know me. I'm his younger sister, he should be helping me. If it was Clay, my adopted brother, he would definitely be helping me.

I look down at my map and schedule of this hell called school. I turn it this way and that several times, but I still don't know which way to walk or where I'm currently at from this map.

_"Hey, watch where you're going, Freak!" _

I gasp and drop all of my books; my papers fly in different directions. If I'm not mistaken, I'm just standing here and this boy bumped into me. Hard. No one bothers to help me pick up my things; instead, they laugh with him as he high fives his friends. I can't believe boys do that here. I can't believe these humans are acting like this here. LA is supposed to be cool and fun. I can't and won't allow myself to be turned into one of these monsters.

I wake up and gasp similar to how I did in my dream. I'm in a hot sweat, adrenaline pulsing through me. My heart is beating to hard and fast I feel like it's going to fly out of my chest. I lift my head slightly and glance at my clock. Nearly 4 AM. It seems impossible to fall back asleep now. I really wasn't that worried until I had this dream. I really hope that dream wasn't some sort of premonition because if it is, I'm catching the first plane back to Ohio.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Spence, I promise you're going to be fine. If I thought this would hurt anyone in our family, I wouldn't have accepted this promotion."

I could argue back. I just don't have the patience due to lack of sleep. Instead I just continue to stare out of my window while she blabbers on. She hates when I give her the cold shoulder. If I wasn't in LA and in such an angry and nervous mood, today would be a very pretty day. But I am in LA and I am angry and nervous, so it's not pretty.

We pull up to the drop-off area of King High School. Mom decided she wanted to take me today instead of me going with Glen and Clay in a separate car as we did in Ohio.

Ohio.

LA.

I hear the engine go off and can see my mom turn to me out of the corner of my eye. I really don't want to talk. If I was in Ohio right now, there is no doubt that I'd be side-by-side with Deb and the rest of the cheer squad and some of the football players we hung out with. We always go and get our schedules together and compare them. I guess that doesn't happen anymore.

"Honey, can you look at me?"

I wait a few seconds before turning my head slightly.

"I'm sorry, Spencer. I know how much you wanted to stay in Ohio. I just wouldn't be able to take living without you during your last two major years of your school life! College is coming soon and I want to be able to be with you and help you through all of that. My little girl is growing up so fast. I would miss you too much to let you stay somewhere where I couldn't see you everyday."

As much as I hate to admit it, she sounds sincere and I see where she's coming from. I'm still going to continue to be stubborn, though. I guess she'd miss me a lot if I had stayed, but I don't know if she realizes how hard this is going to be for us. Especially me. She doesn't know how cruel teenagers my age can be and I don't make friends that easily. I don't know a single soul at this school besides Clay and Glen. Clay is pretty independent and Glen can get girls in the blink of an eye. My heartbeat speeds up and I'm starting to get worried again.

"You know how much I wanted to stay, how much easier it would be for me, and yet you decide to put me through this? A new school where I know nobody. You know how I'm not good at making friends and how hard it is for me to adjust to new things. Yet you decide 'I'll miss Spencer too much, she can't stay because I'm too selfish'." _Okay maybe that was a little harsh._ "I hope you're content, Mom, I really do because as soon as I step outside this car-" I can't finish my sentence. I don't know what will happen as soon as I step outside of the car. All I know is I won't be happy.

Before she could respond, I jumped out of the car, slammed the door, and didn't look back. I should have asked her where the office was before I spat at her.

Searching around for the office, I kept thinking about the car ride here. Maybe I was a little over-dramatic and mean towards Mom. She has feelings, too.

So far, I'm doing okay. I received my map of the school and my class schedule. I think back to my dream and I look around for the boy that bumped into me. I know I won't see him since it was just a dream, but it was so realistic I can't help but look around.

I only have five classes this year; they are English Honors, History Honors, Calculus Honors, Conceptual Chemistry, and Film. Science has always been my worst subject. I needed at least one elective and Film seemed the most decent even though I don't want to take it.

My first class was English and that happens to be my favorite subject. Besides that, the day was a long, slow blur. I got the stares I had been dreading but at least people didn't talk bad about me in my presence. I hope they didn't talk bad about me at all. No matter how many times I say I don't care what they think, I always do. It's a flaw of mine.

The bell rang and I was the last one out of class just like the rest of my classes today. Usually the last to enter and the last to leave. Alone.

My last class of the day is Chemistry and fortunately for me, it's mega close to the Film classroom. That's how I found it so easily.

I walk in and there are about 15 students already inside as opposed to the 35 or so that are in class. They are having conversations with one another, mostly about fun things they did over the summer. I thought to myself in a sassy tone "_Over my summer I prepared for the move I would soon be making to LA. My summer topped yours."_

Each minute would bring at least two students. I'm sitting in very back row in a corner. These desks are paired side-by-side which means someone will soon be sitting very close to me. Oh, God, this means I'm going to have to talk to them.

I zone back in as I hear the late bell rang. No one is next to me, lucky me. I don't know if that's sarcastic or not. My teacher begins talking and about a minute later, I hear the door open and shut. People seem to turn around and begin mumbling to each other. I don't understand why until I turn around, too.

"Ah, Miss Davies, you showed up to class! You're too kind," Mr. Walker said sarcastically, obviously peeved that she interrupted his talking. What was he even talking about, I was too busy zoning out. Again.

"Of course, anything for you, Mr. Walker!" The curly-haired brunette replied over-enthusiastically. I could tell she was for sure being sarcastic.

"And how convenient; there is one spare chair left just for you over in that corner next to... Miss... Carlin, it is?"

"Yes, that's me." I reply quietly.

The second she turns away from him, her smile fades and she begins walking to the desk right next to mine. I don't understand why my heart is beating to fast. She gets nearer and nearer; I didn't notice I was still staring at her until she said something.

"Hi, Miss Carlin, can I help you with something? A picture, an autograph?" There was no playfulness in her voice.

"Um, I, no, sorry." How embarrassing.

I understand why people were drawing their attention to her. She's more than pretty, she's drop-dead gorgeous. When she talked to me, I felt as if her dark brown eyes were piercing the back of my head. It's like she can read me or something. Her brunette curls dropped right below her shoulders; the only part of her hair that wasn't brunette was her bangs which swept to her right. Her bangs were a streak of pink. Not obnoxious pink, though. Normally a different colored hair streak would look tacky, but on her it looked hot.

I'm allowed to call girls hot, right? Or does that sound... forget it.

She has a short black skirt on and a few layering tanks. She doesn't look casual, but she doesn't look fancy. I wonder what she's going to wear tomorrow.

Not only does she look good, but she smells delicious. Hot and delicious, I don't know what's going on with me today. It smells like a mix of vanilla and coconut. Two of my favorite scents.

Davies, that last name sounds familiar. I've taken in nearly every aspect of her and she doesn't look familiar in the slightest. While I'm looking at her and thinking, I realize that I don't even know her name. I wish I knew it though. And I wish she would talk to me. She's one of those people who can just talk endlessly and I wouldn't mind because her voice sounded so warm. It was calm but it was also assertive, and kind of raspy. Not a bad kind of raspy, but the hot kind.

Again, hot?

Before I know it, the bell rang which signaled the end of class and more importantly, the end of my first school day. Davies was out of the door before I even picked up my bag. Maybe she had to catch the bus or something?

As I'm walking out of class, books hand, I search for my phone so I can call Glen to see where we are going to meet so he can take me home.

I feel something hit me hard as I drop my books and for a split second I fear it's the boy from my dream. But it wasn't. I begin picking up my books and I hear a soft and sweet voice right in front of me.

"Oh my goodness, I am so sorry! I totally wasn't watching where I was walking, are you all right?" I looked up and her face was full of concern. I was shocked; I thought I was the one who needed the forgiveness.

"I'm totally fine! Don't even worry about it; I wasn't watching where I was going. I was too worried about looking for my phone. Are you okay?" I asked as we stood up together.

She handed me one of my books and replied, "I'm okay, thanks! Hey, you're in my Chemistry class I think. You're the one Ashley sat next too, right? What's your name? I'm Chelsea."

Ashley. Is her name Ashley? That fits her so well. Ashley Davies.

Ashley Davies.

_Reply, Dummy._

"Oh, I, um, I don't know her name. I mean I guess that's her name. I'm actually new here. It's nice to meet you, Chelsea, I'm Spencer."

"It's nice to meet you, too, Spencer! If you're new here, we should hang out at lunch or something. If you don't have anyone else to hang out with."

"I would really appreciate that, thanks, Chelsea. It's just hard leaving your old life and having to recreate yourself and meet new people." I really like this girl!

"I can only imagine. Poor thing. Where are you from?"

"A small town way back in Ohio." she turned her head sideways at me and made a face as if she was shocked and interested.

Just then, a tall, muscular guy with dark brown hair walked up next to Chelsea. I hope he's nice or else that attractive face and body are a waste.

"Hey Chelsea, hey... um, why don't you introduce me to your friend?" I let a smile slip.

"Hi, Aiden. Yes, Aiden this is Spencer. Spencer, Aiden."

"Hi."

"Hey." I replied shyly. I was never this shy back home.

We held eye contact until we shook hands; I broke the eye contact. His hand felt so protective and strong, but it was also soft and gentle. It's my first day, I can't be forming crushes already.

My phone rang. Leave it to Glen to ruin this moment.

"Glen, hey, where are you? I don't really know where the parking lot is."

_"Bad news, Spence. I have basketball tryouts so you can either wait here or hitch a ride."_

"Ugh, Glen. I guess I'll just find a ride or something." _From who, I don't know._

I turned back to Chelsea and Aiden.

Before I could say bye, Aiden asked, "Do you need a ride somewhere? Normally I have basketball, but I'm already on the team so I don't need to attend tryouts."

Cute boy with a car? I could so get used to this. No, what am I saying. No boyfriends right now.

"Actually, that would be so great. Thank you."

The car ride with Aiden went by much quicker than the car ride with my mom this morning. It was silent part of the time, but it wasn't awkward. I like being around him.

I unbuckled my seat belt and turned to face him.

"Thank you for the ride, Aiden. If it wasn't for you, I'd be stuck watching my nerd brother at those dumb basketball tryouts."

"Hey, I'm on the team, too. Don't go to see your bro, go to see me."

Oh, so this one's a sweet-talker? Damn him because he's good.

I laughed and got out of the car and to my surprise, he began walking me up to my front door.

"Thanks for walking me up, you're sweet!" I didn't really know how to say this because it was a shocker to me.

"Anything for a beauty like you." And with that, he pulled me into a hug. Except it wasn't just a hug, you know, it wasn't really romantic either. It was similar to the handshake. Protective, gentle, strong. It lasted a few good seconds, too, before we let go and smiled at each other and he walked back to his car. I waited until he left before entering my house.

"Spencer, is that you?" I heard my dad call out from the kitchen.

"Yeah, Dad!" I walked into the kitchen and smelled the aroma of his famous spaghetti. He knows how to make my day better, even if it's just food.

"How was your first day, Sweetie?" He asked as we hugged.

"It could have been worse." And with that, I walked up to my room. Thoughts of Aiden, Ashley, and Deb running through my head.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_ "Today felt so different without you. I felt like I was missing something the entire day!"_

"I know; I felt the same here. LA is nothing like Ohio. It sucks. I wish I could come back."

Yeah, Chelsea and Aiden were cool and I'd like to know more about Ashley, but I'd sacrifice them to go back home.

_"We all miss you. I just hope things get easier for you because I can only imagine how tough it must be for you right now. But on the bright side, at least you only have two years to finish up and then hell-o, college!" _Deb finished in a sing-song voice.

She's right. Only two years. That's kind of like middle school. Half in Ohio, half in LA. It's not too bad because it's not like all my friends will be staying in Ohio for college. I'm sure we'd all be splitting up and going in different directions anyway. Maybe this change is good. I have to keep my mind open. There we go, that's the Spencer I am.

"You're right. Two years. We can all make it through," I heard a knock at my door which signaled dinner. "Hey I have to go; it's dinnertime. Keep in touch, okay?"

_"Will do. Love ya, Spence!"_

"Love you, too, Deb."

And then it hit me. I'm a new kid. This is LA. I can be anybody I want to be. No one knows me. Well except my brothers of course. But really, I could change everything. My mind, my clothes, my attitude. Maybe this isn't so bad after all.

That spaghetti is sounding mighty delicious right now.

**-sorry for the shortness of this chapter. More to come!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I hop out of the back of my brothers truck, feeling more optimistic about school. I've already got Chelsea and Aiden as new friends, so from here I can only be myself and maybe I'll get some more.

Is it bad that I now look forward to Chemistry? I don't look forward to the subject itself; I don't even like Science. I look forward to seeing Ashley, though. It's not like we're even friends and I don't think she likes me. Despite those things, I still look forward to seeing her. Maybe we can become friends.

I hear my mom's voice in my head,_"Just be yourself, Spence." _

I'm managing to find my classes quicker today, go me. I hope I'm not the first to enter, but I guess that's better than the last to enter. The people here stare at you as if you're a murderer or something.

I'm not the first one here; I'm the second. Third, counting Mr. Walker. Just my luck, who's sitting in the same desk as yesterday, the one next to mine? Ashley Davies.

Should I sit next to her or sit away from her? If I sit next to her, she might think I'm weird. If I sit far away, I might leave the impression that I don't like her and I definitely don't want her to think that. So I decide to ask her.

"Uh, hey... Do you mind if I sit here again?" I blush and ask as bravely as I can.

She looks up as if she didn't realize anybody else had walked in the room.

"What, oh, no, go ahead." Well I wasn't expecting that. She seems distracted by something.

We sit there in silence as the rest of the class files in. I want to talk to her. We look silly compared to the rest of the class that are holding conversations before the late bell. I don't even know what to talk about with her. As far as she knows, I don't know her name. She doesn't know mine either, except for my last name.

I guess I missed my chance because the late bell rang. A couple minutes or so after Mr. Walker began talking, she started whispering.

"Hey, um, I just wanted to say sorry for yesterday," she hesitated before going on.

Wait, she's talking to me?

"Oh, you're talking to me. It's totally fine, I didn't realize I had been staring and shouldn't have been."

Ashley is talking to me. Better than that, Ashley is _apologizing_ to me. My heart rate is speeding up by the second.

"It's okay, I'm used to people staring. But seriously, just because I'm going through a tough time right now doesn't mean that I should put it out on innocent people like you." She looked down and I smiled at her.

"Thank you, you're really thoughtful for saying that," I changed my tone, "What's wrong?" I was allowed to ask that, right? Or is that too into her business considering this is only my second conversation with her. I think it's the latter because she doesn't speak.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. Pretend I didn't ask." I turn back towards the teacher shamefully.

"No, don't worry about it. I do want to talk about it; no one has really bothered to ask me about any of my problems and it's nice to talk about things once in a while. I don't want to bombard you with all of my crap, but it would mean a lot if you'd let me just rant to you about things. Obviously Chemistry class isn't the time to do that, so do you wanna hang out after school today or something?"

She wants to confide in me. I don't know her well enough to decide if she trusts people easily and I'm just another person she vents to, or if she feels differently about me. Either way, I'm glad she wants to trust me and rant to me because I like the sound of her voice. It makes me want to do anything for her.

"That sounds fun!" _Fun? She's going through a tough time and wants to talk about it, and you tell her it sounds fun._ "But I wouldn't really have a way there until my brother finishes basketball practice." I finish lamely.

"I'll take you, Silly! I have a car." She says this as if it's an obvious thing, but this is the first genuine smile I've seen on her. It's contagious as I feel myself smiling, too.

"Okay."

We both face forward and I try to tune into Mr. Walker's lecture. Of course Ashley has to be in my worst class. I suck at concentrating on this stuff as it is, and with her sitting inches away from me is not helpful in the slightest.

Today she's wearing light blue skinny jeans with a few holes in them. Her black tank top has a few sequins on it which suits her just right. She has black heels on to go with her tank. They aren't too high, maybe about 2 or 3 inches. Again, she isn't dressed casually but she isn't too fancy, either. I like her style.

Her hair is different from yesterday. She still maintains those curls and I begin to wonder whether they are natural or not. Her pink-streaked bangs hang loosely unlike yesterday, but the rest of her hair is pulled into a side ponytail. Compared to her, I stick out like a sore thumb in a bad way. She's beautiful and I look like something the cat dragged in.

She smells the same as yesterday. Delicious. The same scent of coconut and vanilla. If everybody liked the smell of coconut and vanilla as much as I do, they'd be all over her even more than they are now.

I hung out with Aiden and Chelsea at lunch in the cafeteria. At a table across from us was Ashley surrounded by a group of at least 10 people. That included both boys and girls.

I think I'm more excited than nervous to go to the beach with her. Except as time in class drags on, I end up being more nervous than excited. What if I can't give her the right advice or she thinks I'm not trustworthy?

That dumb voice again. "_Just be yourself, Spence."_

The bell rings and me and Ashley gather up our things and begin walking towards the parking lot.

"Oh my God, I feel like an idiot. I'm about to spill my guts out to you and we don't even know each others names. Sorry, I'm Ashley." She manages to splutter all of this out in one breath.

"I'm just as much as an idiot as you, then," I giggle and look at her. "I'm Spencer."

"Spencer Carlin. I like it."

She likes my name. Good because I like her name, too. Ashley Davies.

I like the way she says my name. It seems special. To anybody else, my name is just my name. But when Ashley says it, it's different. I can't describe it. I just hope she says my name a lot during conversations.

We get to her car. I'm impressed! It's a red Mustang convertible. Obviously she notices that I'm impressed by the way she's looking at me and laughing. I smile back at her.

We get into her car, buckle up, and exit our school's parking lot, top down, and head in the direction of the beach.


	6. Chapter 5

** Chapter 5**

**Ashley's POV**

This feels great. The top of my convertible is down and we're flying down the highway to the beach. My thoughts seem to have flown out of the car and into the wind. It feels just like summer except with a different girl. I feel bad for making this girl my rebound; I don't even know if she's gay. I still plan on venting to her because she seems so sincere, and I really have had all this bottled in for a while. But I need to get back in the game, you know? She's hot, I'm hot, I can get her. It's not that I'm looking for a relationship right now, but I just need something. I know exactly where I'm going to take her.

**Spencer's POV**

I keep stealing glances at Ashley. Right now she keeps smiling and it looks like she's genuinely having a nice time. She's so beautiful. We've only been on the road for ten or so minutes and I already feel at ease with her. Everything feels so carefree. This little trip isn't really about me, though, it's for Ashley to vent.

Eventually we get to the beach and she parks in front of a parking meter. I reach into my bag and grab some quarters, but she stops me.

"I got this, don't worry." She puts her hand over mine to stop me from putting the quarters in and I felt something similar to a static shock, so I moved my hand quickly. We waited a few seconds before continuing.

"I, are you sure? I could spare a few quarters. And besides, you drove me all the way here!"

"I'm positive, Spencer. I invited you here so I'm going to pay, okay?"

Between the shock I got when she touched my hand and the way she said my name, I felt no other option than to let her lead me today. But if we ever hang out again, I'm totally paying for everything.

When we parked, there were barely any other cars around. She led me to a little secluded part of the beach. It looked like she knew where we were headed. No one was around this part of the beach, which I kind of liked. I like how it feels when it's just me and Ashley. She sat down then looked up to me and patted the sand next to her; I sat down. We held eye contact for a few long seconds; why were we here again?

"So I don't really know where to begin,"

I just let her think. I'm not going to rush her because God only knows what she's going through. I'm just happy she's ready to confide someone. In me.

"This summer has definitely been the hardest time in my life," She began before hesitating. I just want to hold her hands and tell her it will be okay and I won't judge her and I'm here for her. But I don't think I can do that.

"My mom and I have never gotten along, ever since my Dad left when I was too young to remember. But I still talked to him and saw him occasionally. My mom basically hates me and my dad. When he died a couple months ago, it was so hard for me because she doesn't care. I had no one. I loved my dad. I had no one to cry to or talk to about anything. I was completely alone. My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks before he died which didn't help. She was the closest person to me in my life. She just got up and left me. I don't even know where she went because she changed her number and left King. I don't know what I did wrong. I don't deal with death well at all. So the end of my summer consisted of holding it all in while I was in my mother's presence and crying when I wasn't. The hardest thing is when you're going through shit like that and you don't have a single soul to go to. I don't wish that upon anybody. And that's why I want to be there for anybody who needs it. But no, everyone either wants me for my body or for my money. And the ones who don't want me, just judge me and talk shit. They don't even know me. I'm tired of laughing off things and giving sarcastic replies. It hurts, Spencer," For the first time in a while, she looked up at me, pain in her eyes. "After my dad's death, I received a very large sum of inheritance and a secret, good-for-nothing sister I hadn't known about my entire life until this summer. My mom is like in love with her and they act like I don't even exist. And here I am, still alone, complaining to some beautiful girl who is wasting her time listening to a freak that has too many problems." She was sobbing by the end of her spiel.

She told me so many things about her life and if I didn't care about her a little in the beginning, I definitely care about her now. She called me beautiful and she thinks she's wasting my time. So bittersweet. There is so much I want to say and I want to make sure she knows I care. I need to find the words. Quickly.

"I, Ash-"

"I know, I'm too much to handle. I shouldn't have bothered you with any of my shit. I'm sorry, Spencer, I'll take you home-" I cut her off by pulling her into a hug. She had her head against my chest, her face tear-stricken, sobbing. I don't care that her make-up is getting all over my shirt. I just sit there holding her and stroking her hair, moving it away from her wet face.

"Ashley, I'm so sorry for what you've been going through. I know how hard it is to not have anybody. I'm not judging you- I will never judge you- and I promise that from here on out, I will be there for you. You can trust me with anything, okay? I don't want you to hurt anymore. I'll try my best to take some of the pain from you. If you need anything, I'll do it. I wish I had the right words, Ash. But I will listen to you and I promise that I'll always care,"

I hope that was enough for her. I suck with words. I've always been the listener, not the talker. I just wanted to get it through to her that I am the person she can come to with anything.

I leaned closer to her ear and whispered, "You're beautiful, too, and you aren't a waste of my time. You will never be a waste of my time."

She spoke up through sobs, "I haven't even known you for two days and I already like you better than most of the people I've ever known. Do you really mean what you said? I can come to you for anything? I can trust you? I don't want to be another burden, Spence."

"I've never meant anything more in my life." She was shaking and kept having to catch her breath from crying so hard. Poor thing.

I don't know how long we sat there. Her crying slowly descended and she was done crying by the time the sun went down. It was a beautiful evening. Even though she was crying a lot of the time and I knew she was in pain, I couldn't help but enjoy myself. When I'm with her, everything else escapes my mind.

While she was looking at the ocean, I checked my phone for the time. It's just after 7. I'm going to miss dinner and I haven't even told any one of my family members where I'm at! I am really enjoying myself here, on the beach, with a smiling Ashley looking up at me from my lap. But it's getting late for a school night.

"Are you ready to go?" She nods and lifts her head up. I gather up our things and carry them on one arm, and hold Ashley's waist with my other arm.

We got into her car. I know how exhausted she must be, so I offered to drive us. I had planning on driving us to my house, but she knocked out the instant I began driving and I didn't want her to have to drive home after dropping me off. She stirred a little and grabbed my hand that was resting on the clutch. I released it and held her hand. She's just tired, this doesn't mean anything.

We're nearing home and I realize I don't know where Ashley lives. I hate to wake her, but...

"Ashley? Ash?" She looked up to me and let go of my hand. "I don't know where you live."

She directed me and I pulled into her driveway. She was so sleepy you could tell just by looking at her eyes. She wasn't walking too well either. I grabbed our stuff again before helping her out and holding her up. I unlocked her door and then she pulled me up her large staircase. We entered what I assumed was her room and she shut the door.

"Ashley, is your mom here?" I whispered to her.

"Huh, no, she never is." It took her a while to get that slurred sentence out.

I dropped our stuff near her door and helped her into bed. She pulled me into it, too. When I laid down next to her, slightly propped up, she held me across the stomach and drifted off to sleep. I waited a few minutes before calling home and asking for someone to pick me up. Dad isn't happy with me which only means mom has got to be furious. Clay is on his way to get me right now.

I wake up in a fright I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.

**I'm here -C**

I guess I fell asleep briefly, too. Now I have to be careful to not wake Ashley. I remove her arm from around my stomach. After I get up, I pull her blankets up and tuck her in. I look at her a second before leaving. I see a notepad and pencils on a nearby desk. The notebook is filled with words, but I don't know what they are. Maybe it's English homework.

_"My brother picked me up. Someone is clearly way too exhausted. How much sleep do you get anyways? Goodnight, Ash, see you tomorrow. Xoxo -Spencer"_

Clay seems in a good mood. Now I have to go home and face the wrath of my parents. Ugh.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Clay walks into our home first and enters the kitchen with me trailing slowly behind. As soon as I shut the door, as quiet as possible, there goes mom.

"Spencer Elizabeth Carlin! You get yourself into this kitchen right now!"

I attempt to pick up the pace a bit but fail. My feet feel as heavy as bricks. I walk in with my head hung low.

"Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad," I flash my dad a pity-smile. He's the softy of the family. My mom comes from the kitchen and meets me face-to-face in the doorway of our kitchen.

"What in the world do you think gives you the right to stay out this late on a school night without our permission? Nobody knew where you were! You don't have the decency to call to let us know where you're at? You've never done this once in your entire life. You always check in. That's probably why I'm this upset, Spencer. You've never done this. I was so worried something happened to you. It was only your second day and I thought something went wrong or..." She started out fuming but pulled me into a loving and protective hug towards in the middle of her little lecture.

"Mom, Dad, I'm really sorry," I began while still in my mother's embrace. She let me go so I could finish."I, uh, I made a friend today and she really needed someone to talk to about things that are going on in her life and I just lost track of time. She really needed somebody and I don't know. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I'll always let you guys know what's up. Okay?"

"It's alright, Spence. Don't let it happen again, please," My dad piped up from the kitchen. I smell Sloppy Joes! We all found our places around the table.

"So what's this you said? You've made a new friend?" My dad seemed interested. He knows how unusual this is. It takes me weeks, months even to form friendships.

"Yeah. I actually made a few within these past two days," It suddenly gets quiet and, after I take a big bite of my Sloppy Joe, I look up and see everybody's eyes on me.

"What? You're all looking at me as if I confessed to murdering someone." They all ease up.

"Yeah, right. How much did you pay them?" My brother laughs with a messy face from his burger.

"Glen," Mom scolds, "that's great, Spencer. What are their names?" I can't decide if this is going to turn into an interrogation or if she's genuinely interested. I tell her anyways.

"First I met Chelsea and she introduced me to Aiden. I also met a girl named Ashley."

"Hey, Chelsea's in my art class!" Clay said after I finished. Why was he smiling like that?

"Ew, Aiden? That guys a di-" he coughs. "Jerk. He is such a jerk." Glen spit out.

"Well good thing I didn't ask you to hang out with him then, right?" I retort.

We finish our dinner on a good note. Everyone seems generally happy. I retreat to my bedroom upstairs and can't help but wonder if Ashley is still asleep. She's cute when she's sleepy.

I flip open my phone as I collapse onto my bed. Two missed calls, one text, and one voicemail. All from Deb. Didn't we just talk yesterday? What else could have happened that's so interesting? I entered my voicemail password and heard the sound of her soft, yet somehow assertive, voice in my ear.

_"Hey, Spencer, it's Deb. Where are you? You usually answer the first time I call you. Are you all right?If some jerk messed with you or something, I'm going to fly there myself and take care of him. We all miss you so much. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to cope without you here. Call me back as soon as you get this, bye."_

What's her deal? Am I her puppy dog or something?

What am I saying. She's my best friend. Obviously she cares about me. I do usually answer on the first ring. It's only been two days and I already feel myself losing my grip on Deb to Ashley. There is something about Ashley that I can't explain. Her smell, her attitude, the way she just laid it all out there for me to listen to. She's the one I wish would've called. I want to know how she's doing even though I just left her about an hour ago. I want to be Ashley to think about me like I'm thinking about her.

**Ashley's POV**

I turn over on my opposite side and pull the blankets over my head because the light from one of my lamps has managed to wake me up. I'm too lazy to get up and turn it off.

Wait, how did I get in my bed?

Spencer!

I spring my body up, suddenly not so tired anymore. Where did she go? What the hell happened tonight? I remember it well, but it didn't go as I planned it to go; it went good. I planned on just taking her to the secluded spot on the beach and making her feel bad for me before seducing her and having a little fun with her. But something about her made me change my mind. I really did spill my guts out to her and it felt good. She sincerely cared about me and I haven't felt that in so long.

I keep replaying tonight's (or rather, last night's. It's 2 am now) events back in my head. I took her to the secluded section so we could be alone. I told her everything, but I didn't plan on crying as much as I did. Her attention was fully on me and it was so hard to make eye contact with her. I felt so guilty for what I had planned on doing. But then I did look at her, and I could see the concern in her eyes.

She let me cry into her for I don't even know how long. She thinks her words weren't good enough, but they were. Her words were more than enough. I really hope she meant what she said about being there for me. I hope she will always be there for me. Even though it was painful to talk about things, last night was one of the best nights I've had in a while.

She held me even after I finished crying. She let me rest my head in her lap and we watched the sunset together. She was stroking my hair.

I want her. And I still don't know if she's gay, but I want her. Someone who is straight doesn't act like she did.

This is too much for me right now. I'm overwhelmed. I'm doing what I always do when I'm thinking too much: pacing around my room. I go to pick up my song book and there's a letter on it!

_"My brother picked me up. Someone is clearly way too exhausted. How much sleep do you get anyways? Goodnight, Ash, see you tomorrow. Xoxo -Spencer"_

After I finish reading her small yet meaningful note, I can feel myself smiling wide like an idiot. Her pretty writing matches her pretty face. And she's right, I'm beyond exhausted. I never sleep anymore. I just can't. With school now, it's even harder to sleep because right when I do fall asleep, I have to wake up for school.

Under her beautifully written note is her phone number. I have Spencer Carlin's phone number. This must mean something. She lets me drag her to the beach and complain all night. Then she drives me home and tucks me in.

Oh my God.

I totally fell asleep holding her.

As I was saying, a straight girl doesn't let you do all these things and she definitely doesn't cuddle with me.

Or do straight girls do that?

Maybe I am thinking too much about this. This time I feel different, though. I say that with every new girl that comes into my life. I'm drop-dead serious about it this time. Spencer has me wanting more of her. I want her to be mine. I want it to impress her and make her happy. I want her to come to me with her problems, if someone as flawless as herself has problems, so I can help her with them.

With her note in my hand, I walk back to my bed and get back in it. How am I supposed to sleep now with a beautiful blonde-haired, blue-eyed, smiling beauty in my head?

_**A/N: Thanks for reading this far, guys! I sort of know where I'm going with this. Reviews would be very helpful, as this is my first story. Thanks so much :)**_


	8. Chapter 7

** Chapter 7**

I wake up to the startling sound of my alarm clock and, despite the abrupt wake-up, I'm instantaneously in a good mood. The sun is shining through my curtains and I feel well-rested. I'm prepared to conquer this day at King High.

I stand up and stretch. I look at myself in my mirror and notice my hair looks blonder than usual and flows decently. I decide that I'll just give it a good brush and leave it how it is.

After getting myself ready, I head downstairs for breakfast.

"Good morning!" I say a little too enthusiastically for seven AM. "What's for breakfast?"

"Morning, Sweetie!" My dad doesn't seem to notice. Maybe he does but just doesn't say anything. "French toast, your favorite."

We all sat and ate a quick, delicious breakfast. It was nice because Mom was actually home this morning for breakfast. She usually has to go into work mega early, like five AM. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood just like at dinner last night. I could so get used to a non-arguing family.

We're getting ready to leave- Glen, Clay, and me. Glen and Clay have already headed out to the car but I forgot a school book upstairs. After I grab it, I run back down the stairs and start for the door, but I'm stopped by my mom, who pulls me into a hug. Someone's in a grateful mood.

"Have a good day, Spence. I hope it's getting easier for you and if it isn't, it will. Just be yourself. I love you,"

There she goes again with the _"just be yourself"_. I'm still glad she cares so much about me.

Why I'm not still upset over Ohio, I do not know. I blame Ashley for my happiness in LA.

"Oh and if you plan on going anywhere after school, just call your dad and let him know where and how long. We're completely okay with you hanging out with friends, but we just need to know what's going on."

"Thanks, Mom," I blush. "Thanks for caring so much, but I better get a move on so I don't make Clay or Glen late." She lets go and we trade smiles. I jog to the car.

School goes so agonizingly slow up until lunch. I have a little time to rest and enjoy my food and my new friends as well as enhance my appearance before Chemistry. I notice that I'm zoning out to Ashley's direction with the several people gathered around her when Aiden speaks up.

"So, Spencer, are you finding the way to your classes easier?"

"Uh, yeah, I actually am. It was difficult at first, but I've gotten help from a few people and now I pretty much know where they all are." I smile reassuringly at him.

"That's good to hear. If you ever need help for some reason, whether it be school things or friends or just anything, I'm always here." I wonder why he's being so nice to an Ohio nerd like me. But I'll take it.

"Thanks, Aiden, you're the best." Right after I finish my sentence, the bell rings and I couldn't be more excited to get to Ashley. I mean Chemistry.

I stand up and give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and I'm bustling my way to Chem.

I walk with my eyes looking down. I don't know why because there's more of a chance I'll run into someone. It's a habit I guess. I'm nearly to Chemistry when I notice feet just standing facing me. I look up, annoyed because they're slowing me down. I need to get to Chemistry. Or Ashley.

When I do look up, my eyes widen and I smile.

"Hi." Her raspy voice fills the air around me and everything slows down.

"Hey, how are you?" _"Be yourself"_ I think to myself. Mother knows best.

"Thanks to a certain beautiful blonde, I'm great," I blush and look down, still smiling. "But seriously, I wanted to say thank you for everything yesterday. I haven't been able to just let it out to someone in so long. Thank you for listening and caring. Or if you don't really care, thanks for making it seem like you do." She laughs. God, I love that laugh. Her laugh is another contagious factor.

I laugh and reply, "If you ever need to let anything out, I still am here. I do care about you," _Shoot, I've known her like three days, is that okay to say?_ I blush and continue, "Uh, yeah if you need anything, I'm always here. I promise." I smile up to her reassuringly.

"Thank you." I hear the sincerity in her voice.

We finish the walk to Chemistry in slow motion and comfortable silence. When we get there, I reach for the door but she gets to it first. She opens it and gestures for me to enter. _Aw!_

"Thank you, Miss Davies." I say in the tone of Mr. Walker who, fortunately, isn't in the room at the moment.

"You're very welcome, Miss Carlin." Ashley also says in Mr. Walker's tone.

I make my way to the back desk I've become so comfortable with, hoping that Ashley will sit in the one next to it again. She does.

A minute or two later, the late bell rings and Mr. Walker announces that we'll be doing a lab involving microscopes with an assigned partner. The partner we would be assigned with is the one sitting in the desk right next to our own. It must be my lucky day because who is sitting next to me, AKA the desk linked to mine? Ashley Davies.

Other groups had moved around with their microscopes to be near their friends. Ashley and I stayed in our seats in the back corner, somewhat secluded. But I wouldn't like it any other way.

Ashley and I are cleaning up our station now. Neither of us knew what we were doing so that resulted in more laughter which I'm assuming resulted in what felt like a 10 minute class period. Ashley and I really click. We have several topics of conversation throughout the class period, but none of them are too serious. I just feel so relaxed around Ashley. I love the attention she gives me when I talk. There's one thing I don't like, though.

A kid in our Chem class, Johnny, came up to her as if I wasn't there.

_"Hey, Ash," Her smile faded. "Do you know how to do the first step of number six?"_

_ "No." She was short with him; we both expected him to go away._

_ "How about number ten? Do you know how to solve it?" The kid was still hopeful._

_ "No, Johnny. Spencer nor I know how to solve these damn problems, alright? Go ask Sarah or someone who knows and even cares."_ I love her bluntness. Sarah was the nerd of the class.

This Johnny kid bugged me, though. He wanted Ashley. Or maybe he actually wanted help, or maybe just the answers. Either way, he was taking my time away from Ashley. I know Ashley was annoyed by him, but just this little conversation they had bugged me. It made me jealous. I don't get jealous, but of course with Ashley I do. With Ashley I feel all these different things that I haven't felt before. Some of these things are good, some of them aren't so good.

I was thinking back to that conversation as I was packing up and felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Hey, do you wanna maybe hang out today? I mean I need some help with the Chemistry homework. This is my worst subject." Part of me thinks that Chemistry is the last thing on her mind. I'm not even good at Chemistry, hence why I'm not in honors and didn't have a clue how to do the lab today. But before I even think about this, my mouth is running.

"Sure, Ash. Do you wanna go to the library or something?"

"Oh we can go there if you want. Unless you want to just come to my house. Mom's not there, of course."

"Let's go to your house."

We smile at each other and make our way to the classroom door.

**A/N: Yes I am aware this chapter is pretty short and boring. But don't give up on me!**

**Reviews would be lovely :)**


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey guys! I worked harder on this chapter so I hope you guys like it. Reviews would be oh so very lovely, thanks for reading! xo **

** Chapter 8**

Me and Ashley are walking towards her car which is in the student parking lot, both of us feeling giddy. We were nearly there when I see Aiden walking towards the direction we are coming from.

"Hey, Aiden!" I say, smiling and catching his attention as he and Ashley slam sides aggressively.

"Hey, Ash."

"What do you want, Aiden?" I think I'm missing something here. "And don't you dare call me 'Ash'." Ashley looks angrier than when she talked to me on the first day of school.

"I'm walking to my locker; you don't own this school like you think you do. See you, Spencer," He smiled warmly towards me, unlike how he was acting towards Ashley. "Bye, Ash." He finished, knowing that she'd hate that he called her Ash again.

I'm sort of upset with Aiden right now because he turned my Ashley from a giddy little girl to an angry, uptight grandma.

"What was that back there? I'm clearly missing something."

She stopped abruptly and faced me. We were the only ones in this hallway right now because everybody else had either gone home or has a sixth period, unlike us.

"Spencer. I want you to stay away from Aiden," As if she could read my mind, she continued, "He's bad news. Just trust me, Spencer, please just trust me. I don't want him to hurt you. Just promise me that you'll stay away from him." Her anger had subsided and her voice is now filled with a sense of urgency and anxiety.

"Ashley, I-"

"PROMISE me!" Her voice raised and before I had any time to process everything, my mouth slipped yet again.

"Ashley, I promise I'll stay away from Aiden. Okay?" Why exactly did I promise to stay away from Aiden? He's so sweet and caring and gentle and protective. I have to forgot about all that he was towards me because I just promised Ashley that I will stay away from Aiden. I'd rather have Ashley than Aiden, though, so I guess it works out.

We're in her car now and she's going in the direction of her house. It's rather close to my house and our school which is pretty cool. I barely have time to think, that's how close it is to school. I consider asking her why she doesn't just walk, but it's Ashley. Ashley plus walking distances in heels doesn't sound like it will end well.

"Ash, you live like really close to school."

"I know, isn't it sorta nice?"

She unlocks her door and it reminds me of last night when I opened it for us. I follow her into her kitchen.

"I'm going to grab us some snacks and drinks. I know we had lunch not too long ago, but just in case," She smiles and goes to retrieve the food. "You can go up to my room if you want, I'll be there in a few."

"Okay, thanks. I'm gonna call my dad and let him know where I'm at. My folks were not too happy with me when I got home last night." I finished as I started heading up her stairs.

"Hey, Dad."

_"Hey, Honey, what's up?"_

"Nothing much. I'm at my friend Ashley's and I just wanted to check in like you and mom asked me to if I went anywhere again."

_"Alright, Spence. I appreciate that and if your mother asks, I'll let her know. Try to be home by 7, okay? Let me know if you need a ride home."_

"Thanks, Dad, I will. Bye."

I hung up and tucked my phone into my pocket. Ashley's walls are mostly empty, but there are the occasional posters of rock stars of some sort and pictures of what I'm assuming are her friends.

On each side of her bed is a little side table. I'm assuming she sleeps on the right side of her bed because on her right table lies a book and a cup of water sitting on a coaster. Her bed is messily made but I don't mind it. I personally don't favor making my bed. We just get back into it later in the day. Anyways, right above Ashley's right side table is my note that I wrote to her tacked to the wall. It's obviously because I put my number on it. She probably wanted it to access my number quickly just in case. Why else would she have put it on her wall?

"Hey," She staggers in carrying a water bottle in her mouth, a water bottle under her chin, 2 bottles of orange Fanta in her left hand, and a bowl of chips in her right hand. I go and help her.

"Hi, dang you really geared up!" I say taking the water from her mouth and taking a sip. She blushes.

"Well, I just didn't know if you'd prefer soda or water and I figured chips were decent enough unless you want fruit, I can go cut up a watermelon we have-" I think if I wanted the earth in the palm of my hand, she'd make that happen.

"No, Ash, this is great. Thank you so much."

She sets down the drinks and chips on her bed then turns to me, "Hey, Spence, did I get you into trouble last night or something?"

"No, you didn't. It was my fault. I totally forgot to call my parents and check in. They were pretty angry when I got home."

"Oh." I hope I didn't hurt her feelings. With a dead dad and a careless mom, she doesn't have anybody to make sure she gets home on time.

"Hey," I walk over to her and grab her shoulders. "I know it might not be the same, but you can call me when you get home or to some place. I wanna know that you've made it okay." I give her a friendly smile.

"Thanks, Spence. I'll do that. Thanks for caring."

I let go and make my way over to my backpack that I laid next to her bed and begin taking out my Chemistry book as she plopped down on her bed and flipped on the TV.

"I hate to be 'that person', but don't you think we should do our homework first?" I'd much rather plop myself right next to Ashley and eat away, but she's the one who said she needed help with Chemistry. Which reminds me, I suck at Chemistry so why did I say yes?

"Nah. I only have Chemistry homework and it's so early. Oh I mean unless you have more than Chemistry homework then-"

I cut her off, "Nope, I only have Chemistry homework, too."

"Well then get your booty over on this bed so we can eat and watch _Halloween_!"

"Don't go in there!" I warn.

"Are you stupid, he's RIGHT THERE!" Ashley yells at the idiot lady who is about to get herself killed.

"Oh no." I shield my eyes, shaking slightly.

"Oh my God." Ashley gets closer to me, if at all possible, and squeezes the hand that she's holding harder. I move my pointer finger up slightly so I can see the TV a bit more.

"AH!" We both shout in unison as Michael Myers begins to hack away at the lady's chest. Our tension lowers and we laugh at the fact both of us jumped when he attacked her.

"I'll be right back, unless you want me to pee when he attacks again."

"As much as I'd love that..." I begin sarcastically. "Go pee!" And she pounces off to the bathroom.

Michael is on his way up the stairs where an innocent couple is trying to escape. It'd be nice if Ashley could come back because I hate watching scary movies alone. Michael is getting nearer and nearer to them. It's so freaky how they can run and run and he can walk because he knows he's going to get you anyways; it's terrifying, really. I tuck my knees to my chest and place my hands right below my eyes in preparation to move them when Michael strikes.

"A-Ash...? C-can you hurryyyyy?"

He's footsteps away from killing them and I feel as if he's going to jump through the TV. I grab her blankets and shield myself from him and as I hear their screams, I feel a weight over the blankets and I scream.

"OH MY GOD, ASH, I hate you! You scared the hell out of me!" I'm shaking and my heart is going a thousand beats per second and she's just laying on her bed in front of me rolling in laughter.

"You're so adorable when you get scared!" She manages to get the sentence out between laughs.

"Oh yeah?" I jump on top of her and straddle her. I hold her arms over her head with my left hand and pinch at her sides. She's laughing even harder now and I feel so powerful. She's practically begging for mercy.

"Spe-Spence! St-stop! That h-hurts!"

"Oh yeah? Why do you keep laugh-" She gets her hands free and tickles at my sides which causes me to fall over and land in the place where she was just at. Now I'm in her position and she's tickling me and I understand why she was asking me to stop. For such a tiny girl, she's awfully strong!

"Okay, okay, Ash, s-stop! I'll do whatever you want just stop, please!" I finish laughing as she takes both of my hands and places either on the sides of my head.

"Anything, huh?" She says teasingly.

"Well, maybe anything..." She begins tickling again with one hand.

"OKAY, okay, anything!"

"Good, that's what I thought."

We were having a staring contest, Ashley still straddling me, when my phone rang out. It can't possibly be seven, can it?

"I better get that." She hops off shamefully and I run to my phone. Mom.

"Hi, Mom."

_"Hey, Spence. Dad said you were at a friends house and I'm coming home early tonight so I figured I'd come pick you up now. Is that okay?"_

"Uh, yeah mom. We just finished homework so I'm ready." I turned around and mouthed "sshh".

_"Alright, I'll be there in five. Bye, Spence."_

"Bye, Mom."

"Oooh, Spencer Carlin's a dirty liar?" Her right eyebrow raises in a hot fashion.

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her. I'll just do it at lunch tomorrow. Since I didn't get to help you with it tonight, do you wanna do it at lunch with me tomorrow?" _Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes-_

"Yeah, sure. Where do you hang out?"

"Uh, I hang out in the cafeteria with Chelsea and... Aiden." I finish looking up at her.

"That's perfect, then, because you are not hanging out with Aiden anymore."

"What happened today? Like, I don't get it. Why do you want me to stay away from him so bad? I respect it, I guess, but I still want to know why."

"Just, don't." She gets distracted by picking up clothes that are strewn over the room. She didn't seem to care about those when we were watching the movie.

"Okay? Well, just text me at lunch and we can meet up and do it." My phone beeps in my pocket.

**Here. XO-P**

"Mom's here. Thanks for inviting me over, again, kind of. Well not kind of thanks for inviting me over, thanks for inviting me over, like how you kind of did last night, kind of." Come on, Spencer, you were doing so well, don't screw it up now.

"Hush, Sally-Stutters-A-Lot." She walks over and hugs me. She grabs me around my waist and I put my hands over her neck. This hug is more than the average hug, it's more than a friendly hug. I'm not complaining; I'm just confused.

"Remember, you still said you'd do anything if I stopped tickling you." Her raspy voice whispers in my ear which makes every hair on my body lift. I can feel her breath on my ear. I laugh and shove her after we let go.

"Fine, whatever. Just don't make me eat worms or something." I grab my bag and head out of her room and down the stairs. Ashley slides down the railing of her stairs, thus beating me to her front door and opening it right in time for me to step out.

"Thank you, Miss Davies." I give her my best Mr. Walker impression again.

"You're welcome, Miss Carlin." And she gives it back.

I exit her door and walk to my mom. Once I enter the car, I look back over at Ashley's door and she's still standing there. Mom waves and I wave and Ashley waves back to us. We drive away blissfully.

"So, what did you guys do?" Mom asks curiously.

"Just normal teenage girl stuff. Chemistry homework." We laugh.

Yeah, because I'm gonna tell my mom I skipped out on my homework for food, a movie, and cuddling with a lesbian.

That sounds so much better than going home and I immediately wish I was back with Ashley.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Finally, it's lunch time. Me and Ashley are going to work on our Chem homework together. I'm really excited but also very nervous because she expects me to know things about Chemistry. I don't know anything about Chemistry, so I'm going to look through my book and pretend that I do. I'm on my way out of class and my phone vibrates in my pocket.

**Hey, Cutie! Meet me by the tables outside Mr. Walker's room. XO-A**

I smile and head towards the tables.

Ash has beat me to the tables, as she is already sitting at one when I walk up and join. Her.

"Hi." I smile at her as I sit down.

"Hi, Spencer." God, that smile. That voice. The way she says my name.

"Gaining any progress on that homework?"

"Um, actually, about the homework... I have a silly confession to make," _What's so silly about Chemistry homework and involves a confession? _"I actually don't need help with the Chemistry work. I'm actually pretty decent at school; I just choose not to work hard because I don't need to. I have my music and that's all I see in my future. I have all the money I need, anyways," she starts to look down, "I just asked for help because I wanted to hang around you more." Aw, I think she's blushing!

"Aw, Ash. Since we're spillin' our guts, I have a confession, too. I suck at Chemistry. I'm in all honors except for Chem. I only told you I'd help you because I wanted to hang out with you, too. At least I don't feel as stupid now."

"Me either!" We laugh together.

"Ash, if you wanted to hang out, you could've just asked, you know."

"Hey! Don't blame me. I could say the same to you!"

"Yeah, I know, but I didn't want to bug you or anything."

"Spencer, you don't bug me. You're the greatest friend I've ever had." My face is burning. Silly Spencer is the greatest friend Awesome Ashley has ever had? I find that hard to believe, but I blush anyways. I hug her and I take out my Chemistry homework.

"Since you're the Chemistry genius here, then maybe you can tutor me with this crap."

"It's pretty cool stuff. I'll teach you all you need to know." She states proudly and gives me her 1000 watt smile.

~.~.~.

Ashley explained the Chem stuff at lunch pretty well to me. It actually seemed somewhat interesting. I love the way she talks. I'm surprised that I could actually pay attention to what she was trying to teach me rather than her voice, her teeth, her smile...

"Is this it, Spence?" She knocks me out of my daydream.

"Yeah, right there." I point to our left, slightly diagonal. She pulls to the curb and puts her car in park.

"Thanks for offering me a ride home, Ash. And thanks for helping me understand Chem a bit more. Something tells me that this year in Chem is not going to be easy." I finish, furrowing my eyebrows together.

"Don't worry, Spence. Keep me as your tutor and you'll be fine!" She laughs.

We hug again. Each time we do, it feels completely different than the previous time. It just gets better. Unfortunately, we have to let go sometime.

"Again, thank you, and if you ever wanna come by, you're more than welcome to." I motion to my house behind me.

"I'll keep that in mind. Bye, Spencer."

I walk up to my door and we wave to each other a final time until I watch her drive off. I wish we could have hung out after school again, but I don't want to get too clingy.

"Hello? Anybody home?" I call out as I step in my house. I don't hear anything, so I just make my way to my room. I really should call Deb back. I fling myself onto my bed and dial her number that I know by heart.

"Hey there. So I call you back and you don't answer? Are you trying to get revenge on me?" I laugh and try to act suspicious, jokingly. "I hope school's going well for you and everybody's doing good. Give me a call sometime; we haven't had much talking time in forever. I miss you! Byeeeeeee."

Sigh. Now what do I do? I guess I could begin my homework. But beginning my homework would involve my book which I just realize left in Ashley's car. Why the hell am I so irresponsible? Right then, the doorbell rang. Maybe it's Ashley with my book! I hope it is.

I run down the stairs then stroll to the door, trying not to seem too eager. I bet she's going to tease me about leaving it in her car.

"Oh, hey, Aiden." I hope my voice didn't sound as disappointed as I feel.

"Hey, Spence. I just came by to see if you were okay; I didn't see you at lunch today."

"Oh, yeah, I'm totally fine. Ashley and I just had some work we had to get done."

"Oh. Ashley." His smile fades.

"Yeah... What's going on with you and her? You can come in if you want to," He steps in and I lead us to my living room where he sits on one of our couches. "Do you want anything, a water, soda?" I say as I head into the kitchen anyways.

"Water's good, thanks." I grab us both one, tossing one to him when I get close enough.

"So," I sit down next to him, "Tell me about you and Ashley."

"Are you sure, Spence? It's a long, boring story and I don't want to ruin what you guys have."

"What we have? We're friends, Aiden, she's great. Go on, tell me."

"Alright. I'll shorten it up for you. Last year, our sophomore year, we dated. They were the best seven months of my entire life. This lead to that and that lead to her getting pregnant which resulted in her aborting our baby. I didn't even know about the abortion until word got around school. I wanted to keep it, I really did. She pushed me away, cheated on me, and switched teams. All she does now is party and hook-up. She left me heart-broken, Spence. All she wants in life is to have fun in the wrong ways and I don't want her to hurt someone as precious as you." He's kidding, right? This can't be true. My Ashley is not like this. I know her. She wouldn't lie to me about what she's going through. This isn't true. I won't believe it.

"Aiden, Ashley isn't-" Damn doorbell caught me off guard. Who could it possibly be this time? I storm to the door in anger.

"Hi, you left this in my car. I don't think you'll want to spend another lunch period doing homework. I don't want to hang out with some boring nerd." We both laugh and I forget about the boy on my couch.

"Thanks, Ash, for bringing that over. And hey, I'm not a boring nerd!" I shove her playfully.

"Are you home alone?" She asks innocently.

"Uh, yeah, but-" Crap.

"Look who it is. Ironic because we were just talking about you, weren't we, Spencer?" It's crazy how his tone can change depending on who he talks to.

"Spencer, what the hell is he doing here?" Angry Ashley is a cute Ashley unless she's angry at me.

"Ashley, I can explain-"

"Don't bother. I tried to tell you, Spence. Why couldn't you just trust me? I just wanted you to trust me." She stumbles back to her car and I throw my book down and run to her.

"Ashley, I do trust you, I promise, I do! Can you please just wait?" Too late. She shakes her head and zooms off.

"Aiden, you should go." He's outside now, and I'm making my way to my front door.

"Spencer, can we talk tomorrow at school?"

"I don't know. Bye, Aiden." I shut the door on him and walk back up to my room.

Ashley's mad at me. Ashley's mad at me. Ashley is mad at me. I promise her this one thing and yet I manage to screw it up. Why did I invite him in? I couldn't care less about Aiden, I want my Ashley. I want her to come back over and hug me and apologize. I want her to come back over and hug me and I can apologize. I don't think that's going to happen. I guess I'll just talk to her in Chem tomorrow, that is if she sits next to me.

I wake up to the sound of my front door slamming which startles me.

"Anybody home?"

"Yeah, Dad, up in my room!" I reply groggily.

I see my dad standing in my doorway.

"Hey, Sweetie. I was just at the store getting some last minute things for dinner. How was your day? Were you asleep?"

"Oh, yeah, I was asleep. Just a little tired is all."

"Okay. Well dinner will be ready in a couple of hours."

"Thanks, Dad." We exchange smiles and he's out of my site.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Today has been yet another slow blur. I've been eager and anxious all day to look for Ashley at lunch. I need to talk to her and clear this all up. She didn't even give me a chance to explain myself. I realize that I shouldn't have let Aiden in, but I'm just so confused. I don't want to believe Aiden. Ashley isn't like how he described her to be. I really need to find the truth out for myself.

I step into the cafeteria and search around for Ashley's table. I spot the table that Ashley and all of her followers are usually at, but it's completely empty. I guess I won't be able to talk to her until Chemistry. I don't want her to come into the cafeteria late or something and see me sitting with Aiden, so I don't really know where to go. I want to sit with Chelsea, but if Aiden's there, I just can't. I keep wondering what's so bad about Aiden and why I should listen to her when I don't know why I am avoiding him. Maybe she's jealous and doesn't want me to talk to him. She likes girls, so I doubt it. Unless she's bisexual. Either way, I'm not going to betray her. I'm going to trust her. I recall the look in her eyes when she made me promise to stay away from him. The look she gave me was not that of jealousy or anger, though she voiced the anger part. I don't know what her eyes were saying. I trust her, I really do, so I'm going to keep my promise even though I partly broke it.

I head out of the cafeteria, straight for the place I know will be unoccupied. As soon as it's in site, I'm correct in my prediction because literally nobody is out here. I walk up to the tables outside of Mr. Walker's room and set my bag and books down. Good thing nobody comes over here at lunch or else I'd look like a complete loner. This makes me realize that I really need to make more friends. Or clear things with Ashley, and fast.

I spend my lunch in silence, eating, reading, and playing games on my phone. When I hear the bell ring, I pack everything up quickly so nobody sees that I am alone and enter Mr. Walker's classroom. I'm the first here, obviously.

The minutes are dragging on; where is Ashley? She's usually here by now, not counting the first day of school. The late bell just rang and she's still not here. I think she's avoiding me. You've got to be kidding me. I'm here, ready to face her, but I guess she's not ready to face me? This is ridiculous! I deserve to know what is going on!

A few minutes into the period, I secretively take out my phone and compose a text.

**You sure as hell aren't sick today. Why didn't you come? I want to know what's going on! -Spencer**

I wait and wait and wait and the period is nearly over and I still haven't received a text. If only I knew if she has read it. Maybe she actually is sick or busy with something. It'd be a real good coincidence if she was sick, though.

The bell rings and I take my time packing up my stuff. Ash has been giving me rides home or to places so I don't know where to go now.

I begin my walk to the gym where I'll have to wait for Glen's practice to finish until I realize Aiden will be there. I guess it's back to the tables I go.

**Text me when you're out of practice and I'll head out to the car. I need a ride today. -Spencer**

I spend the next 2 hours sitting there bored out of mind. I completed my homework within the first hour. I tried calling Ashley at the beginning of the hour and again after I finished my homework. Nothing. All I heard was her cute voice on her voice mail message. I was absentmindedly reading my book until I got the text from Glen saying he was finished. We're on our way home now and I decide to drop her another text, hopefully she'll answer this time.

**Ashley, can you please answer me? I can take if you're mad at me, but I just want to know that you're okay.**

What if something has happened to her? I know this is illogical, but I can't help getting worked up at the thought. My mind is running all sorts of bad scenarios when I realize that we've pulled into our driveway.

I drag myself up to my room and lay on my bed for hours, sending Ashley a text or call every couple of hours. She probably thinks I'm clingy. I don't care right now, though, because I'm really concerned.

I guess I drifted to sleep, but I don't blame myself because I've been laying here for a while and I'm tired. I've conveniently woken up right as dinner is being served.

We ate in blissful silence, with a compliment on the food here and there and minor details about our day. As soon as I'm finished, I go and take a long, hot bath and read and that kind of helps me get sleepier, but I don't know if it'll help much. I have a lot on my mind. And by "a lot", I mean Ashley. After I change into my pajamas, I send her another text.

**Ashley, seriously, just reply to me. I don't care if I'm being clingy. Please just say anything, tell me I'm stupid or you hate me. I just need to know that you're okay!**

I spend the next three hours waiting and still nothing. I welcome Saturday and hope that she replies today. What if someone hurt her. What if she's been kidnapped. What if she got in a car accident after driving away angry from my house. What if she purposely harmed herself. What if Aiden hurt her. What if she ran away. The "what if"'s drag on and on until I open my eyes to the brightness of the sun entering my room. I'm upside down on my bed and facing my clock that lays on my side table. WHAT? It's nearly one in the afternoon! I must have fallen asleep way too late. I begin to recall all of the terrifying dreams I had. The "what if"'s came to life in my dreams and it was terrible. I try to shake the images out of my head and head downstairs because I am starving. Food can get my mind off of nearly anything, though I wish it good luck today.

I enter the kitchen and see a note taped to the fridge which shows my mom's handwriting. In the top corner it has a time listed: 12:47 PM

_"Spencer-_

_ We went to Glen's basketball game; it begins at 2. We know you aren't into basketball and you were still asleep so we figured you would be okay with staying home. If you need anything, call us."_

_ Sigh. _I'm not into basketball or anything Glen does, but I really don't want to be alone with my thoughts. I bring my phone up to my face and enter another message.

**Okay it's Saturday now. You think you could maybe reply?**

I decide to make a meal that will take a while so I can pass the time. I make pancakes in the pans on the stove. You know the kind: the mix that comes in the box and and you add butter, milk, and eggs to it and form a liquid-like mix? Yes, that kind. Making it took longer than actually eating it and it wasn't even that good. I then clean the dishes that I used so Mom doesn't get angry.

I guess I could go take another bath now.

I got in about an hour ago and I finally finished my book. I've been on it a while- two weeks. I laid there for a few more minutes until an idea strikes me.

I quickly stand up and shampoo and condition my hair and wash my body. I jump out and dry myself off thoroughly. I grab a bra, t-shirt, and shorts and change. I don't need to look decent, so I just wring my hair out the best I can and ignore the make-up.

**Mom, can I borrow the car to drive to my friend Ashley's house? XO-S**

_Any time, Mom. Any time..._

**Sure. Be careful, Spence, and text me when you get there and back home. XO-P**

I race down the stairs, grab Glen's keys and run out the door.

Good thing she lives close. I'm way past eager, now. I park outside the her house on the curb and walk up to her door. I search around for the doorbell and finally find it and give it a small push. I hope I pushed it hard enough. Maybe I should do it again-

"Uh, hi!" I'm greeted by a peppy voice.

"Oh, hi. Um, I'm Spencer, I'm looking for Ashley, but maybe I got the wrong house-" I begin nervously.

"Hi, Spencer! I'm Kyla, Ashley's sister. You can go on up to her room if you want. Me and her mom were just on our way out.

I step in and see a fancy looking mother of Ashley. Kyla and Ashley's mom are sort of color-coordinating. They're both really pretty. Ashley's mom looks so young. I can see Ashley in both of them.

"Hi, I'm Spencer." I reach out and shake her mother's hand.

"Hello, Spencer, I'm Christine. I'm sorry to be running out, but Kyla and I have somewhere to be. Ashley might not be too fun as she is sleeping. But you're welcome to come in!"

"Thank you, have a good time at wherever you're going." We all exchange smiles and they leave.

I begin the walk up her stairs and it's insanely quiet in here. I don't want to wake her, but I also do because I need to know what's going on.

I opened her door that was just shut. Ashley is sprawled upside down on her bed with her arms and legs hanging every which way. It's kind of funny. Her hair is a mess; she is a hot mess. I walk over to her and nudge her on the shoulder a few times before she actually stirs.

"Ashley. Ashley please wake up."

She mumbles inaudibly and reaches for the covers and pulls them over her head.

"Ashley!" I pull them away from her.

"What the hell do you want, Spencer?" She sits up straight and looks in my eyes. Her eyes look exhausted and puffy. They don't look like the average-looking tired-eyes. There's something different.

Was she crying?

"I want to talk to you. Clearly I want to talk to you after all the calls and texts I've sent in the last twenty-four hours. Can I sit?"

"Whatever." I sit and she looks away from my direction.

"Ashley. Can I just explain myself? I understand why you're angry. I made a promise to you and I broke it. I'm so sorry Ashley. You can trust me. That probably sounds really stupid, but you can still trust me. Can you look at me, please?" I say, fed up.

She slowly looks at me, still angry.

"Hi." I try to smile, but I don't know if it works.

"Are you going to explain yourself or what?" Apparently the smile didn't work. Or she's just ignoring it.

"Okay, yes. So Aiden came over right after you left and right after I realized that I had left my book in your car. When my doorbell rang, I expected it to be you, but it wasn't. My intention wasn't to have him in my house, but it happened. He asked where I was at lunch and if I was okay. I said I was with you and I was okay. But then he got this new look on his face and was just like 'Oh, Ashley...'" I mocked him, "so I asked him what happened with you guys since you clearly wouldn't explain it. So I just invited him in so he could tell me-"

"So you invited him in and broke your promise. I really have enough promise-breakers in my life, Spencer-"

"I'M NOT finished yet." She shuts up so I continue.

"He told me all this crap. He said that you two dated and they were the best months of his life. He told me that you ended up pregnant and got an abortion behind his back. He told me he really wanted to keep it, but you were avoiding him. He said that you cheated and, well, switched. He said that you party and hook-up and he doesn't want me to get hurt like he did." I tried to rush myself because she was fighting to not let the tears escape.

"Spencer, it's not-"

"I know it's not true, Ashley. I know. The minute he told me all of that, I couldn't believe it and I wouldn't believe it. Maybe it is true, I don't know, but what I believe is the Ashley who I came to know. Maybe you did break his heart and maybe you do look for fun in the wrong places, but I don't care. I still want to be in your life,"

Her tears were silently falling now.

"If that stuff isn't true, do you want to tell me your side of it?" She nodded yes.

"We dated. They were a good seven months. I got pregnant. I lost it. I wanted it. I wanted to keep it, but it didn't happen how I wanted it to. I looked for fun in the wrong places, yeah. I did party and drink and do bad things, but my ex-girlfriend changed that in me. When I met you, you made me not want to do that," She stopped for a few seconds and we kept eye contact. "I didn't tell you to not go near him for nothing. He got aggressive. He got needy and when he wanted something, he wanted it right then," she paused again and her voice cracked at the next sentence, "he raped me, Spence." My hand flew over my mouth and I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"A-Ashl-ley," I'm shaking. I can't talk, I'm going to be sick.

I run over to the nearest trash can I see in her room and I puke. She runs over and holds my hair back. When I'm finished, she hands me tissues. I feel so sick right now and tears keep coming and they won't stop overflowing.

She brings me over to her bed and I lay down in it. I can't stop shaking. I ask the most stupid question that one could ask, "Why?"

"I don't know, Spence. I was a virgin until he did that. I'm terrified of him, Spencer. You're the first person I told." More tears.

He raped my Ashley. He raped my beautiful Ashley. My beautiful, piercing-brown-eyed, 1000 watt smile Ashley. How could he do that? My beautiful, fragile, loving Ashley! My tears suddenly become angry tears and my face is getting hot and I sit up.

"He RAPED you, Ashley. I-I'm going to kill him! What the hell gives him the right to walk the school like nothing! Ashley, he-" I can't talk anymore. We're both crying now and I don't know who needs to be cradled more: Ashley or me.

We lay there just crying for a couple of minutes.

"Do you see why I didn't want you to go near him, Spencer? You're beautiful and precious and I can't stand the thought of him doing that to you! When I first met you I knew you were special. I've barely known you a week and I need to protect you. Please believe me, I'm not lying, I promise-" This is killing me and I stop the crying Ashley.

"I believe you, Ashley, I'm so sorry I was so upset and rude and clingy and, and..."

"It's okay, Spence. It's okay."

"No, Ashley, it isn't okay! He hurt you!" I really need to calm down, but I just can't.

"Spence, I'm okay, I'm here. Sshh, ssshhh..."

I wasn't the one raped and I'm crying harder than she is. This is literally hurting my heart and I'm still sick to my stomach. This can't be happening. I can't believe this.


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hopefully the beginning of this chapter will clear some things up! I have a destination, I just have to figure out how to get there :) Review please? xoxo**

** Chapter 11**

I open my eyes and look straight ahead of me. Ashley is leaning over my head slightly and she is combing through my hair with her fingers with my head in her lap. She gives me a warm smile and I attempt to give one back.

"Ash?" I whisper.

"Yeah, Spence?"

"Are you okay?" I ask her in a groggy state. I feel exhausted from crying so much and now I'm sad. I'm just really sad.

"I'm okay, Spencer." She keeps her smile on her face, but it still hurts me.

"But Ashley, he hurt you!" I try to sit up, but she pushes my shoulders back down.

"Spencer. I promise I'm okay. I'm right here and I'm okay. It's okay." I slowly relax again. I wait a few minutes before speaking.

"Ash?"  
"Yeah, Spence?" She asks again, smiling.

"Does it hurt to talk about it?"

She wants before answering honestly, "It does. But at the same time, it feels so good to finally tell somebody. To tell you. Thank you for caring so much, Spencer. But I promise I'm okay and I will be okay." We exchange smiles. Again, I wait a few minutes before speaking some more.

"Ash?"

"Yeah, Spence?"

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"What happened with what, Spence?"  
"How things got how they did."

She waited again before answering.

"We dated for about seven months. Near the end, he started flirting with other girls but kept denying it. I got so jealous but eventually got over it. That's when I realized I had fallen out of love with him," she hesitates. "One day he was driving me home and I planned on breaking up with him. I got out and he walked me to my door as he usually did and I told him what I was feeling. I told him I wanted to break up. He wouldn't let me break up with him," tears were starting to form in her eyes and she must have saw my reaction. "It's okay, Spence. Anyways, my mom wasn't home at the time. I was going into my house and he tried to come in, too, so I tried to push the front door shut. He is stronger than me, so he got in. He kept touching me and pushing me and squeezing my arms too tight. He began to take off his pants and he was just too strong for me to handle."

"He took it from you, Ash." I grabbed one of her hands and held it.

"I know. It took me a long while to accept that, too. But I try to think about the fact that I once loved him. I know I didn't want it, but at least he wasn't a stranger. I wasn't ready; I didn't love him anymore. Shit just happens sometimes. That's life."

"You're so strong. That's part of why I look up to you." I look away from her.

"Thank you, Spencer."

My phone made a noise which signaled a text. Ashley handed it to me.

**Did you make it there? I haven't heard from you all afternoon. We got home a few minutes ago. Tell me what's up so I know. XO-P**

I close my phone.

"Where did your mom and sister go? They were leaving when I got here."

"Ugh. Sorry you had to run into them."

"They were sort of... nice. But where did they go?"

"Who knows? Mom always has these party connections that she brings Kyla along to. It used to bug me, but I got over it. I'm perfectly happy here with you." She smiled at me again. How can just a simple gesture make me feel so giddy? My stomach is doing flips.

"I'm happy with you, too, Ash," I feel my face turning red. "You probably want me to go soon, though." I really don't want to leave.

"No, can you stay? Sleep over? Or maybe just leave late?" Her eyes go from calm to alert in an instant.

"I probably can. Are you sure you want me to stay over? I've been told I hog blankets." She lets out a laugh that fills my heart instantly.

"Good, because so am I. Guess we'll see who wins." She says teasingly.

I grab my phone and enter a message back to mom.

**Sorry, Mom. Got sidetracked. Is it okay if I stay over at Ashley's tonight? XO-S**

I wait a few minutes before I receive the next message from mom.

**Sure. Call if you need anything. XO-P**

_Well, that was easy._

"I got the 'okay' from Mom!" I told her excitedly.

~.~.~.

Ashley let me borrow pajamas from her and we've just ordered pizza. She said that her mom and Kyla could arrive from anywhere between eleven at night to three in the morning. It upsets me that her mom just leaves her out like this, but the look on Ashley's face says that she's happy. We're watching _Baby Mama. _She loves this movie; there's hardly any time where she isn't laughing during it. I like this movie as well, but she probably likes it more.

~.~.~.

After we finish eating our pizza and watching _Baby Mama, _we watched _The Last Song._ Ashley thinks Miley Cyrus is hot and I have to agree. That movie is such a tear-jerker; by the end of it, we had both cried. As if we hadn't enough already!

Now me and Ash decided on a last movie as we're getting settled into bed.

"Ash, why are we watching a scary movie right before bed? I'm gonna have nightmares!"

"It's fun! It'll get our adrenaline rushing and we'll be all paranoid and it'll be so funny!" She laughs. I think I only tolerate this because Ashley likes it.

~.~.~.

We're nearing the end of _The Grudge_ and I'm freaking out. This movie itself isn't even that scary; the scary part is imagining that thing coming for us. I shiver at the thought and Ashley pulls me closer and shares the blankets some more. I love being so close to her.

The thing is moving closer towards the TV and we're saying how gross and weird she looks and how scary it would be to see her chasing you down a hallway or something, our eyes never leaving the TV, when-

"AHH!" We both jump and shriek when her door opens. It's her mom. My heart is beating so fast.

"Oh, I didn't realize you had a guest over tonight, Ashley. Hello, Spencer." Her tone changes when she talks to me from when she talked to Ashley.

"Yeah, Mom, I do. So you can excuse yourself." Her mom listened to her and just left. Wow.

"Hey, be nice! Maybe she just wanted to say goodnight or something." I scold her playfully.

"Yeah, right! And I look like her." She points to the screen.

"I can see the resemblance." Her jaw drops and she play punches me several times until I fight back.

~.~.~.

We're settled into bed now and it's way into Sunday. I would usually dislike that, but I don't mind since I'm with Ashley.

We're laying here, half-sleepy and half-awake, just looking at each other with smiles on our faces. I have no idea why. Every several seconds, we let a giggle escape. The moon is really bright tonight and it's shining through her window. Half of her face is slightly lit up while the other half is darker. She looks so pretty.

"We should try to sleep."

"Fine, Sleepy-Spencer."

I laugh and close my eyes and speak up several seconds later.

"I can feel you staring at me." She bursts into laughter and I can't help but laugh, too. I turn over so I'm facing away from her. Several minutes pass and I'm nearly asleep when I hear her whisper.

"I love being with you, Spence. All my worries go away and I'm actually happy. I love that I can be myself around you."

I smile towards the sleep that I'm about fall into. I turn over to her to face her and mumble back.

"I love being with you, too, Ash." I snuggle into her and she hold me; I feel so protected. I can drift off to sleep in complete bliss.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

The days turned to weeks and summer turned to autumn and I couldn't be more content with my life in LA. I never pictured myself to be this happy here. At times I miss the things in Ohio, but I love my life here. My friendship with Ashley is getting stronger by the day. I'm as close to her as I was with Deb, if not stronger. I think that's crazy. I've known Deb nearly my whole life and I'm as close to her as Ashley, who I've known for a little over a month; Although, it feels like I've known her much longer. We spend nearly every day together and we've already begun our own little traditions. Every Friday, such as today, she eats dinner at our house and every Saturday we have a movie night at hers. She has even taken to coming to church with us sometimes when we go.

It's a beautiful autumn day today. The leaves are beginning to fall and change colors. It's different than back in Ohio, but it's still pretty. She's driving us to my house; the convertible's top is up, but the windows are down.

"So, what are the plans for Halloween?" We pretty much talk like this now. We're so close that we just assume we're going to be together for whatever is going on.

"That's a good question." She says, crinkling her forehead and trying to suppress a smile.

"Ash, Halloween is tomorrow."

"Feel free to contribute ideas!"

"You can, too! Are you dressing up?"

"Can we? Oh my gosh, I have the perfect idea. Do you have money with you?"

"Yes, but what are you-"

"Good." She cuts me off- and I let her- and smiles evilly.

~.~.~.

"I can't believe we just did that!"

"I know, we're juniors and look at us!"

We stumble into Ashley's quiet house, laughing our heads off. We stand and face her 15-foot tall mirror that stands just at the bottom of her stairs. We can't last three seconds without laughing.

"Hey, Spence, we should watch _The Hills Have Eyes"_! She says tauntingly.

"You know I hate that movie!"

"God, Spence, you're such a chicken." She starts out seriously but can't stay that laugh at the pun.

"Well, you... you're as... mean as a gorilla!" I stutter out and hang my head in shame at that failed pun. At least she laughs. She laughs at anything I do, even if I mess up. If she didn't, my confidence would be at an all time low.

"Lets take a picture." I tell her.

We look like idiots in it, laughing and it being blurry and whatnot, but this is definitely going to be a night to remember.

"Can we take these off now, Spence?" And we do.

~.~.~.

We spend an hour or two scaring trick-or-treaters. I try to influence her to let us just pass out candy, but she is so stubborn. This would normally make me feel guilty, but Ashley makes me have too much fun.

Afterward, we decide to watch a movie before attempting sleep.

"Please, Spence? Pleeeeeease?" She begs to me and gives me a pouty lip. Ugh, how can I resist her? I'll always do whatever I can to make her happy. If she wanted a gourmet meal from Paris, I'd find a way to get her that.

"Fine. But I'm going to be scared the whole time. And afterward." I warn her in a stubborn tone.

"I'll protect you!" She boasts and hugs me.

~.~.~.

"Ashleeeeeey, I'm scared." I complain while laying in her bed, turned away from her.

"Spence, they won't get you," she comforts me. "They'll get me and then they'll get you." I can hear the smile on her face before I turn around.

"That's not funny! We are never going on a road trip. Ever."

"Spence, those mutant things aren't even real."

"You don't know that for sure! And we are not going to find out."

"Fine. Now just come here and go to sleep." I move closer to her and close my eyes. This is how we go to sleep, ever since the first sleepover I had at her house. I nestle into her and she holds me and I feel so warm and protected. I love her scent and how soft her hands are. She's comfier than the blankets are.

I don't exactly know how long I lay there thinking. I'm certain she's asleep, but I'm going to try anyway.

"Ashley?" I say, barely audible.

"Yeah, Spencer?" She doesn't sound sleepy at all.

I hesitate before answering her back, "Nothing. Happy Halloween."

"Happy Halloween you, too, Spence."

She kisses my forehead and I smile into sleep.

~.~.~.

I stretch and open my eyes and notice Ashley isn't next to me.

"Ash?" I ask out, sitting up. At that second, she walks in carrying a tray with sorts on it.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty! Any longer and I thought I would have to kiss you back to life." _Why didn't I stay asleep longer?_

"What's this?" I smile up at her.

"I'm not a good cook, but I thought I'd give it a try. You love these kinds of pancakes, don't you?"

"Aw, Ash! Yes I do! You're the sweetest," I take a bite and beckon her to share with me. "Mm, Ash, these are so good! Way better than my cooking," She looks down and I'm pretty sure she's blushing. "Nobody has ever brought me breakfast in bed before. I'm glad you were the first." If she wasn't blushing before, she was now.

She let out a low chuckle, "It's no problem, Spence."

**A/N: Sorry for the shortness of this chapter. I'll make it up with the next one ;)**


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"Have you ever heard of 'Gray'?" Ashley asks me randomly. We're sitting out by her pool, silently reading our books with our feet in the water.

"No, what's that?" I ask, sitting my book down.

"It's kind of like a club except minors are allowed in. It's pretty cool. They serve breakfast and lunch. In the evening, they have live bands and drinks and stuff. We're going to go tonight." She states matter-of-factly and goes back to her book. I learned not to argue with Ashley.

"Okay, but I don't have anything to wear to this sort of thing!"

"Don't worry, Spence, we'll fix you up." She winks and we get back to our reading. Except I can't concentrate now.

~.~.~.

"Ashley, are you sure I look okay? I feel weird!"

"You look hot, Spence. Come on." I blush but luckily she doesn't see because she's dragging me into Gray. For it being only eight o'clock, it sure is crowded. We enter the bathroom which, fortunately, is empty. We face the mirror and I'm still fretting over what I look like. What if other people think I look weird?

_It doesn't matter what other people think. It only matters what Ashley thinks and Ashley thinks I look hot._

_ Ashley thinks I look hot._

The clothes that I'm wearing are Ashley's. In fact, I'm even wearing Ashley's shade of lip gloss. She said it's her favorite and would look great on me. I gotta admit: I can understand why it's her favorite. I guess it does look decent on me, but it looks better on her. It smells and tastes good. The smell of it contributes to her daily smell of coconuts and vanilla that I love so much.

I wonder if she tastes like it, too.

I'm wearing the same short, black skirt that she wore on the first day of school as well as the black high heels. I'm wearing a short, pink, black, and gray shirt that reveals my stomach slightly. Ashley curled my hair. I look pretty good... until I look at Ashley. She always makes me look so bad, but I don't mind it.

She's fixing her lip gloss now. We're sharing it for the night. She's wearing a black skirt as well, but her top is a tube top which reveals her toned stomach more than mine reveals. It's red and has a pretty design throughout it. Her heels are a little taller than mine are and they're red. She let me straighten her hair. I didn't think I did so great at it, but she said it looked good and that made me feel good. She looks so good. How can a human be as perfect as her?

**Ashley's POV**

Tonight is a good night at Gray. I know it'll be crowded and hopefully Spencer likes it that way. Spencer looks so beautiful. She looks better in my own clothes than I do! She's flawless. I don't want to mess this up. I love where we're at right now. I don't know when to step it up a little more. I should give it more time, I suppose. We'll see.

"You ready?" I ask her once I finish applying the lip gloss that we're sharing tonight. She totally wears that better than I do, too. She's a better me than me. Except she's not me; she is better than me and I don't know what I did to deserve her.

"Ready, Freddy!" She gives me a close-mouthed smile. I link her arm into mine and we head back out.

We reach the bar and I spot my friend, Kat. She was a real good friend of my dad's, so we're pretty close even now.

"Hey, Kat!" I wave and call her over.

"Hey, Ashley! How's it going?"

"It's going good! This is my friend, Spencer," they shake hands in a friendly manner. "Can you get us a table as soon as you can?" It's getting really busy in here and I don't want to wait for a table. She can hook me up.

"Sure, Ashley, just head on over there and I think Carmen is clearing one up right now." We thank her and head over to the table that is clearly designed for two. Carmen greets us and we order drinks. Or, rather, I order us drinks. Spencer doesn't know what they serve here and even if she did, she'd order water. Not tonight, Spence.

Carmen brings us back the drinks and I think about how dumb a girl our own age has got to be to not ask for an ID for these.

"Ash, uh, what's in this?" She asks, moving the straw around.

"A little of this, a little of that. Come on, try it." I encourage her and she takes a small sip.

"Mm, hey, this is really good." I ordered us my favorite: strawberry vodka lemonade with sugar around the rim.

~.~.~.

She has finished a drink or two more than I have when a soft-rock-type band begins to play. She seems to be really into their music and she insists that we dance, not that I'd object. I didn't think she'd even want to.

"Come on, Ash, let's dance!" She gets up and picks up my hand and drags me into the crowd.

"Are you drunk?" I smirk at her and she ignores my question. The beat is pretty good, it's nothing too rough, but it's not exactly soft, either. The minutes pass and the songs seemingly get more wild and so does Spencer; I'm not complaining, though. A drunk Spencer is a scandy Spencer. No one could have guessed that little, innocent Spencer had this wild side. But I like it.

We're dancing pretty close together now, my hands in hers, (and by that, I mean mere centimeters away. We're used to being rather close together, but this is pretty close for us), partly because of the many people in this crowd and partly because Spencer just chooses to. I have to control myself, though. She is hot and drunk; I am gay and sober, for the most part.

The music tones down a bit and Spencer lets go of my hands and moves behind me. She slides her hands across my stomach, which sends goosebumps from my head to my toes, and places her head on my left shoulder. I place my hands over her arms as we sway from side to side. I can't even think right now. I could stay like this forever.

Minutes later, she removes her arms from under my hands and I expect her to come back in front of me, but after a few seconds I turn around and face her and she has anger and disgust all over her face.

"Spencer, what's wrong?"

She pushes me out of the way and I trail back behind her, losing her slightly in the crowd. I finally spot her again and she stopped which gave me time to catch up.

"Hey, Spencer!" Aiden greets her warmly and places his hands on her hips. He isn't allowed to touch her like that. No one is except me. And especially not Aiden!

"Who do you think you are?" She slurs out, ripping his hands off of her. "You are going to jail, Aiden! I will make sure of it! How could you fucking hurt _my_ Ashley like that? You are filth!" She spats out the last word and shoves him pretty hard. I doubt he can even understand her, I can barely understand her slurred and stuttered words. Aiden looks confused, but we both know that it's just a game for him.

"Spencer, you're drunk and don't know what you're talking about." He turns around to walk away, but she grabs onto his shirt and tries to pull him back.

"I know what you did to her. You're sick, Aiden, you're fucking sick. You're gonna rot in hell," I've never heard Spencer so angry in my life. "I know what I'm talking about. If you don't come clean, you're gonna be sorry." She gives him a rougher shove and the people around us stop dancing and look at us. I grab her arm and try to get us out of there.

"Spence, it's okay. Come on, lets go."

"Do you see him, Ashley? He doesn't belong here. He belongs in a jail cell! He needs to get what he deserves!" She's yelling as I drag her to the door. I check my phone on the way. It's nearly twelve.

"I know, Spencer, I know. But there's nothing we can do about it. It's okay."

"You keep saying it's okay, but it's not okay. I think about this everyday and it's killing me! The thought of him doing that to you! It makes me sick!"

I told her this months ago and I never knew she thought about it everyday. I don't even know if she's being truthful or exaggerating because of her current state.

She puts her hands on my cheeks and lifts my head up and looks into my eyes. Damn, those baby blues.

"Whether you like it or not, we're going to do something about this. I love you."

If only she knew.

"Come on, Drunkie, we're going home." I grab her waist and walk her to my car slowly.

After around six hours of sleep, I wake to the sound of a puking Spencer. I go into my bathroom and hold her hair back and make sure she's okay. After she's done, I hand her tissues.

"I want to die." She glares at me and says monotonously.

"It's your fault for drinking so damn much!" I retort.

"If you hadn't've ordered me one in the first place, I wouldn't've kept buying more because those were addicting."

"Sorry, Spence. Come on." I bring her back to my bed, holding her waist like last night except she's more stable now.

I tuck her back in to the warm blankets and go and get some Advil for her.

"Take this. You'll feel pretty shitty for today, but this will help." I hand her a cup of water and two tablets and she scrunches her nose at the thought of swallowing it. I keep insisting, and she finally gives in. I also give her a cup of orange juice because that usually helps my hangovers.

We're watching _Criminal Minds, _one of Spencer's favorite shows,and laying under the warm blankets in my cold room. Rather, Spencer is laying down, partly on my lap and watching TV while I am massaging her head and looking at her. I know she is probably feeling miserable and can't help but blame myself partly. Even at her most miserable, she is still a beauty.

I love spending days like this with Spencer. We don't even have to be talking, we could just sit in silence or watch TV or read or lay around all sleepy. I just love being with her all the time.

"So. Anything I should regret doing last night?" Her voice is quiet, but it startles me because of of how quiet we've been and because I've been just thinking about her. I think about telling her about the Aiden incident.

"You don't remember anything?"

"After the first few drinks, nope."

"Oh. Well, nope. After a few drinks, we just danced. It was fun." 'Fun' is an understatement. I wish she remembered. I can't tell if she only acted like she did because she was drunk or if she secretly feels the same I do. I doubt it, though. I need to not let my fantasies get my hopes up.

"Next time, remind me not to drink so much. I hate feeling like this and not being able to remember how I spent my time with you." I swear I hear sadness in her voice, but it's probably just me.

"I will. It's not a good feeling, I know." I empathize with her and continue massaging through her blonde locks.

A few minutes pass before she speaks up again.

"You can stop, if you want."

"And if I don't want?" I can feel her form a smile.

"Then I won't complain."

A while later, she speaks up again.

"I love days like this."

"Me, too, Spence." _So much._

"Even though I feel like this, I love these days. Doing whatever. Sleeping, eating, reading, watching TV, playing boardgames, listening to music. Anything. Just you and me. Like always. I love being around you all the time. I love that you're always with me and I'm always with you. Don't ignore me or replace me because I think I'm a little attached to you." She talks slowly and I take in every word, every syllable, and breath. I nearly have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. My heart is racing too fast for my own good.

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way."

_Criminal Minds _finishes and a new one begins.

Another interval before she speaks again, but this time her voice is very quiet.

"I love you, Ash."

"I love, too, Spence." _God, do I love you._

It came so easily. The words fit so well together. Ashley and Spencer, Spencer and Ashley. Love. I love you, Ashley. I love you, Spencer. I can hear her voice in my head saying those words over and over again and I just want to tell her how much I love her. How much I'm falling for her each day that I'm with her.

I glance down and see a sleeping Spencer in my lap. I didn't realize she had grabbed my hand; our fingers are interlocked.


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"I don't think I will ever understand football. And my brother is on the team!" Spencer furrows her eyebrows together and continues staring at the field of players.

"You know, I don't understand much either. I just know to cheer when everybody else on our side does." I let out a little laugh and she smiles back.

"Then why, exactly, are we here?"

"Because it's a Friday night and what else is there to do on the first day of December?" I reply in a sassy tone, although I could think of a few better things to do. She smiles and looks back to the field.

"Go get a Christmas tree. Put up decorations." She says monotonously.

December is Spencer's favorite month. I know she's been waiting for it because that's all she's been talking about the past couple of weeks. I suppose we could have done something in the Christmas spirit, but we'll have plenty of time for that.

We're sitting on the very top row of the bleachers. The stadium is filled with students and parents from both our school and the opposing side. Nearly everybody is bundled in blankets, scarves, gloves, and layers of clothing. It has got to be around fifty degrees right now. I'm wearing boots, jeans, thermals, another long sleeve, a sweatshirt, and another jacket over it. Despite the many layers, I still feel the goosebumps all over my body and I receive a shiver occasionally. Spencer, on the other hand, is wearing only tennis shoes, capris, a shirt, and a jacket.

"How are you even wearing that right now? I'm freezing!"

"This is so not freezing weather. This is decent weather for me. In Ohio, it's much colder. I'd like to see you deal with inches of snow." She smirks at me which causes my heart to practically melt.

"Well some of us didn't used to live in the arctic. I've lived here forever and this is the weather that I consider freezing!" I cross my arms and hug my body in an attempt to warm myself.

"Aw, you poor thing," She pouts at me and I can tell she's being sarcastic, so I glare at her. "Come here."She opens up her arms and gives me a welcoming smile. I scoot closer to her and lean in to her torso, with the top of my head touching underneath her chin. She encloses me in her arms and rubs her hands quickly over me in an effort to warm me up. She doesn't know that being close to her has already warmed me up. Every time I get this close to her, I shiver but for a different reason than being cold. My heart beats rapidly but, fortunately, I think it's too loud and windy for her to notice.

~.~.~.

It seems like this game has been dragging on forever which is ironic because I'm the one who wanted to come tonight.

"Alright, I think I'm going to die from hypothermia. Can we go now?"

"Look, Ash, there's only five minutes left of the game," She points to the scoreboard. "The score is really close and I wanna see who wins!"

She seems like she's more into it now and I like it, so I don't drag us out. But trust me, if I wanted to, I so could.

Our team ends up winning and Spencer is so happy about that. She's so cute when she's so eager for something and she gets it. Not that she isn't cute the rest of the time; she's cute all the time.

I grab her arm and begin to drag her to my car before the traffic begins.

"Why are you in such a hurry to get us out of here? We're just going to go home and sleep."

"Maybe you are. Who says I am?"

"Okay and what exactly do you plan on doing when you get home?"

I'm stumped. "I don't know." I whisper and try to hide a smile.

~.~.~.

We arrive to her house quicker than I had hoped. I look at her once I park and smile and she does the same back.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Goodnight, Ash." She gets out and walks to her front door. I wait until she's inside before I drive away.

~.~.~.

**Spencer's POV**

Ashley called me a bit ago, but I haven't called her back. It's not long before I receive a text from her.

**I'm feeling adventurous today. I was thinking **_**I am Legend **_**and **_**X-Men**_**? XOXO-A**

I sit there and think for a few minutes before replying.

**Sick with flu. No movie night for me. -S**

I throw my phone down on my bed before walking downstairs. I notice that nobody is here and I assume that they are at Glen's game. I glance outside and see that a car remains in the driveway. I scribble a note down which explains my departure then grab the keys and head out.

~.~.~.

I don't exactly know why I came here. Me and Ashley sometimes come here for coffee at lunch. Today it's just (unsick) me. This coffee place calms me. The vibe in here is good especially today. It's raining outside and it's pretty cold. Inside, I sit across from the fire. It's probably the most decent place to go when I have so much running through my head. I don't know what to do.

Ashley is the closest person in my life right now. Deb stopped calling after I failed to call her back, over and over again. I don't exactly know why I stopped calling. She's a good friend and she doesn't deserve me ignoring her. I'm not angry at her. I think I just ignored her for Ashley which, in a way, I sort of regret. Ashley means so much to me now, but then again, so did Deb. It was wrong of me to just drop her once I found someone here who makes me happy. Now that I think about it, my life seems so bland before I met Ashley and now it's full of spontaneity and adventurous things and I'm happy. I'm really happy, honestly. I never would have pictured it this way, but I'm so thankful. I've known Ashley for only three months, but it feels much longer. We are opposites, but we get along so well. We have things in common. She teases me and makes me laugh and helps me with school work. She's beautiful and I just don't know what it is about her that makes me feel complete.

Ashley is gay. I used to call myself straight, but I don't know what I am. This is what kept me up last night and it's really scaring me. I can't fall for my best friend. I can't fall for a girl. This would ruin me. This would ruin me and Ashley. My parents would be beyond themselves with me. What would my brothers think? What would Deb think? What would the kids at school think?

I don't think being gay is wrong. I grew up in a strong Catholic home, but I don't think being gay is in any way wrong. I think a person falls in love with another person's personality and what they are, not their gender. This is what has led me to think I'm falling for Ashley. Everything she is is everything I love. I give my support to the gays, but I can't be gay. I just can't be gay, but it hurts being away from Ashley. I've grown too attached to her and she knows this because I told her. I'm an idiot. But, then again, how was I supposed to know I would fall for her? I was looking for friends when I came here and I got so much more than that.

I could embrace this. I really could. I could tell Ashley that I think I'm gay and see what she thinks about it. I only have her to talk to about this with because she's the only gay person I know. Everybody else I know is pretty unsupportive of it. I could talk to Chelsea, we're pretty close and I think she's okay with it. I don't know.

I also could ignore this. Maybe it's just some phase or hormones raging. I could continue to do what I'm doing now. I'm taking a step back from this and having time on my own to try to figure this out. Maybe I just need a little break from Ashley.

I think that's what I'm going to do. I'll try to spend a little less time with Ashley and see how things go then. It's not like I'm stopping being her friend. I just need time to figure all this out.

I don't know how long I've been sitting here. I finished my coffee hours ago. I guess I should start heading back now.

Once I get home, which still remains empty, I go up to my room and open my phone which contains several texts and missed calls from Ashley. The first text was right after I replied to her.

**Is anyone there to take care of you? Should I come over? XO-A**

A few minutes later, there was a missed call. And another one shortly after that. And then another text.

**Spence, are you okay? Let me know that you're doing fine. XO**

There was a final missed call just minutes ago.

She's so caring and sympathetic and that's part of my problem. How am I supposed to stay away from her? This is going to be hard.

~.~.~.

I spot Chelsea who is heading toward the cafeteria.

"Chelsea!" I call out and wave. She walks to me.

"Hey, girl, what's up?"

"Nothing much. Where are you headed?"

"The cafe, probably sitting in the usual spot with Aiden. How about you?" She smiles and tilts her head slightly. _Ew, Aiden. Ugh._

"Not today. We are going off!" I link our arms and she smiles.

We're sitting across from each other in a small, but cute, sandwich shop. She ordered a tuna and I ordered a turkey. We're finding the silliest things to laugh and talk about. I feel like a little, happy kid in Chelsea's presence.

"So," she begins, "I rarely see you anymore except for in Chemistry. Why do we never hang out?"

"I don't know! We should do this more often, though!"

"I know! Who do you usually hang out with at lunch?" Ow. Besides the numerous missed calls, I forgot about Ashley and I feel a surge of guilt. She's probably at the table outside Chemistry alone. Wow, I'm a jerk. I'm sitting here, having a good time with Chelsea while I'm ignoring Ashley. _Low blow, Spence._

"Um, it's usually just me and Ashley."

"Oooh, you and Ashley Davies." She raises an eyebrow at me.

"Oh, we're just really good friends. She's great." I take another bite of my sandwich.

"Are you positive about that?" I hesitate which causes her to raise her eyebrow again.

"Yeah!...well, no. Not really." I look at my sandwich without taking a bite.

"Well, aren't you both like really close?" She asks caringly.

"Yeah, we are. We're really close. I just, I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready for this."

Without hesitation, she says, "If you have someone who you're that close with, you shouldn't hesitate. I see you guys in Chem all the time. You're not only the perfect pair of best friends, you would make the perfect couple. You should go for it when you're comfortable."

What she says makes me think. We sit in silence for a few minutes before deciding that we should get back to school.

~.~.~.

We walk into Chemistry all giggly and then I remember Ashley. My heart begins to beat rapidly and I feel sick because of my own guilt. I walk to my desk and avoid her gaze, which lies on me, for as long as possible. Fortunately the bell rings just seconds after I sit down.

Today Mr. Walker is lecturing and Ashley takes this time talk to me.

"Where were you at lunch? I called you like eighty times!"

"Sorry, I left my phone at home." I answer as I continue taking notes.

"Well, that answers one question."

"I was with Chelsea. We went off." I whisper back.

"Thanks for the invite." She turns away and I can tell that she's angry and hurt, but she's trying to hide it.

"Sorry."

We spend the rest of the period actually listening to Mr. Walker's lecture without talking. The bell rings and I pack up and leave the room, heading in the direction of the gym.

I feel someone brush against me and I look up quickly.

"Bye to you, too, Spence? Do you need a ride home?"

"Uh, no. I'm going to watch Glen practice then he'll take me home. See you, Ashley." I continue walking and she stays behind.

I feel like such a jerk right now. I will tell her eventually. There's nothing I'm particularly doing wrong besides lying to her and ignoring her calls and texts and leaving her alone at lunch. I just need space. That's all.

**A/N: Reviews please? :)**


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

This week has been horrible, simply horrible. On a scale of 1-10, it would be a negative number. I've been sad and not myself this week and it's just not good. One of the worst parts is I only have myself to blame. What's the worst is I'm hurting Ashley. I can just tell that she's hurting. I tried my hardest to space myself out from her, but I'm too weak. I can't. I need Ashley. I need to fix this...if she'll let me.

After Tuesday, she gave up trying to talk to me about what's going on and why I haven't been hanging out with her. She would look at me so intently with such urgency in her eyes, not that I'd know much because I avoided her gaze as much as I could. She kept asking me what she did wrong and it's killing me because she didn't do a single thing wrong. I hate myself for hurting her.

I feel nothing but shame while entering Chemistry, trailing slowly behind Chelsea. I take my usual spot next to Ashley and I feel like I don't even deserve to be this close to Ashley. We're semi-early and I turn and look at her. She's looking down, rummaging through her bag for something. I take in her flawless complexion and her tanned skin. Her lips are perking out a little bit and her eyebrows are slightly furrowed, making the lines on her forehead form together. I keep looking at her until she looks at me. I expect anger, but I only see sadness in her eyes as well as confusion and frustration. I can understand why. I'm horrible.

"It's been nearly a week. Is today the day you're going to finally tell me or should I wait a couple more?" Her answer saddens me. She asked if she should wait a couple more, as in a couple more weeks. Wait a couple more weeks. Wait for me. Any other person would give up and say "screw you", but Ashley keeps holding on. I don't deserve this. I'm so ashamed.

I clear my voice so it doesn't crack. "Take me to the beach."

We sit in silence the rest of the class period, working on our worksheets independently. When the bell rings, we pack up and are the last to leave the room in silence. We walk to the car in silence. We begin the drive in silence and before we get too far, I ask her if we could go by our coffee shop. And we do.

She buys my drink. I keep telling her that it's okay and to please not, but she won't give up. I don't understand.

We sit across the fire, not saying a word. It's kind of solemn, but nice, besides the fact that things are not right between us because of me. I'm not sure how long we sit there. I know that it's a while because we both finish our drinks. We make our way back to her car and ride in more silence. She parks and we're silent. When we exit, she reaches for coins for the parking meter and that's when I speak up.

"I have some."

"It's okay, so do I."

"Ashley." I look her straight in the eyes and take her hands in mine, though I'm undeserving. They're soft and warm compared to my clammy and cold ones. I expect her to pull away, but she doesn't. I can't tell what she's thinking or how she's feeling, but she lets me put my quarters in the machine and I'm glad for that. I have a lot of making up to do.

I lead us to the cute little secluded part of the beach where she took me before. Somehow I know where I'm going even though this is will be my second time at this part of the beach. We're walking side-by-side, but not too close. We're kind of far for my comfort because I'm used to her being so close to me and I like it that way. But I don't deserve that right now.

We find our spot and we sit there, facing the ocean. I watch the waves breaking on the shore over and over again. No matter how many times the shore sends them away, the waves keep coming back. I find this symbolic because the waves represent Ashley and the shore represents me. She's way too good for me. I wonder if Ashley thinks about this- the waves and the shore and the symbolic-ness of it. I doubt she does.

"I'm sorry." I get up the nerve to finally speak and I feel like much more needs to be said than just that. But before I could think anymore, she doesn't hesitate to reply.

"It's okay, Spence." Her voice is raspy, but soft. It's warm, but welcoming. My heart hurts. I wait a while before speaking again.

I repeat myself, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Spence." She does the same. Her voice sounds almost the same as last time. I try to think about the difference, but I really want to know what she's thinking.

"No, Ash, like I'm really sorry." I put more emphasis into my sentence and before I know what I'm doing, I face her for the first time in a while and I hug her and she hugs me back. My hands are around her neck and her hands are near my waist, one hand rubbing up and down my back. I can feel tears starting to well up and I blink rapidly to get them to go away. Her embrace is so warm and I don't want to let her go. Ever.

"I'm sorry." I'm starting to think these are the only words I've learned in my lifetime.

"It's okay." She answers soothingly, while sitting rubbing my back, which, by the way, feels really nice and relaxing.

To my despair, we eventually pull away and I look into her eyes for the first time since the parking meter. She reaches up and strokes my left cheek with her thumb. I hadn't realized I let a silent tear escape and I curse myself for that.

Her legs were already part, so I position myself in between them, my back against her front, laying down slightly. Shortly after, she begins playing with my hair and that makes me sleepy, but it feels so good. I sit and think.

"How did you know you were gay?" I randomly ask her in almost a whisper. She inhales and then slowly begins with a soft voice.

"After Aiden, I started going out a lot more. To clubs and such. One time, a girl just put a move on me and for some odd reason, I didn't stop her. I realized that night that I liked it. I just like the way girls are more than I do guys. They have more depth and their personalities show more. I hadn't really thought about it and about their looks and such, but once I started noticing, I realized that they're just beautiful. It's more exciting, thrilling, fun. After, I began comparing girls to guys and I realized I don't like boys as much as I thought I did. I'm going to marry a girl one day. Not to mention the sex is better." She finished with pauses here and there, but rushing her last sentence. I smiled a little.

I nodded and we continued to sit in silence, Ashley stroking my hair all the while. She kind of frightened me when she spoke again. Her voice was a whisper, but it was in my ear and I could feel her warm breath on it which sent a shiver down my body. I could smell her. Her breath didn't smell minty, but it smelled good.

"You know you can tell me anything, Spence." She made me feel as if she had an idea what this would lead up to.

"I know. Thank you."

I just don't know what to say now. The truth is, I don't know if I'm exactly gay. I mean if I like Ashley like I do right now, I suppose I am. But I don't look at other girls like I look at Ashley. And I don't want to just jump right in and say that I like her. But I do. She doesn't even know I'm gay.

"You'd tell me if you liked anyone, right?" I ask.

"Um, yeah. You'd tell me, too, wouldn't you?" She questions back.

"Uh, yeah." There is a pause before she speaks.

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Like anybody."

"Oh," _Well, shit._ "I-I think I do." I stutter out.

I hadn't realized it had been so long, so she speaks, "So are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?"

"Um, yeah, I'll tell you. You probably won't be expecting this, though." I feel sick because of my nerves getting to me.

"That's all right. Go ahead."

I hesitate, "But please, promise me nothing bad will happen between us. You mean so much to me, Ashley. This week has been the worst of my life because of not being with you and pushing you away and hurting you and I'm so sorry." _Way to go, Sidetracked-Spencer._

"I promise, Spencer. It's okay. You mean the world to me; nothing could ever break us apart, you know that." She sounds so sure of herself. What I'm about to tell her could change her mind.

I start shaking and Ashley notices because she pulls me closer and wraps her arms around me, rubbing my arms to try to make me warmer. I move my knees up closer. I'm not even cold, I'm just nervous. My heart is beating too fast and I can even feel a sweat coming on. I'm a coward, but there's no turning back now.

"You." I just flat-out say it and my voice cracks, which I wanted to avoid. I wait a few, long seconds. She doesn't say anything. I know I screwed up. I shouldn't have said anything. She hates me, but her grip hasn't loosened. She is trying to think of a way to let me down gently. I feel sick. I move my head up slightly so I can see her reaction. She's looking straight ahead towards the ocean, with her her mouth open a little bit.

"Please say something," She waits a couple more seconds before looking down at me. "I understand. You don't feel the same, it's okay. Can we go?" I sit up and begin to stand up, but she stops me and pulls me down. I sit and face her, avoiding her gaze on my face. I feel like I've been sunburned, but that's not possible because it's December. I hope she can't see my fiery-red face.

She puts her hands on both of my cheeks. They feel cool and good against my blushing face. I can see a smile forming on her face which tells me that it's going to be okay.

"Spencer," I have tried my best to avoid eye contact, but I finally look into her eyes. They're no longer frustrated nor confused nor sad. They look happy, even relieved. I keep glancing from her eyes to her lips and I keep thinking about how I want to kiss them. Then I remember that Ashley hasn't even said anything back to me about how she feels about all of this.

I blink and feel a warm and light pressure on my lips. I taste vanilla and coconuts: the taste I've been craving. I realize what's happening and suddenly, all my fears are gone. All I want is Ashley and nothing else. I don't care about any so-called consequences. She places her hand on my right cheek, partly under my chin and partly touching my ear. I place my hand over hers. It's over as quickly as it started, lasting but a few seconds. Those few seconds are something that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

She removes her hand from my cheek and places my hands in hers and looks down at them.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

"Me, too, Ash."

I resume my original position in between her legs, except this time the mood is different. Things are calmer now and I feel ten times more relaxed and happy. It was the most beautiful moment of our friendship so far. I'm not even sure what we have now. The sun is beginning to set and I feel a smile on my face.

"What now, Ash?"

"Spencer, I didn't even know you were gay."

"Me either."

"Then explain to me how this happened."

I take a breath and begin: "Every day I'm with you, I'm the happiest person in the world and every day I'm not with you, I'm wishing I was and I feel the exact opposite. Every day that I'm with you, I feel myself growing more close to you and I don't want it to stop. I started thinking that I didn't want to be gay, but I didn't want to stop being around you. Then I thought what if you got tired of me. And soon enough, I didn't care because I'm selfish and I just want you. I've always wanted to you. You're something different. I don't know what your deal is, Ashley Davies, but you complete me." I feel so relieved after letting this out. Now I fear her response.

"I don't know what to say to that, Spence."

"Tell me I didn't just embarrass myself in front of you and fall for you for no reason." I laugh.

"It definitely wasn't for no reason. Thank you for telling me, Spence, because I feel the exact same."

"Tell me." I look up up at her with a smiling face and beg her. I want to hear her talk about me like that. I think she would have told me even if I had not asked.

"When I first saw you, I knew you would be different. I wanted to be your friend, your best friend, and more than that if I could. You keep me on track and I love that I can always be myself around you. No guards up, just me. I love that we can do anything together and no matter what it is, it's always the best time because I'm with you. I've never been this close to anybody except you, Spence. I can promise you that I will never get tired of you, but I can't promise that you won't get tired of me."

I'm smiling and blushing like an idiot, but I don't care. I loved Ashley when we were best friends, which we still are, and I love her now.

"I will never get tired of you, I promise." I grab her spare hand and hold it with both of my hands up to my heart. She kisses my forehead.

We spend the rest of our evening in silent bliss. We watched the sun go down and it reminds me of the very first time we came here and we were opposites. I was sitting up and she was in my lap. I astounds me how strong we've become and I couldn't be happier.

**A/N: Hi :) Sorry this chapter took me a while. I've been trying to perfect it and I'm still unsure. Please tell me what you think :) XO**


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

We're walking hand-in-hand along the silent, dusk beach. I could not be more content than I am at this moment. Everything feels as it should be.

I look at her from the side of my eye; she's trying to suppress a smile just like me. She notices me smiling at her and looks up and smiles and laughs. I laugh, too. She pulls me closer to her and puts one arm around my waist and the other in my hand. I love being so close to her.

"Thank you for being so understanding and forgiving. I'm really sorry for trying to push you away." I whisper because I'm so close to her face.

"I do understand. You don't have to be sorry, Spence. I know how confusing it must have been for you. I wouldn't want to pressure you into anything," she pauses, "But, you could have talked to me about it, though, you know."

"I know. I just wanted to figure it out for myself. I'm glad it came to this. I still shouldn't have been so rude and pushed you away. I knew I was hurting you and I continued to do it. I will never do it again; I don't know who it hurt more: you or me. This week was not a good one without you. You are pretty much my life." I laugh and blush and hope that doesn't scare her off.

"You're mine, too, Spence." She pulls me closer.

Soon we reach her car and she opens the passenger side door for me, lets me in, and shuts it. She then gets in and turns on the car and starts the heater. It's a cold night tonight.

"Thanks for letting me use my quarters." I say and grab her hand as we're driving down the highway.

"Yeah, that's not happening again." She laughs and I open my mouth in shock and look at her.

"Why not?"

"Because I said so." She smiles simply. Classic stubborn Ashley.

We sit there in happy silence with the radio turned down low. I take this all in: me and Ashley holding hands, driving down the highway with the radio turned low, the moon up high and the lights of LA filling my eyes. Everything is so peaceful and beautiful. The vibe is great. I could get used to this. Minus the part where Ashley is occupied with driving.

"You drive too much. You should let me."

"It's okay, I don't mind it." I don't argue this time. I enjoy my spot.

~.~.~.

We near our houses.

"Stop by your house."

"Why?" She questions.

"You're sleeping over." I smile.

And we do. She grabs her pajamas and I get her toothbrush. That's pretty much all she needs. We leave quickly because dinner is waiting on us.

We exit her car outside of my house and she asks me, "How should we act?" I forgot about that. No one besides Ashley and Chelsea know I'm gay. No one except me and Ashley know about tonight. I flashback to the kiss, our first kiss, how lovely it was. She was so gentle and sweet and I want to give her another one. Anyways, I don't even know if we're dating or what. Maybe we should talk about this soon.

"Just, normal. Our usual normal. Nothing is changed that they know of."

"Not much has changed. Only a minor detail." She winks at me which makes my knees turn to noodles and walks to my door with me trailing behind.

"We're home!" I shout over the noise in the kitchen. I see Mom appear in the hallway.

"Hi, girls!" She hugs us at the same time. Mom loves Ashley, but mom doesn't know that Ashley is gay. And I don't know what Mom would think about her if she knew. I don't know what Mom would think about me if she knew I was. I don't want to worry about this now.

"Hi, Paula! It smells amazing in here."

"Thanks, Ash!" How in the world did my dad hear Ash over all the noise?

We walk into the kitchen. The table is set and I see Dad beginning to bring the food to it. I look into the living room and see on the couch, freaking out over some football game, Clay, Chelsea, Glen and... Aiden. My heart drops when I see him. I'm so angry. What is he doing here? He is not allowed to be in my house. I look back at Ashley and she has a concerned look on her face. I see a trace of fear and I don't blame her. I haven't seen her act scared because of Aiden before; she's always so tough. Poor thing. She wipes it off as best as she can when she realizes I'm looking at her. I could punch him straight in the face.

Mom swipes past me and I speak, "Cool, Chelsea and Aiden are here. Why?" I try to act casual and happy. I feel the total opposite.

"Clay invited Chelsea and Glen and Aiden were shooting hoops, so we invited him." She smiles and walks back to the kitchen.

I walk to Ashley where we're out of sight from everybody else.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know _he'd _be here. If I would have know, we wouldn't be here." I say in an angry and apologetic voice.

"It's okay! I'm fine, really." She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. I grab her hand and steal quick kiss to it.

**Ashley's POV**

We're sitting around the table, the eight of us. I feel it's too crowded. Maybe one of us should leave.

Everyone seems to be having a generally nice time except for me, but fortunately, no one notices. I look over at Spencer and she doesn't look too happy either. One of my hands is in my lap as is one of hers; she sneakily grabs onto mine and now we're smiling just like everybody else. I don't even bother zoning into the conversations that are going on around me. Spencer and I keep looking at each other and laughing which makes us look like we're having a conversation. I'm eager to leave the table; I finished eating decades ago.

~.~.~.

We're finally free.

"Thanks for the delicious dinner, Mr. C!" I compliment Spencer's dad's cooking. I would kill to be able to cook as good as he does. Maybe I'll learn someday.

"Anytime, Ash!" He perks his head out from inside the kitchen.

"Well, I'm kind of tired and we have a movie we really want to watch," Spencer looks looks at Paula then back to everybody else, "Goodnight, Chelsea." She gives that heart-melting smile to Chelsea; I love when she gives me that smile. I notice her flash Aiden a dirty look, and luckily nobody except Chelsea and I notice; Chelsea shoots Spencer back a wink and I'm confused.

Spencer leads me up her stairs.

"And what movie do we really want to watch?" I ask with a hint of tease in my voice as we're nearing her room. Her door is shut and Spencer gently shoves me to it; my back is against her door and her outstretched hands are on the door as well, one on either side of me. Her face is maybe three inches away from mine. I like this mischievous Spencer, but she's tempting.

"I lied. So what?" She slightly tilts her head and raises her right eyebrow at me. I want to kiss her, but I figure now is not an appropriate time.

"A lying Spencer? I like it." I smirk at her; I know this is her weakness.

She opens her door and I nearly fall, but she grabs my hands. Spencer shuts her door with her foot and we both fall onto her twin-sized bed with laughter. When we finally stop laughing, we just lay there looking at each other until I quietly speak up with courage.

"You're so beautiful."

This causes her to blush; she's adorable. I want to just hold her and kiss her, but know I can't because someone might walk in. If we were at my house, this would be no problem. She takes my hand with both of hers and holds it up her smiling face with her eyes closed. I continue to stare at her with wonder and love.

"Stop looking at me." Her smile is still there and I wonder if she means it. Either way, I'm not stopping.

"I can't. Get ugly and maybe I will."

"Fine. I can do this, too. You're a million times more beautiful than me, anyway; I could look at you all day." She sasses back to me and stares back.

I quickly get up and quietly open her door and listen. I hear the clanking of dishes and the loud chatter of the other teens in the house. Then, I very quietly close the door and walk back to her; she's sitting up slightly with a confused look on her face, her elbows supporting her. I grab her hands and quickly kiss her on the lips, me standing with my head down toward her, and she still sitting on her bed with her head up to mine. I don't mean to tease her, but I think I do because when I pull away, she moves forward. Her lips are plump and smooth and something about them makes me not want to stop kissing her. She tastes fruity: perhaps strawberry. I leave her standing there in a shocked-like state to go and change into my pajamas.

Around ten or so and after we're mostly ready for bed, we go downstairs. To my surprise, Aiden and Chelsea are still here. They are on the couch again with Clay and Glen watching a movie, though I'm not sure which one. I feel disgusted and somewhat violated with Aiden in Spencer's house. I'm really afraid for her.

I follow her into the kitchen where Paula and Arthur are talking.

"Hi," Spence gives them a smile, "We're ready for bed so we're probably going to go watch that movie and most likely fall asleep while doing so," She giggles, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, girls." Paula hugs us again; it's so warm and welcoming. I wonder if she would still act the same if she knew.

"Night." Arthur and Spencer exchange smiles; he rubs my back and smiles at me before I walk away. Spencer's parents are wonderful.

"Now what?" Spencer stops in the hallway and asks me.

I stop, too. "We watch that movie we've been dying to watch." I wink at her and proceed to her room. I look back at her right before I enter; she's totally checking me out. _No guilt in that, Spence._

_~.~.~._

Spencer fell asleep only about a half hour into the movie. Neither of us knew what it was even. After she fell asleep, I couldn't reach the remote, so I didn't even bother. I just watched her immaculate sleeping face. I don't think she'll ever understand how beautiful and wonderful she is to me.

She's been clinging to me the whole night of sleep; I would know because I've been fading in and out of sleep. I don't know why; nothing is wrong. I look over her and note her clock's time: two thirty-three in the morning. Wow. I lay back down and take one of her hands and intertwine our fingers. She stirs and I hope I haven't woken her for her sake. Her eyes flutter open and shut sleepily; her forehead is crinkled together and she has a slight frown. Bad dream?

"I hate him." Did I hear correctly?

"Spence?" I whisper to her face which is a couple inches away from mine.

"I hate him." She repeats herself and I presume I heard correctly the first time.

"Who do you hate, Spence?" I ask, wiping her bangs away from her face and tucking them behind her ear. She answers, but I can't understand her.

"Who?"

"Aiden!" She says louder in a frustrated voice. Her eyes remain closed.

"Sshh, you'll wake your family. Were you dreaming, Spence?"

"No. He'll never be able to give back what he stole from you." Her forehead remains crinkled, but she finally opens her eyes and looks into mine after she speaks.

"Is this all you ever think about?" I laugh at her and try to joke around, but she doesn't seem to realize it.

"Yeah, it is, Ashley." She looked at me seriously. I couldn't act too shocked because she admitted it when she was drunk. I guess drunk words really are sober thoughts.

"I know it is, Spencer."

"What?"

"You told me when you were drunk at Grey."

"Oh." She looked away from me.

"It's okay," I tilted her chin up so she would look at me again, "So what do you suggest we do? I mean we don't have to do anything. I will never forgive him for what he did, but I don't know if there's anything we can do."

"Go to the police and tell them what he did to you!" She spat at me. I know she isn't angry at me; she's angry at Aiden and this general situation. I wish she would just drop it.

"And what makes you think they will believe me?"

She frowns in anger and faces opposite of me. I know I stumped her and I didn't mean to; it was an honest question. It has been months since it happened.

I wait a few minutes before scooting closer to her and putting my arm around her stomach. She eases into me and holds my hand that's over her stomach which tells me she isn't angry at me. I love that she cares so much, but I want to forget about all of this. We'll be seniors soon and I will never have to see Aiden again.

I can feel myself drifting off to actual sleep this time, but Spencer's soft voice wakes me up.

"Now what?"

"What do you mean, Spence?"

"Us."

"I like you. I like you a lot. Do you like me?"

"Of course I do."

"No. I don't mean as friends."

"Me either, Ash. I loved you when you were my friend and that hasn't changed. But obviously we have." She lets go of my hand and turns around to face me; she kisses my nose and smiles. How did I get so lucky?

"I don't want to rush into things. I want you to be sure of what you want." I tell her as she nestles into my chest. She lifts one leg in between both of mine; they're soft and newly shaven. I wonder why she isn't wearing pants rather than shorts since it is December and rather cold, but I'm not complaining.

I reach my left arm over her and slide my hand underneath her shirt, gently sliding my fingers in different directions on her bare back; it causes her a quick shiver.

"I want you." She mumbles into my chest. I feel her warm breath on it and it gives me goosebumps.

"You have me. And I want you; do I have you?"

"I'm yours."

Though formally unspoken, as of 3:04 AM on this December 8, Spencer is my girlfriend and I am hers.

**A/N: Where are you expecting this to head? Reviews! XOXO**


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Things between me and Spencer have been better than great. Each day, our relationship strengthens more than the day prior. Its only been a couple of weeks since we began dating, but I'm growing more and more attached to her every day. This could be a good thing, but it could also go horribly wrong. If I ever lost her, I don't know what I would do.

The closest I will be to losing her is the fact that she's going to Ohio for Winter Break. That's two long weeks! I spend everyday with her, so I don't know how I will survive two weeks without her.

I'm laying on my bed with my head hanging off of it, sulking in Spencer's soon departure. I'm looking at the fake, decorated tree in corner of my room and reminiscing. Spencer was mega bummed because her family wasn't getting a tree this year since they're going to Ohio, so we went and got this once and decorated it and listened to Christmas music and then watched Christmas movies. I had an amazing day with her. I think her Christmas spirit is starting to rub off on me.

I want to see her before she goes, but there will probably be no time. I suppose I should go back to sleep; it is just after six AM. I just bundled myself in my cold, empty blankets when my phone rings. I see who it is and I smile ear-to-ear.

"Hey." I say in a raspy voice as it is my first word of the day.  
_"Hi. What are you doing up so early?"_ I love her voice.

"Dreading you leaving me." I pout even though she can't see it.

_"I'm going to miss you. It's only two weeks; I suppose two weeks is better than two months."_

"I'd rather it be two days. I'd rather it be two minutes! I'm already counting down the days until I can see your beautiful face again."

_ "Well, you're going to have to restart that countdown."_

"Huh?"

_ "Come outside." _

I feel my face light up like a little kid in a candy shop at the thought of what possibly could be waiting for me. I rip my cold blankets off of me and sprint down stairs and to my front door. Once I fling my door wide open, I feel the cold breeze hit my body but can soon ignore that because my beautiful blonde girlfriend is in my arms.

"What are you doing here?"

"It's nice to see you, too." She gives me a fake pout.

"You know that's not what I meant." I intend to peck her lips, but this lasts longer than I had planned, but I'm not complaining. The warmth of her body against mine, and most importantly her lips, warms me up instantly. There's no way I'm letting her leave me for two weeks.

"I wanted to give you this before I left." She smiles shyly and hands me an elegantly wrapped, small, rectangular box. The wrapping paper is of Santa and Rudolph and has a small red bow on top. Next to that is written "To: Ashley, From: Spencer" and a heart. Another piece of her writing that I can keep.

"I told you not to get me anything." I try to give her a blank face, but I can't hide my smile much.

"I don't care. I did anyways. And I will continue to. And thank you for mine," She smiles and places her hand over her neck and grabs the piece. I got her a silver necklace. It's a small heart outlined in diamonds with a smaller heart engraved in the middle. "I love it." She gives me a peck and I hate that she pulls away. No Spencer for two weeks means I need all I can get right now.

"Can I open it?" I look down at my wrapped gift.

"If you absolutely want to..." Her eyes trail off just like her sentence. I know she's shy when it comes to gifts. "If you don't like it, we can go back and you can pick out another one."

"Be quiet, I know I'll love it because it came from you," I give her a reassuring smile. It's true: if it's from Spencer, I'll automatically love it. "Do you have time to come in?"

"Only a few minutes. We're leaving by six-forty five." I glance at the nearest clock. Six sixteen. Not enough time with Spencer.

We walk to the couch in my living room and sit. I slowly begin unwrapping the nicely wrapped present; I hate that I'm ruining the effort she put on this. I'm careful to not rip the written to/from part.

After I set the paper aside, I'm holding a teal box. I love this color. I lift the lid of it and I smile. I lift it up gently and examine it. It's a silver chain bracelet with a single charm. But this charm has two small hearts that are formed together. The hearts are also silver but outlined in red. It's beautiful. I'm never taking it off.

"Spencer, it is beautiful. I love it so much. Thank you! Here put it on me."

She smiles broadly and I hope she's proud of herself. I really do love it. I hand the bracelet to her and lift my left hand and she puts the bracelet on me. We both sit there contently, admiring our new pieces of jewelry from each other.

I pull her onto my lap and fall backwards on to the couch, causing her to lay on top of me. I kiss her and hold her tightly. The only thought in my head is that I won't be able to do this for two, long weeks. I honestly don't know how I will spend them.

"You-are-so-cute." She says in between kisses on my lips. I can't help but smile.

She puts her forehead against mine and I look into her eyes. Her eyes are so beautiful. Her nose, lips, teeth, voice are all so beautiful. I'm so lucky.

"I don't want you to go." I pout at her.

"Honestly," she lifts her head up slightly, "I don't want to go much either. But I'm sure my family back home would be upset if I didn't," her expression changes in the next sentences, "Ugh, and this means I'm going to probably see Deb. I don't want to see her. I've barely talked to her since I moved here and I'm doing perfectly fine without her; she's been a total stalker these past few months."

"Then stay." I pull her back down to me and place my hands on the small of her back and kiss her again. Just me and Spencer, all Winter Break. I can imagine it now.

"I wish I could. I promise I will make it up to you. You can spend your break thinking of ways for me to make it up to you."

"I got a few in mind already." I smirk at her and she shakes her head and laughs.

She looks at the clock which lies behind me and begins to get off of me.

"I should go now. As much as I don't want to." She takes my hand and pulls me off of the couch and into her arms. My hands make their way to the small of her back again as hers wrap around my neck. I love her scent. She smells so good even without perfume. I would be able to tell if she walked by me with my eyes closed.

We let go a few seconds later and I hold her hand while leading her out. Despite the weather, I walk her out to the car she drove here in. She unlocks it and I open the door for her. She faces me and hugs me. Again, with the cold air and warm body. So good.

"Call me or text me any time. I don't care what time it is." Her muffled voice says into my shoulder.

"You too. Have a good time, Spence. I'll miss you." My voice is as muffled as hers.

We let go but grab hands and look into each others eyes a bit before she gets into the car. I watch her back out of my driveway and down the street, smiling at her all the while. When her car is fully out of sight, I realize that I could just drive to her house right now, but she would be leaving. I already feel empty.

I run up to my room, plop on my bed, and enter a message on my phone.

**14 days. -A XOXO**

~.~.~.

Christmas is tomorrow and I want to be the first to tell Spencer "Merry Christmas". We didn't get to talk much today. We dropped a few "Merry Christmas Eve" texts this morning, but she had to do family things. I want to call her, but I'm afraid she might be asleep. It is almost twelve AM in Ohio time. As I'm thinking about this, the familiar sound that is Spencer's specific ring tone fills my ears. I hesitate a few seconds so that I can be right on time for this.

"Merry Christmas, Spencer." I say right after the clock turns to nine PM which is twelve AM in Ohio.

"Merry almost Christmas to you, too, Ash." She sounds sleepy; her sleepy voice is adorable.

We stayed on the phone until it was Christmas for me, too. I told her to just go to sleep because she kept falling asleep on the phone, but she refused. I secretly like that she wanted to stay on the phone with me to be the first to tell me Merry Christmas. I wish she was here.

~.~.~.

Christmas wasn't too bad this year. My mom and Kyla stayed home. Mom actually bought gifts for me as well as Kyla. I didn't think she'd do that.

We're sitting around table now. Even weirder, we all made a "family" dinner. We literally all contributed to the food-baking. It was on the verge of fun.

Sitting here, though, we aren't saying much. I know it's probably because I'm sitting here and they're used to conversing alone and without me. They both don't know much about me. I don't know much about Kyla because she's always with my mom. And I do admit, maybe I haven't tried to get along with Kyla. She is home part of the time when my mom isn't. She doesn't seem so bad I guess.

"So, Ashley," speaking of Kyla, "what have you been up to lately?" It kind of flatters me that she's putting in this effort.

"Uh, nothing too much. Going to boring school, attempting to write my music, trying to keep out of trouble," I laugh, "the usual. How about you?"

"That doesn't sound too bad. I've just been going to school and it's weird how I barely see you there. And we go to different places," she motions to my mom, "and when I don't go, I'm here just hanging out,"

I wish my mom would invite me places.

"You should come with us some time. We go to parties, fashion shows, shopping. I don't think it'd be torture for you." She gives me a warm smile. I look up to my mom to see her expression, but she doesn't give a sour one. I see the trace of a smile and I feel somewhat honored.

We finish the dinner with small-talk here and there. By the time I return to my room, it's about nine o'clock. I notice a text from Spencer.

**Merry Christmas, Love. XOXO -S**

She's probably asleep now, but I still reply to her.

**Merry Christmas to you, too. I miss you. 11 days. -A XOXO**

~.~.~.

I'm bummed. It's New Years Eve and I have nobody to spend it with. I want Spencer to be here. I want her to be my New Years kiss, but I know this isn't happening.

**6 days. Dying w/o you! XO-A**

I have options. I could stay home and sulk or go to sleep early. I could go to Gray and hang out with Kat. I could go to Ego (though I'm underage, the owners knew my father and I'm allowed in). I could take Kyla up on her offer and see what she's doing tonight.

I decide that the worst thing I could do is stay home and sulk. Ego would be more fun with Spencer with me, so I rule that out. Hanging out with Kat at the bar sounds nice, but something drags me to Kyla's room. Hopefully she's awake.

I knock on her door. Mom isn't awake, but I hope Kyla is.

"Come in!" And I do.

Her room is the opposite of mine. It's vibrant and bright. There are photos here and there on the walls, though I don't recognize the people she is with in them. Her room is very clean and organized. I feel a cool breeze hit me through her open window. It's nice in here.

"Hi."

"Hey, what's up?" She pats the spot next to her on her bed. I force myself to sit.

"Not much. I was just wondering if you had any plans for tonight." My eyes wander around her room.

"I actually don't. Do you?"

"Not really. I was thinking of going to Gray. It's pretty fun there. Do you want to come?"

She smiles widely. She has nice teeth.

"Yeah! That'd be fun. Thanks, Ashley!" I smile back to her.

"Okay, we'll leave here around seven."

"Okay, I better get ready then!"

"Me too." I smile and exit her room.

~.~.~.

I showered, blow dried my hair and curled it. I did my make up. I just changed. I put on tight, black tank top with skinny jeans. I'll put on the black heels right before we leave. I don't know why I put so much effort in; I'm not trying to impress anybody. And the one I would try to impress is across the country.

We still have a bit over an hour before we are going to leave. I called a taxi service and they are going to pick us up and take us home because we're probably not going to be sober enough to drive. I decide to make me and Kyla a small dinner before we go. I'm not a chef, so I just make us sandwiches and salads. I bring hers up to her room and she thanks me and seems really appreciative of this. I hope she likes turkey because that's what's in the sandwich. I take mine to my room and pick up my ringing phone.

_"Hi."_

"Hi! What are you doing?" I say ecstatically. She answers, but it's too loud in the background.

"Spence, I can't hear you. Are you at a party or something?"

_"Uh, yeah, I am. Hold on,"_ I wait until she speaks again, _"okay, hi. I'm in the bathroom now."_ she laughs.

"Are you having fun?" I miss her.

_"Um, yeah, I guess so. I miss you."_

"I miss you, too. Only six more days though!"

_"Uh, yep. What are your plans for tonight?"_

"Actually, me and Kyla are going to hang out at Gray. I wish you were here, though."

_"Me, too,"_ I hear a loud noise in the background, _"Hey I have to go. I'll talk to you very soon."_

"Bye, Spence." _I love you, Spence._

_"Bye, Ash."_

She hangs up first. What an odd-sounding party Ohio was having.

~.~.~.

We enter Grey and it's way packed. Despite the capacity, Kat manages to get us a table near the bar. It's like the one that me and Spencer sat at: clearly made for two.

The same girl (Carmen, I think her name is) takes our orders. She doesn't ask for an ID again. Still dumb. We order our drinks. Kyla orders her own and I order myself the strawberry vodka lemonade rimmed with sugar. This will forever remind me of Spencer now. I need to snap myself out of it. I will see her in six days and missing her won't get her here right now. At least I don't need to monitor myself tonight.

~.~.~.

**Spencer's POV**

If I think this is going to work, I need to get a move on. It's already past nine and I'm suffering from jet lag- badly. I called a damn cab nearly a half hour ago and it should be here by now! While raging about this, a taxi pulls up in front of me and I hop in and give him my address.

I take a five minute or less shower in my home. I have to make myself look somewhat decent, but I need to be there by twelve. I have to be there by twelve. I blow dry my hair which takes about twenty minutes. I slap on some mascara and decide to leave the rest of my face bare. It soon dawns on me that I literally have nothing to wear. Ashley is the one who dressed me up last time. I don't have any dressy-type clothes. I don't have heels; I borrow them from my mom all the time.

I run into my parents room and scavenge around their closet. Mom has a wide variety of dresses and such that she has never worn or barely worn. I try on an array of dresses and I finally find a decent one. I hope Ashley likes it.

I wonder why Mom has this one. It barely fits me so I wonder how it fits her. It's a tight, red dress. It's strapless and is rather short: a couple inches below my butt. Despite the tightness of it, I can move easily in it. I search around for a decent pair of shoes and find an average black pair that I think will do.

I make my way back to my room and look at myself in my full-body mirror. This hair needs work. I make a french braid out of my bangs. I decide that I look presentable enough. It's eleven now and I need to hurry. God only knows what it's going to be like there, parking-wise.

~.~.~.

It's New Years Eve for crying out loud, so why are there so many people driving? Shouldn't they be partying? It usually takes me about ten minutes or less to get here, but tonight it took me twenty minutes. My next obstacle is parking. There are literally no spots in the lot. I have to park by this sketchy alley. I hurry my way to the front and the line is long! I guess I look good, though, because all of this creepy guys keep staring at me. Um, hello, I'm taken.

I keep glancing at my phone for the time. Each minute feels like ten and I'm worried I won't make it by twelve. That's one of my worries. My other is I am so anxious and eager to see Ashley. My nerves are catching up to me and I feel sort of sick, but I know it's just excitedness.

I look at my clock again. Eleven-fifty. I am slowly reaching the front. I pay my entrance fee and enter to the sound of the beating bass. It is crowded beyond belief. Ashley could be anywhere. Where do I start?

I walk around and see the lady who got us a table last time. I think her name is Kat. I make my way over to her, but I'm stopped by the girl who took our orders last time.

"Uh, hey?"

"Hi," She smirks at me. "I'm off now. Wanna dance?"

"Um, I'm actually looking for somebody. You know the girl I was here with last time, Ashley?"

Her expression goes blank, "Oh. Yeah. She's here. Somewhere."

"Do you know if she's sitting or dancing or?"

"Her and some girl came here. That's their table," she points to a table behind her near the bar, "But I think they're on the dance floor," I look around again. I'm going to have to fly through here to find her in time. "If you wanna dance or hang out, just come find me." She smiles again and leaves before I can decline that offer.

I begin to make my way through the crowd of sweating and cramped people. I keep my eyes peeled for Ashley's face. I don't know how her hair is done or how she is dressed. All I know if she is here and with Kyla. I feel like I've walked in circles throughout this crowd ten times.

"Alright, y'all, we're gonna start the countdown in two minutes!" I hear the DJ blare through a mic. I have two minutes to find Ashley. I get more and more anxious. I need to kiss her by the time the clock strikes midnight. I move quicker throughout the crowd and my hope is spiraling downward. I'm not going to find her. Maybe I should just wait at her table: she has to come back to it sometime.

"Alright, guys, you ready?" The crowd responds with a loud cheer.

"Sixty...fifty-nine...fifty-eight..." Everyone in the crowd is chanting along with him.

I'm near the front where he is and I begin to make my way slowly to the back to Ashley and Kyla's table. I'm in no rush now. No New Years kiss for me. I want to see Ashley.

"Forty-five...forty-four...forty-three..."

_Sigh._

I look up and think I see her. I walk over to her and she turns around. It is not Ashley. I continue my walk.

"Thirty-six...thirty-five...thirty-four..."

I wish everybody would be quiet now. I know I have no right to be angry, but I can't help it. I see everybody with their lovers and I get jealous because I can't find mine in this damn crowd.

"Twenty-two...twenty-one...twenty..."

These seconds feel like decades. Have more people come to the dance floor for the countdown? Or am I just walking slower?

"Fifteen...fourteen...thirteen..."

I'm almost out now.

Just when I think I'm clear, I see her. My face lights up and Kyla is smiling broadly at me. Ashley's back is to me and I rush to reach her in time.

"Seven...Six...Five..."

I reach my hand out and I finally grab her hand.

"Three...two...one...!"

I pull her to me and I kiss her. She's surprised when I do that until she realizes who she's kissing and I feel her smiling and that makes me smile too. I put my arms around her neck and she pulls me into her and puts her hands around my waist and back. I taste the the coconuts and vanilla, but there's a hint of a familiar taste. Then I realize it's the oh-so addicting strawberry vodka. My tongue makes its way to the inside of her mouth and she lets me.

I missed her too much. Though six days early, the days I spent without her were far too long.

We pull away smiling and she keeps me close to her in a hug that seems to last forever. I don't mind it. I missed her embrace, her smell, her curls, her smile, her hands, her body, her lips, her eyes. I missed her.

Kyla is happy for us and that makes me happy. She decides to go and I tell her I will take care of Ashley.

Ashley takes my hand and leads me back to their table which is now our table. She orders us the drinks without asking me, though I'm not complaining.

"I have to drive, you know."

"One won't kill us. Have a coffee before we go." She isn't slurring too horribly. I hope she remembers tonight in the morning, unlike how I was.

We're both leaning toward each other from across the table. Our feet are entangled. My elbows are on the table, my hands resting together. Her elbows are up and she's holding her face in her hands.

"You have no idea how bad I missed you."

"Yeah I do. But I missed you more," She retorts and I laugh at the impossible fact. "How did this happen? You, here? You weren't supposed to come back until Saturday." She asks as we sip our drinks. I make a vow to myself that this will be my only drink. She keeps smiling.

"It took a ton of nagging. But I just couldn't spend New Years without you." She scrunches her nose together and shows a smile with her teeth. I lean over and kiss her lips.

"That's why it was so loud. You were at the airport." Her eyes get wide and she continues to smile. She must not be too drunk if she realizes this.

"You're good." I smirk at her.

We spend the remainder of the night catching up or saying random things or just looking at each other without talking. I do get to finish a coffee so I feel better about driving, though I only had one drink. Ashley, on the other hand, is tipsy and in no shape to drive.

I pay for us! She actually lets me and that makes me happy. But she glares at me with a slight smile. I stand up and hold my hand out and she reaches up and takes it. I walk slow for her. I see Carmen straight ahead and I smile at her, but she doesn't really return it. She doesn't look angry, but she doesn't look happy. I hope she's okay.

We get outside and Ashley is taking too long to walk. I let go of her hand and take off my heels and hand them to her.

"Get on."

"Huh?" She says, confused.

"My back. Get on."

And she does. She's light and it's not that much of a problem. We get to my car quicker than we would have with Ashley walking. I set her down and kiss her before opening the door for her and letting her in.

"My house?"

"Yeah." She answers and smiles at me.

I love her. I want her to know that.


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

I wake up comfortably with a sleeping Ashley nestled into me and the sun politely shining through my bedroom window. I feel well rested; I should because it is almost ten in the morning. Ashley looks so at peace; I'd hate to wake her up, but when she does wake, she'll be feeling pretty bad. I ease out of her grip and slide out of my bed. I slowly and quietly make my way to my door and open it carefully in order to not make it creak. When I get downstairs, I pour her orange juice. I remember when she gave it to me and said it helped. I then get some Advil to go with the orange juice. She probably won't be up for eating, but in the case that she is, I grab a granola bar for her. And some water.

I slowly make my way up the stairs with a cup of orange juice and Advil in one hand and a cup of water in the other. Due to my lack of hands, the granola bar is being held in my mouth.

I reach the door and slowly push it open with my foot. I look up toward my bed and see Ashley laying there smiling at me, sleepily, and suddenly I'm slightly embarrassed.

"Hi." I smile and mumble through the granola bar.

"Do you need help?" She asks me, still smiling.

"No. Stay," I walk over to her and set the cup of water on the table near her along with the granola bar. "Take this." I hand her the Advil and the orange juice.

"Spence, I'm fine." I keep my hands out with the items in them and she finally takes them. I wait for her to swallow the pills and drink some of the orange juice before setting it on the table next to the water.

"Are you hungry? I wasn't sure if you would be, I mean I brought this granola bar for you if you are. But if you want me to make you breakfast, just tell me what you want-"

"Spence, "she closes her eyes and wrinkles her nose in disgust. "You're really thoughtful, but the thought of food right now makes me want to puke."

I get back into bed with her, with me sitting propped up. I pull Ashley's head onto my lap and put my arm around her shoulder and back; I bring the blankets up to cover her. This is so nice.

"Happy New Year, Spence."

"Happy New Year, Ash." I move her hair away from her forehead and kiss it.

The thought of telling Ashley that I love her has been consuming me all night. I want to tell her, but she might think it's too early. And maybe it is. I want to tell her at the right moment. I want to tell her that I love her when we're both sober and we're both alone. This moment seems to fit that category. Ashley barely woke up, I should give her some time.

I look down at her and am glad I chose to wait because she is asleep again.

I find myself drifting in and out of sleep. Each time I wake up, I'm less propped and more laying down with Ashley's face closer to mine.

I feel something touching my neck and face and moving steadily and right before I open my eyes, I realize Ashley is planting kisses on me. I quickly move my head to face her and kiss her right on the lips where she had planned to kiss the side of my face. This makes her blush and smile.

"Hi." I smile at her.

"Hi." She returns the smile.

"What time is it?" I ask, stretching.

"Almost three."

I sit up feeling a bit disoriented, but ask her, "How are you feeling?" I sit up crossed-legged and face her.

"Much better than earlier. Thank you for making me take the Advil."

I place my hand on her cheek and say, "Any time."

She moves in quickly and kisses me. The kiss is soft, but heavy and firm on my lips. She doesn't stop like I expect. I begin to move backwards, uncrossing my legs, and she places a hand on my back to support me and help me lay down. I feel something on either side of my hips and I assume she's straddling me; I move my hands down and they find her legs and I realize that I was right. I like it. I've never had this much of Ashley. Her lips are warm to mine and today they only have a trace of vanilla and coconuts. Today they taste like just Ashley. And Ashley tastes better than coconuts and vanilla.

The pressure leaves my lips and I feel her forehead rest against mine. I keep my eyes closed; I want more Ashley.

"Is this too much?" She whispers and I feel her breath on my face. Her Ashley breath.

"Not enough." I mumble back.

The pressure is back on my lips and I taste Ashley again. Ashley is similar to the drink at "Gray": addicting, wanting more. I place my hands on her lower back and pull her closer to me. Our fronts are touching; my hands remain on her back and I move my knees up and they bump into her butt. Her kiss gets more aggressive and I don't stop her. I feel her tongue making it's way to mine. When they touch, I become the aggressive one and begin battling for dominance. Like her lips, her tongue is strong and it makes me put up a good battle. But she ends up winning that and ,ironically, it makes me smile. I assume she feels my smile because I feel a smile from her lips.

"What?" She takes a deep breathe and laughs, keeping her forehead on mine.

I open my eyes and see hers straight in front of me; they're slightly squinting. They look lighter than usual. I look in each one and take in their features: her pupils are larger than usual; outlining her pupils is a darker shade of brown; the most is a caramel color and inside of the caramel color are little streaks of what looks like green, maybe mixed with a type of brown. They're unique and so pretty. Captivating. Which is why I find myself speechless now.

"What?" She repeats louder and laughing some more. She moves her head away from mine and I quickly get sad, but she pulls me over and I lay my head right next to hers with my legs entangled in hers. Have I mentioned that I love being so close to her?

"Nothing." I smile and look down.

"Tell me!"

"Really, it's nothing!" I look back up at her and she's making a frustrated-pouty face. "How did I get so lucky?" She quickly loses her stubborn face and smiles.

"It's funny, I ask myself that everyday about you."

Should I say it? Is now appropriate? Will I honestly find a better time to tell her than now? Being this close to her, being literally entwined with her body, her face being so close to mine, our hands holding onto each other. Before I have it figured out, words exit my throat.

"Ashley..." She moves her head away from mine and lets go with one hand. Maybe my tone of voice wasn't right. I look up at her. "No, come here. It's okay." I smile at her and her face shows relief. We assume our original places.

"I want to tell you something. Just, let me think a second, okay?" She doesn't speak and the seconds pass by and by and my nerves suddenly go out of control. Maybe I shouldn't say this. It's not too late to make something up. She's going to be caught off guard and she's going to be scared away. She's going to think I'm too clingy or it's too early to be saying this. And if I say it, I have to make it perfect. I can't screw this up.

"Are you going to tell me?" She asks quietly. I assume I've been thinking for too long.

"Yeah," I knock myself out of it. "Ash, we've only been together-together for like a month, but it feels so much longer than that," I look up at her and she's smiling which makes me feel like she agrees. "You're the closest I've ever been to anybody and I feel myself growing closer to you everyday. I love being with you," I feel myself growing shy; I begin playing with her fingers, "I know I say the same things all the time, but it's true. I can do anything with you and as long as we're together, it's always the best time. Even before we got together, I felt similar to how I do now. I don't know how to say this and I don't want to scare you off or something. I just," I pause and finally look up to her, determined to do this right. "I love you, Ashley. I'm in love with you and I fall more in love with you every day." I give her a pathetic smile. _Please don't leave me._

When I said the words, her face contracted, but I can't tell what she's thinking. I look down and determine myself to not regret this. My face is quickly pulled up by her hands and met with a soft kiss. Not a "I want you" kiss, but with just pure love. It lasts only a few seconds, but I don't mind because the suspense is killing me.

"I am in love with you, Spencer; I have been for quite a while. Without you telling me this, I don't know when or if I would have ever gained the courage to tell you," I smile a relieved smile. My heart feels like it's going to flutter out of my chest. I could scream because of happiness. "Every minute I'm around you, I fall more in love with you and I can't help it. I have never felt this way about anybody. We're only seventeen, I know, but with you it's real. I love you, Spencer." _This isn't happening. This better not be a dream._ Her words are always a million times better put together than y jumbled words come out to be. I lean in and kiss her again. We lay there and she holds me close to her and I cling onto her. I can actually hear her heart beat; it's faster than usual.

"I almost stayed in Ohio to live with Deb. I am so glad I didn't."

"I am so glad you didn't. I'm so happy that I met you." I smile and rub her stomach in a small circle with my hand.

"I knew it from the time I first saw you." I say in an almost inaudible whisper.

"Really?"

"Mhm. Everything about you. I wanted to be your friend. I wanted to know you. But as time progressed, I knew it was more than just a friend thing."

"I'm glad I'm not the only one," she whispered and kisses the top of my head; she begins playing with my hair. I love when she does that. "I realized it when we first went to the beach. The second day of school. I knew you had a heart of gold. And I'm right," I look up at her, smiling, and see her giving a confident and boastful smile. "You changed me, Spence," she gets serious. "I wanted to become better and I wanted to impress you and I wanted to have you. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'm so thankful."

"Aw, Ash," I bring her head down closer to me so I can kiss her. It's amazing that I could have that impact on her. I'm so lucky. "Thank you. I'm so lucky and thankful to have you."

This is real.

I'm so happy with her.

I want to be able to show her off to the world, but at the same time, I want nobody to see her because they will see what I see: pure beauty, inside and out; they will want her, but she is mine. I want to give her the world and more. I'm going to do my best to give Ashley what she deserves most. She deserves so much. I hope I can give her that.


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

I'm ready for LA spring. It's nearly February and still very cold, especially mornings. What's worse is Ashley can't even warm me up without it looking like something's going on between us. She has been respecting my want that we act just as friends at school. I'm still trying to figure out how and when to tell my family that I'm gay and in a relationship with Ashley. I know she doesn't like to hide us and I want to keep her happy, but it's hard for me. I need to hurry up and ready myself before Ashley gets too sick of it.

I make my way to my locker and exchange books and wait for Ashley like I usually do. I put my Chem book inside and grab my Calculus book. I take a snack or two out of my lunch and put the rest in my locker. Just as I do so, I see something coming toward me from the corner of my eye and smile knowing who it is.

I pretend to be fumbling with something in my locker and act like I didn't see her coming. A voice speaks up.

"Hi," Unless Ashley got a voice transplant, that is not her. I turn to face who it is, and after doing so, I feel my face drop. "Can we talk?"

"What's there to talk about, Aiden?" I don't want to have this conversation. I don't want to know Aiden. I don't want Aiden to exist. I want to ship him to Jupiter.

"Since you and Ashley became friends, or whatever, you haven't given me a chance at all. You barely know me and you began judging me and not even trying to know the real me."

"Give it a break, Aiden. Tell someone who cares." I slam my locker and I'm about to walk away until he grabs my arm and pulls me back.

"No! Why do you only care what _she _has to say?" His voice raises and the way he said "she", as if she's a disgusting creature, makes me cringe and almost sock him.

"Because I trust her!" I yell back at him, "She's my best friend! And I know what you did! You really have some nerve, Aiden-"

"What's going on here?" A soft, raspy voice asks. It sounds like a statement more than a question.

Aiden just stares at us, glancing back and forth between us. For once he isn't the big man. He has nothing to say.

"Aiden was just leaving. Bye." I spat at him and turned opposite to Ashley. We stared at each other until she broke it to stare at him until I heard footsteps behind me fading.

"Well?" She asks me. She doesn't look completely angry. She looks like she's upset about this, but also as if she's used to it. I didn't mean to hurt her; he came up to me.

"You don't honestly think it was my choice to talk to him, do you?" I ask her monotonously. She avoids looking at me. "Ashley! Seriously? You know how much I-"

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I trust you. Just, be careful, okay?" She hugs me and lets go quickly because of the people around.

"It's okay. I think he should be the one who's being careful." I wink at her and walk off to English.

~.~.~.

"So," I begin and then take a bite of my salad. Ashley continues chewing hers and looks at me expectantly. "Back home, as well as cheerleading, I played softball. I have since I was like six or something. But I stopped when I moved. And softball tryouts are in a few weeks and I was considering it, but I don't know."

"Really?" She looks at me pessimistically. "I heard our team sucks," she rolls her eyes but quickly changes her attitude. "but, if you want to, you should, Spence. "

"What if I suck compared to them? Or what if I don't make it? Or..."

"I just told you our team sucks. And if you don't make it, you don't make it. It's not the end of the word." She shakes her head and smiles reassuringly to me.

I think I'll do it.

~.~.~.

"This is going to be a good game!" I turn, wide-eyed, and say excitedly to Ashley, who looks almost excited as me.

"We have to win this. If we don't, our rival school will have beat us in the championship basketball game three years in a row!"

"I have a pretty good feeling about this. As much as I don't like him, Glen's really good. Mom and Dad said colleges have been scouting him more here."

"That's awesome for him," she smiles toward the court. We are in the very top row, a couple rows away from my family. "Ugh, that's one thing I hate about this." She makes a disgusted face and I search to where her eyes are looking at.

"Ew. Hey, who is that clinging on to him for her life?"

"That's Madison," she coughs. "Pardon me, I just barfed a bit of my salad up."

"What's wrong with Madison?" I ask innocently.

She widens her eyes at me. "You don't know Madison Duarte?" I shake my head. "She is the school whore. Like, worse than I was. After me and Aiden, he went to her as his rebound and they're like hook-up buddies, which I suppose suits him well." She rolls her eyes and I understand what she means. Stupid Aiden.

"That's all, though? Just that she's a whore? I mean yeah that isn't very, well, good, but that's not a reason to hate her, you know?"

"I have my reasons. Avoid talking to her, okay, Spence? She's pretty lethal."

"Sure thing, Ash." I smile at her and try to keep another promise. I won't break it as long as I can help it. Madison better not interfere with that.

~.~.~.

Simultaneously, the entire crowd on King's side stands up with an uproar of cheer and applause! Me and Ashley are jumping up and down and clapping and cheering just like the rest of the people on our side. I spot my brother and I am so happy for him. I watch his teammates pick him up and his face is smiling and laughing and beaming. He scored the winning shot within the last 4 seconds of the game, making the score 85-84. It was so intense and suspenseful. But my brother won us the game! It's his first year here and he stopped King's rival school from scoring and from winning the championship game for the third year! I'm so immensely proud of him.

Parents and friends and friends of parents and everybody else begin filing onto the court or out of the gym. I meet up with my family who are headed to Glen, who has just been put down. He is receiving numerous pats on the back. We finally reach him and despite his stink and sweat, we all hug him.

"We are going to Fudd's!" My mom announces ecstatically.

Fudd's is the main place for sports people. It's a restaurant with pizza and stuff and it also has a bar and arcade games. We had something like that in Ohio. It's called "Rocko's". Mom would treat my softball teams to pizza and such after wins like Glen's game. I catch myself feeling nostalgic for a second until I look down at my hands which are clutched to Ashley's. I look toward her and she is looking out her window. I smile at her and rub her hands. She's smiles back to me and mouths "I love you" and I mouth "I love you, too" back. Because I do.

Everyone's mood is so light and happy and giddy and I am glad for this. Mom is driving, Dad is in the passenger's seat. Behind them is Glen, Kyla, and Clay. Kyla and Glen have been talking lately. Ashley is suspicious that something is up between them, but I doubt it. I don't have a problem with it, but I just doubt it. Beside me (I'm in the middle), is Ashley to my left and Chelsea to my right. Chelsea and Glen began dating around the time me and Ashley got together. Sort of weird but cool! All of the windows are down, along with the sunroof, because of Glen's stink. And despite that, it still reeks in here! I'm trying to block out Glen's stink and allow Ashley's scent only.

We get to Fudd's a bit before 10 ten-thirty. Glen's whole team happens to be here and they're all having a good time and I'm happy for that. Chelsea and Clay are happy, Mom and Dad are happy, and I'm happy here with Ashley. I imagine myself here with my future softball team. I picture myself striking out the last batter of the championship game and my team carrying me and congratulating me. I imagine my Mom announcing that pizza is on her at Fudd's. That must be awesome. I'm gonna make that my goal.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Ashley snaps me out of my daydream. She's sitting across from me and I look up to her.

"Nothin'. I'm just happy. How about you?" I tilt my head at her and smile. I feel her hands under the table and grab them before taking a sip of my Root Beer.

"I'm happy, too. Really happy."

"Good."

~.~.~.

It's nearly twelve-thirty at night and Mom and Dad have been drinking, so Clay is driving. Ashley fell asleep on my shoulder within the first five minutes of driving. I'm apologetic that I have to wake her up in a few minutes when we get home, but I'd rather sleep and kiss and cuddle with her in my room than here in this squished car with her sister next to me.

We say goodnight to everybody. Chelsea is sleeping over- Mom offered that to her because it's so late. The same to Kyla, too. Before she could offer my room to be of use for sleep, I take Ashley and quickly got up there and locked the door. We have locks on our doors, but Mom hates when we use them. She mostly always knocks. We all knock rather than walking in which is good considering me and Ashley... and whoever else has a lover in their room. Ashley is so sleepy but refuses to fall asleep. I excuse myself to change and wash up.

I'm pretty positive she is asleep by now. I'm washing my face with my eyes closed and I feel someone grip me around my waist and that makes me jump. I throw my eyes open, causing some soap to flow into them and see Ashley's sleepy, smiling face in my mirror. Her cheek is against my back and her eyes are closed. She looks so innocent. She allows me to wash the cleanser off my face and without drying my face off, I pin her against the bathroom door in my room and kiss all over her face. I know she has been waiting for this and I can't say I haven't. Despite the water getting all over her, she doesn't mind stop me. She tries to kiss me back harder, but she's too sleepy and I think I'm actually dominating for once. She puts her hands on my butt, pulls me into her, and squeezes all within a couple of seconds which causes me to jump slightly and giggle. She giggles back through the kiss.

"Spencer!" I hear an angry voice outside my bedroom door. I quickly move Ashley away from the bathroom door and make my way to my bedroom door.

"Hi, Mom. Sorry, I must have locked that by accident," Hopefully she buys that. The locks on our doors are the ones you just push in and when you open the door, they automatically unlock. "Anything you need? We were just headed to bed."

"Yeah, uh, where's Ashley?" I realize she hadn't followed me out.

"Oh, uh, brushing her teeth." I lie.

"Alright. Well, goodnight, Honey." She hugs me and kisses me on the cheek before leaving. I wait until she's out of the hallway before closing my door softly. I walk back to the bathroom. Ashley is sitting on the toilet (seat up, don't worry), asleep! I laugh a little too loud, but this doesn't even wake up sleeping beauty. I walk over to her and take her hands in each of mine and put my face close to hers.

"Excuse me," She stirs a bit and blinks her eyes open as if the light of the bathroom light is too bright. "I mean you can sleep here if you want, I just figured-"

"Shut up." She cuts me off and retreats to my bed.

~.~.~.

"Hey, Spence," Ashley whispers in the dark.

"What?"

"We're spooning." She lets out a cackle.

"Ew, stop!" Ashley knows I despise that word. I turn around to face her. "You know I hate that word!"

"Okay, what would you rather me say?"

"Cuddling!" We say at the same time. Ashley prefers 'spooning', but that sounds so icky.

"Are we five years old?" She teases.

"Fine." I scoot away from her and look at her with a smug look on my face.

"What are you doing?"

"No 'spooning'," I mock, "or cuddling, for you." I give her a torturous smile. In return, she gives me her best pouty lips and puppy dog eyes. The things this girl does to me. I smile and crack and return to my original position. She places her left arm around me to my stomach.

I wait until I know she is asleep. I don't know why I wait so long. But I do. To Ashley, I whisper, "I love you, Ashley Davies." I scoot into her more and intertwine her fingers in mine. I can hear her light, sleep-breathing in my ear. It's the perfect lullaby.

~.~.~.

"So, there's this girl I know." I tell Ashley, taking another sip of my coffee.

"Really? A girl? That you know?" She looks up from the fire in front of us and asks me in a shocked tone.

"Yeah, you might know her. I don't know, though," I smile and take another sip as she does the same. "She's beautiful, really. Her hair has these soft curls," I begin in a dreamy voice, "but sometimes these curls are non-existent with the work of a straightener. Then in the sun, you can see the softness of her hair so clearly. And her eyes are something. They're extravagant; sometimes they are the color of a Hershey's bar, and other times it's like caramel was poured straight into her irises. Throughout her eyes there are streaks of green and brown. It's something. Her voice is so unique. I could listen to it forever, honestly. It's so beautiful, just like her. When she first wakes up, it's so raspy, but it's so hot. This rasp never fully goes away, but I love it. Nearly everything she does or says can either make me smile, laugh, or blush. She can be quite the tease, but that only makes me want her more. This girl that I'm talking about, though, has my heart. And I proudly have hers, too. At least that's what I think. You sure you don't know her?" I ask her eagerly and seriously. She is full on blushing and smiling so hard and looking down at her coffee most of the time. I'm glad I could make her happy. "Anyway, this girl. Another symbolic thing about her is her birthday! You'll never guess when it is!" She looks up at me with her eyes wide and her mouth slightly agape, as if she needs to know the answer. "It's on Valentines Day!" Her mouth goes wider. "I know! That's in only thirteen days. And this girl," I get serious again. "She means so much to me. So much that it makes my heart hurt because of how much I love her. And I want to do something special for her birthday. I want to give her or take her or do something special for her. I have some ideas, but I don't know if she'd like them. And I'm quite stumped. And I wanted to know if you had any suggestions?"

She acts as if she is seriously thinking about this.

"Well this girl does seem like she's quite something to you. Wow, she is so lucky. All that stuff you said about her makes it seem as if you're making her look better than she actually is. But, I have to trust you. She must be something if _you_ talk about her like this. I just hope she knows how special and lucky she is. A birthday on Valentines Day, wow, strange. I have the same birthday. And, look at this!" She points to a curl on the side of her face. "A curl! And look!" She pulls it down so it's straightened. "It can go straight, too! As for eyes, I haven't looked at mine lately. I think they're brown, but I don't know. That's something me and this girl don't have in common. My eyes are just poop brown. As for my voice, it's just a voice. I notice nothing special. Your girl won on that. I, myself, can be a tease, but it's only good-intentioned." She winks. "I sometimes have a way of making a certain girl smile and blush, myself. Maybe you know her?"

"No, no, no! You are not flipping this around on me!" I stop her and she bursts out laughing. She's so beautiful.

"I love you?" She scrunches up her nose.

"Are you questioning your love for me?" I tease back.

"I, Ashley Davies, am in love with you and your beautiful soul, Spencer Carlin." She serenades and I laugh.

"I guess you're okay." I reply blandly and she gives a sad face. "Aw!" I move from the chair in our coffee shop to the couch in front of the fire where she sits and I hug her tightly. "I love you," She smiles proudly. "But I still have to think of something for you." I spit out quickly.

"Spence, I have you. There's nothing more I need than that."

"How do you expect me to argue with that?" I'm stumped.

"I don't." She smiles smugly at me.

Fine. I guess I'll have come up with this one on my own.


	21. Chapter 20

** Chapter 20**

** Ashley's POV**

"So," I cross my arms on the table outside of Chem and say to Spencer as she finishes the last bite of her sandwich, "I've been thinking about this birthday thing. The gift," She smiles at me, clearly happy that I'm going to give her an answer. "It's not costly. It's actually free."

"So are you going to tell me or should I guess?"

"Tell you, obviously. You'll take too long," I tease her and she shoves me, laughing. "I want you to make us not a secret anymore." I flash her an innocent smile as her smile fades at my words; she nearly chokes on her water.

"You- ah, what?" She stutters.

"I don't want us to be a secret anymore. I want to be able to parade you around whenever I want. I mean, I sort of understand about school. Kids our age can be terrible. But around your family and stuff- that's different. I want them to know."

"Ashley-"

"Yeah, Spence?" I smile up at her, knowing this is going to be a problem of a request but acting simply.

"You know I love you. I just, I don't know, Ashley. I want to. I'm just scared."

"Scared of what, Spence? Your family getting angry at you for who you really are? Or losing me? Because I know for damn sure it isn't the latter." I stand up as the bell rings to get to Chemistry.

**Spencer's POV**

The thought of telling my family about me and Ashley has been eating me up since Monday when Ashley proposed her request to me. It is a reasonable birthday request yet seems terribly frightening. I don't want to anger my parents or have my brothers judging me. Mom loves Ashley and I want her to continue loving Ashley. If Mom finds out, she's not going to be happy and she's not going to let me spend half as much time as I do now with Ash. Dad's a softy; if I give him time, I'm sure he'll adjust. I'm still his "little princess". I just don't know when the appropriate time will be for this.

I returned from Ashley's house this morning after church and have been laying here on my bed ever since. From there, Ashley went back home and Mom and Dad went to work. I don't know where Glen is. Clay is around here somewhere.

Eventually I stand up, thinking that the idea in my head is the best I can do right now. I drag myself to Clay's door, hesitant to knock. Right as I lift my hand up to knock, his door opens and I'm standing face to face with a surprised Clay.

"Hey, Spence. What's up? You okay?" He must notice my expression. I feel faint.

"Um, yeah. I'm good. What are you up to?"

"I was just studying for this Anatomy test I have tomorrow. I'm about to go meet Chelsea for lunch; do you want to come?"

"Uh, no, that's okay. Thanks, though." I try to smile up to him.

"Spencer, what's wrong?"

"Um, it's nothing. Uh, do you maybe have time to talk about something for a minute? Or do you need to go now?"

"Come here." He pulls me into his room and we sit on his bed. I face him, cross-legged, trying to figure out how to begin here.

"So..." He looks up to me and just smiles. "You know how close Ashley and I have been since we moved here.

"Yeah! You've been ten times happier."

"I'm glad you've noticed," I happily smile at him. At least he notices that I'm happy. I keep a mental note to remind my mother of this when she blows up at me. "But Ashley, Ashley is... gay."

"She is?" He looks shocked. "That's, cool, I guess." He says coolly.

"You don't mind that?"

"Nah, do you?"

"Not at all. But this isn't about Ashley. It's about...me." My heart beats faster in my chest and my throat is trying not to get caught in itself. "Um, well, like Ashley... I, I'm, g-I'm gay. And Ashley is... my girlfriend." That's all I could say before my throat closes up. I can't make myself look at Clay. I can imagine how angry he is going to be and-

"Really?" I finally look up and he's actually smiling!

"Really." I manage a half-smile.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" He asks, smiling.

"You don't care? You aren't angry?" I'm so shocked.

"Why would I be angry, Spence? You're my sister! Whoever you are and whoever you are with, you're still my sister and I'll still love you and accept you.

I smile and feel tears tickling my cheeks, but I am not sad. "Thank you so much, Clay. This means a lot to me. I was just so scared and I wanted to tell someone- I want you all to know- but I hoped you wouldn't get upset over this. Just, thank you so much." I hug him and he rubs my back.

"Any time, Spence."

He lets go and I say, "I want to tell Glen, too, you know, to not exclude him. But he can be pretty harsh and I knew you'd be the easiest to tackle," I laugh and he does, too. "And I'd rather tell him before Mom and Dad and I want you to be there, too. For back up? Just in case?" I question carefully.

"I'll be there, Spence. Just tell me when," He smiles reassuringly before continuing, "But I hate to cut this short, but Chelsea's waiting. So if you don't mind-" He stands up from his bed.

"I don't mind!" I bounce out of his room and watch him walk down the hallway. He waves before heading down the stairs.

One brother down, one to go.

One person down, three to go.

After making lunch and watching at least three _Criminal Minds_ episodes, Glen comes bursting through the door and for some unknown reason, I am happy to see him. He walks in to the living room where I am.

"Hi." I smile at him and pat the seat next to me.

"Uh, hey?" He sits anyway.

"Where were you at?" I asked casually.

"I was at a certain restaurant with a certain lady friend." He faces the TV and raises an eyebrow.

"Was it-?" He continues smirking toward the TV. "Kyla!" He just nods. "Is there something going on between you two? What is it? Tell me!"

"What makes you think that?" He turns his head toward me and asks.

"Well Ashley had some suspicions. But I doubted it. But I don't anymore!"

"We aren't even together, chill out. Just, dating. Slightly."

"Aw! Glen!" I smile in awe.

"Shut it. Where is everybody?" He changes the subject.

"Clay went to get lunch with Chelsea and Mom and Dad are at work. So this is my fun afternoon."

"Why aren't you with Ashley?" This is a good question.

"I dunno. Hey," I look at my phone's clock's time. "Are you busy around five today?"

"Maybe, maybe not. Why?"

"I wanna talk to you about something."

"About?" He urges.

"You'll see. Are you busy?"

"No."

"You are now. My room, five PM. Don't be late." I walk away in the direction of my shower and giggle at my attempt at being serious.

A text goes out from me:

**My room. 5 PM. Don't B late. I need you! Time 4 Glen. -S**

Within a minute I get a reply.

**I'll be there! -C**

Before I know it, I'm showered and ready and the time until five drags on. Finally, two figures appear in my doorway and I beckon them inside.

"Hi," I say as They walk in. Glen sits on my chair in front of my desk and Clay sits on the end of my bed. I am facing both of them. "I have to tell you something. Don't freak out, please," I beg him, looking at Glen rather than Clay. "Take a second to think about what I say before you say anything, okay?" I know that Glen is much more mouthier and brave than Clay. I know he's going to explode.

"Spit out out already, Spencer." He demands, running out of patience.

"Okay," I take a deep breath, "Glen," and, "I, um, Ashley..." _Come on, Stutters._ "Ashley is my girlfriend and I'm gay."

"You're WHAT? She's YOUR WHAT?" I don't even have enough time to think before Glen has knocked my chair down and gets in my face.

Clay stands up and pushes him away from me, saying firmly, "Glen, you need to calm down! Just listen to her; stop it!" Clay yells over Glen's yelling.

"Glen! Shut up! Just listen to me! I didn't tell you this so you could yell at me!" I shout over him.

"You knew about this?!" Glen yells, disgusted, to Clay and shoves Clay off of him.

"Yeah, I did! And I didn't act a bit like you are right now!" Clay spats back.

"You're not gay, Spencer, and Ashley isn't your girlfriend!"

"Who the hell are you to tell me who _I_ am and who is or isn't _my_ girlfriend? What the hell, Glen?" Glen keeps pacing back and forth around my room, muttering to himself how it isn't true and he can't believe this. I don't understand why it's so hard for him to accept this! If he is going this insane, Mom is going to be ten times worse. My stomach hurts. "Glen, you can't tell Mom and Dad."

"Are you kidding me, Spencer? Are you kidding?" He literally looks like I'm joking around or I'm talking about something that's out of this world.

"I'm serious, Glen! I will! Just not yet, okay? I can't even handle you right now!"

"This is wrong. You're wrong. It isn't right. It isn't right, Spencer! You can't be!" His anger is building.

"I AM, Glen, and you need to accept that because I love her and I don't plan on losing her anytime soon!"

"LOVE?!"

"What's going on here?" Mom walks into my room, wide-eyed at the amount of yelling.

I instantly look to Clay, worry over my face. Though I'm angry, I beg him with my eyes to not say anything. He is glaring back at me and I know with the information he just learned, he will just spit it out. He doesn't care about how I feel. If I'm in trouble and he's the source, he'll do it. He doesn't care. I prepare myself for the worst before I look to Clay for help, but he's already speaking.

"We just watched a really intense _Criminal Minds_ episode. Like, it was insane. We're just arguing over that," he laughs. "Dumb, I know." I'm so thankful for Clay. He really covered up for me. Mom just needs to buy that-

"Well, wow. With all the yelling, you'd think someone was being murdered!" Mom laughs and we all nervously (maybe just me, nervous) laugh along with her. "Dinner will be ready in an hour or so." With that, she exits my room and I hear her feet go down the hallway and down the stairs until the sound fades completely. I stand here, arms crossed, facing Glen and Clay. Clay is standing in the middle of us, eying us both carefully. Glen just keeps glaring at me and shaking his head disgustedly.

"Glen-" I begin.

"No, Spencer." And he just leaves. Out of sight, but still in mind. I catch myself staring at my door where he just exited, with my jaw nearly on the floor, when Clay speaks from behind me.

"Hey," I turn around and cross my arms again. I stare down; I don't want him to see me cry. I feel horrible. I feel horrible about myself and I shouldn't. "It's okay, Spencer. He will come around," He pauses before slowly continuing. "It's going to be hard, you know. But sometimes things get hard. But people are going to have your back. I'm one of them, okay? And you have Ashley. Ashley's going to be proud of you. You shouldn't rush Mom and Dad. Give Glen some time, and when you feel ready enough, I'll be there for you after you tell them." With every word he says, I'm struggling with keeping my sobs quiet; I can barely breathe.

He walks over to me and hugs me and I just cry into him.

"I'm so scared. They're not going to love me. They're going to hate me. They're going to kick me out and I'll have nowhere to go." I sob into his chest, though he doesn't seem to mind.

"Spence, they will never stop loving you. Ever. I'll try my best if anything goes wrong. And you know how welcoming Ashley is. She will support you throughout this, too." Ashley. That's why I'm doing this. Suddenly, things seem lighter. I'm doing this for her. She'll appreciate that... won't she?


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

**Ashley's POV**

"Hey, Spence," I bravely begin, "are you okay? You haven't really...been yourself...these past few days." I finish lamely.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" She replies back, trying to be enthusiastic but not looking up.

I'm not dumb. I know something is up and I want to help her. She'll tell me eventually.

"If you say so," I sway. "I want to go to the beach for a bit after school. Want to?"

"Sure, Ashley." She answers shortly and continues scribbling notes away from her English book. I leave her to it.

~.~.~.

Today is rather dark and cold. At the beach, it's about ten degrees colder and much more windy. I'm so glad I forgot to take this blanket out of my car a few weeks ago. Spencer and I exit my car and I grab the blanket from the trunk. I watch Spencer's hair fly in different directions and smile at her; she is looking in another direction. She's wearing pants and a short sleeve shirt and I see goosebumps on her, so I unfold the gigantic blanket and wrap it around her. She gives me a warm smile, one I haven't seen in a while.

I turn around and place our shoes in the trunk of my car and close it. When I turn back around, Spencer is wearing that warm smile and is extending her arm out, holding the blanket in her hand, welcoming me into it. I lock the car and enter the blanket with her which I'm glad for because it's cold and I haven't been very physically close to Spencer lately. We begin mindlessly walking down the beach together, one of our hands holding the blanket over us and one of our hands in each others.

We walk silently for a while in the direction of our spot.

"So. How are you, Spencer? I know we talk all the time, but I never really ask you this. How are you?" I ask her sincerely.

"I'm good. I'm good." She repeats without looking at me. I let that answer swim in the air a bit.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." When she answers me, she turns her head toward the ocean, still avoiding eye contact with me. I wonder what's wrong. I could help if she would tell me. It kind of hurts that she won't.

"Spence." I stop walking. She stops, too, and looks at me in a guilty fashion which worries me. I plead to her with my eyes. She just walks to me and grabs my hand before we continue walking again. I'm too in love to object.

Soon we reach our spot on the beach and she sits down, so I do, too. I lean against a large rock and she leans against me, covering us with the blanket. I absentmindedly comb through her hair with my fingers.

I finally decide to speak and when I open my mouth, I'm cut off by a quiet voice just below me.

"I told Clay and Glen." Her voice sounds hurt and I'm pretty positive I know what she's talking about, but I ask anyway.

"Told Clay and Glen what?"

"That I'm gay and we're together." She says in the same quiet, hurt tone. The way she said it made it seem like she's ashamed. I hope that isn't it. I shouldn't have pressured her into this. She should feel ready before she tells them. I feel horrible!

"Did something happen?" I reply in her quiet fashion.

"Yeah," I wait to see if she says anything more. Several minutes later, she continues, "Clay was cool. Clay was great," her voice sounds a tiny bit happy for a second, "But Glen was not," Her tone spirals and I let her ease into it, careful not to pressure her again. "He blew up on me. I didn't expect him to get as angry as he did. Now he has this hanging over my head. I'm practically his until I decide to tell my parents," She lets out a large breath. "If Glen went that insane, I know my mom's going to be so much worse." She bows her head lower than it originally was. She places her arms over her knees which covers her face. I sit there, speechless, trying to figure out how to respond, when I feel her body begin to shake. I look down at her arms and they don't have goosebumps on them. She's crying.

"Spencer," I try pulling her up, but she pulls away from my body and sits firmly, facing opposite me. "Please stop." I ask of her. She begins shaking harder and I can tell she's trying to stifle her sobs. I want to hug her and I want to tell her it will be okay, but she won't let me. And my words won't come out of my mouth.

"I'm sorry, Spencer." In a few minutes, that's the best my vocal cords can do. It's as if she didn't hear me say anything. "Spencer?" I wait for a response. When it doesn't come, I continue speaking, trying not to get my throat caught. "Spencer, I'm really sorry. I should have never asked you to do that. You should've done it when you're ready and I'm so sorry I pressured you. If you feel it unnecessary, I don't want you to tell your parents. I want you to do it when you're one thousand percent ready. I'm sorry, Spencer," I pause. "Can I hug you now?"

She turns around quickly and throws her arms around me. I only see her mascara-smeared face for a second until she continues sobbing into my shirt. I don't mind that. I don't know what to say, so I just rub her back and move her hair away from tear-filled face.

"I'm sorry." Her muffled, sobbing voice says.

"No, you have no reason to be. I'm sorry, Spencer. It hurts me to see how bad this is hurting you. Do you need me to do anything? I want to help you. I'm so sorry I asked that of you."

"No, I wanted to tell them. I was just scared to. And I still am. Now my brother is going to make me do everything for him if I don't want him to tell. I want to tell them on my own and this just sucks. It's not even a big deal. He acted like I murdered someone. I didn't. I only love you, and you just happen to be a girl, and I don't see why it's such a big deal to people. It's not fair." It takes her many breaths throughout sobs to say this, as well as time, with her voice remaining muffled and my shirt becoming mascara-friendly.

"I know, Spencer. It is not fair. If I could change peoples views, I so would. We are who we are, Spence. It will never go away- the hate- but it will get better. It's okay, Spence," I continue patting her back. "Lets think about this," I begin. "Clay has no problem with either of us. That's a good start. As for Glen: he's angry now, but he will ease up," I make a note in my head to talk to Glen, but not in a friendly manner. "I know from experience. Your parents are very nice. And they love me, but who wouldn't?" Her crying eases as I talk, and I may have felt a slight laugh. "But they also love you. So much. They might and they probably will be angry with you and me, but they'll most likely be angrier with me. It's an instinct. Time is the key, though, Spence. When you're left alone with your mind, you can think endless amounts of things and different scenarios and that's what they're going to do, I bet. But most importantly, they love you. They care for you, Spencer. And sometimes being protective can come off in anger, but they're only trying to do what they think is best for you. But they'll all see in the end. It will be okay for both of us. Maybe not right away, but eventually. I promise." My words seem to soothe her because by the end of my attempt at calming her down, she has stopped crying.

I can see the side of her face, her head cradled in my arm.

"I need you." I watch her say.

"I need you, too, Spencer."

"Please don't leave me.

"I will never leave you, Spencer."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

**A/N: Shorter chapter, sorry about that :)**


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

** Ashley's POV**

I get out of my car and step into the brisk, early morning air. My bag is on my right shoulder and my left hand holds my coffee. Instead of my usual tired, dull, morning-self, I'm angry and wide awake. I have a perfectly good reason to be angry right now.

Instead of making my normal way to Spencer's locker, I head to the quad where I know he will be. I look throughout the crowds at the many students and spot just who I am looking for. I knew I'd be right.

I walk over to him and tap him urgently on the shoulder. He turns around and his laughing face that he had on with his friends disappears when he sees who I am. I stand and glare at him before he speaks.

"What do you want?" He snaps at me. I pull him away from his friends so they won't hear.

"What is your problem?"

"MY problem? You think I have a problem?"

"No, I don't think you have a problem; I know you have a problem." A true fact by me.

"I'm not the one with the problem here."

"And who is?"

"You. And my sister." His eyes are like daggers into mine.

"Your sister nor I have any problems. We're quite happy, thanks. You need to not be an ass." I smile at him, though not in a happy manner.

"You're sick. Both of you. Spencer isn't what you think she is."

"What? Gay? Is that what you mean?" I ask, fully aware that this is what he means. He avoids my eye contact as I step closer to him.

"Yeah!" He finally looks at me. "Spencer isn't that. It's wrong."

"No, it isn't, Glen! Maybe we have different beliefs, but it isn't wrong! Spencer is a good person. And I'm not too bad either, considering you had no problem with me before Spencer told you what she told you. Speaking of which, why the hell are you so unsupportive of her? She told you something pretty big and obviously meaningful to her, and you flip a bitch on her? What's wrong with you?" I get angrier with each word I speak.

"Spencer is not gay, Ashley. You confused her. And you need to stay away from her."

"Are you honestly that selfish? What are you afraid of, Glen? She's happier. I'm happier. Are you afraid of your reputation- what others will think?"

"Whatever, Ashley." He turns to walk away, but I grab his arm and pull him back.

"No, not 'whatever', Glen! Spencer can be whoever she wants to be. She is independent. You're her brother. You should not be afraid; she is the only one who is allowed to be scared right now. You should be supporting her. You have put so much stress on her! She's upset and you don't even care!" I throw my arms up and he keeps shaking his head, frustratedly. "Why can't you be more like Clay in this?" I nearly shout.

"Spencer is lost. I will make sure she gets found. Stay away."

"She isn't 'lost', Glen! She is perfectly happy! Well, she was happy until you hurt her. She isn't a bad person. You weren't angry at her before this, so there is no reason to be angry now," He looks around impatiently, so I keep talking. "Just be understanding. If you can, try to talk to her- nicely! I love her and it hurts me that she's hurting like this-"

"You don't _l_ove her, Ashley! You're sixteen! You don't even know what love is! I don't even know what love is!" He shouts.

"Once you meet somebody who means something to you like Spencer does to me, you'll know."

"You're disgusting, just stop it!"

"It's not disgusting! You're so fucking immature! You're an ass, Glen! You're so selfish-!"

A cold touch on my right arm stops my yelling.

"What's, um, going on?" Spencer hesitates and looks back and forth at us. I look at Glen who has already looked in the other direction.

"Um, nothing, Spence," I look around. "Wanna go?" I look to her and as I do, Glen glares at me.

"Yeah, let's-"

"You're not going anywhere with her," Glen says to Spencer, ignoring me. "Come on, Spencer." He has grabbed Spencer's arm and is beginning to escort her in the other direction.

"What the hell, Glen? Let go of me!" She breaks free of her brother's grip and walks over to me and grabs my arm. I stare at Glen: I can feel my eyebrows crinkling and my mouth is agape at him.

He glares at us menacingly and says, "You're going to be so sorry, Spencer." And walks away. We watch him disappear before Spencer turns to me.

"What did you say to him?" She asks me accusingly.

"What? Nothing! I just told him he needs to be supportive of you! He's being such a jerk to you, Spencer. I kind of feel like this is partially my fault, but come on. He is being so immature about this and... are you mad? Please don't be mad." I beg.

"I'm not mad. Thank you for trying and for caring. Just tell me before you do that. I don't want him getting angrier." She looks away.

"I'm sorry. It's just frustrating, you know? I only want you to be happy." With this, she looks back at me and smiles.

"I am."

~.~.~.

Tonight was a good Friday night despite the blowout with Glen yesterday morning. I got home from Spencer's around nine-thirty-ish. Within the half hour I've been home, I've showered and changed into warm pajamas and made decaf coffee. I can't help comparing it to the coffee Spencer and I drink at our coffee shop. Nothing can compare to that.

I sit down in my bed, turn to a random movie channel, and pick up my mug. Right as I do so, Spencer's ring tone fills my ear.

"Hey, haven't heard from you in a while." I sarcastically say.

"I know, it's crazy! I haven't seen you in so long! I miss you!" She plays along and I laugh.

"I miss you too! What's up?"

"Just hangin' here," She says in a dream-like state. "I should have slept over or something, I wanna be with you when your birthday comes." I can practically see her pouting face.

"'Kay, come over."

"'Kay." And the line cuts out.

Spencer is unpredictable. She may or may not actually be coming over, though I hope she is.

My hope comes true because just seconds after she hangs up, the door to my room opens and there stands Spencer in the doorway. I feel my face light up just like I see hers is. She is smiling widely at me. I put my mug down as she drops her bag off of her shoulder.

"Maybe I should move the spare key to a different spot..." I tease.

I look back in time to see her jumping onto the end of my bed; I laugh at the surprise and she crawls over and gets under the blankets with me and leans her head on my shoulder. She grabs the remote from my opposite side and I'm positive I know what she's going to do. And she does. She turns it to _Criminal Minds._

"I knew you were going to do that." I look at her- she's looking at the TV- and I laugh.

We spend these remaining hours of Friday watching _Criminal Minds _and I must admit: Spencer has me hooked. She barely lets me talk during it, but that's okay. I just like being with her.

Each time I noticed, we would be sitting up less and laying down more. By now we are completely laying down, my head on a pillow with Spencer laying sideways, facing the TV, her head on my stomach.

She looks at at her phone and mumbles, "Ten minutes,"

More time passes. She moves her head from my stomach to a pillow next to me, facing each other. Again, she opens her eyes, glances at her phone, and sleepily says, "Five minutes,"

And again, more time passes, and she's nearly asleep. I can tell it's a struggle for her to keep her eyes open. She spends another minute or so staring at her phone; She then throws it over her shoulder and looks up at me. My eyes meet her sleepy ones.

"Happy Birthday, Ashley Morgan Davies."

I smile back at her and pull her into me.

"Thank you, Spencer Elizabeth Carlin. I love you so much."

"I love you most."

"Doubtful." I kiss her head since her lips are unreachable.

Within minutes, my Spencer is fast asleep in my arms.

~.~.~.

**Spencer's POV**

It took me so long to free myself from Ashley's grip this morning. Half of me didn't want to go and the other half was trying to avoid waking her up. I took double the time to pack up my stuff because of how quiet I need to be to make sure she doesn't wake up. I just finished scribbling her a note so I put it on her songbook which is on her desk. I place the donuts and coffee from our coffee shop right next to the note. It's the best I could do: I have a busy day ahead of me and as much as I want to make her breakfast in bed and spend time with her, I can't because of everything I have to do. I quietly pick up my bag and toss it over my shoulder and begin tip-toeing to her closed door. This is my next challenge: I must either open it very slowly and try to avoid a creak or open it very quickly to avoid a creak. I decide to use the "rip the band-aid off" method and open it quickly. Fortunately, it does not creak and I take a step out the door-

"Hey?"

I peek my head back through the door and Ashley's forehead is crinkled; her face looks sad.

"Hi," I look at her and she continues to stare at me. "Good morning."

"Where are you going," She asks, concerned, before looking at the clock beside her. "And especially so early?"

"I have some things I need to get done," Her face contorts, so I add, "For you!" I add. She smiles but pats the spot next to her. I let my bag fall off of my shoulder in her doorway and I walk back and sit next to her. She puts her head on my lap. "I have to go, babe. I will call you as soon as I'm ready, okay?"

"Ready for what?" She looks up at me from my lap. "I'm the one who needs to make sure _you're _ready! Today is for you."

"Excuse you, but today is your birthday, not mine!" I argue.

"Yeah, but today is also Valentines Day. And I say you're busy."

"So are you," I lean down and kiss her soft, innocent, morning-lips. When I come up, her lips try to follow mine but soon let go. I try to stand up but am met with a pout. "Stop it! I have to go." I whine to her.

"Fine." She says as she lays back down.

I walk over to her door again, fully aware she's checking me out, and place my bag over my shoulder again.

"I love you." She tells me sweetly. I turn around.

"I love you most." I smile.

"No, you don't." She smiles back, looking confident.

"Shut up; we'll argue on this later." I exit her room, anxious and worried for the day.


	24. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

"Oh, hey, Kyla!" I expected Ashley to answer the door, but that's okay.

"Hey, Spencer! What's up?"

"Not much; I was wondering if Ash was here?"

"She is not; she actually left a few hours ago. I'm not sure where she went. Probably doing seventeen-year-old things." She laughs and I do, too.

"That's okay. Maybe she's at Gray or something. I have a few last minute things to do. I'll find her, thanks though!" I smile at her and make my way back to the car.

"No problem, Spence." I hear the door close behind me.

I enter the car again and begin driving to Gray. I wonder why she isn't home; it's an odd time to be out: it's a bit past two. Well, I guess I will just see her later then.

I arrive at Gray but notice that it's really packed. I find this strange; it's never this full on a Saturday afternoon. I have to park across the street, but I don't mind. I actually have a few minutes to spare.

I enter the place and notice nearly every table is occupied as well as the bar. There are many people on the dance floor; the music isn't rough, but it's not soft either. I spot Kat, who I was looking for, and walk to her at the bar.

"Hey, Kat!" I smile at her.

"Oh, hey, Spencer! Any last minute things?" She asks.

"I just wanted to confirm a few things: the band will be here at four thirty, yes?"

"They will."

"Okay. I let her know ahead of time when to be here, so I'll probably stay here and wait. I think I'm going to just serve her one of her favorites. Make sure she only has one; since I'm sending her somewhere, I don't want her to be unsafe to drive. If you have to, give her a coffee after it. I want her to be able to just hang out and enjoy the band. I know how much her dad's music means to her. I hope she likes it."

"Don't worry, Hun; she will love it and your efforts. What time did you tell her to come here?" I raise my hand at her and wiggle my fingers. She looks down at her watch and nods.

"This gives you about two and half hours to wait. You sure you don't want to come back?"

"Nah, I'll hang out here. Hey, it's really crowded today. Why?" I ask, puzzled.

"You haven't heard?" I shake my head. "Tegan and Sara are playing here!"

My jaw drops.

"What? I love them! This is crazy! How? When?"

She looks at her watch again and says, "Three. They should be setting up now."

I can't see over the numerous heads on the dance floor, so I just trust her on that.

"This is so awesome! I'm so stoked!"

"For?" A voice says next to me.

"Hey! Carmen, right?" I ask her.

"Yeah," She smiles at me. "And you?"

"Spencer."

"I like that. It fits you," She tilts her head and I smile back at her. "So, what are you so stoked for?"

"Tegan and Sara playing here!" I yell, though you can barely tell due to the noise in here.

"Aren't they the greatest? I love them!" She yells back.

Soon enough, three comes as do Tegan and Sara. The crowd goes wild and so do Carmen and I. The first song they begin playing is "Closer". Carmen and I, as well as the crowd on the dance floor and some table-sitters, sing along. I can't stop smiling.

After a few songs, they start singing "Walking With A Ghost" and this excites me because it's my favorite by them. I tell Carmen this.

"No way! It's my favorite by them, too! Wanna go on the dance floor?"

"But don't you-?" I point to her name tag.

"Oh, nope, I'm off now. So wanna?"

"Sure!"

We walk to the dance floor. We are in the back, but we can see them pretty well. We begin swaying and singing along again.

Throughout the song, Carmen moves closer to me. I see nothing of it; the crowd is just getting larger, so she must have to keep moving over. Halfway through it, she moves behind me. I turn around to see where she is going, but I feel something around my lower stomach and I look down. I see her hands wrapped around my stomach, her fingers intertwined with each other. She places her chin on my right shoulder. My breath increases rapidly. This doesn't feel right.

"Um, what, what are you doing?"

"Listening to Tegan and Sara live, with a beautiful girl in front of me. How about you?"

Oh, God. Is she gay?

"Um, yeah, I'm listening to Tegan and Sara, too. Are you-?"

"Gay? Hell yeah. And I know you are, too." The smugness in her voice makes me want to spit.

"Yeah, I am. I also have a girlfriend." I shoot back and turn my head so I can see her face that still rests on my shoulder. I wish she'd move it.

"So do I. It doesn't mean that we can't-"

And she kisses me. Carmen is kissing me. Not Ashley, Carmen. Her lips are hard and too hot against mine. They don't taste like coconuts or vanilla or Ashley. I feel violated: her tongue is trying to make it's way into my mouth and I feel like puking. I pull away. She drops the roses and her jaw at the same time. My stomach is going to come out from my throat.

"Ashley," I mouth but hear no words. Her face contorts into wrinkles everywhere. Her head faces the ground and she turns and runs toward the door of Gray.

**Ashley's POV**

I look throughout the crowd for Spencer. She could be anywhere. I walk closer and see a familiar figure, but I know it isn't her because this girl is kissing another girl. The girl pulls away from the other girl and I make eye contact with her. My heart drops and my hands go numb. The roses for Spencer fall to my feet and I forget how to move. I carefully take a step backwards and before I turn around, I already feel the tears on my cheeks.

**Spencer's POV**

I break myself away from Carmen's tight grip and run after Ashley, looking at the roses on the way and knowing that they were for me.

"Ashley!" I call right before she exits the door. People keep entering, so it's hard to exit. When I finally do, I look both directions and I don't see her. "Ashley, where are you? Please wait!" I shout out even though I don't see her. I decide to go left and begin running because she could be in the other direction. I have to find her.

Oh, God. I just kissed a girl who wasn't Ashley. On her birthday and Valentines Day. How could I do that? I think I'm going to throw up. I just broke Ashley's heart. She's never going to talk to me again. Ashley is never going to talk to me ever again.

I stop and gag at the thought, but fortunately I don't puke. I stand up straight and I see her. She isn't running anymore, walking fast rather.

"Ashley!" She briefly turns around but continues to run.

** Ashley's POV**

Spencer just kissed another girl. On the lips. Spencer was being held by another girl that wasn't me. On my birthday and on Valentines Day. Spencer is cheating on me. I feel sick. I cannot stop until I reach my car. I can puke later. Oh my God, this isn't happening. This isn't happening. I bite my tongue as I run: it hurts, so it must be real. I turn around to check and I see Spencer many yards behind me, so I pick up the pace again.

**Spencer's POV**

I'm crying now. I shouldn't be crying: I didn't do the heartbreaking. I guess I'm crying because I know how I would feel if I came to give Ashley flowers as a surprise and I saw her kissing someone who wasn't me. It could also be because I know she is going to hate me after this. I screwed it up bad this time. I can't dig myself out of this hole; she will never believe anything I say.

"Ashley! Stop! Please!" I sob. "It wasn't what you think it was!" She has already reached her car; I run faster. "Ashley, WAIT! Please stop!" I shout as she gets into the drivers seat. I hear the engine of the car start and I'm just a few yards away now. "Ashley, don't go! Please!" I see her face now. Her mascara is everywhere. Oh my God. I did this. She's sobbing hysterically. I reach her door. "Ashley, stop, wait, please." I beg, out of breath and crying.

"Let go." She demands of me, just staring forward. I shudder at her demand and let go right away. I know I shouldn't have because as soon as I did, she reversed. I watch her car exit the lot and go down the street until I can no longer see it. I sit down on the curb, facing the parking spot her car just sat in. I put my head to my knees and sit there crying.

I don't know how long I did. It's dark now. Nobody has parked here since I'm in the way. Good. This is Ashley's parking spot. I have a small hope that she is going to drive back and park right here. And I will be able to tell her how sorry I am and what happened and how I didn't want to do that and I felt so violated and it was so wrong, but that doesn't happen because she never comes back.

I keep spitting. I feel so gross. Carmen's lips remain on mine, her taste haunting me. It tastes horrible. I long for the coconuts and vanilla.

I force myself to stop crying. The rest of my nights plans are done. Tonight was supposed to be for me and Ashley and now Ashley is going to spend her night at home. Alone. On her birthday/Valentines Day. With a broken heart.

Because of Carmen.

Because of me.

It takes me so much longer to reach Gray than it normally would. My feet feel like bricks.

I walk back to the bar. Kat is still here. The tribute band I hired to play Ashley's dad's songs are killing it. I begin to cry again. Carmen is nowhere in site.

"Spencer!" Kat gasps and her eyes widen. "What's wrong? Honey, come here." I mindlessly obey her demand and it reminds me of when Ashley demanded me to let go of her car. Why did I let go?

Kat pulls me to the bathroom. She talks the whole way there, though I hear no words. Her mouth only moves. I can't think.

Despite the fact she is wiping my tears away and cleaning the mascara off my face, the tears do not stop.

"Spencer, what happened? What's going on? Where is Ashley? What happened?"

My mouth opens and I try to say Carmen's name, but I can't.

"Spencer?"

"Carmen." I finally say. When I said her name, it felt like I was being stabbed in the gut.

"Carmen? What happened with Carmen?" Her eyes widen at the name.

My knees give out and I'm on the floor, my hands holding my eyes. I feel Kat's hand on my back and she tries to get me up, but I can't. So she sits with me.

I don't know how long we sit in there. I never notice anybody else enter or leave. It doesn't matter that I'm on a filthy bathroom floor. I tell her the entire thing, only stopping when I have to gasp for air. I know I repeat things over and over, but I just don't want to leave anything out.

I finally decide to be done talking about it. It hurts. It's my fault. I lost the best thing about me.

"Spencer, it's late. Can you drive like this?" I don't answer her. "You can't drive like this."

I grab my phone out of pocket with a shaking hand and hope to see Ashley's name anywhere on it. I don't see it. I flip to Clay's contact; it takes me a while because I can't see much with tears in my eyes. I click the dial button and give it to Kat.

She talks to my brother and tells him everything. I don't listen because it hurts. Instead, I think about Ashley and what just happened and what we used to do together and how we will never do anything together anymore. I think about everything. When I first saw her: it was love at first site. When she broke down to me. Our traditions: dinner on Fridays and movies on Saturdays. Halloween. When she became mine. When I got to kiss her on New Years. The fact I've never been closer to anybody in my life ever. The fact I was hers and she was mine. I broke her heart. She won't take me back or even listen to me. I know her.

Kat keeps talking, but I can't hear her. I feel a touch on my arm and I think it's Ashley's, but it's dark. I look up and see Clay's concerned face. Leaning over him is Chelsea. I can't hear him either. He just holds me and I stand up with him. Chelsea grabs my other arm and they practically carry me out. I can't feel my legs.

When I realize we've reached the door of Gray, I feel a pat on my back, but I know it's not Ashley so there is no sense in looking up.

Clay reaches into my pocket for the keys to one of our cars and hands them to Chelsea. He then escorts me to his car.

Halfway through the drive, the tears just come again.

"I'm sorry." I don't know why I'm exactly sorry. I'm sorry for what I did to Ashley, but I'm also sorry for crying like this in front of him. And I'm sorry for making him and his girlfriend have to come pick me up, not just physically. I'm sorry for living.

"It's okay, Spencer. It will all be okay. I promise." I want to believe him because he is Clay, but I can't. It won't be okay. I'm in love with a girl whose heart I just ripped out and stomped on. And I cry.

The car stops so I assume we are home. I try to stop crying. I don't want questions from Glen or Mom or Dad. What am I supposed to say?

I numbly get out of the car. I walk to the door in front of Clay and run up to my room before I see anybody.

**Ashley's POV**

I'm still trying to process what happened yesterday. I can't think about it-about her-without crying. Cried myself to sleep, cried waking up. Spencer loved me. She told me. Did she get bored of me? Was it all a lie? Was Spencer just putting on an act the whole entire time of our friendship and relationship?

I got to know Spencer. She was different. She was so different. I let my guard down and I gave everything to her. I don't know why she would do this to me. I feel so sick. I can't eat, I can't drink.

Spencer didn't call me last night like I expected (not like I'd answer), but she has called me plenty of times today. I can't bring myself to listen to her voicemails she has left me. I'm afraid of what they will contain.

I've been awake for hours, but I haven't moved. I can't. Nor do I see the point. It doesn't matter anymore. Spencer isn't mine anymore. They have just been lies. Lies, lies, lies.

I loved her more than life itself.

**Spencer's POV**

It wasn't a dream. It was real. I screwed up. I lost the person who meant the most to me. I have nothing to live for anymore. I've called her countless amounts of times and she hasn't picked up once. It's my fault for hoping for her to pick up. I just keep hoping she will. She shouldn't. I hurt her and she shouldn't have to deal with me anymore, but I want her. She probably thinks I've been cheating on her. What if she thinks I don't love her? What if she thinks I never did? She probably thinks so lowly of me now. I love her. I always loved her and I will always love her. She probably won't even believe that. Or even care.

I skipped church this morning. Told Mom I had the flu. She believed me because I have thrown up a few times. She brought me water and medicine and some crackers, but I can't drink or eat. I can't. I haven't moved from this spot since I woke up. I've only moved to call Ashley. I've called her so many times. She won't answer. I don't even know if she's going to listen to them or if she has already. I figure another time couldn't hurt.

I redial and wait for her beautiful voice on her voicemail. Every time I hear it, it breaks my heart. She sounds so happy and cute in it. She laughs at the end of it and I know she isn't happy now like she was when she recorded it. She feels horrible because of me.

I take a deep, shaky breath and try to hold the tears in:

"Hi," On the first word, my voice cracks. "I don't know if you've listened to any of my voicemails I've left you, but I hope you have. I hope you listen to this one. I hope you don't hate me. Please don't hate me. Because I love you. And you don't know how sorry I am. I didn't kiss her, Ashley," I sob. "I would never hurt you like that! I love you so goddamn much, Ashley! I never wanted that to happen! I don't even know her and I should have told her to stop as soon as I knew what was happening. I'm so stupid, Ashley. I can't lose you. I can't," I pause because I can't breathe. I know I sound pathetic, but I don't care right now. I need her to know. "I love you, so much, Ashley Morgan Davies. I will never stop loving you even if you hate me. Even if we never talk again," I doubt she will be able to understand me now because I can't even understand myself through these stupid sobs. "Please talk to me. Please. Please, Ashley. Come see me." I hang up because it hits me.

**Ashley's POV**

Since I've been in the bath, which is about twenty minutes, I've received twelve calls from Spencer and seven voicemails.

I keep trying to read, but I can't focus. Especially stupid Nicholas Sparks novels.

I see my phone vibrating on the toilet seat. I throw my book and pick up my phone and see Spencer's name on my phone. I am fully aware I could just answer it and hear her out or tell her how hurt I am and how much I love her. I could tell her how miserable and angry I am. I could accuse her. I could tell her I love her. But I don't. It goes to a missed call.

I select the newest voicemail from her and I listen. With every word she speaks, I crumble more and more inside. I need her. I don't know if she's lying and if she is being serious like I've grown to know her, I know I need to call her and talk to her. But how can I know if she is telling the truth? I don't know if she is lying. I don't know what to do.

I delete the rest of voicemails without listening.

I want to see her. I want to run into her arms and have her tell me how much she loves me and how she didn't want to kiss Carmen. I want her to just hold me and cry together. I want Spencer.

I finish in the bath and I change back into my pajamas and lay down again.

I hear a knock on my door. Great.

"Please let me in," A voice cries. It is not the voice of my mother or Kyla: I know this because they aren't home and because I recognize the voice. I want to let her in. I want to. "Ashley," She is crying. I begin to and I stifle it with a pillow, which is stupid because she knows I'm obviously in here. "Please open it," I don't. I just lay there crying. Minutes pass and I assume she's gone. "I'll stay here as long as it takes," And she does. Minutes fly by and she says little things to remind me she is there. "Okay, don't open it. Just listen to me. _Carmen_ kissed _me._ I did not want that. I did not want her hands on me. I know I should have said something to her before it got to what happened. I know I broke your heart, Ashley. And I know you're probably never going to want to talk to me again. I don't blame you. But I still want you to talk to me. Please, Ashley. I need you. I love you. I am so, so, so, sorry. You will never understand how sorry I am," She's bawling. My Spencer. "I'm sorry I fucked up your birthday and Valentines Day. I wanted it to be special for us. I'm sorry I fucked up. I'm sorry for making you hate me and I'm sorry for hurting you so bad. I'm just, I'm sorry." She stops abruptly.

Maybe I should have let her in.

I finally decide to let her in. I bravely stand up and walk to my door. I unlock it and slowly open it. I expect to see Spencer on the floor crying. But Spencer isn't here. I run down the stairs and out to the front. But Spencer isn't here. Spencer is gone.

Spencer doesn't call me for the rest of the day.


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

When Ashley didn't show up to my locker yesterday morning as usual, I figured maybe she just didn't want to see me. I supposed I would just see her in Chemistry. The day came and went and I got to Chemistry and no Ashley. I don't blame her for not showing up.

Today is a new day and I'm hoping she comes today. If she doesn't, I want to go to her house, but she probably won't let me in again just like this past weekend. It's still worth a shot.

Lunch ends and I begin to walk to Chemistry with Chelsea. My heart beats faster and faster as we come nearer the room. I want her to be here, but at the same time, I don't want to have to face her. I'm embarrassed and ashamed but still want her to know the truth: I did not want to kiss Carmen and I do not like Carmen and I love Ashley.

Chelsea enters before me and when I enter, my head darts to the place I wanted to avoid. Ashley is here. My heart beat is raging. Despite that, I take my spot next to her. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch her fumbling with papers in her binder. I think she's just using them as a distraction and to look busy. I'm going to wait until after class to talk to her. Or try.

And I do. I make sure to have my things packed up prior to the bell because I know she is going to leave as quickly as she can. I watch the clock for the bell; seconds later, it rings. Ashley grabs her bag, gets up, and fast-walks to the door. I do the same.

"Ashley," I call ahead to her when we both are outside. "Ashley, can you stop, please?" I walk faster to catch up to her.

"Leave mealone." She says plainly.

"I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to lose you, Ashley."

"Go away." She says in the same calm, stern voice.

"Ashley!" I reach out to grab her arm; this seems to shock her. She stops abruptly and turns around, but doesn't look at me.

"Don't talk to me, Spencer. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. Leave me alone." She stresses the last sentence. Each word she says feels like she's stabbing my gut and it's harder for me to breathe. I know I deserve this, but it hurts. So bad.

I try to swallow but find I have nothing to swallow down. Ashley turns away and I follow her. I don't know why I do. Instinct, maybe.

"Spencer!" She finally turns around and looks at me in the eyes. Her eyes are so dark. They aren't the loving Ashley that I came to know. I make myself look away. "Do you not understand? Stop following me!" She walks away again.

"I don't understand, Ashley! I don't! I know what I did was terrible and I know you shouldn't forgive me, but I want you to! Please! Maybe not now, but some time. Please understand that you saw something that can only be viewed horribly by an on-looker; I didn't want that, Ashley! I wanted you! I still do!" I say to her back.

"I don't want you, Spencer!" She spits at me and walks away. I watch her go as the tears form in my eyes.

I look around and notice that most everybody has gone to class or left to go home. I enter the bathroom nearest me, unsure of where to go.

Fortunately for my crying self, nobody is currently in this bathroom and hopefully it stays this way. My knees feel like noodles again and I find it hard to stand. I walk over to the sink and clutch it on either side with both hands. I look up at myself in the mirror.

For the first time, I actually see myself as Ashley sees me. I'm pathetic. I'm a heart-breaker. I'm clingy. I'm a cheater. I had someone so very special to me, and I just dumped her down the drain. I look so stupid standing here in the bathroom, crying and mascara running down my face. I'm terrible; I'm filth. I'm pathetic. Ashley is going to find somebody so much better than me; she is going to find someone who treats her so much better than I did, someone who won't cheat on her.

But that someone will never love her as much as I do.

I see a shadow standing in the doorway; in a way, I hope it is Ashley, but I also don't want her to see me like this. I think about the words she said to me and I know she won't be here. So, it's just going to be some kid seeing a pathetic girl crying in the bathroom. How lovely.

I don't look at the girl who enters, but I do hear her heavy foot steps. I move closer to the door where the paper towels are: I reach for one to wipe my face with and notice the shoes that this girl is wearing. These feet are too big to be a girls and I know these shoes. I look up and wipe my face as I do so.

"Aiden!" I yell, angry. "What the hell, this is the _GIRLS_ bathroom! Get out!" I spit at him.

"Wow, a fiesty Spencer. I like that." He says smugly and moves closer to me, shutting the door behind him and locking it, keeping his eyes on me the whole time.

"What are you doing?" I feel my eyes widen.

"Something I've been wanting to do since I first laid my eyes on that gorgeous body of yours." He gives me a half smile that makes me want to punch him.

"You're disgusting! Get away from me!" I start walking to the door, but he blocks me. "Seriously, move!" I yell and shove him. He takes a step forward to me and pulls something from his back pocket. I see it from the corner of my eye but avoid looking in fear of what I think it is.

"We wouldn't want you to get hurt today, would we, Spencer?"

In reaction to the knife he is holding at his side, I spring to the furthest wall away from him, my eyes wide on the knife and wishing I was anywhere but here.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask him in a begging tone, tears coming.

"You just couldn't keep your damn motor-mouth shut. Ashley didn't tell anybody until she told you."

"You raped her, Aiden." I instantly regret saying this. I'm so stupid, why would I say that when he has a knife at his side?

"Don't move," His smile fades and he steps closer to me, holding the knife slightly higher. "Say a word and I will cut your neck."

The breaths are coming faster and faster and Aiden is becoming blurry. Suddenly, there are rapid knocks on the door which frighten me but distract Aiden. He turns to face the door and I take advantage of this time to enter the largest and closest stall to me, despite his warning. Neither of us say anything, me in fear of getting my neck slit and him in fear of being caught.

I stand there against the wall, Aiden's harsh threat repeating in my head. I'm so scared. I'm stuck.

The knocks are more rapid this time around, and now a voice comes with them: "Spencer, I know you are in there. Open the door."

Ashley!

As much as I want to say something, I know I can't. He will hurt either or both of us. What if he opens the door and hurts her? Or pulls her in and threatens her? What if he has some sick plan for both of us?

I suddenly come to my senses and remember that I do own a phone. I quietly search my bag for it in a hurry. When I finally find it, Ashley talking and knocking all the while, I turn the sound off and text her.

**911 stuck aiden knife run dont let him hear**

I hear her text tone and her foot steps walking away. What if she doesn't believe me? Or care? Or understand? Aiden is going to hurt me. I'm going to die with Ashley hating me.

He waits shortly before saying anything, probably to make sure no one else is coming.

"Now, now, now, Spencer, why would you do such a silly thing?" He asks me in that same smug voice and hits the stall; I jump and gasp.

"Aiden, please don't hurt me." I beg and my voice cracks.

"Give me a reason, Spence," I cringe at the 'Spence'. My mouth opens and shuts, but no noise comes out. "Come out. Now," He demands, but I stay planted in the corner of the stall in fear. "I said, come out!" He shouts, clearly angry now.

"No!" I shout and instantly regret it.

"Excuse me?" His voice sounds threatening. I'm so screwed. Oh my God, oh my God.

"Stop, Aiden!" I cry, tears rolling down my face.

I can see his feet from under the stall. Luckily, he is too big to fit under the door. I don't think he can climb or over the door, either. I watch his feet pacing back and forth. He drops the knife; I see it and hear the clatter of the metal. He quickly picks it back up and walks to the front of the door. I press myself to the wall some more, as if I will fall through to the other side if I push hard enough.

"Come out. Or I will hurt them," He pauses before I can ask, "Your family."

My heart drops. My family. Mom, Dad, Clay. Even Glen. He is bigger than each of them. He is powerful. I don't want my family getting hurt. Or even Ashley, if he meant that. My big brothers. My parents.

I visualize the possibility of what's in his head and it makes me feel sick.

I lean away from the wall.

"I'm not going to say it again. Come out. Or I will kick this door in."

I take a step toward the door. Each step I take takes me a while and I'm surprised he hasn't kicked the door in already. With each step, I reminisce on my life and how blessed I was with such a life and amazing people. And how I'm only sixteen and there is so much I want to do with my life. I'm not done living. But to Aiden, I could be.

I am so small compared to him; I know that any effort I make to get the knife away from him will do no good. He's going to kill me.

I think about my most recent happiness: Ashley. I can never convince her again that I love her and tell her how sorry I am that I kissed Carmen and that I didn't want to and how disgusting it was and-

When I'm about to reach the lock on the door of the stall, I hear steps rushing to the door.

"Spencer!" She shouts and it sends me to the back of the stall.

"Ashley!" I yell out, crying at the fact she actually came back. She believed me.

"Spencer!" She shouts again.

"Help me!" I begin shaking.

"It's going to be okay, Spencer!" Her voice fades out and loud steps are heard right outside the door.

"Police! Open up!" A man shouts in a demanding, stern tone. They'll save me, right?

Aiden keeps pacing quickly around the bathroom, mumbling things such as 'this isn't happening', 'this can't be happening', 'no', 'she's mine'. That last one terrifies me. I know I'm the 'she' he is talking about.

"I won't say it again: Police! Open up! Now!" The police guy shouts louder. In response to this, Aiden kicks the door of my stall three times. I watch the corner of the door and see that if he kicks just a few times more, the door will come off. He notices this, too, and gives it a hard kick. A few screws fall out.

"HELP!" I scream.

More continuous kicks come and, still looking at the stall door, I realize they aren't from Aiden. I see light on the floor, light from the sun.

"Spencer!"

"Stop! Back away!" Another voice, I'm assuming a cop, says to Ashley.

Several pairs of feet enter the bathroom and I hear things, but I don't know what's going on. Suddenly, there's a loud thump and I see Aiden laying on the floor, several feet around him. He's being handcuffed. He's looking at me like he's insane; it's terrifying. I watch as they left him up and hear them escort him out of the bathroom. Despite that, I'm terrified to come out.

"Spencer!" I hear her voice and her feet enter the bathroom. I watch as her black Converse come into view under the door.

"Ashley?" My voice croaks. My throat is mega dry.

"It's okay, Spence; they got him." It sounds like she's crying.

I remain in the corner of the bathroom with continuous shaking. I slowly walk to the door. I shakily lift my hand up and touch the cold metal of the lock. I unlock it, but it doesn't open.

"It- it's stuck." I feel like a baby because I begin crying at this.

"Back up, Spence. To the far end of the wall."

What she says frightens me, but I listen anyway because she's Ashley. And I'll do anything for her. I back up and do as she says: I'm leaning against the bathroom wall of the stall. Seconds later, I hear loud bangs. I look up and see the door is shaking. My heart beat speeds back up: Aiden is on the other side.

The door comes crashing down and I expect the worse, but instead, I see the best there is: Ashley.

We lock eyes and they aren't angry as they were earlier. She begins to jog to me and despite that, it feels like everything's in slow motion. Ashley is coming back to me. She didn't leave me alone. She saved me.

I take a wobbly step forward, but by this time, Ashley has already grasped me. I feel her warm, soft arms around my neck. Out of habit, my hands go around her waist. I feel the crook of my neck getting wet; I don't mind because I'm crying into hers, too.

She had already began talking, as did I, as soon as we touched. We both just keep saying how sorry we are. I see no reason for her to be sorry. I deserved it all.

"You saved me, Ashley. You saved my life." I sob into her.

"I'm so sorry, Spencer."

"Thank you for saving my life, Ashley; if you hadn't have came back, he would have-"

"He didn't, Spencer. You're okay. You're okay." She cuts me off and soothes me.

"I'm sorry Ashley, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Spence. It's okay. I'm sorry for not believing you. I'm so sorry."

I ignore her and continue, "I'm sorry I screwed your birthday up. I wanted it to be so different. I'm so sorry, Ashley. I'm so sorry. I-"

"I love you Spencer. It's okay."

"I love you, too, Ashley," And I kiss her. In front of the cops who had just entered the bathroom. She looks at me, wide-eyed. "I don't care who knows." I answer the question her eyes had asked me.

"Excuse me." I tear away from Ashley, but I grab her hand. I recognize this guy's voice: he's the one who demanded the door be opened to Aiden.

"Thank you for saving me." I say to him and the others behind him, tears in my eyes but smiling.

He returns a brief smile before saying, "We're going to need you to come down to the station to answer a few questions."

I oblige. I follow him out of the bathroom, dragging Ashley along. He doesn't seem to mind it.

We follow him to his car and I whisper to Ashley, "Will you tell what Aiden did to you?"

"Yes." She answers. Plain and simple. I'm thankful for that answer.

We drive down to the station in silence. I just stare out the window, holding my love's hand. All I can think about was the fact she came back and without her, I would have been in so much more danger. I could have died today. I could have been raped. Like Ashley. I can't believe he did that to my Ashley...

Suddenly, the engine stops and we exit his car. We follow him inside and enter a small room. It looks like a mini office. He signals for us to sit and we do.

"So," he looks at me after grabbing a piece of paper from a stack and a pen. "Your full name?"

"Spencer Elizabeth Carlin. C-a-r-l-i-n." I spell it out for him; my name is commonly misspelled.

"And you?" He looks to Ashley.

"Ashley Davies." He scribbles her name down, too.

"And your affiliation with this?"

"Um, she's my," I look at her when she hesitates. I nod. "my girlfriend. I called 911; she texted me from the stall of the bathroom when they were both in there." She chokes up. He scribbles this information down.

"Spencer, please tell me everything that happened."

So I did. I explained how I had gotten in a fight with someone, Ashley, so I entered the bathroom, crying. I told him that I was alone and how Aiden came in and locked the door and soon flashed his knife. I said that Ashley knocked on the door which distracted Aiden, so I went into the largest stall to get away from him. That's when I texted her. I told him I basically knew the reason why he did what he did: because I knew about something he did to someone and I figured he didn't want me to know that. It took me a while to get all of this out.

"What did you know about that he didn't want you to know?" I squeeze on to Ashley's hand tighter than she has been squeezing mine; I look back at her and her face has tears rolling off of it, though I hadn't heard her crying.

Before I could speak, she does: "He raped me." He scribbled rapidly some more and began questioning her.

Whenever she would look over at me, I would nod and squeeze her hand for encouragement. I can only imagine how hard this is for her, but I'm so glad she is finally telling. Aiden's going to get what he deserves. He's sick.

A couple hours later after intense questioning, he phones our parents. Around the same time, my parents arrive with Clay and Glen as well as Christine and Kyla. We were each embraced by our loved ones, tears everywhere. Even Glen.

Everybody keeps apologizing to me and saying how happy they are that I am okay. I just keep telling them that Ashley saved me. She called the police and saved me. This causes my Mom to practically break Ashley's spine with the hug she gives her. Christine is even tearing up and hugging Ashley. This makes me happy.

Prior to them seeing us, the police men told them everything that happened: Aiden cornering me and why- Ashley's rape.

He's going to be put on trial and, most likely, go to jail.

What he deserves at least.


	26. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Life has been hectic these past few weeks. Ashley and I have been to several trials for our cases with Aiden. They've been holding him and they're going to finalize his penalties soon. I'm stoked for that. We've all been under major stress: me, Ashley, and both of our families. Tension seems to rise between the two of us, but we always level out. We always find our way back to each other. We have each other, and when we have each other, we can do anything.

I'm so appreciative of Ashley and I have to be; she saved my life. This fact makes me feel guiltier each time I think about her birthday and how I still haven't completed my plan. Each time I bring it up, she says she doesn't mind the wait. I'm glad about that, but I still want to celebrate her birthday/Valentines Day like we originally planned.

"You busy this weekend?" I look at Ashley and ask. We're driving to my house for our Friday night dinner.

"Depends," She answers and glances back to me, "Am I?" She asks, condescendingly.

"You are." I decide and smile slyly at her.

~.~.~.

We finished dinner and the whole crew is sitting in my living room watching _Wipeout. _By 'the whole crew', I mean Mom, Dad, Clay, Chelsea, Glen, Kyla, Ashley, and me. It's so great. It's even better because for once, Aiden is not here. He never will be here again. We are all so happy and energetic and it's strange how excited we can get over a silly television show. Ashley and Glen get the craziest out of all of us. Ashley is to _Wipeout_ as I am to _Criminal Minds_. Well, maybe not as dedicated. But she gets psyched. I'm glad that Glen has eased up on both of us: he and Ashley have a type of bond over this show. It's cute (Not Glen. Just Ashley. Ashley is so cute).

The phone rings, so my mom excuses herself to answer it. The rest of us go about our TV-watching.

I notice Mom enter the room several minutes later. I look up to her and she's already looking at me. It looks like she is crying.

I stand up and walk over to her, concerned. When I do so, Ashley watches where I'm going. Glen follows Ashley's eyes and each person turns to look at my mother who is, in fact, crying.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I ask her in a hush tone. My dad walks over and holds onto her, concern on his face as well.

"That was Jim," Mom states, tearful. Jim is mine and Ashley's lawyer.

I look over at Ashley whose eyes have widened. She looks at me. My heart rate speeds up and I begin to feel fearful. I look back to my mom, eager to hear more. My eyes are begging her to keep talking and I feel my head slowly nodding up and down. She takes a deep breath and continues, "They have given a final ruling on Aiden." I look around at everybody and I feel like our faces look exactly the same.

"And?" I pursue.

Mom moves to the couch and sits in the place where I was sitting. I notice that Glen has sat down on the smaller couch and Ashley has sat down on the longer one, next to where Mom is now. I sit on the other side of my mom.

She slowly begins, "He was tried and sentenced as an adult. He received a sentence of eight years for," She swallows and looks at Ashley, hurt in her eyes, "rape," she swallows again, "and an additional six for an attempted rape. He has a fine of ten thousand dollars and no bail." She finishes.

I feel a tickle on my cheek, so I brush it away. It was a tear that I didn't notice fell. I look at Ashley for the first time after Mom had began speaking: she is crying, too, and looking back at me. We both shed silent, happy tears. She pulls me into a hug over my mom's lap. I can feel her smiling and crying into my neck and I'm doing the same. Aiden is gone. Jail. He will not bother us again...at least for another fourteen years. Ashley and I are safe. This won't change the fact that she was raped by him and I was almost raped by him, but he is in jail now; hopefully being harmed by other inmates.

I rub Ashley's back; I feel my mom place a hand on my back and rub mine. We stay that way for a while, silence filling the room. I don't mind it.

~.~.~.

I open my eyes. When I do, I realize it's still dark out. I look straight ahead at my clock which reads two thirteen. I feel Ashley's hand over my stomach and I grab onto it. It's so beautifully silent in here that I can hear her even breaths. After my eyes adjust, I can faintly see my room due to soft moonlight. The branches off the tree right outside my window are softly tapping my window; I assume it's windy out.

I shiver and feel Ashley's hand grip mine tighter. I turn my head over to look at her face; I look at her eyes and see that they're already open. I turn around to face her. She's smiling at me.

"Hi." I smile back and whisper to her in a gross sleepy voice. I should have cleared my throat before speaking.

"Hello, Love." Her voice sounds the opposite of mine: like an angel. A sleepy angel.

She pulls me into her and it warms me up instantly. I bury my head into the crook of her neck, her chin on top of my head. I wrap my arms close to my chest and her warm arms go over them. This sends another shiver down my spine, but for a different reason. My legs intertwine with hers.

"Why are you awake?" My same, groggy voice asks into her chest.

"Just am. You're so beautiful even when you're asleep," This makes me smile wider. I'm glad it's dark in here so she can't see my blushing. "Why are you awake?"

"Just am." I use her answer in the same tone she used it in. We lay there for a few minutes in silence. When I think she is asleep, I glance up and look at her face. She looks back at me and smiles, a sort of confused look on her face. I return my head to it's position in her chest.

She sighs a content breath.

"He's gone, Spence." She sounds so relieved. And I am, too, because I know who she's talking about.

"He's gone, Ash."

A few more minutes pass by before she speaks again,"I'm so glad you are here. I'm so happy that you're perfectly okay."

"I'm glad, too, Ashley. Are you okay?" I ask just to be sure. I move my head to the pillow she is using; my nose touches hers and stays there.

"I'm so okay, Spence." I feel her breath on my mouth. I don't understand how it smells so good; mine probably smells terrible. I'll apologize later for that.

My eyes watch her eyes when she answers my question. They only leave hers when I kiss her soft lips. It doesn't last long, but it's enough for me.

We lay here for a long while, switching positions often, neither of us falling asleep. Every time I expect her to be asleep, she isn't. I have no complaints about that. We just talk about small things. It's so peaceful. Small talk at two AM is my favorite.

"Spencer?" She asks quietly from behind me. There's something about her tone of voice.

"Yeah, Ash?"

She pauses before asking, "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything, babe."

She hesitates a little longer than prior. "You really didn't want to kiss Carmen, right?"

This surprises me. But I am not angry at her for asking me.

"I did not want to kiss Carmen," I state firmly but gently. "I did not want Carmen to touch me. I did not and do not like Carmen in that way or even at all anymore. My heart belongs to you and I will never forgive myself for ruining your birthday."

"It's okay, Spencer. That's all I wanted to hear," I rub her hand which is stroking my hair. "I'm yours forever." I blush and smile; I can't help that I'm so in love with her. I put her palm onto my cheek and hold it there; her cool hand cools down my flustered cheek.

A short while later, I speak: "I'm thirsty."

"Let's go get water." Ash gets up quick and before I do; this surprises me because I figure she'd give me some sarcastic response about how she doesn't want to get up or just tell me to go get a drink.

She pulls me out of bed and she follows me to my door. I silently open it and enter the dark hallway. We tip-toe carefully to the stairs; I have to feel my way to them because I can't see a thing; literally, no matter how hard I open my eyes, I can't see anything. I carefully begin walking down them, holding Ashley's hand partially so I don't fall and partially so she doesn't. The walk to the kitchen is simpler because I have that memorized easier and it's a bigger space. We enter the kitchen; again, I feel my way to the fridge. I freely open it, suddenly becoming blind for a second due to the bright light inside of it. Soon, I spot what I'm looking for; I grab the bottle and let the door close on it's own, not caring much about the sound since we're downstairs. My eyes have to readjust to the darkness. I unscrew the cap, hear the snap, and remove it. The water is extremely cold on my tongue and even colder as it slithers down my throat. I gulp down half of it within ten seconds.

I put the lid back on and Ashley is just staring at me, trying to suppress her laughter.

"What?" I accuse. "Want one?" I point my thumb to the fridge behind me.

She takes the bottle from my hand, takes the cap off, and takes a few sips before handing it back to me. "I'm good."

I smile and begin to walk back to the stairs, but she grabs my wrist. I spin around; she's still smiling at me.

"What?"

Her smile is polite, her voice just the same: "Dance with me, Spencer."

I look at her, puzzled. "There's no music, Ash."

"That's okay," Her hand has since let go of mine, but she lifts it up again, offering it to me. I take it. She moves to the side and opens the fridge. I look at her, puzzled again, but she answers me before I can ask. "I want to be able to see you."

We dance. We move around the kitchen, pulling each other back and forth and side to side. She twirls me around and I twirl her around. We begin to slide across the kitchen floor softly and slowly; our eyes only leave each others when we're spinning around. Even from only the fridge's light, I can see almost every detail of her eyes. My left hand is intertwined with her right; the opposite is holding onto her back, pulling her closer to me, while hers is around my waist. We slowly get closer to each other, our dancing slowing down as well. My left cheek finds it's way to her left shoulder; I feel her head lean against my shoulder. I put both of my hands around her back and clutch them together and I feel her hands on my back. We gently step from side to side.

"Speaking of dancing," I begin, "You know what's coming up?" I wait for a guess from her, but when I hear nothing, I continue on. "Prom."

"Yeah..."

"Wait, do you not want to go?" I move my head up to look at her.

"Prom? No. I don't."

"What? Why?"

"Gross. Public. And I'm around teenagers enough at school, why would I want to go to prom with them? And you're not exactly out at school, Spencer. You're not even out at home."

That's true. Maybe prom isn't a good idea.

"I know, but I still think it would be fun. Getting a group together, dress shopping, getting fancy, pictures, dinner, a DJ, dancing?" I think it would be super fun. It would be more fun if I was out at school and people didn't have to stare. I know they will stare when we act like a couple. I don't know if I'm ready for that.

"Spence-"

"No, nevermind. Ignore me. Forget I said anything about it." I erase what I just asked from my memory.

"Spencer-"

"No, really, it's fine! We don't have to go. We can do something together instead." She smiles at me and I return my cheek to her shoulder. I do want to go; I always pictured prom. It was only for juniors and seniors at my old school; I guess there is always next year.

I'm deep in thought about this and Ashley's voice startles me. "I think we take these moments for granted," I wait for her to say more. Her voice sounds so lovely. "Mostly that we're able to do this. Dance, walk, touch, see. Kiss," She kisses my neck. "Not everybody is able to walk or see. Not everybody gets the opportunity to be in love with their best friend. Little things like this make me happy."

"I like the little things. I like you."

"I like you a lot."

We remain in those positions for a few more minutes. We simultaneously let go; she shuts the fridge door softly before taking my hand. We walk slowly back up the stairs and back to my room. She runs to my bed and jumps onto it while I silently close the door again. I join her back into bed where we continue our cuddling, neither of us saying anything.

We continue laying here for another long while. Her eyes are always open when I look at her; I wonder if she is ever going to fall asleep. After turning over again, I give my clock another look. Five-fifty-six.

I get up and make my way to my window. I open the curtains and look out: it's still dark out, but you can see the sun will be coming soon. I slide the window up and open it. I was right about the wind, there's a slight breeze and it's cold out.

"What are you doing?" Ashley asks from behind me.

"Ssshhh," Is my response. I open my window all the way and motion for Ashley to come over. She is reluctant to do so, but she does get up. "And bring that blanket with you," I point to the smaller blanket that lies under my comforter. She does so with a confused expression on her face. I carefully climb out my window and step on the firm branch as I always do. I hold onto another branch above my head so I don't lose my balance. "Hand me the blanket." She does and I throw it over the branch, more toward the middle of the tree. I then place my hand out for Ashley to grab. She points to herself and raises her eyebrows. I nod.

"You're a funny one, Spencer." She laughs and begins to walk back to my bed.

"Hey!" I scold. "Get your ass over here." Again, I put my hand out for her to grab. She shakes her head and looks at me like I'm crazy. "Come on!"

Finally, she takes my hand. Before stepping on the branch, she asks me, "Is this sturdy enough? We're going to fall!"

"Do you trust me? I wouldn't risk ruining that flawless face of yours." This makes her smile and she continues on the branch with me.

I grab the blanket, throw it over my shoulder, and step up slightly onto a bigger branch. I have Ashley do the same. I walk across the branch to the end of it which goes upward. I sit down and pat the branch in front of me. Ashley sits down, too. I lean against the branch and she leans against me; I place the blanket over us.

"Isn't this nice?" I dreamily ask her, looking up at the sky which is turning more blue rather than black. Each minute, another star seems to fade.

"It's freezing," She blankly states. "What are we doing out here?"

"It's nice out here. I sit here a lot. Mostly when I'm reading or just want to think. Sometimes I even wake up early before school to watch the sun rise. It's beautiful."

We wait. Ashley seems impatient, but most of the time she so willing to do what I want just to keep me happy. It's incredibly sweet, but I wish she would enjoy herself, too. Especially when something means a lot to me.

"Look, Ash." I point East. She looks up. The sky is darker in the West, but in the direction of the sun, it consists of light blue, purple, pink, orange, and yellow. It's gorgeous. The sun is barely peeking up from behind the large Los Angeles mountains. We sit and watch; Ashley doesn't look away.

"It is beautiful, Spencer."

"I told you so," I watch with her. Judging by the sun, I'd say it's about six thirty. Slowly and steadily, the sun makes it's way into our view, not yet hurting our eyes. "You know what's more beautiful, though?" I smile at my delayed reaction.

"You." She states and looks up at me. I laugh and look away.

"No, you!" I widen my eyes at her and smile. I look back at the arising sun and continue to talk to her. "I mean it. You're the most beautiful person I know, inside and out. I love you so much and I'm so lucky that I'm yours."

"You're beautiful, too, Spence. I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend," She looks up at me, so I look into her eyes. "I'm so in love you with you."

"Head over heels for you." I give her a deep kiss which she returns.

We sit there for a while, beauty, happiness, and love surrounding us, before going back inside. It's one of my favorite places to be and since Ashley is my favorite person to be with, it was all the better.

We had only been laying down for ten or so minutes before Ashley knocked out. I was so tempted to, but I want to make her breakfast in bed like I had originally wanted to do. It's only shortly past seven and I decide to wait until a bit later to make her food and give her some sleeping time.

So I do. Fortunately before my family wakes up, I make her pancakes with orange juice and a red carnation. I bring the food and flower up to my room and silently shut the door. I place the food on my desk before walking back to my bed and sitting next to her. She rolls over and faces me. I lift her hair up and out of her face; I attempt to tuck her bags behind her ear, but they keep falling, so I just hold them on her head. She smiles at this and finally opens her eyes.

"It smells good." She notes.

I get up and grab the tray of food for her. She sits up and I place it in front of her.

"Aw!" She sees it and looks up to me; she grabs my face with both hands and kisses my lips. They taste sweet though she hasn't had any pancakes yet. "I could so get used to this." She takes a bit of a pancake.

"Yeah, well, don't!" I laugh and she scoffs.

We spend the meal together, feeding each other and joking around. I can't wait for today!


	27. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

"Just a little while longer. Please, Spence?" It actually pains me to deny her sweet, begging voice. But I must.

"Nope, not going to work this time, Davies," Little does she know, it almost does. "You need to go get ready and I need to get ready," I pull her up from my bed. She has been ready to leave for quite some time, but we both kept getting distracted by things, mostly because we both don't want her to go. "You're sure that you're okay with the plans at Gray still? I mean, I understand if you want to change the location and stuff." I blush and look down, ashamed of what happened there a little over a month ago. I haven't been back since.

"Yeah, Spence, it's okay! Don't worry."

"Okay. So go to Gray between three-thirty and four. No later than four. Okay?" I confirm with her, practically shoving her out my door. "And have Kyla drop you off there."

"Okay, okay!"

"Shoo!" I flick her away playfully.

"Carlin, you're so lucky that we have plans today, or else you pushing me out would be totally out of line." She drops the serious act with a wink. I kiss her soft cheek before we depart. I wait at my window until I see her. I watch her get into her car and drive down the street before I leave the window.

It's noon now which only gives me three hours to get ready. Yikes!

I jump in the shower; it takes me twenty or so minutes because I have to shave. I put on throw on clothes while I get pretty. I blow dry my hair and I contemplate whether to keep it natural or curl it. I decide on the latter; I give my blonde locks curls that are not too curly but noticeable. After finishing my hair and pinning my bangs to the right, I move onto the make up. I put some on but not heavily. I want it to be noticeable but not insane, like the curls. I apply little foundation and even littler blush. I apply a darker brown to my eyelids (it's not too dark) and a lighter one just above that; both of them are sparkly. I look at myself in my mirror; I bat my eyelids and examine them closely; I blink one eye and then the other, admiring the sparkles that I don't see often, only on special occasions. I add a couple layers of mascara, but not enough so that it's clunky and gross. They look thick and voluminous. I'll settle for this.

I make my way across the room to my walk-in closet. I have so many items of clothing and so many pairs of shoes, yet nothing to wear! I scavenge for minutes, hours... okay, that's an exaggeration. Maybe only a short while. After that short while and trying on many outfits, I finally decide upon wearing a pair of skinny jeans and heels and an off-the-shoulder floral shirt. A little much of the collar bones, but Ashley will like.

Before heading out, I apply a thin layer of nude and sparkly lip gloss. I decide against the red, as that's more of a night color rather than an afternoon at Gray.

And guess what? This one tastes like coconuts and vanilla.

~.~.~.

"Kat! Hey!" She looks up from the counter as I pace to her.

"Hey, Spencer! How are you?" I know by the look her eyes are giving me that it's deeper than just any 'how are you'.

"I'm good! I'm really good! No worries. Sorry about-" I stumble, trying to apologize for how I behaved the last time we saw each other. We've talked since then, but I still feel a little odd.

"Don't worry about it, Spencer. I'm glad you are okay."

"Thanks," I smile and pause before going on. "Hey, um, where...where is-?"

Thank goodness she cuts me off: "She was actually let go a few weeks ago."

"Oh, okay." I smile and try to had the relief from my face. I can't help but wonder why she was fired. I let the awkward moment fly by. "So," I say and look to the stage and see the band setting up. "They're here at the perfect time," I point to the band. "They go on at three fifteen, right?"

"That's right!"

Good. Ashley will be here no later than four. I'm paying the band to play until six because Ashley should be gone by then and I don't want to have to pay more than I have to!

I have no clue when Ashley plans on showing up; I told her to be here by four, so at latest, she will be here in an hour. And knowing sassy Ashley, she will walk in the door at four. In the meantime, I will just sit here at the bar with Kat and wait for the band to start playing. The crowd looks pumped just like I am.

Just twenty or so minutes later, they begin playing. I've heard Ashley's dad's voice before on CD's and such, and the lead singer of this band sounds much like him. It's definitely not a disgrace to his music. I didn't get a chance to hear them last time, so I'm glad that they sound this good! Hopefully Ashley likes it.

I take a spot behind the bar where Kat is working like I had planned. Under me, the red daisies are resting against the side of the counter. I decided against roses because Ashley was the one to bring those to me last time and they just bring back horrid memories. Daisies are happier. I hope she doesn't bring me roses again.

Kat helps me create, on the house, a strawberry lemonade vodka, but a virgin one. I'll be driving soon and I don't even want to risk that. It tastes much similar to an alcoholic one, except no alcohol obviously. It's nearing three thirty, so I mix up Ashley's drink on my own. I set hers next to mine, careful not to mix them up. I place mine below my nose, grab a straw and stick it in, and put my hands on my cheeks and my elbows on the counter. I have a clear view of the entrance as it's not horribly crowded today.

I suck through my straw absentmindedly while staring at the front door. Every time I think it's Ashley walking in, it isn't. Literally every brown hair, tan skin girl I think is her. It gets my hopes up, but I know she will show up soon so I have to be patient. I seem to check my watch every minute; it's currently three forty-two.

_Come on, Ash._

I try to distract myself by watching the band or looking around at different things and people, but my eyes always end up at the door. But I'm glad they do because at this time, it really is her. To my surprise, her hair is straightened. I can't see what she is wearing from this far and with so many heads just under her face. I hadn't realized it got this crowded. I watch her every move. Her face goes from curious to realization in a matter of seconds. I know why; her head turns to the stage as her agape mouth forms a smile. I watch her as she walks a few steps forward to the dance floor. She stands there for a few minutes while the band finishes playing one of Raife's songs and onto a different one. She looks sort of happy yet confused and shocked. I hope this is okay. I hope it doesn't make her sad; I hadn't thought about any negative emotions toward this, now I feel insensitive.

After this song finishes and a new one begins, she smiles a small closed-mouth smile and looks at the floor and walks in the direction of the bar. Suddenly my heart beats quicker and I'm nervous for her arrival but do not know why.

She is walking slow, but my eyes think otherwise. Her head looks up, but our eyes have yet to meet. She's maybe twenty feet away from me. She has not spotted Kat yet... wait, she just did. I glance quickly toward Kat so I don't miss anything Ashley does, but Kat has not noticed her. I look back to Ashley and in that millisecond I looked away, Ashley has found me. Our eyes meet now and everything I planned on saying has left my brain. I feel myself smiling like a shy little girl. Ashley is smiling widely and she lets a giggle out; I hear that because she is ten feet away now. She's coming nearer every second. She beats me to speak, still several feet away.

"Wow..." Her mouth moves as if she is going to say more, but nothing comes up. She comes to the bar and sits in the seat right across from me like I had saved for her. She begins again. "Either this is not a coincidence or I'm crazy."

"You're crazy anyway." I smirk back at her. "For you," I push the drink to her. "But," I stop before I let go of the drink, "Only one. Okay?"

"Okay, fine, Mom. Just kidding, my mom doesn't even care." We laugh. "Spencer, how, though? How did you do this?" Her eyes widen at me as well as a smile; she turns to look at the band playing her dad's songs.

"Do you like it?" I ask, suddenly concerned for her answer.

"I love it, Spencer. This is really thoughtful of you. Thank you." She gives me a small but sincere smile as she places her hands on top of mine. I know she means it. I return the smile before looking down.

"Also," I begin and reach down for the daisies with a single hand, "These are for you." I avoid her eye contact and don't know why I have gotten so shy. _Snap out of it, Carlin._

She takes the daisies and sniffs them. "Aw, they smell so good! Thank you, Spence." She leans across the bar and kisses me. I don't care that we are in public or who sees. I love her too much to care.

I have her love and she has mine. Nothing else should matter, right?

I glance down at my watch. It's three fifty-one. That gives me nine minutes with her here. As much as I'd love to stay with her and enjoy the band together, I've got more things that need to get done.

For the remaining nine minutes, that's just what we do. We sit there, conversing little but enjoying the band lots. I dread for the time to end.

"Well, I really hate to do this, but I have to go." I tell her as I stand up from the stool behind the bar.

"What? Go? Go where?" She asks, concerned.

"Don't worry about it!" I try to say seriously but feel a cracked half smile. I take her hands in mine and kiss them. "Seriously, don't worry. Just stay and enjoy the band, okay? If you get lonely or something, hang with Kat or call someone to join you. But I have to go," Her mouth opens and I peck it before she can speak. I lean my forehead against hers and whisper: "No questions." And she doesn't ask any questions.

I let go and begin walking to the door. Before exiting, I turn around and expect to see a dirty Ashley checking me out, but her eyes and smile are innocent. She's adorable. I smile back and blow her a kiss; she acts like the kiss hits her cheek so she grabs it and opens her mouth in shock. I laugh and exit, wanting so much to go back in with my girlfriend. The only thought that stops me from doing so is knowing I will be with her within hours.

The first place I head to is home. Now that surroundings are going to change, I need to change my look. Fortunately, no one is home. That's strange, but I'm not complaining; if Mom was here she'd be harassing me with too many questions that I'd probably have to lie about. But, they do know that I'm busy today with Ashley's birthday things.

Anyway, I walk back to my closet and kick off my heels and throw my worn clothes on the floor. I search around for the appropriate clothing for our next stop. I change into regular jeans and another flower tank top. I slip on my Rainbows and grab a bag. I throw two sweatshirts into the bag: one for me, and one for Ashley because she's wearing a tank top, too, and she's bound to get cold.

I face myself in the mirror. My make up looks fine and my curls have softened to waves. I don't mind.

I turn around to my clock on the table next to my bed. It reads four twenty-eight. Okay, I'm in good shape. I just have to head to the next place and set up and go get Ashley. Geez.

~.~.~.

**Ashley's POV**

I can't believe this! This is totally awesome. It's like I'm seeing my dad in front of me, performing, like how I used to watch. Besides the fact it isn't actually him. I don't know how Spencer did this, but it's one of the best gifts I've received. It was so thoughtful of her to do this! I love her.

I am curious as to where she danced off to. I don't even know if she is coming back for sure, she won't tell me anything. I guess I will just have to wait and see. In the meantime, I'll continue to enjoy myself here. Kat and I are hanging out. She's serving customers while I sit at the bar and talk with her and listen to this band who I have yet to find the name out.

"Hey, do you know the name of this band? They rock!" She turns her head to me and opens her mouth to speak, but then shuts her mouth. That's the last thing I see before my sight goes dark. It startles me; my hands fly to my eyes and they're covered with a soft item, but I don't know what it is. I try pulling it off, but cold hands stop me. Normally this would concern me, but I know by the touch and scent of who this 'mystery' person is.

I'm pulled off of the stool and being led somewhere. To the exit, I assume. Unless she is leading me somewhere inside Gray. Nope, outside. The air is crisper now and the sound of my dad's music is fading.

"Where are you taking me, Mystery Woman?"

"Why assume I am a woman?" She replies in a deep voice. Her attempt makes me laugh.

I hear a car door open and she helps me inside. I sit carefully and feel for the seat belt, but she puts it on for me. I could get used to this, besides the not seeing part. She shuts the passenger side door and a few seconds later, another door opens- the driver's side. I listen to her shut her door and buckle up. Then, the car starts. I feel and hear the engine and soft music from the radio. The car begins to move and I start to get really curious as to where we're headed.

"I know the answer to this, but it's worth a shot: do I get any hints?"

"None whatsoever. It'll be a dead give away pretty soon!" She answers as soon as the question leaves my mouth.

We drive and drive. I'm not sure how long. Maybe twenty minutes?

The drive becomes less bumpy and maybe a little slower. I feel myself moving from side to side, so I assume she's making turns. After a few of those, the car comes to a stop. She turns the car off and unbuckles her seat belt. She opens her door and exits, I assume. I unbuckle mine, again assuming that we are getting out here. I open my door at the same time she opens it for me. She takes one of my hands and with the other, holds my other arm to help my stand up. My hair flies backward from the cold breeze.

"Where are we, Antarctica?" I ask her sarcastically. She rubs my arms with her hands, trying to warm them up.

"Are you cold?" I nod. "Here," She lets go of me; I hear another car door open. I'm unsure what she's doing, but there's not much I can do about that. So I just wait. "Hold out your arm," I obey. Something slides over it- a sleeve. "Now your other one," She repeats the same thing. "Now carefully put it over your head. Don't take the blindfold off," I do as she says. I lift the sweatshirt over my head, careful not to let it pull down the blindfold. Honestly, I don't know where we are going and I want to let my mind wander in curiosity rather than being spoiled by a pulled down blindfold. "Okay, are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be. Take me away, Princess." I hold out my arm and she wraps her arms around it.

We begin walking and I instantly know where we're at. Before we even reached the sand, I could hear the waves breaking. I thought maybe it could be something else, but that was before I realized I was walking on sand. I try to hide my smile and hope that Spencer doesn't know that I know where we're at. I wonder why we're here. I don't mind it, though; I love the beach. And I'm warm now. And I smell like Spencer!

"Okay, we're almost there."

"Aren't we here already? I think I know where we're at!"

"Okay, maybe you do. But there's more. A few more steps..." I take five steps until we halt suddenly. "Okay," She lets go of my hand that she had been holding. "You can take it off now."

I place my hands over the front of the bandana, suddenly getting anxious about what could possibly be in front of me. I slide it off and what I see makes my heart leap; it's so cute! We're by the rocks in the secluded section of the beach, AKA 'our spot' as Spencer and I have come to call it. Instead of the usual bare spot, there is a large blanket covering where we normally sit. On top of the blanket in the middle, there's a rather large picnic basket. On top of the picnic basket, there is a lantern which I think will come in handy considering the sun is about to set. On either side of the picnic basket are two coffee cups from Tim's. Spencer knows how much I love Tim's.

"Don't be deceived by the basket. I wouldn't pack sandwiches for this type of occasion."

"Even if you did, I wouldn't mind." I look at her for the first time since I saw her at Gray. She's just as beautiful. Her make up remains the same, but her curls have loosened and she changed into warmer clothes. So pretty.

"Oh!" She takes her bag off of her shoulder and searches for something inside. She sets a small bag down next to the lantern to complete the picture. "For you." She says shyly. "Can we eat? I'm hungry."

"What is it?" I look back to the basket.

"Go look."

I take off my shoes and walk onto the blanket. We both sit and I remove the small gift bag and lantern from the top of the basket. I carefully remove the lid and the waft of burgers enters my nose. I can feel the heat from inside the big white bags.

"You didn't." I smile up at her.

"I did. You don't even need to worry about your figure, you're perfect."

I've been trying to watch what I eat, so I haven't had fast food or burgers or anything this good for a while. I've been craving a burger. Bless Spencer.

"You're so lucky I'm so weak for these."

We sit there together, eating In-N-Out (which I know Spencer loves considering she eats it every week and there were no In-N-Out's in Ohio) and watching the sunset together. My absolute favorite way to spend time with Spencer- watching the sun go down in our spot at the beach. She knows me so well. This day has been perfection.

We eat a lot and talk a little. By the end of our burgers and fries, we're both in food comas and I can barely move, so I just lay down against her.

"I feel so gross now." I complain to her.

"No one told you to eat every single ounce of it."

"But it was sooo good."

"No regrets then?"

"Definitely not." I look up to her and I want to lean up and kiss her, but that takes far too much effort for someone who is about to burst.

She respects me by letting us just lay there, talking little, watching the moon come out and letting my stomach regain it's usual self. We're laying side by side; Spencer is laying on her back and I'm on my right side laying into her. My hand is resting on her stomach which is going slowly up and down from her slow breathing. Above us, the moon is bright and the stars are coming out. The only lights around us are from the lantern, pier, car headlights, and the moon. It's cold, but peaceful and calming. My stomach feels better!

"How are you feeling, baby?"

In response, I stretch up to reach her lips. They're moist and soft. "Much better, thank you."

"Okay," She removes her arm from my back and sits up. This confuses me. "Then this is for you," She hands me the small bag that was sitting on top of the basket. "Take the top part out first."

I remove a piece of tissue paper and I pull out a small container. I can't see what inside. "Okay. Now set that down," She nods to the basket. "And there's something else inside the bag."

Inside the bag is a smaller pouch. I loosen it and see a small, silver piece. I pour it into the palm of my hand. It's a star!

"I decided on the star because I love watching the sunset with you and I love stargazing with you and I just love being with you but I love how this spot has become such a big part of us so I guess that's what I was thinking about when I got it." She says her run-on sentence in a quick jumble of words.

"Put it on." I hand it to her. I pull up the sleeve of her sweatshirt and she pins it to my bracelet that she gave to me for Christmas. "Thank you. Thank you, Spence, I love it. And I love you even more." I kiss her, taking in her taste.

"Okay, now the top part." She glances to the container on the basket. I look at her, questioning it, but her eyes tell my to open it. So I do.

"Oh, God, Spence. Are you trying to fatten me up?"

Inside the container is a large cupcake/tiny cake. It's completely chocolate complete with chocolate frosting and a single pink candle. Spencer pulls a lighter out of her bag; she sets the container down on the basket and lights the candle for me. She begins singing and I begin blushing and smiling like an idiot who's crazy in love. That's exactly who I am.

"Make a wish!" She smiles at me from ear to ear.

"What if I have everything I want and need?" I ask, teasingly.

"Shut up and make a wish." She whispers; her nose is almost touching mine. I lean in for a kiss, but pull away to blow out my candle just to anger Spencer. It works. After I blow out the candle, not making a wish, she comes crashing over me and pushing me onto my back. Her legs straddle my waist and her lips fill mine. I place my hands on her back and pull her closer to me; I'm instantly warmed up. I love the taste of Spencer and the smell of Spencer and the feel of Spencer. As our lips touch and release, as I pull her into me and feel her hands on my face, as I smell the sweet, intoxicating scent that is Spencer, I realize that I need her. I don't just want her, I need her. Forever. Mine. I don't know what I would do if she left me. This concept has never hit me as hard as it is right now. I don't want Spencer to ever leave me.

"As much as I want to do this," I feel her hot breaths on my lips: they slither into my mouth, leaving the taste of Spencer resting on my lips. "And trust me: there will be much time later for this, I also really want to eat that cake."

She leans away from me and I'm not sure I can get up. I think I'm poisoned by Spencer, I need more of her. I sit up and in the next second, a cold feeling is exerted on my entire face. I wipe away the contents from my eyes and I open them, staring into Spencer's.

"You did not just do that." Her tongue goes straight to my cheek, licking once and then moving to the other cheek. She moves back and looks at me again.

"It tastes almost as good as you."

I take the cake from her hands and smash it into her face.

"Hey!" She scolds at me. I lick her face.

"You're right, this does taste good."

We sit there, laughing, removing the frosting off of our faces with our fingers and licking it off, and eating the cake with our fingers. She brought forks, but we figured that we're already a mess so why not just add to it.

We pack up our things. She puts the remaining things in the basket and I throw away the trash and pick up the blanket. We walk back to her car, hand in hand, our faces still containing chocolate cake.

The drive home is quick. We're both in a great mood. I'm so happy. How can a human make another human so extremely happy? I feel like I'm on top of the world because of Spencer. I love her to death.

~.~.~.

She throws her bag down on my room floor. "I'm gonna go wash my face." She tells me, accusingly. I change then follow her into the bathroom.

My laugh startles her.

"Spence, you have frosting in your hair." I warm the wash cloth up and move it to her hairline. I move it under her chin and by her ears, removing every little spec of frosting. She takes it from me, wrings it out and warms it up, and removes the frosting from my face. It's weird that I can picture myself doing this with her everyday. Maybe not exactly removing frosting from each others faces, but little acts like this.

She changes and joins me in bed. I turn on the TV and switch it to _Criminal Minds _just for her. We watch for a few minutes before she reaches up and kisses me. Her lips don't leave mine like I assume them to do. I find myself scooting lower in bed, and find Spencer straddling me for the second time today. No complaints here. I pull her into me; her mouth kisses down my face until it reaches my neck where she begins to suck. After a few minutes, I accidentally let a moan escape. I mentally slap myself for letting that happen; she just laughs and continues kissing me all over. Her hand makes it's way to my stomach and under my shirt; her fingers twirl onto my stomach, sending shivers from my whole body. She kisses down my arm until she reaches my stomach. She places her arms around my bare back and kisses and licks my stomach. Her lips are warm against it. Suddenly, her lips are on mine again and then they are at my ear.

"I want you." She kisses my face repeatedly.

"I want you, too." My voice says hoarsely.

Shortly after my words come hers: "I want you." She repeats.

Her lips are back on my lips again. We turn over slowly so that Spencer is on her back and I am straddling her. She's aggressive. I nibble at her ear softly and whisper, "Are you sure, Spence?"

"I'm positive."


	28. Chapter 27

**AN: I apologize for how much I skipped around, with the days progressing quickly and whatnot. I just wanted to get to the main part.**

** Chapter 27**

"Look, Ash," I nudge her arm with mine and keep my eyes locked on the poster we are about to pass in the hallway. "Prom is just three weeks from this coming Saturday."

"Cool?" She gives it a tiny glance. "So, I was thinking Panera or Chipotle; they both sound so good. are you in the mood for Mexican or-?"

"Ashley!" I whine; she looks at me. "I really want to go to Prom."

"Spencer-"

"I'll tell them. I'll tell my parents. About us. I'll tell the entire school if I have to," _Whoa, cool it, Spence._ "I want to go to Prom with you."

"Spencer, you know how I feel. I really do not want to go to Prom. I promise we can do something else that night, something better than Prom. I will plan it just for us!" She smiles at me sweetly, which is hard to turn down. "Or, if you want, you can plan it. Or we can together. I just really, really don't want to go this year, Spence."

"Why?"

"I just don't want to."

"Ashley, I know you. There's an actual reason, and you won't tell me it."

"Can we just drop this?"

We reach her car and we drop it. For now.

~.~.~.

"Spence?"

"Yeah?" I ask as I continue scribbling onto my paper.

"Um, were you- were you, uh, serious? You know. Earlier. About," she pauses shortly. "Telling your parents," she gives a slightly longer pause. "About us.

I turn away from this math equation and look at her. I'm laying on her bed doing math while she's sitting on her floor across from me doing history; we have both stopped what we're doing, but Ashley is just fumbling around with her pencil, not looking at me.

"Well, yeah. I do want to tell them. It's not fair to you and I'm tired of not being me, you know?" At this, she looks up at me, a smile and hope across her face. "I'm just scared."

"I know it's scary. But I know you can do it. And I'll always be your biggest supporter; you'll always have me!" She shines her pearly whites at me.

"I'm glad to know that." I want to reach out and touch her cheek, but I can't reach. We smile at each other until she looks back down, so I do the same and return to my math problem. I do a few more until I hear her voice.

"So," she inhales and exhales deeply. "When are you gonna do it?" She asks, trying to be nonchalant. I know she's eager. I look up at her; she's writing in her notebook.

"Uh, I don't know," I begin thinking about this. There's never going to be an 'appropriate' time for this. "When do you think I should?"

"As soon as you can," She says and then looks up to me. "I mean as soon as you're able to, you know?" She stumbles her words out.

I laugh and say: "I'll think about it." Before returning to my math for good.

~.~.~.

"Hey." I smile and greet her at her locker. "This weekend."

"This weekend?" She questions.

"I'm going to tell them this weekend." I smile confidently.

"No way? This weekend. This weekend meaning the day after Friday which is tomorrow. Oh my God. That's awesome, Spence!" She hugs me, and if it wasn't for the fact we are at school, I would never let go. But I have to; I'm not out yet. "I'm so excited! For you, for us." I can see it on her face. She is excited. I know how long she's been waiting and she doesn't like keeping us a secret. The sooner, the better, I think.

~.~.~.

I wake up from my half-asleep mode to a vibrating phone on my table. I reach forward and fumble with it before pulling it up to my ear, not bothering to the look at the caller ID. The screen is too bright to look.

"Hello?" I ask sleepily.

"Hi! I just wanted to know how it went?"

"How what went, Ash?"

"You know, telling your parents."

Oh crap. I totally forgot. I've had a terrific amount of homework and projects and softball practice and it slipped my mind completely! How could something that big just slip my mind? I told her I would do something and I didn't do it. What the heck is wrong with me?

"Oh, God, Ash. I'm so sorry. I forgot. I've been so overwhelmed with things going on that I guess I just forgot to do it. I'm really sorry. I will do it as soon as I can, okay?"

"That's okay, Spencer. I'm gonna go to bed now, so I'll just see you tomorrow." I hear the disappointment in her voice even though she's trying to hide it.

"See you in the morning. Love you."

"You too." And she hangs up. A simple 'you too'. I guess I deserve it.

~.~.~.

"I miss you, Spence."

"I'm right here, Ash." I reassure her, taking another bite of my PB&J.

"I know. We just don't get to hang out as much. Well I mean we do at school, and yeah I guess the weekends, too, but not as often. I miss doing things with you after school. I don't even care if it's just homework, I still miss it."

I should have known something was up. We're sitting at the tables outside Chem, alone; we haven't sat here in ages as we usually sit with our usual group of friends: Kyla, Chelsea, and a few others. Sometimes Glen joins us and sometimes Kyla leaves us. I can understand because I doubt Glen wants to hang out at lunch with his baby sister, his baby sister who is secretly dating a girl which he disapproves of.

"I'm sorry, Ash. Practices are getting longer and more intense. We're playing harder by the day. A huge game is coming up against our rival school. Madison tells us everyday that they beat us every year and we haven't beaten them in years. She really wants to win, and I do, too. I'm sorry I've been neglecting you." Have I been? Last time I checked, she's the one who encouraged me to try out for the softball team!

"Ugh, Madison," I glare at her. She always complains about Madison, but she honestly isn't bad! "I understand! And I don't want to limit you at all. I'm proud of you. I just wanted to tell you. That I miss you."

"I miss you, too," I smile warmly at her. "Whenever you want to hang out, just call me. Okay?"

"Okay." She gives a returning smile and continues nibbling on her salad like a little bunny.

"You're coming, right? To my game?"

"You know I wouldn't miss it. I haven't missed one yet and I'm not gonna! I'm your number one fan."

I blush and laugh. She's so loyal and I'm not deserving. "Thank you. You're my good luck charm." I tell her and place my hand on her knee. She looks down at it and smiles at me.

I need to tell them.

~.~.~.

"This weekend, right?" She asks me and then turns around to face me; she leans against the driver's side door of her car.

"This weekend." I confirm.

"Promise?"

"Promise!" I link my pinky with hers that she held out. We hug each other; her arms snake down to my lower back. I feel the goosebumps on me. I rest my head on her shoulder and rub her back up softly, taking in her wonderful scent. I have to do it. For her.

"Call me when you do." She looks me in the eye and I feel my head nodding. She gets in her car and I watch as she drives away and into the night.

~.~.~.

"Alright ladies. Our game is five days from now. We have been working our asses off and we will continue to do so until Saturday. When Saturday comes, we take it to an even higher level: defeat and victory. Defeating them, victory for us. I know we can do it. We've got some serious skill. I won't lie: they got skill, too. But we totally have this, guys! Good job today, all of you," Madison looks at every one of us. We have been working hard. "So let's get a 'Cobras' on three. ONE, TWO, THREE-"

"COBRAS!" My team and I shout together before dispersing.

I walk back into the dugout and pick up my already packed bag. I begin walking towards the lot to where Clay usually picks me up after practices.

When I get to the lot, I'm surprised because he isn't here. It's already five. This is weird. I search through my school bag for my phone. I dial his number, which I know by heart, and press 'call'. When I do, I see Ashley walking toward me. She smiles and waves happily at me. I wave back, confused; she motions for me to hang up the phone. So before Clay can answer, I do.

"Hey!" I meet her halfway. "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you, too, babe."

I look down and laugh. "It is nice to see you. But it's odd that you're here at this time."

"I called Clay and told him I was gonna pick you up. I'm taking you out to dinner tonight! It's okay with your parents." She smiles widely at me. I know where this is leading up to. My heart drops.

"Oh, I don't know, Ash. I would absolutely love to," _With some exceptions. _"But I have so much homework to do and it's already five and I smell bad-"

"Don't worry about it! I'll help you with your homework while we're there. It's not like we're going to some fancy place," She walks to the bench behind me. She grabs my school bag and begins to walk back to her car. "Oh, and you don't smell horrible, either."

Not knowing what to do, I go pick up my softball bag. I put it in her trunk and she drives us to the unknown destination. We're talking, but we're not really talking. It's mostly Ashley with a side of my "I know", "Yeah", "I don't know", "Wow". I know I'm being rude, but she doesn't notice; I'm trying to think of an excuse to make when she brings it up.

I broke a promise to my best friend. She's not going to take this lightly.

~.~.~.

"Are you positive you're not hungry? At least share something with me."

"I'm really not hungry, Ashley. You eat, though. I'm just glad to be here with you." I partially lie to her and continue sipping on my ice water. This would be so nice if I wasn't lying and feeling guilty. I should have told my parents this weekend. Mom was home for once. I could have told them. But I didn't. I chickened out. I broke a promise.

I'd rather be anywhere but here.

"So," She says after taking a sip of her Root Beer. She has just finished her food and it has been taken away. I've managed to keep the conversation as just small talk. But I know it's coming now. Oh, God. "How did they react, Spence?"

"How did who react?" My mouth blabbers out the most stupid question one could ask in this situation. I avoid her eyes and stir around the shrunken ice with my straw.

"What do you mean?" She laughs. "Your parents, silly. To the horrifying news." She plays along jokingly, obviously being sarcastic.

"Oh. Yeah. That."

"Oh no. Did they flip?" Her tone changes.

"Um, no. No. They were okay with it." I glance up at her and hope that she can't see the lie on my face. I can't believe I just said that. Why did I just say that? I'm so stupid! It's okay, I can tell her the truth; it isn't too late-

"I knew they would be! Clay said they were cool with me taking you to dinner tonight. I'm so glad they were okay with it, Spence! I'm happy you're happy. I mean, you're happy right? You're happy that at least they didn't totally freak out?"

"Yeah! Yeah I'm really happy about that. I'm glad they're okay with me. Us." My voice isn't sincere enough. She's going to know something's up.

"This is so great, Spence. Hey, I know you really wanted to go to Prom. I'm sorry that I won't. It's not fair that you shouldn't because of me. If you really want to, you should find a guy friend, or girl friend, and go with them. I want you to be able to go and I don't want to hold you back. But if in the case you don't want to go, I want to be with you that night. I definitely don't want you to spend it alone." I've totally messed everything up. She's so happy and she's being so sincere and I'm just sitting here rotting of guilt and stupidity.

"No, it's fine. I want to spend it with you of course!" I try to add pep to my voice. It cracks at the end. I'm not crying, but it just cracks.

My phone vibrates in my pocket.

**Mom wants to know when you'll be home? -C**

"Hey, they kinda want me home soon. Do you know when we're leaving?" Okay, that's a lie. But I need to get out of here.

"Yeah, we can go now, Spence." She stands up and I do, too. I follow her out and she takes my hand as we walk to her car. This isn't good. I'm not out. What if we see someone?

We finally reach my house. Ashley opens the car door for me. I grab my bags out of her trunk and begin walking to my door. She grabs one bag from me and takes my hand. _No, no, no._

We approach my front door. I turn around to face her.

"Thanks for picking me up and taking me to dinner." I flash a smile.

"Even though you didn't eat! You're gonna be hungry, Spence."

"Nah, I'm okay." I still don't have an appetite.

She sets my bag down. She steps in close to me and kisses me, hard. And long. I pull away as quick as I can. I grab my bag from the porch and smile briefly at her before entering my home and shutting the door quietly behind me.

My parents could have seen that. And if they did, she'd know I lied to her. And then I would have nobody.

I can't believe I lied. I need to tell her the truth.

~.~.~.

"Come in!" I respond to the knock on my door.

"Morning, Sweetie. Ashley's here. She said she is going to take you to school."

"Oh! Okay! Thanks, Mom." I grab my bag and leave the room and fast-walk down the stairs. Ashley is in the kitchen talking with my dad while Glen and Clay eat breakfast. I grab a banana and Ashley's arm.

"No french toast? You never pass this up!" My dad questions.

"Actually, we have to go talk to our Chemistry teacher about something before school so we have to go."

"About what, Spence?" Mom asks me.

"Oh just something from the recent lesson. No worries. Bye guys!" And we're out the door.

I enter Ashley's car quickly and so does she.

"Uh, we do?"

"Um, not exactly. Let's just go."

"What's wrong, Spencer?"

"Nothing! Let's just go to school."

"Spencer-"  
"Drive, Ashley!" Surprisingly, she obeys.

We're about halfway to school when she asks, "What's the matter, Spencer? I'm clearly missing something. Don't try to lie." Little does she know, my lies have crept past her every time.

I don't lie this time. I don't say anything. I just stare out the window, hiding my face from hers, soaking in guilt.

"Spencer, please." She begs.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, just tell me what's the matter." She asks as she pulls into a parking space at school. She puts the car in park and turns off the engine. I feel her gaze on me.

"Ashley, I," I hesitate and look away from her. "I didn't-I didn't tell my parents about us." I nearly whisper.

She doesn't say anything and I'm too scared to look at her.

"What?" She says a tad louder than me. "But Spencer, you said! You promised!" Her voice raises with anger with every word she says.

"I know I said, Ashley! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I lied and I'm sorry I broke a promise to you! I just couldn't! It's too hard!"

"Then why the hell do you keep saying you're going to? Why do you keep letting me down, Spencer? You know how much I want this and then you keep going back on your word! Do you think that's at all fair to me?"

"Do you think it's fair for you to be pressuring me?" I yell back, cutting her off again like she did to me. "Obviously I want to tell them, but you're not helping with the constant harassment of wanting to know the conversation! If I wanted to tell you, I would! I didn't even tell them!" I regretted the words as soon as they came out. She looks away from me.

"Get out."

"What?"

"Get out of my car!"

"Ashley-"

"Just GO, Spencer!" She shouts at my face. So I do. I obey her. And I walk away in shame, tears threatening to fall.

I know I'm at fault here.

~.~.~.

"Carlin!" I turn around to the voice.

"Yeah, Madison?"

"You okay? You seem off these past couple of days."

_Oh, you know, just fighting about coming out to my parents with my girlfriend. That's all._

"No, I'm okay. Sorry about that. Don't worry, I'll shape up by tomorrow and Saturday will be ours."

"Damn right, it will be! One more practice to suffer through and then a game we will destroy. See you tomorrow, Spence."

"See you, Madison." I continue walking to the lot.

She's right. I have been off. Ashley hasn't spoken to me since Tuesday morning's blowout, besides little things about Chemistry in Chemistry class. But that doesn't count.

The big game and Prom is on Saturday. Just two days away. And my girlfriend hates me. I don't know if I will shape up by Saturday.

~.~.~.

Ashley wasn't at school today. Well maybe she was and just left early, but I didn't see her at lunch or in Chemistry. I assume that she won't be coming over tonight.

"Hey, Spence," My mom knocks me out of my thoughts. "Dinner will be ready in ten. Where's Ashley?"

"Oh, she's sick." I lie.

"Oh. Are you going to go see her after dinner?"

"Um, no, probably not. I brought her some food after school. It's pretty bad, though." Another lie._ Keep it up, Spence._

"Aw, okay then. Well, I'll see you down there." She tells me before exiting my doorway. All I can think about it the fact that when I do tell her about me and Ashley, if Ashley even wants me anymore, she's not going to be as friendly as she just was anymore.

After dinner, I lay with my head dangling off my bed, letting my nervous take over. I'm nervous because Ashley hasn't called or texted me, I'm nervous for my game tomorrow, I'm nervous that she won't be at my game tomorrow, and I'm nervous I will do bad in my game because of this whole situation. Sorry won't fix it, that's for sure, but I try anyway.

**Ashley, I'm sorry. I will tell them. I promise. You can be with me when I do it. I'm sorry for breaking my promise and lying over and over. I'm sorry for yelling at you and getting angry; I'm just scared and I put it out on you. I'm sorry. I have to get over it sometime and that's why I'm just going to tell them. As long as I have you, it's okay... Do I still have you? My number one fan? -XO S**

I lay there for minutes, hours, turning this way and that, and I receive nothing. No text, no call. Nothing. When I come to realize I don't have her, I feel the first tear trickle down my left cheek.

I gasp and my eyes spring open to the annoying sound of my beeping alarm. Six AM. Instead of wanting to go back to sleep, my eyes are instantly wide awake as well as my mind. My mind flashing back to the days prior, and my issues come pouring back. I check my phone for any message, something, and there's nothing. She's not coming today. My nerves are focused on her and the game. The giant game that we have to win.

I'm not exactly sure why I set my alarm for six AM. My mind is already awake, yet I continue laying here for a half hour. I finally get up and make my way sluggishly to the bathroom. This is not the attitude I want to have on game day, so I try to snap myself out of it.

I make myself toast and eat it alone downstairs at the table. No one is awake yet. I have to be at the field at eight thirty and the game starts at ten, so that's when my family will probably arrive. I hope my mom can make it. If Clay or my Dad come, I'll be happy. But this is a big game and I need some support.

I drag myself back up the stairs. I grab my uniform- jersey, pants, sliders, socks- and put it on. I put my hair into a pony tail and I grab the green ribbon that's sitting on my dresser. I tie it neatly around my my pony tail and it reminds me of when Ashley did it for me previous times for games. It makes me sad that she's not going to be there for me today. I'm sorry for hurting her.

I grab my water jug and the keys on the key holder and walk out to the car. I get in and drive to school. I get here a little early, but I needed to leave. I go to the trunk of the car and retrieve my cleats; I take my time in putting them on. After, I walk to the dug out and throw my bag down, awaiting the arrival of my teammates.

~.~.~.

"Come on, Spencer, you gotta dive for those!" Madison yells at me from the pitcher's mound. She's right, I so should have dove for that one. The batter hit a grounder between me at third and my teammate Carly at shortstop. The left-fielder got it, but the girl on third base went home and scored. Now the score is, I think, Eight to Six, them. We're not doing too hot. Or, rather, I'm not. Just like I predicted, I'm off today.

My first at bat, and the first at bat for my team, since we're home, I struck out. Swinging, thankfully, or Madison would've had my butt. Second time, I hit it straight on the third base line and she somehow got me out at first base. Every ball I've gotten in the field I've either fumbled or not dove as I should have. My game play today is horrible. All for one dumb reason that I can't seem to shake my mind off of.

We finally finish the inning; our right-fielder makes a superior catch by a pop fly. We all hustle in and Madison gives us a pep talk.

"Nice catch, Bec; way to finish the inning. Ladies, we gotta shape up, seriously. I'm done with scoring some and then them scoring and then us back and forth- no. We're done with that, alright, let's get some runs and win this damn thing. Runs on three. ONE, TWO, THREE-!"

"RUNS!"

We all scramble into the dug out. I'm in the hole. First Bailey is up; she watches two go by before swinging at a change up and striking out. _You've got to be kidding me. _Next up Katie. I go out into the on deck hole as she goes up to bat. I watch her bat intently; she fouls it several times, protecting the plate each time. She hits it! She's running, hard, but not hard enough- the second baseman backhands it and throws her out by half of a step.

Two down, one to go. And I'm up. _Deep breaths, Spence._ I take deep breaths and take a few practices swings. My coach gives me some signs, but they mean nothing, so I just do my thing.

The first pitch is a ball. Alright. I got this.

The second pitch comes: it's too far outside. Ball.

I prepare myself for the next one, awaiting that perfect pitch that I know is coming. And it does. The third pitch is perfect: right down the middle. That was perfect, why the hell didn't I swing?

I shake it off and await the next. I take deep breaths.

The next pitch, I note, is inside; I swing early, knowing that if I wait, it will be a strike or will hit my hands if I swing too late. So I swing at it early, it rips over the third baseman's clove! It's in left field! I round first base before going back.

The crowd and my team go crazy. Two down and I'm totally ready to score, I just have to get to third and we need to not strike out or get thrown out.

I take my lead-offs when appropriate, anticipating every pitch that's being thrown. On the fourth one, she hits it! I run to second, but I see the second baseman right in front of me. The ball is in between me and her. She goes for the ball and I go for the base, but I can't get to it. We slam into each other and I fall to the ground. My head begins throbbing instantly, and my right arm does just the same. It hurts, but not bad enough to be broken.

Time is called and my coaches jog over to me. The tears threaten to fall, but I wipe them away with my left arm. They keep asking if I'm okay, and I am. I just want to know if I'm out.

Obstruction. I'm safe.

"Carlin, we can switch you with a substitution-"

I cut off my coach with firmness in my voice. "I'm FINE." And we continue the inning. Two down, two on base. I'm almost home. I can score. I know I can do it.

A new batter.

Strike.

Strike.

Ball.

And she hits it! Past the first and second baseman! I run hard, I run to third. My coach is waving his arms and shouting to "Go home! Go home! Score!" The crowd is up in their seats, my team is screaming. I charge home. The second baseman receives the cut off. I'm halfway there. I'm almost there. I go down sliding; the catcher goes down on me.

I'm out.

Sighs and "ooh"'s and different variations of disappointment are heard from my team and our supporters, while the other side is bursting with cheer.

"Is this a damn joke?" I storm in the dug out and shout. I throw my helmet down and grab my glove. I hustle out to third, ignoring the consultations and pats on my back. The coach is blaming himself, but I know I was safe. I was totally there, under her tag, and before she even got the ball! It wasn't a force!

That play could cost us the game.

"Spencer, you're pitching. I'm playing third."

"What? Madison, I'm not even warmed up."

"We need a switch in the game, Spencer. Just go warm up now."

We're losing now. We're so lost. I haven't pitched all day. Is she insane?

I pitch a couple balls, each one better than the previous one. My pitches aren't too bad. My arm feels weird, but obviously it's going to- I haven't warmed up. I wish Ashley was here. A simple smile from the bleachers would reassure me. I don't even bother to look to the bleachers. When I do, it becomes real. My worries come flooding back. _Not now. It's game time._

The first batter is up. The first pitch she hits to center. Already one batter on.

Next batter is up. I pitch the ball: Strike.

I pitch another, but it's a ball. Too far inside.

She hits the fourth pitch. Madison fields it at third and flips it to second. From there, our second baseman throws it to first and almost gets her out but doesn't. We have one down now. Onto the next batter. One runner on first.

I pitch three straight balls. My next throw is going to be a fast ball. I pitch it... strike. Her count is three balls and one strike. _Don't lose her._

She swings and misses. I love my low pitches. Full count now.

Damn it. I walk her. Two on now.

"Plays at three!" I shout to my infield.

I pitch a ball and a strike to the next batter. Next, I pitch a change up, but she doesn't swing. It's a ball. I throw her a fast pitch; she swings, hits it, and sends it to right field. She gets to first, but the other runner gets to third. She's in scoring position.

"Let's hold her, ladies!" Madison shouts.

"Plays at home!" I shout after her.

I get nervous now. We can't let them score. Oh, God. I take deep breaths before delivering the pitch.

Strike one.

She hits my second pitch. A hard grounder goes to Madison; she throws to the catcher who gets the lead runner out on a force play. The catcher throws to first and gets that runner out! Double play!

"Awesome job, Madison! Nice one, Sam!" I give them a high-five, as do our other teammates.

"Alright, ladies. We gotta get some runs. These are our last ups. No runs equals we lose. We only need three to win. We can do this. Lets hit the ball and get on base." We all nod our heads at Madison's words. My faith is disappearing. We're not gonna do this.

I just want Ashley to not be angry at me.

I just got out and I doubt I'll get up this inning. I hope we get three. We need to win this.

Our first batter gets a single. The next one hits but gets thrown out. We have one on second base and one out. It's okay. We can do it.

The family and friends in the bleachers are going as crazy as are we. We're loud and it seems as if we're getting to the pitcher. She's throwing more balls. Our batter gets a walk!

The next batter's up. Strike. Ball. Ball. Ball. Foul ball. Swing and miss. Two outs. _Shit._

For the next batter, the catcher fumbles the ball. Our girl steals third. _Hell yeah! _For that same batter, the catcher misses the third strike- a pitch our girl swung at- and our girl runs to first. The catcher throws it, but she's already safe. And our girl has stolen home!

Eight to Seven. We got this. We have a runner on first and second now. Two outs. So, so close.

"Spencer, what are you doing? You're up! Go, go!"

"What? Shit, okay!" I fumble with my helmet and throw it on. I neglect my gloves and quickly grab my bat. I run to the batter's box. Oh, God. Oh my God. Two outs, two on. I strike out or get thrown out, we lose. I hit, I get on or possibly hit them in and they score.

Oh, God. Help me.

I take many deep breaths. I take my time in the box; I take over control. I'm in charge, not the pitcher.

She throws the first pitch and... ball.

I step out and take practice swings. More deep breaths.

Strike. It looked way too outside. I can't risk anymore of these. If it looks like a strike, it's going to be a strike. I have to swing. I have to hit it past the infielders.

She pitches another. Ball, too high.

Another pitch comes my way. I foul it off. I have two balls and two strikes. Oh, God. I step out and inhale. I hold my bat up in front of my face; I stare at it and exhale. _Calm down, Spencer. You need to stay calm. Ignore the fact that if you strike out, you lose the game for your team. Shit. _I'm shaking. My legs are in the box, bent. I await the pitch with shaking legs and arms. My bat feels heavy. Here it comes.

It floats over the plate. Oh my God, why didn't I swing on that change up? Oh, God, I struck out looking on a change up. Oh my God, I lost. I made us lose the game.

Ball.

Three balls, two strikes. This next pitch is life or death. I'm going to vomit.

I step out and take slow practice swings.

That's when I see her. My heart drops to my stomach.

She's sitting in the front row of the stands. Next to Clay. We make eye contact. She knows I see her. She gives me a small, close-mouthed smile. She doesn't hate me. She kept her promise. She didn't miss this game. Part of it, sure, but she's here. Now. In my worst moment. The worst possible moment to show up. Oh, right, the game. Two strikes and three balls. One strike means I'm out. Game's done. One ball means I get a walk and onto the next batter who may or may not get out. I'm not going to leave that up to them. I have to swing and hit it!

I step back into the box. Deep breaths. Calm down. You have your supporter. She will love you no matter what.

I swing.

I hit it.

It soars over and in between the heads of the third baseman and shortstop. It bounces before the left fielder catches it.

One runner gets home. Tied.

Another gets in, too. Win.

I'm left on second. The play is over. We've won. One more out and we've won.

The crowd is jumping up and down. My teammates are doing cheers for me in the dug out. Everybody is stoked, including me. This is insane! I won the game for us!

The next batter hits it hard. But the center fielder runs hard, backwards, and catches it.

It doesn't matter. We won. My number one fan came.

We quickly clean up our dugout and congratulations are heard all around. More to me for winning the game, but just general ones to our team because we won. Together.

"You came." I smile at her.

"I told you I wouldn't miss one." She doesn't smile, but she doesn't look away from me.

"I'm so, so sorry, Ashley. I will do anything-"

"No. Don't say that. I don't want anymore words."

"I'm sorry. I want you to know that. I want you to know how sorry I am. I'm sorry I always mess up. I will tell them and I promise that-"

"I don't want any promises, Spencer. I forgive you. It's okay. Just don't make me anymore promises. Please."

"I'm going to tell them."

"We'll talk about this later."

Good thing she stops me, because my family comes walking up behind her. They tell me how great I did and how awesome it is that we won.

She whispers something in my dad's ear. He nods, hugs me, and walks away with Glen and Clay.

"What did-?"

"Follow me."


	29. Chapter 28

**AN: So sorry it has been so long! Here's a long chapter just because you all deserve it for waiting so long :)**

***I take no credit for Taylor Swift's song: Enchanted**

Chapter 28

"Why are we here?"

"Because. I remember how happy you were when we came here after Glen won his game. And you won the game for your team and I figured coming here would make you happy, too."

I smile at her words and at how well she knows me. She's right: I wanted Mom to treat my team to dinner at Fudd's. It didn't exactly happen that way, but I am thankful for this turn out.

"Thank you. I'm sorry, Ashley. I promise I-"

"No, Spencer. I told you already: I don't want words and I don't want anymore promises. No promises."

"Please don't be angry with me." I stare into her eyes and beg.

"I'm not. I just don't want you to make me any promises. And I also don't want you to tell me things and then not do them. It hurts, Spencer." She says this with no remorse and no anger. I barely see emotion. She's just telling me, plain and simple.

"Okay. I'm sorry, Ashley."

"It's okay, Spencer." She finally breaks the stare by grabbing the fries that were placed in front of us a few minutes ago.

"Spencer, are you okay? Your eye..."

"Yeah, I'm fine," I tell her, surprised at the question. "What about my eye?"

"It's bruised," She pulls out a mirror and I look at my right eye. She's right. It is bruised. I have a black eye. My black eye matches my elbow which is swelling around the bone. I look down at it and she must notice it, too. "So is your arm. Are you okay?" She repeats.

"Yeah, no, don't worry. It's fine!" I copy her action and take a fry from the tray that is sitting in front of us. When I do, I feel a sharp pain in my right arm. My eyes shut real quick and I wince.

"Spencer, are you sure we shouldn't take you to a doctor or something?" Her voice is nurturing, concerned even. She sounds like regular Ashley again. Good.

"No, honestly, I'm okay. It will go away within a few weeks. No big deal."

"You're positive?"

"I am." I reassure her, though I'm not too positive. Maybe I chipped my bone or something. Whatever, I'll live.

"That girl was huge. I'm glad you didn't break a bone or something."

My eyes widen. "You saw that?" I'm embarrassed now.

"Yeah! You went down hard."

"Yeah... It's okay, that happens. It's bound to happen again," At my words her face fills with worry: her forehead crinkles and her mouth opens slightly. "It's okay! I'm not gonna die! And I'll try to avoid it just for you." At this, her face attempts to soothe out. "So," I say, several fries and giggles later, "Care to tell me our plans for tonight?"

"Oh! Yes," She recalls after placing a fry in her mouth. "My house. No Mother and no Kyla. Just you and me. Nothing big. Do you have any ideas?" She asks me.

"Nope. We'll just wing it." I wink at her which makes her blush.

~.~.~.

"Go shower." She commands me and throws my clothes at me that we just picked up from my house. I'm going to miss how willing my mom is when she finds out Ashley is my girlfriend. I'm only sixteen, but parents aren't going to control my life. I'm happy now and that's all the matters. Right?

"Oh? I thought I didn't smell bad?" I smirk and raise an eyebrow at her. She walks over to me and places her hands on my hips and her lips on mine simultaneously.

"Now will you go shower?" She whispers in my ear. I definitely don't want to now. But she's mine for tonight.

~.~.~.

"Ashley?" I ask after stepping back into her room and noticing she isn't here.

"Oh, hey." she walks into her room a few seconds after I call her name. In her arms, she bares two circular cloths. She makes her way toward her bed.

"What's that?" I motion to the little wrapped items.

"Come lay down." I oblige. She sets the items down on her side table with a clank. She undoes the covers of her bed, holding them up, allowing me to slip under just the first one so I'm not too warm. It's perfect temperature. The breeze is hitting me through her open window and it feels like spring. My first spring in California. My first spring with and knowing Ashley. This makes me happy. Hopefully there will be many more with her.

"Ow, hey, that's cold! What are you doing?" The sudden drop in temperature on my skin knocks me out of my thoughts.

"You're all battered and bruised. This should make the swelling go down." It's not that she's like my mom, but she's nurturing. She's caring. It's no wonder I feel so safe and protected around her. She's like home. She's more of a home to me than my actual home, not that I don't like my home. With Ashley it's just nice. I look at the ice pack she is holding onto my elbow and then I look up at her face. She is smiling innocently and warmly at me; I try to smile back but realize I'm already smiling. The ice packs are extremely cold, but I suppose she's right about making the swelling go down.

"Thank you," I say and continue looking at her. "I can hold it." I move my hand and eyes to where her hand is holding the pack over my elbow. I place my hand over hers, but it doesn't move.

"Are you sure? I can hold it for you."

"No, it's okay. I'll do it." I say, though I'd prefer if she held it. I look back up at her and, out of the corner of my eye, I see the ice pack that she is holding to my face. It's close to my eye, so I allow myself to close it. I decided, instead of just closing one, to close them both. To just rest them.

Her arm maneuvers so that it's behind my head. She's slightly propped up while my head is resting on her arm. I keep accidentally letting go of the pack I am holding to my elbow because I keep slipping into sleep. I try to keep myself awake but find it hard.

"It's okay, just close your eyes." Her voice soothingly says. So I close them again. I don't have enough willpower to keep my pack in place. She holds it there after my hand slides to my side. I roll myself into her; she holds both of the packs onto me. I feel bad for making her do this, but I just want to sleep.

I feel a pressure on my head and something warm hitting my forehead, so I instinctively glance up to find the source. Ashley's breathing softly onto my forehead; she's asleep. Her forehead is leaning against my head. One of my arms is tucked in between our bodies and the other is wrapped around to her back, holding her close to me. The ice pack she was holding to my eye is now just water in a plastic bag, sitting politely on her side table. I try to look around for the one I was once holding to my elbow, worried that it might leak onto her bed. It's on the other side of me, also just water in a bag. I take it and set it on the side table closest to me so I don't accidentally roll over it or something. When I turn back, Ashley's eyes are open and she is smiling at me.

"Good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty." My sleepy voice says to her. I assume my position again: my face and arms huddled into her chest. Her arms cover my back and she holds me.

"You're the Sleeping Beauty," her voice is much more beautiful than mine is. "You fell asleep two hours ago. I fell asleep fifteen minutes ago."

"What time is it?" My muffled voice asks to her chest.

"Five-thirteen."

"Already?" I ask and sit up, feeling the pain in my elbow again from applying instant pressure to it. "Ow, I wasted all that time sleeping? You should have woke me up." I blame her, not actually blaming her.

"You were obviously exhausted, Spence. Do you not recall the game you won?" She smiles.

"It feels so long ago. Hard to believe that all happened today."

"Its been a long day. How are your arm and eye feeling?" She asks and pulls me into her. I'm careful to not let my arm touch anything.

"They're both okay as long as nothing is touching them." This makes me aggravated. What am I supposed to do with an aching arm?

"I'll be careful then," Her lips touch my cheek for a second before leaving. I feel a smile creep across my face. "Are you hungry?"

"A little, but not too much. Are you?"

"Very much so."

"Well, do you want me to go cook you something? Or I could go grab something. What do you want?"

She laughs. "You're not my maid, Spence."

"I know, but you're hungry so you should eat!" I say pathetically.

"I'll be fine, babe. Just tell me when you're really hungry, okay?"

"If you say so. What were you thinking for dinner?" I ask.

"Up to you."

"It's okay; anything is fine by me."

"Same. You pick."

"Oh, no. Please don't do this to me." I beg and face her.

"Nevermind, I won't; I just thought of something."

"Care to share?"

"Nah, you'll see."

"Another surprise? I'm not good with surprises." Anxiousness fills me. I'm not in the mood for any big surprises or efforts tonight. I just want to relax.

As if she reads my mind, she says: "Take a chill pill, freak. It's no big deal. Promise."

She waits until I get really hungry before we go and get food. I'm hungrier than before, but not starving. I just said I was ready so we could go get food for Ashley. Her stomach has been growling non-stop. She thinks I haven't been hearing it.

We pull into the shopping center nearest Ashley's house. I eye around all the food places, wondering which one she chose. I'm down for any.

The car slides into a spot and I look straight up at our destination.

"Panda Express?" My tone of voice comes off in a sassy manner unintentionally.

"Do you want something else?"

"No, this is fine." I smile at her before exiting her car.

~.~.~.

"Hold on, let me chew!" I laugh and tell her with my mouth full of chow mein. She laughs back at me. I hurriedly chew up the chow mein and swallow it, laughing only after in fear of choking on seemingly endless amounts of noodles. My mouth opens at the fork of noodles in front of my face. Once in my mouth, Ashley begins laughing again which makes me laugh and nearly choke again. "Your turn." I twist some chow mein on my fork and hold it close to her face.

"That's way too much!" She objects.

"Don't care. Eat." And she does. She takes the entire fork-full of chow mein into her mouth, struggling to chew. I try to avoid laughing, fearing she might choke, but she doesn't. After she finally swallows, I allow myself to laugh freely. She does the same.

"Alright, I'm done. And now there's something I want to show you," She gets up and makes her way across her room. Her arm reaches out and I watch as her fingers twist some dials in different directions on her stereo. She stands up straight again and faces me. "Or, rather, listen to. This was supposed to be your Valentine's Day gift. I'm sorry for it being so late." She awaits a response from me.

"I don't mind. Show me." I smile, curious for what's to come.

She presses a button and faces me again. She strides over to me and, as she does, a beat starts up. It isn't upbeat, it's calming. Sort of quiet, but nice. My hand reaches out to hers and I'm pulled up by it. Suddenly, I hear her soft voice coming from the stereo.

_There I was again tonight_

_ Forcing laughter, faking smiles_

_ Same old tired, lonely place_

I look her in the eyes for the first time since the song began. She looks worried, so I give her a smile because that's the most I can do right now.

_ Walls of insincerity_

_ Shifting eyes and vacancy vanished when I saw your face_

_ All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you_

I find myself being twirled by Ashley's arm, softly, and pulled back into her again. My body moves instinctively with hers, knowing that it belongs here.

_Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?"_

_ Across the room, your silhouette starts to make it's way to me_

_ The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy_

_ And it was enchanting to meet you_

_ All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you_

I smile and giggle like an idiot when I realize she's talking to me. Talking to me through song. Her lovely voice is telling me that, from her heart, she is enchanted to meet me. And that makes me feel so loved.

I hear a few guitar strums and picture her strumming in my head.

_This night is sparkling, don't you let it go_

_ I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home_

_ I'll spend forever wondering if you knew_

_ I was enchanted to meet you_

I feel tears starting to form in my eyes. I look down and laugh some more, urgently blinking them away. I feel her eyes on me, but I avoid them, continuing our dancing. Ironically, the beat gets louder and our dances slows.

_The lingering question kept me up_

_ Two AM, who do you love?_

_ I wonder 'till I'm wide awake_

_ Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door_

_ I'd open up and you would say, "It was enchanting to meet you"_

_ All I know is I was enchanted to meet you_

My arms are wound tightly around her neck. Fortunately, you can't hear my sobs very well over the music, but I'm sure she can feel them. Her arms are around my lower back; we sway back and forth together. I don't know why I'm crying so hard.

_This night is sparkling, don't you let it go_

_ I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home_

_ I'll spend forever wondering if you knew_

_ This night is flawless, don't you let it go_

_ I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone_

_ I'll spend forever wondering if you knew_

_ I was enchanted to meet you_

I wait for the next part in the song and for her beautiful voice to come back. I can't help thinking about every word she is telling me. It's so relevant to this moment. This night is literally sparkling: she has lights strung about throughout her room that are the only source of illumination. The night is flawless because Ashley. Just Ashley. I hope she isn't kept up by that lingering question because I love her. Forever.

_This is me praying that this was the very first page, not where the story line ends_

_ My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again_

_ These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon_

_ I was enchanted to meet you_

_ Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you_

_ Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you_

I'm not. Only you.

_This night is sparkling, don't you let it go_

_ I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home_

_ I'll spend forever wondering if you knew_

_ This night is flawless, don't you let it go_

_ I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone_

_ I'll spend forever wondering if you knew_

_I was enchanted to meet you_

_Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you_

The song ends and we continue swaying there for I don't know how long. My crying is easing up and I'm embarrassed that I ever began crying.

"Spencer?" She whispers into my ear. In response, I give a few sniffles and I slowly turn my head to become face to face with her. "Do you like it?" Her worried voice asks me.

I smash my lips to hers, tears leaking from my eyes. I kiss her long and hard, only breaking for second intervals due to loss of breath. It's sloppy, but I just want to her to know how much it means to me. Somehow, I feel this will show her how I feel rather than any words I can manage to come up with.

We finally pull away. My nose is only a couple inches away from hers. She removes her hands from my back and wipes my face dry with her fingers. Each time she does, silent leftover tears fall over my newly dried face. This makes her fake-frustrated; she laughs and it makes me laugh. A good laugh. My chest feels strange. I feel so good.

"No words will ever be able to come close to what it means to me," I tell her in my ugly 'I just sobbed' voice. "Thank you. So much. It was beautiful. Your voice is beautiful. You're beautiful."

"So are you," She kisses me, softly this time. Every taste of Ashley flows through my mouth and sends my stomach out the window. We stand there, holding onto each other, neither wanting to let go ever. Minutes pass before I hear her soft voice: "It took me months to write. The first part was when I was in the wrong place. Then I met you," She says sweetly. "Obviously some parts contain my imagination. I began writing it when I started crushing on you and I was confused. The chorus is when I began thinking about tonight and how I wanted to spend it with you. Exactly like this. It's what I imagined, so I wrote it like that. And tonight turned out just right."

"Wow. It's amazing, Ashley. I love it so much. Thank you," We stand there silently some more. My legs begin to feel tired of standing. "I'm so happy we didn't go to Prom. I'd much rather spend it this way."

"I'm glad you feel this way now. But I'm sorry I didn't want to go."

"Don't worry about it, baby. I'm happy. Are you?" I look at her; I let go of her warm neck and grab her hands with mine.

"Too happy." She smiles at me. I return it.

"You can never be too happy," I turn my attention to her open window which had been distracting me for a few minutes. "Is it raining?" She looks too. I walk over to the window, with Ashley close behind. We admire the drizzle.

"Let's go."

"Go where?" I look at her and ask. She gestures to outside. Before I can answer, I'm being pulled down her stairs and out the door. The rain that looked soft from upstairs is now pouring onto every part of me. I squint my eyes to see Ashley. We're standing in the middle of the street, rain falling everywhere including on us. I admire her beautiful facial structure as her head faces the sky. Her voice snaps me out of it.

"Want to know why I didn't want to go to Prom?" She nearly whispers, her head still facing the sky.

I keep my eyes locked on her face and answer in a similar whisper: "You don't have to tell me."

"I want to," She says as her eyes meet mine. Her eyes search around, looking for something but nothing at the same time. "I was cheated on. It wasn't fun." She gives a weak laugh and finally looks back at me.

"Ashley-"

"It's okay now. I just, I don't know, didn't want something like that to happen again." She finishes and sits right where she was standing in the middle of the street. I join her.

"What happened?" I bravely ask.

"Couldn't find him. Found him in the bathroom with her. They ran off together."

"Who was Aiden with, Ashley?" I ask bravely.

She looks me dead in the eye and says: "Madison." My stomach does somersaults.

"Oh, Ashley-"

"Really. It's fine. And I know you wouldn't do that to me, I just-"

"I'm so sorry you that happened to you," I reach across and hug her, both of us remaining cross-legged. "I would never. I just wish you would have told me earlier. I so would have understood. It's okay, I love you and I love how tonight is going."

"I love you, too," She hugs me tight before letting go and looking at me. She gives me a smile that warms me up. "I didn't mean to be all depressing and stuff, out in the rain and all," She giggles. "I just wanted to tell you. And be in the rain at the same time." I watch her get up and skip to the west.

"Where are you going?" I shout.

"Nowhere!" She shouts back, skipping and dancing, barefooted, in the pouring rain.

Instinctively, I jump up and skip to her just as she is doing. We dance around for I don't know how long, enjoying the rain and each others company. I grab her by the waist and pull her hips into mine. I throw my arms over her shoulders and kiss her hard and soft at the same time. I taste Ashley and I feel Ashley's tongue with mine. Despite how warm I'm feeling, I shiver from the contact with Ashley and she pulls apart. She hugs me and rubs my arms together in an effort to warm them up. Ashley's presence makes me warm, but my body is going colder. I'd stay out here forever if it wasn't so cold. She grabs my hand and pulls me along with her in the direction of her house.

We reach her lawn and prance over it. We're blocked from the rain now, standing from Ashley's porch. She reaches for her front door, opens it, and I pull her hand back. She turns to face me.

"Um, hello, we're soaked!" I tell her as I wring my hair out.

"It's fine! Come on. It's just water." She winks and pulls me in. Good thing because that wink practically paralyzed me.

We slop up her stairs and down her hallway and into her room, leaving numerous feet prints and puddles of water everywhere.

"Now what? We're cold and wet and I have no more clothes."

"God, quit your whining, wimp." She scolds me playfully and enters through her bathroom door. I hear a faucet turn on and I wonder what she is doing. After standing in her doorway for couple minutes, soaking up the area, I tip toe to the bathroom to see what she's doing, trying not to get her entire room wet.

What I see inside surprises me. The first thing I look for is Ashley. She's laying in the filled up bubble bath. On the edges and a few scattered around the bathroom are small, red, circular candles. Thrown next to the toilet are her soaked clothes. I look to her and she smiles innocently at me. Before I can respond, she pats the water that's sitting in front of her. She looks from it back to me and waits. So, I slide down my wet shorts and throw my shirt on top of them. I slip out of my undergarments and step into the tub, gingerly, careful not to step on Ashley's legs. I sit in front of her body and lean myself against her chest. The water is nearly hot and is at the very tip of the tub; bubbles nearly spill out. It's very relaxing, similar to a jacuzzi. I relax instantly and my goosebumps, signaling that I'm cold, disappear. Ashley slowly fills up water with a cup and repeatedly pours it over my head, farther back so it doesn't fall over my face.

"This is nice." I say, eyes closed, after many minutes without speaking.

"It is." She wraps her arms around my neck softly. I lift my head up and kiss under her chin. The water from her chin dribbles down to my lips and down my neck.

"Thank you for everything."

"I didn't do anything, Spence."

"Shut up. Thank you," I grab her hands with mine and play with them; I look at them briefly. I think about telling her what's on my mind, but I remember our conversation from this morning and decide otherwise. Instead, I just say: "Ash, your fingers are prunes."

"Well, we've been in here for quite a while."

"Come on." I stand up and help her up. We step out; I grab two towels and throw one at her. She catches it, looks at me, and drops it before walking out of here. I open my mouth to speak, but instead I hear her voice coming from outside the bathroom.

"Won't need that. Or clothes. Come here."


	30. Chapter 29

**AN: I apologize for the shortness! **

Chapter 29

The engine of Ashley's car stops. I remove my seat belt and turn to face her.

"Last night was one of the best nights I've had in my life. Thank you so much for everything you do for me; I appreciate every little bit. You're the best." I grab her hands, not ready to tear my eyes from hers.

"It was one of my favorite nights, too, Spence, just because I got to spend it with you. Every minute I spend with you is my favorite,"

I break it anyway and hug her. Thankfully, when Ashley drops me off, she parks a few houses down so that my parents don't see us. Of course I need to kiss her before I go. Not that it should matter this time. Today's going to be...not the greatest. I kiss her softly and inhale all the Ashley I can. Who knows when I'll be able to again?

"I love you," She tells me and smiles at me. I smile back automatically. "See you tomorrow?"

"I love you, too. See you tomorrow." I exit her car and motion for her to drive off, but she refuses. When I reach my door, I turn back around to look at her; she finally drives off. I step into my home and my forehead is already beginning to sweat.

"Spencer? Is that you?" My moms angry voice calls out to me.

"Yeah, Mom." I hear her foot steps pacing closer to me.

"Why were you not at church this morning?"

"I'm sorry; Ashley and I stayed up way too late and we both slept through our alarms." Partly true.

"You've been skipping more and more. You need to get it together, Spencer."

"I'm sorry. I'll shape up, I promise," I tell her sincerely. I begin to walk toward the stairs. "Where is everybody?"

"Your father is at the market and I think your brothers are with their girlfriends. They all should be home soon."

"Oh. Okay." This is good. I need to make sure everybody is home. Just in case. I really only need Dad and Clay. Clay is okay with me and I know Dad will be disappointed, but he will love me no matter what. I thought about telling him before my mom just so that he could support me when dealing with my mom, but I decided since Clay already knows, he'll have my back and I can just kill two birds with one stone. It will be okay. It will all be okay. I hope.

I unpack all my stuff from Ashley's house. I throw my still damp rain clothing into my hamper. I take my time with every little thing I do, though I don't know why. I shower slowly, I brush my hair slowly, I eat lunch slowly. I slowly pack several changes of clothes and stuff them into that same bag. I grab my toothbrush and other toiletries. I slowly stuff all of my items into the duffle and zip it up. I suppose it's just procrastination because my whole family is home now and it's already four.

I send a quick text:

**Ashley, come pick me up right now. Please stay in your car. -Spencer**

I trudge to Clay's room; I set my bag down outside of it and knock on his door. He allows me inside.

"Hey, what's up?" He asks from behind his AP Physics book. I shut the door behind me.

"Hi. Um..." He looks up from his work. "I'm telling Mom and Dad about me. And Ashley. Today. Soon."

"Is there anything you need, Spence? Anything you want me to help you with?"

"Just, being there for me, I suppose." My hands start shaking. Clay gets up from his desk and we sit on his bed together.

"It will be okay. I promise. You always have me. I will do anything to protect you."

"Thank you so much," My voice cracks. "Mom is going to freak out. Mom is going to hate me. She is going to kick me out and I'll have no-"

"Spencer, Mom is not illogical like that. She would never kick you out. Even so, Dad nor I will allow that." My mouth isn't working. But I trust him.

I carefully stand up and try to regain my balance. I feel as if my lunch is going to make it's way back up my throat. Before exiting, I look back at Clay who gives me a confident nod. I exit, pick up my bag, and head toward the stairs at the end of my upstairs hallway.

I pass my room and Glen's room. I approach the stairs and they look so long and steep. I feel like I'm hallucinating, but now I know I'm just being ridiculous. Each step sounds like a loud thud in my head. Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, I quietly set my bag down near the door so I'm not questioned. I walk toward the living room where Glen is playing a video game while my dad looks through cookbooks next to my mom on the couch.

I approach. Mom must sense my presence: she looks up and sees me.

"Hey honey, why don't you come sit with us?" She smiles and pats the spot next to her. I'm going to miss how loving she is to me.

"Actually, there's something I wanted to talk to you and Dad about." At this, my dad peeks his head up from over the book in a friendly manner. Glen pauses his video game.

"Alright, I'm in. Let's hear it!" Glen faces me and smiles. He knows what I'm talking about, but he's acting like he doesn't.

"I'm pretty sure I said Mom and Dad, which you are neither!" I spit back at him. Mom gets up and Dad follows her. They sit around the kitchen table, so I do, too. I feel really nauseous.

"Spencer, your face is ghostly. Are you feeling alright? Do you need some medicine?"

"What, no, I'm fine!" I lie and try to fake a smile.

"What is it you would like to talk about?" My dad gives me a warm smile: a smile that could never hate me for who I am.

"It's- it's um, about me. Myself, mainly. And Ashley, a little, I guess." I stutter. There's no going back now. I'm screwed.

"Is Ashley alright? Are you alright? Did something happen between you guys?" My mom's face and tone become worried. _Yeah, something happened. Love. But you're not going to understand that._

"Paula, let her speak." Dad pats her arm.

"We're both fine," I give them this reassurance. "We're both really happy, actually. I just need you guys to please understand. This means a lot to me-"

"Understand what, Spencer?" My mom's tone because serious and suspicious. She knows I'm up to something.

"It's not bad, I swear," _Well, maybe for you it is. "_Please be calm. This is hard for me to do and I just need-"

"Spencer, you need to tell us what is going on. Come on!"

"Mom, stop! Please-!"

"Paula, let her take her time!"

"Arthur, clearly this is something that needs to be fixed or else she wouldn't be-"

"She's just trying to tell us something! Stop," My dad is firm with her and she's quiet. "Go ahead, honey. Take your time." I take a deep breath and know this isn't going to go over well. I want to run. I want to say nevermind. I want them to not care; I want them to be happy for me. I want to just be happy with Ashley and not have to worry about the discrimination of people I know and don't know-

"Spencer?" Dad snaps me out of it.

"Sorry. Okay. Like I said, this is something that means a lot to me and I need you both to please not say anything right away; please just try your best to understand. I don't need you to be happy about it, I just need you to try to understand and to still love me and-" I notice the looks on their faces at my quick ramble. "Okay. I, I'm," I look down at my sweating hands. "G-gay." Two seconds seems like two decades; neither of them have spoken. My mom's mouth is ajar and my dad is rubbing his chin and around his mouth.

"You're not." She tries to state this as a pure fact.

"Paula-" My dad lowers his head.

"You're not!" She cuts my dad off, still staring at me, looking at me like I've gone crazy when it's exactly the opposite.

"I am, Mom-" I try to remain calm.

"You're not! Do you hear me?" My mom yells and stands up from the table. My dad does, too, and he tries to calm her down but fails.

"I am, Mom! This is who I am! Haven't you noticed how happy I've been? I'm finally happy! Why can't you just be happy for me?" I yell back throatily, large lumps stopping me from yelling any louder.

"You don't know what you're saying. You're confused. You're confused, Spencer! We need to get you to a specialist!"

"A specialist? Do even hear yourself?" I shout back. "I'm gay and Ashley is my girlfriend!"

"Spencer Elizabeth Carlin!"

"Paula-!"

"Do you hear this Arthur?!"

"Stop yelling!"  
"Shut up, Spencer! How dare you say these things! You're sick! Ashley is no longer allowed in your or any of our presences!" She screams at me.

"How can you say that? I'm your daughter! And I love her!" I yell back, tears freely falling. She tries to come around to me on my side of the table, but my dad pulls her back.

"You don't know love! You're sixteen!" She screams and Dad tries to calm her down and I try to calm myself down until she hisses, "You're no daughter of mine." It's as if I've been stabbed in the lungs.

Clay and Glen come running into the room simultaneously, Mom still yelling at me all the while. It's too loud. Mom's yelling at me, Dad's yelling at her, Clay is talking to me, but I can't hear him over my mind and my mom's yelling. Glen is standing there looking lost and I see a trace of sorrow in his eyes. Tears fall freely onto my shirt; I feel wet and as if I need to change my shirt. I look down at my hands and they contain strands of my hair; I hadn't realized I'd been pulling it out of my head. Mom escapes Dad's grip and she's sprinting in my direction; they all try to stop her but she's already chasing me out the door.

I quickly pick up my bag and run outside. I slam the door behind me so it stalls her a bit. I see Ashley a few houses down and for once I wish she had parked right in front. I'm sprinting to her now, finding it hard to see through the water in my eyes. I hear more yelling behind me and I don't have to look back to know she opened the door and is after me.

I reach Ashley's door and I open it and jump in quickly, slamming it shut.

"Go, Ashley!"

"Spencer, what the hell is going on?"

"Just drive!" I shout through my tears.

"Spencer-"

"Just drive, Ashley!" I scream at her. She slams on the gas petal and we're flying down the street.

Ashley's POV

I hear the familiar ring tone that signals Spencer's text. I throw my pencil down in frustration, not at Spencer, at my lack of ideas, and race to it on the other side of the room.

**Ashley, come pick me up right now. Please stay in your car. -Spencer**

I don't question it. I just do it.

**On my way. XO- A**

In respect for Spencer, I wait in the car as she asked and a few doors down like she prefers. I guess I'll get used to it eventually.

I sit in the car for several minutes, each minute debating on whether or not to go to her door. Maybe she forgot about me.

Shortly after considering this, I see a figure coming my way. She's sprinting and I suppose we're having another sleepover, judging by her bag, and I'm not complaining about that. I miss her already.

She reaches my car quickly and I see Paula running, too. I roll down my window to say hi to her, but Spencer is yelling in my ear. And she's crying. I turn my attention to her.

"Spencer, what the hell is going on?"

"Just drive!" She is hysterical with tears. I want to know what is happening, is everything okay? Is someone hurt?

"Spencer-"

"Just drive, Ashley!" She screams at me. This is not a Spencer that I know, and something about her makes me listen. So I don't say hi to Paula as attempted. I step on the gas and we're flying to I don't know where.

"Spencer, you need to tell me what's going on."

"You just need to drive." She's quieter now, but still crying.

"Where am I driving to?"

"I don't know! Anywhere!"

"That's very broad, Spencer-"

"I don't care! Oh, God. I don't. Oh-" She places her hands offer her mouth which muffle her words, but she's still sobbing. I don't know what's going on!

"Spencer! Tell me what the hell happened!"

"What am I going to do? Oh my God." She keeps repeating the same things over and over, forgetting the fact that I'm still here.

"I'll help you! Just tell me what's wrong!"

"Where am I going to go? I have no where to go..." She's mumbling now, talking to herself. She sounds like a schizophrenic person and it's scaring me.

I look over to her just in time to see a truck mere feet away from her side of the car, not stopping.

"SPENCER!"


	31. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

"...happened to you. I don't understand. I wish it was me. You don't deserve this. I need you. You can't die," The last word is emphasized. I don't know what's going on. The voice I hear sounds familiar. It's crying. Hard. "Why you? Why this? You didn't do anything!" The voice shouts in frustration. I struggle to open my eyes and don't understand why I'm unable to do so. The voice stops and I want it to come back. Something about it makes me want it to not stop talking, despite the tears. I want to know what she is talking about.

I don't know how long I struggle to open my eyes to a voice that I'm unsure is even here anymore. I just feel weak. Little by little, I feel my eyes beginning to open. They finally do! But my vision is blurry. I can't see anything. Everything is smudges of white and a little bit of brown or blue. I see different colors bunched up to my right and I have no clue what it is. But besides that, I can't see.

I feel myself drifting off and waking up often. So often that I hear different voices sometimes and I don't know who these belong to. These voices I'm not as fond of. They aren't like the one I heard earlier. Sometimes I hear these peoples conversations and other times it's as if they're talking into a pillow or something.

Another problem is my eyes. Sometimes they open, sometimes they don't. I don't like that. I just want to be able to open them when I would like and to keep them open. It would be lovely if my vision wasn't blurry every time I am able to open my eyes.

It's quiet. My eyes are closed. I am trying my hardest to open them, but I just can't. It's making me really frustrated.

I just had a dream that I was falling. I felt myself flinch a little, so I woke up. Of course my eyes decide to stay shut. So annoying.

I've been having dreams lately. I don't know why these dreams are so insane. I don't remember eating any insanely sugary foods recently. I could go for some brussel sprouts right now.

Another muffled voice is here. I can't hear what they are saying. I can't move to show them that I am aware they are here. As quickly as I heard it, it disappears. Just my luck. Not that it matters: I can't signal anything to them.

Another wicked dream. I'm getting annoyed.

My eyes opened! They opened willingly! I didn't even have to try!

I blink rapidly, trying so hard to focus on what's in front of me. I can't make anything out. Still. What if I'm like this forever? What if I become blind?

"Spencer? Spencer?" An urgent voice says. This one sounds warm. Familiar again. I wonder if it's the same one from earlier. She's gone again.

The beeping of something can get really annoying. I find it hard to sleep sometimes, and not just because I've been sleeping so often. I really want to get up. I really want to know why I'm here and what's going on.

My eyes open again. They've been cooperating more lately. I'm appreciative of that, but I wish I could see clearly. Everything is still blurry.

I open my eyes and blink once more as usual and it's as if things become a smidgen more clear. So I do that over and over: blink. It takes several moments for my vision to become fixed and not blurred. I can see! I can finally see! To my dismay, the room around me is dull, in the boring sense, and bright in the sense that it's too bright for my sensitive eyes right now. There is one thing, or rather, many things, that make this room happy: dozens of flowers of different types. They are beautiful! I wonder who brought them here. I wonder who they're for. They couldn't be for me, could they? If so, I must thank whoever brought them. Anyway, there's a door straight in front of me. Just below, without moving my head, I see my feet sticking up from under a white, thin blanket. I try to move my arm to the blanket so I can move it and get up, but my arm only lifts slightly before dropping itself. Instead, I try to move my head and, finally, I do, but only a little. To my left are a bunch of machines and cords and beeping on machines. I don't get it. Why am I here? Is someone hurt? It can't be me, can it?

I take my time in moving my head the other way. What I see surprises me. I'm not alone in here. I stare at her for a long time. Her head is leaning onto her right shoulder, some hair flopped into her face. Her hair is brown and curly. I can't see her eyes much since her hair is in the way. Even if I could see her eyes, it wouldn't matter much. They're closed. There's something about her, but I can't name it.

The girl is here again. I would know. I recognize her voice now, even with my eyes closed I know it's her. She was just talking to herself, well, I think herself, it's not like I can reply. And we're alone. She was talking negatively. She was crying. Every time I've heard her talk, she's been crying. I wonder what's wrong and I wish I could fix it somehow. Anyway, she was apologizing. I don't know why. She was saying how scared she was. And she needed me. I don't know why she needs me, but if she does, I'll be there for her. If only I could move my hand...

Every time she's here, she's holding my hand. I don't mind it; in fact, I like it.

Suddenly, I know who the voice belongs to now.

I throw my eyes open and they take only a few seconds to focus. I turn my attention to the spot she occupies.

She's asleep again. I don't blame her. After I sob, I fall asleep. It makes me tired, so it probably makes Ashley tired, too. Her chair is close to my bed. Her left hand hand is clutching mine and her head is thrown over her straightened right arm, as if it's a pillow. Her hair rests on the bed, but I wish her face was facing me. I know she recently fell asleep, but I want her to wake up now. I want someone to unravel me from all this junk.

I am so weak that I cannot even squeeze her hand to wake her up.

Suddenly, her head jerks to face me and her eyes are wide open. She's looking down at our hands. Why won't she say anything? Why are tears falling? Does she even notice me? She notices my hand, but she won't talk to me. I try to say something, but no words come out. She's staring at our hands again. Her mouth is open.

"Spencer." She whispers. Why is she whispering? I'm not asleep. She could yell and I'd like it.

My eyes open more and, with each blink, she comes more into focus. I know her. I know her so well. She's just as beautiful as last time I saw her. Suddenly, she's crying but smiling.

"Spencer. Squeeze my hand." She smiles at me hopefully, tears still dripping silently. I want to tell her I can't and I'm too weak. But she's staring at our hands again. She clapped her opposite one, the unoccupied one, over her mouth. She's crying. I want her to stop. I can't comfort her because I can't move. Well, I suppose I can. I guess I'm not too weak after all. Judging by her reactions, my hand's moving! This is crazy!

"Spencer, if you can hear me, keep squeezing." She says, her hand still clasped over her mouth.

So I do. I try my best to squeeze hard, often, on and off, just to make sure she knows that I can hear her.

"I need to get somebody, just, stay right here! Well, oh, I, sorry-" She stutters and I'd laugh if I could. "Spencer?" Again, I'd say something, but I can't. "Spence!" She says, shocked. And I am, too. I just made some inhuman-like noise. That was me trying to make her stay. I don't need anyone else. Just her.

I keep mumbling things and I don't even know what I'm trying to say. There's something preventing me from speaking. It feels uncomfortable.

I open my eyes and look up. So many faces around me. Seven faces. I'm overwhelmed. I know they're only interested or worried and whatnot, but the only face I care to see right now is the one to my very left. The one who is holding my hand.

"Honey?" The blonde haired woman in front of me speaks, inching closer to my left side. My hand is replaced with hers and Ashley is shoved behind. I try to glare and I remove my hand from hers. I want Ashley's.

Suddenly, another face enters. Just what I need.

"Visiting hours have ended. Anyone who is not family, please exit."

Two guys and two girls walk out. They all look familiar. I watch as Ashley trails behind. I don't want her to go. Screw what that lady said. I squeeze my hands, though they're empty, and I try to make as many noises as I can and move as much as I can. I think it works because everybody looks at me with odd expressions. Even the nurse. I look down and watch my hand. Slowly and shakily, I form it so that it's pointing. Pointing to one person. Ashley.

She comes back! She grasps my hand and I squeeze it.

"She's squeezing. Really tight!" She says quietly but ecstatically. I try to form a smile.

To my right is a note pad and pen. I found it laying there last night when I woke from another dream. On it was written "I love you -Ashley" with a heart. It nearly made me cry! So I do the best I can do right now. It takes me a while to move my hands to the note pad. I think my movements are getting stronger. I place the pad on my lap and grab the pen. Ashley takes the cap off for me and I'm thankful for that because it's a lot of effort. My hand begins writing, or trying to, and everyone stares down at it.

I try my best, but it looks like a three-year-old's writing. As long as Ashley can read it, I'm okay. She picks it up and looks. I see her trying to hide a smile. She hands it to the nurse and everybody else tries to sneak a peek.

"I'm sorry. It isn't allowed," She faces me and says this before looking around at everybody else. I continue trying to speak and the beeping on the machine goes faster. The nurse gets concerned and she comes to tamper with some machines; the beeping slows. "Alright. Everybody out except for Ms. Davies." And they all obey! I can't believe it!

"Spencer, I, I don't, know what to say." She stutters. I open my mouth to try to speak, but no actual words come out. I can make noises, but not form words. I don't understand.

"Sss.."

"Keep going,"

She clutches my hand and sits. That's what I was trying to tell her to do. Sit. In the chair. But she did already. So I shake my head.

"Are you hurting?"

I shake my head no.

"Do you want me to get you anything?"

I shake my head no again. Instead, I reach for the pen and pad of paper behind my back. I work on my message.

_How did I get here?_

She looks down, as if she is hurt. "We got into a car accident, Spencer."

_Tell me how_

_** Flashback**_

_** My eyes open and I blink them, trying to focus my vision. There is glass and blood everywhere. The interior of my car is cracked and beatened. It doesn't even look like a car anymore. Upon the site, my heart begins beating rapidly and I become terrified. I recall the previous moments prior to this mess, when the front of the truck slammed into Spencer's side. Fortunately, the car is not upside down. My side of the car is not as bad as the sight to my left. Spencer's side is completely pushed in, all windows in my vision broken. What I can see, her face, is covered in small glass pieces which emit blood. I have some in me, but not as bad as her. The car was smashed so badly that her face is just a few inches away from mine. If another car was on my side, we would both be squashed. I don't know how I am going to get her out, or even get myself out.**_

_** "Spence," My raspy voice says. "Spencer!" She won't move. Oh, God. My right arm is pinned, and when I try to move, a sharp pain rises in my leg. I cringe but finally manage to maneuver my left hand to touch her shoulder. I shake her, but she doesn't move. "Spencer!" I shout hysterically, tears flowing down my face, making me unable to see well. Outside her window, I can see the front of the truck that smashed into her. Her potential killer is in there. Oh, God. She needs to wake up. Maybe she is just unconscious like I was. She will wake up. She will wake up!**_

_** Suddenly, "Remain still. We're going to get you two out." I don't recognize him. There's one on Spencer's side and my side.**_

_** "She's not moving. She won't open her eyes! Help her, please!" I beg.**_

_** "Try to stay calm, Miss. We'll get her out."**_

_** On my side, this EMT opens the door through one of my shattered windows, the one on the drivers side. The door opens and he leans in and removes the seat belt. He helps me out and places me on a stretcher.**_

_** "I'm fine!" I try to get up, but I'm pushed down by a few men. "Stop! I need to get to Spencer!"**_

_** "She's not breathing. No pulse." I hear one of the men from Spencer's side say.**_

_** "What?! Spencer!" I spring up, despite the ache in my right leg, but I'm pressed down yet again. I struggle to get up, but they strap me down. This doesn't stop me. What stops me is the injection. The next thing I know is I'm laying, sedated, in a hospital bed.**_

_** End Flashback**_

Ashley is crying. A lot. And I think I am, too. I don't know why. It reminds me of how this all sucks. I write more. I can't even read my own writing.

_What were your injuries and what were mine?_

"I only had scraped up face and a bit on my arms and legs. My femur got chipped, but it doesn't hurt too bad. They released me after three days," I'm thankful it was me and not her. "As for you..." her head drops and she plays with my fingers. It feels nice. "Your poor, beautiful face, Spence. So much glass. Everywhere. You broke a couple of ribs and your tibia. Your elbow was shattered and your brain had a lot of swelling. Like a lot. That's why they put you in a medically-induced coma. They weren't sure if you were gonna make it, Spence," She looks up with glassy eyes and wet streaks on her face. "But you're alive. You're here. I'm so happy you are okay. I'm so happy you are alive, Spence," Her voice cracks with each word. "And the fucker who did this to you was drunk and ran a red light. We're gonna get through this, Spence. We're gonna make it," Her eyes are wide, staring into mine, and her tone is nothing but determination now. Suddenly, her voice softens and her face lowers. "But I can't help feeling like it was partially my fault. I should have been watching where I was going more carefully!" She shouts, exasperated. I don't blame her. At all. Not one bit. I let go of her hand and move mine closer to my body. I pat the spot right next to me. "Me?" I nod. "I don't want to hurt you," I try to speak and she understands that I'm trying to talk her into it. She carefully sits on the bed and I try to scoot myself over so she has room, but I can't. With my right hand, I tuck the pad and pen behind my back and lift the blanket. Wow, I couldn't do that before! Ashley knows what I'm trying to do. She lifts it up and slips her legs under it. My left bare leg feels the warmth that hers emit onto it. "Spencer, you're so..." I turn my head as far as I can so that I can look at her eyes. "Injured."

I can't see myself. And I don't feel injured, but I do feel weak. I feel just fine besides that. I would get up except for the fact I can't.

Ashley seems so uncomfortable and I know that she is just trying not to hurt me.

"P-"

"What? What, Spence? I want you to keep trying to talk, okay? No matter what." I slowly shake my head up and down.

"P..pp...pe..."

"Pe? What's that, Spencer? What's 'pe'?"

I begin to feel frustrated. A little louder, I try again. "Pe...pe...nnn..."

"Pen?" I nod. "Where?" I try to reach behind my back where I placed it, but she grabs it for me so it'd be quicker.

She removes the first slip I wrote on and I begin my next message:

_you are not hurting me. I am trying to talk. Just stay here with me._

That little message took me ten minutes to write out. Ashley watches intently as I struggle with my scribbling. She tears up as I do and I wish she would stop. I don't like seeing her unhappy. I scribble down something else.

_I want to go home_

"You will, Spence. Soon. Very soon. I promise."

_hold me._

"I don't want to hurt you." I try to tell her she won't, but odd noises just come out. She understands what I mean because she lays down next to me. She lays facing me. She pulls the blanket up so that it's covering her more. As she does, she notices the IV in my arm and all the other cords around me. She thinks I don't notice her wince, but I do. She reaches her left hand to the right side of my forehead, stroking something that's covering it, but I don't know what. She softly leans her forehead against the top of my arm and holds my hand. I wish I could face her, too, but I can't. Within minutes I know she is asleep.

~.~.~.

It wasn't a dream. She is next to me still. It's dark out still and I wish I knew what time it was. I am not tired and I'm unsure why I woke up like this so early. I want Ashley to wake up. Ashley. Ash.

"Aa...a...as...sh...sh...a...sh..." She stirs a bit and cuddles into my arm more. "A..sh." Her eyes blink open and she looks at my lips, her mouth slightly open and her eyebrows crinkling. I open my mouth again. "A...sh. A..sh."

"Oh my God, Spencer." She whispers, staring at my mouth.

"Aa...a...Ash." Slowly, I said it! Completely!

"Oh my God."

"Ash!" She's sitting up and wide awake now.

"You said my name!"

"A..sh."

"I love you. You're going to get better."

"Ash." It's the first time I've heard her tell me this and I wish I could tell her back. I know what I'm going to work on now.

~.~.~.

Things have been better for me recently. Of course, Ashley is my main cause of happiness. When she isn't peeing or getting food from the cafeteria, she's with me. She has taken to even sharing my bed with me and I couldn't be happier about that. It must suck, though, not sleeping in your own bed. I know I prefer mine of this hospital bed. Anyway, I think family and friends are getting upset with me for never wanting to see them, but I don't care. I just need to be with Ashley right now. I barely see them and that's okay with me; there will be time for them later. Anyway, my words are getting better and I am so happy about that! It's easier for me to pick up the pad and pen and my scribbling is getting more legible. Ashley and I can almost have normal conversations except without me speaking complete sentences. I am perfectly okay with Ashley talking nonstop while I listen to every word. I like it, actually.

"Can you say it again?" She smiles hopefully at me. She's facing me, cross-legged, at the end of my bed. I sit propped up in my bed, all tubes removed from my throat and nose.

"A..aa..."

"You can do it. Just take your time." She says, still smiling excitedly.

"Sh."

"All together."

"Ash." She goes crazy.

"You're getting better, Spence! I'm gonna be here for you every second, okay? First we work on your words then before you know it, you'll be up and walking. With me." She smiles and looks down.

"Ash."

"What?" She asks and smiles all cutely.

"Ash." I smile back to her.

"Even when you're in this state, you're adorable."

"A...Ul...Ah..." She looks confused. I don't blame her. "Vuh!"

"I don't understand. Write it?" I shake my head. I don't want to write it. I want to say it.

"L...Uh...Luh...Vah."

"Whatever you say, cutie. I'm hungry. I'm going to go grab food. I'll be right back."

The minute she leaves, I wish she hadn't. Mom walks in, hesitantly. She stands at the end of my bed, fingers interlaced in front of her body. Suddenly, upon seeing her, everything from my past comes hurtling back; I'm angry! It's HER fault! She did this to us!

"Hi, honey," I glare at her, hoping she'll get the message. She walks to the chair and sits. The chair that doesn't belong to her. Ashley might as well get her name engraved on it. "I can't believe you're alive," Her voice cracks. "You're a miracle," She grabs my hand, but I move it away. This surprises her. "What's wrong?" _Maybe you're what's wrong! God, how can you even ask that?!_ "I'm so sorry. I am so sorry this happened to you, baby," She is crying now. It makes me disgusted that she called me "baby"; only Ashley can call me that. Speaking of Ashley, where the hell is she? I'm tired of this lady in here! "I would do anything to take all of this pain and put it on me. I wish I could," Jokes on Mom; I'm in no pain! I love medication and technology. She is crying a lot. She won't stop. She doesn't say anything. I don't care, I want her to leave.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll wait outside." I stop glaring and see the beautiful face in in the door. She's hobbling out.

"Ash!" I shout after her.

"Yeah, Spencer?"

"Ash." I give a glare back to my mom.

"It's okay, Spence. I can come back later." She smiles at me and exits. I'm angry.

I grab for the pen and and scribble down, bravely:

_get out_

I throw it, the best I can, at my mom. She reads it and her tears spill over. She sets down the pad on my bed and exits without looking back.

"What happened?" Ashley walks in, crippled-like, with her macaroni and cheese. She sits down, never leaving her eyes from mine. She looks at the pad that's next to me. "Spencer," normally, I would stop her here. But I can't. Ugh. "Be nice to your mom. Please. It isn't her fault." She knows she's enjoying my neglect for my mom.

"Ash!" I say the loudest I have talked since the accident.

"Shush." And she makes me shush with a spoonful of macaroni.

~.~.~.

Whenever Ashley is gone, I work on my speech. And I think I've nailed it. She just changed into her pajamas. She hops onto my bed after turning the light out. We cuddle as close as we can together. Her eyes shut.

"Ash?"

"Yeah, Spence?" She asks, sleepily, her eyes remaining closed.

"I love you." Her eyes shoot open and her smile goes from ear to ear. I think she's tearing up!

"Oh my God, Spence!" She shouts in whisper. "I love you, too. More than you will ever know." She is tearing up. And she is smiling. And I'm so glad I was able to say this. It took a lot of effort on my part because I'm usually never alone to practice.

~.~.~.

"So much work to make up." I slowly say to Ashley. She's working on her absent work and it makes me think about how much I'm missing. Goodbye, college.

"Don't worry about it, Spencer. I'll make sure you learn everything and get it all done. Eventually." I chuckle. My teachers ought to give me however much time I need to finish their work!

"Ash,"

"Yeah, Spence?" She looks up from her work.

"Bathroom." She sets down her stuff on the table in front of her. She pulls the blankets off of me and places the slippers she bought for me over my bare feet. I need a pedicure. And I wonder how long it's been since I've shaved. She helps me move my legs so I'm facing sideways, feet dangling off my bed. She lifts me up and I step onto my good leg. It's a good thing Ashley is so strong or else we would both be falling. My right arm is around her neck, tightly, oops, and her left arm is around my waist. Together, slowly, we hobble to the bathroom that's just ten or so feet away from my bed. This entire process, the getting up, walking, peeing, walking back, getting settled back into bed, takes a good fifteen or so minutes. I must be so annoying. Ashley's great, though. Half of the time she's more of a nurse to me than my actual nurse. I know she doesn't mind, but I still feel like a bother to her.

Once I'm back in bed, I say, "Thank you."

"Anything for you." I receive a warm smile.

"No," Her smile fades and she looks confused. I inhale and say as quickly as I can, but still so slowly: "Thanks for everything you do for me." I smile at her. I want her to know how appreciative I am of her.

"You're welcome, Spence. I'd do anything for you, silly."

~.~.~.

"It's already three. You haven't walked yet today. Wanna go for a walk?"

"Sure." Besides the physical therapy I do with one of my nurses, this is the only walking activity I do. Besides peeing. I throw the blankets off of me and step out of bed carefully. Ashley helps me a bit. I usually use one crutch or Ashley to help me walk, since my leg is still hurt; today I choose the crutch. Besides that, I can nearly walk on my own. I just get tired easily.

We walk the short distance to the elevator. From the first floor, we walk together to the large yard of the hospital. It's beautiful out here. Then again, this is the most nature I ever see anymore. There are flowers of all sorts everywhere. They look oddly familiar. Anyway, there are many tables and chairs around a large water fountain. Mostly, the 'walk' we refer to is to the outside area and back to my room. In between that time frame, we sit in different places outside and just talk. Ashley is the only one I do this with. And this isn't the only activity I do with her alone. I don't even mean that dirtily.

Once we're sitting below a large umbrella, my good leg in the sun, I ask, "What's the date today?"

"May twenty-second."

"Already?! School gets out in a few weeks! How am I going to make up all my work?"

"Chill! Do you want me to go get some of yours? I need to get more of mine anyway."

"Ash, you can go to school. Really. I hate that you're missing."

"Spencer, I want to be here with you. And you know I could care less about school. I do my work, yeah, but it doesn't matter. I'll go get some more on Monday and I'll pick up some of yours, too."

"Okay. And you'll teach me?"

"The best to my ability." She smiles proudly at me. She is a smart girl.

I want to kiss her. I haven't done that in so long.

She helps me up from my chair and we begin walking to the door and back into the hospital. I stop.

"That's weird. These flowers are like the ones in my room."

"Yeah," She laughs hesitantly. "Well, let's go." She tries to hurry me inside.

"What are you hiding?" I remain still and ask.

"Nothing, nothing!"

"Tell me."

"It's nothing," I stare at her, making her feel guilty. "Okay. Well, ever since I was released, I've been bringing you four flowers from this garden everyday. I still do." She blushes and looks down. This is where they're coming from!

"You did that for me?"

"I like to pretend that the more I give you, the quicker you'll get better."

I hand her my crutch and we walk back inside together. I only do this because I want to hold her.

~.~.~.

"Good afternoon, my Sleeping Beauty." I wake up to a kiss on my forehead from Ashley.

"Hey," I open my eyes and say in an ugly sleepy voice. "Where were you this morning? And what time is it?" I ask as I make my bed prop me up with the remote.

"First, I went home to restock my things and to shower and stuff. Then I went to school to restock my work and to pick up yours. I also brought food back. Yours is only soup; I didn't want to upset your tummy or anything," She pulls put the soup. "And it's one fifty-two." She pulls over the tray from the side of my bed and sets the soup on it, removing the lid. Chicken noodle. Yummy.

She lifts a small spoonful up to me; I accept it. It's not hot, but it isn't cold. It's perfect. "Why didn't you take me with you to school? I wanted to go." I give a pouty face.

"Ha-ha, very funny, Carlin." Another spoonful.

I speak with my mouth full: "What's so funny about that?"

"You and me and cars. Good one."

"What, you can drive in one but I can't be with you while you're doing so?"

"For one, you're in the hospital. I don't think I, a non-family member, can take you out. Second, are you kidding me?" She asks me as if I'm an idiot.

"I don't see the problem."

"Spencer, we got into a CAR ACCIDENT," She emphasizes. "Do you want that to happen again?"

"It doesn't mean it will happen again." I protest, knowing this will only make her angrier.

"And if it does, Spencer? What if it does?" I regret egging her on. "Do even have the slightest clue what it was like? Waiting to see if you'd survive or not? I was the driver. My body was okay while yours was nearly dying, Spencer. My girlfriend, my life, literally hanging on to her life right under my nose. You don't understand how I felt, Spencer. And risking that again? Never. Never." Her eyes were never removed from mine. I watched the silent tears drip and slide right off of her face.

"Okay. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Ash," She ignores the tears and feeds me another spoonful. She does this for a few minutes, neglecting her lunch. Always so selfless. I so need to make this up to her when I'm out of here. "Ash?"

"Yeah, Spence?" She asks normally, as if the previous conversation never occurred.

"Was it...scary?"

"Was what scary, Spence?"

"Driving."

She looks down and gives a nervous giggle. "Terrifying." Another spoonful.

"Oh," Another slow spoonful. "Hey, Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"Was your car like, totaled?"

"Yep."

"So, how have you been getting around?"

"My mom let me use a spare of hers. Kind, right? Ever since the accident, she has been nicer. I don't know why. I guess it just hit her that life's fragile," Another spoonful. "She's not the only one it hit. Anyway, she actually let me chip into my inheritance money from Dad to buy a new car. It's a convertible; I'm a sucker for those. I almost went for the monster truck, but my heart said no. Anyway, the interior is much more suitable. It's equipped so well in the case of accidents. Each side, front, and back has so much protection and reflexes if it hits something. It's spacious. And I got it painted red. It's like my old car, just very modernized. It actually doesn't come out until next year."

"Wow, I'm impressed. And let me guess, I don't get to ride in this?"

"We'll discuss this later." She helps me finish my soup in comfortable silence.

~.~.~.

"So, you add that to X and subtract that from Y," she points to separate numbers. "and then you plot them on the graph according to the pair."

"That's it? This is so easy!" I do the simple math translations before plotting all of the dots and connecting them together on my graphing paper.

"For now!" We laugh together and return to our school work.

I work on an additional three problems which take me about fifteen minutes to complete, remaining in silence all the while. While on the fourth, I get distracted. My mind goes insane. I'm constantly sniffling, staring down and trying to hold back the guilt tears that I have. Unfortunately for me, she notices. She notices everything. I'm thankful for that, just not now.

"Spence? Spencer, are you alright? What's wrong? Are you in pain?" She asks and throws her pencil down, careful not to touch me in the case I am hurting. I'm not.

"It's just," I sniffle and realize how dumb I sound. Out in the fresh summer air, surrounded by nature, I'm crying. Wow. "I've put you through so much shit, and in return, you are doing so much for me. You've always done so much for me. I don't deserve it at all!" I finish without looking up. I sound like a baby, but I don't care.

"Oh, Spence," She says in certain tone I can't name. She places her warm hand on my forearm. "It's never a problem to do anything for you. I want to be here with you, I want to help you-"

"Do you even realize how much you're doing for me? You dealt with me not telling my family about us. You dealt with the Carmen situation. You dealt with me lying..." I gulp and wish she would interrupt. I've been able to talk for quite some time now, but knowing Ashley, she probably thinks my voice is something special now. "...to you about telling my parents. You drive me around all the time and I barely leave your house and I know how annoying that can be and I gave you no explanation when I entered your car crying, trying to get away from my mom and then you're dealing with my recovery. Why are you with me? I suck! I'm a burden! A burden who's holding you back and-!" My sobbing and rambling is cut off. Finally.

"Spencer, stop it. Stop it right now," She scolds. "You don't know how much I appreciate you, babe. I would give you the entire universe if I could. It's my pleasure to be with you through all this. It only makes us grow stronger, you know that? I know how much pressure you were under and I understand why you lied. I don't blame you for the Gray thing, I blame Carmen. I would never detach myself from your hip if it was up to me. I'm going to be here for a long time. No matter what happens between us, I'm always, always going to be here for you."

And I kiss her. I kiss her for the first time since the morning prior to the accident. I try to push it, make it intense, but Ashley is just being soft and gentle. I know why she is and I appreciate it. I just want to be able to cuddle in her room again, just us together, privacy and all. I can't wait until then.

~.~.~.

The door creaks open and I open my eyes expecting to see Ashley. I haven't seen her all day! When I woke up, she wasn't next to me. I wonder where she's at. Maybe she went to get more school-work. I wish she would let me go with her. I know she only cares, but, shockingly, I miss school. Instead, my mom walks in. Great. We haven't talked since I told her to get out. I don't want to talk to her. This situation is something to hold a grudge against. I don't care what anyone has to say.

"Hi, Spencer." She shuts the door behind her and smiles at me softly.

"Hi." I say monotonously.

"I was hoping we could talk for a few minutes? I miss you." She shrugs her shoulders and gives a light laugh.

"Maybe a few. Ashley should be back any minute now." I lie through my teeth. What, I want her to leave.

"I just wanted to apologize to you again," She begins and sits in Ashley's chair again. Ugh. "I'm sorry for this happening to you, Spencer. I would do anything to take it back."

"Take what back, exactly, Mom? The accident itself or you being the cause of it?" I spit out.

"Me being the cause of it?" She asks me, trying to play innocent.

"Don't act dumb! You are the one who chased me out of my own home! You made me so afraid, so angry that I had to escape from you! Had you not done that, had you just accepted me and my relationship with Ashley, which, by the way, is still going on, we would have never been hit by that drunk driver! I wouldn't be missing school and throwing away college opportunities! Ashley would be in school now, not having to take care of me! Speaking of Ashley," I top off my yelling and act as if I'm thinking really hard. "She has been doing everything and more for me. How does that make you feel? Huh, Mom?"

"Spencer, you're not letting me. I can't be at fault for that-"

"Not for that, Mom! The point is my girlfriend is loving and supportive!" She flinches slightly at the word 'girlfriend'. "How the hell could you ever think being gay is bad?" I've never cussed in her presence and that doesn't stop me. "Love has no gender. One falls in love with a person, not their gender, were perfectly okay with Ashley before you knew about us. You can't just treat her like dirt now. You better not have been treating her badly," I can't even believe I'm talking to my mother like this. I've never been this disrespectful to her face like this. It's not like she doesn't deserve it. "I don't care how you feel about myself or Ashley or our relationship. I love her. She loves me. That is that. Nothing you say or do can change that."

"Spencer, please, let me have a chance to speak-"

"No. I can't even look at you anymore. Leave me alone."

"Spencer!"

"Go away!" I shout. She exits. I pout, angrily, until Ashley walks in about twenty minutes later.

"Hi." She smiles in at me. She is carrying several grocery bags and one large bag. She has a lack of hand, so she shoves the door shut with her foot.

"Where have you been?" I ask in an angry tone that is left over from my mom. She notices.

"Wow, someone's feisty today." She smiles and sets down the bags at the end of my bed.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to."

"Is something the matter?"

"Yeah. I'm here."

"You get to go home soon, you know."

"I know. I'm just getting bored."

"Well you have me. I'm not boring," She gives a look of shock along with a hand in front of her agape mouth. She laughs and continues on. "And I brought some snacks and games for us to play. Just during homework breaks and stuff. Oh, yeah, speaking of homework. I went back today and restocked for us. Since school gets out next week, they gave me the rest of mine and ALL of yours," Her eyes widen in emphasis to the, I'm assuming, ungodly amount. "Unfortunately for me, I have to go back on the last day to complete my finals, but you're exempt from them," Well, that part is good. "We have until sometime in August to turn in all of our work to the district office."

"It's already June. I've been in this damn hospital for nearly two months." I look down at my hands.

"Spence, you get to go home soon," She looks at the calender to my left. "Counting down the days for you. Today's the third. You get to go home in eleven days, Spence! Less than two weeks! Oh my gosh, that's the last day of school, too. I'll try to get my finals done before that because I wanna be here when you leave."

"Ashley."

She turns around from the clock. "Yeah, Spence?"

"I, um, I don't want to go home. At all."

"So you'd rather stay in this hospital forever? You can, but don't expect me to bring you food every day-" She jokes.

"No. I don't mean that. I mean I don't want to live at my house anymore."

She sits down on my bed across from me. "Well, where do you want to go?"

"I don't know, Ashley. I just don't want to live there anymore." This is actually concerning me. I just don't feel comfortable in my own home. I don't have anywhere else to go, though, so I'll probably have to. But I don't want to.

"Well, if you want, you can stay with me for however long you want."

"As much as I'd love to accept that offer, I can't do that to you."

"Can't do what to me, Spence? It would be great! We can hang out all the time and do anything."

"My parents aren't going to be on board for this."

"Well, if they are. You're always welcome."

~.~.~.

"Hey, Spence. I'm just leaving the office and heading out your way."

"Okay, I'll see you in a few, Dad."

"See you."

So, I wait for Dad to arrive. And he does. Alone, fortunately. I'm greeted with a warm hug and he sits in Ashley's chair. I'm okay with this.

"Dad, I have a few questions."

"I'm all ears." His eyes are on me intently, a smile grazed across his face ever since he arrived.

"First question: I want to know how you feel about me. My," I pause. "Orientation. And my relationship with Ashley."

He inhales and begins, smile still seen. "Spencer, I will love you no matter what. You are my only daughter. I don't care if you're straight, gay, bisexual, transgendered, or any other category. You are my daughter and your happiness is what I need. If you are happy with a girl, Ashley, then I am happy and I am happy for you. Ashley is a good kid. I don't believe she is a bad influence on you. And I know who you are, Spencer. You have always stayed true to who you really are and I trust that you will continue to do so. I only care about your happiness and your health. Right now, we are working on your health. I want to know if you are happy."

I am more than satisfied with his answer. He is such a great dad. "If the entire family felt like you did, I would be the happiest person on the planet," We laugh a soft laugh together. It feels nice. "Before telling anybody, I was so happy, Dad. So happy. But I hated hiding who I was and hiding who I was in a relationship with. All I want is to be accepted and supported, Dad."

"Your family loves and supports you, Spence. I know your mother hasn't been showing it, but please, give her some time. She loves you. This is just a difficult concept for her. She will come around; I know her."

"This brings me to my next question."

"Go for it."

"I'm kind of... don't get angry at me, please... I'm uncomfortable coming back home."

"How do you mean, Spence?"

"I think I need some sort of time away. I just don't want to come home yet. I know all of our family live far and I can't live at this hospital forever, I really want to get out of this hospital, so I was wondering if, maybe, it would be alright if I maybe stayed with Ashley and her family for an undeclared amount of time."

"Spence, I don't know-"

"I just don't feel ready to go back to that house yet. I don't feel comfortable, Dad. I know you're okay with me and I know Clay is. I'm unsure about Glen and I sure don't feel comfortable living with Mom. The thought frightens me and makes me feel sick, Dad," He looks understanding. He doesn't say anything so I go on. "Ashley was my best friend before we even... began dating. She is still my best friend. Just because we are more does not mean I am incapable of living with her. I will get all my homework done and if I have to I will even get a job. You know, to help pay the extra expenses, being an extra member of the household and all."

"You are very responsible for your age, did you know that?"

"I should be. I'm almost seventeen: nearly an adult." He laughs and I'm hoping he will oblige to my proposition.

"Spencer, like I said, I trust you. I would let you do that," But. There's a 'but', I know it. "But I don't know how your mother would take to this."

"You're the dad. The leading man of the house. Just tell her it was okay by you," Get hit by a car. Then you can ask your dad for anything. "You can visit any time of the day and call any time you want. Just please, let me go. I won't live there forever. Please."

I wait and wait. He stares around, clearly contemplating making a decision without my mother. They make all decisions together. "Alright," I'm already in his arms. "But no funny business! You must call us every night before bed and every morning upon waking up. Alright? We still want to know where you are at at all times. It's still as if you're living with us, but you're not. I don't want to put all responsibility on Christine. I want you to be responsible, okay? And this isn't going to last forever."

I hug him. I'm so happy! He actually said yes! This worked! Oh my gosh! "Dad, thank you so much. This means so much to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you."

As if right on cue, Ashley walks in the door. Dad steps up.

"Oh, hey Mr. C!" She greets him with a smile.

"Hey, Ashley," He walks in the direction of the door, passing her on the way out. "You two behave." Her eyes follow him out the door. She turns around to me, a questioning smile sprawled across her face.

"Does this mean-?"

"We're roommates!"

She gives a squeal and races over to me. We hug and talk about how much fun it's going to be and what we're going to do. We're such little kids, I swear. Living with my best friend and girlfriend is going to such a blast! Is it June fourteenth yet?

~.~.~.

"I think that's the last of everything. I took the rest to my car and whatever you didn't need, your dad took."

I stand back and stare at the blank room. It lacks flowers and beeping and board games and homework and food. It looks like a normal hospital room except the bed is messed up and machines aren't on. I look at Ashley, her hands full. "Here, let me take something."

"It's okay, I've got it. No worries."

"I'm fine, Ash." I take one of her bags from her. The heaviest one which I didn't intend on picking up. Oh well.

"You sure you don't need a wheel chair or something?"

"I can make it."

"Okay. Ready?"

"Ready, Freddy."

We walk down to the lobby to meet my family. I see them sitting in chairs as I step out of the elevator. It looks like none of them are speaking. We walk nearer to them.

"Hey." I say, looking at each one.

"Hey, sweetie," Dad stands up and hugs me; he gives me a kiss on the cheek as he does so. "You have everything?"

"I do."

"Alright. Well, let's head out."

And we do. After I'm checked out, we head to Ashley's car. She unlocks it and we load the remains into the trunk. She shuts it and I turn to face my family.

"Well, I'll see you guys soon. I always have my phone; call me anytime. Okay?"

"You call too, okay, twerp?" Glen pulls me into a soft, trying to be rowdy, one-armed hug. I know he's only going easy because I'm still broken. He rustles my hair with his other hand.

"See you, Spence. Don't have too much fun." Clay gives me a proper hug.

"Yeah, with all the work I have to make up, I'll try," I say as we let go. Next up is my dad.

"I'll see you soon, Spencer. Remember to keep your phone on at all times. If you need anything, anything at all, call me. I'll answer just for you, even at work!"

"Thanks, Dad. I'll do that." And finally, and most awkwardly, Mom.

"Hi."

"Hey." I reply. She pulls me into a tight hug.

"I'll miss you, Spence. Call me if you need anything."

"Will do, Mom." We say our final goodbye's and waves and are soon apart. Ashley opens my side door for me before going to her own. She hops in.

"Hey, before we go, can I have some Advil or something? My leg is kind of bugging me."

"Sure thing, Spence." She hands two tablets to me.

"Thanks, Ash. Hey, just because we're living together now, don't think that you have to take care of me all the time, okay?"

"Fine, then you get to take care of me." She says while backing up in her parking spot.

"Hey!" I protest, staring at her. She begins to go straight and I feel nervous. I haven't been in a car since the accident with her. I am scared.

"I'm kidding." She tries to take my hand, but I pull away.

"Ashley, you're driving."

"Right. My apologies."

**AN: Obviously, it's hard for me to write this since I've never been in a coma; I did my research, though. Sorry for so much skipping around. I just wanted to show the progress in time.**


	32. Chapter 31

**AN: Hello! Yes, I'm aware it has been a while since I last updated. But here's a long one for your pleasure :) Please tell me what you think; I love reading your reviews, no matter how positive or negative they are!**

***I take no credit for Taylor Swift's "Hey Stephen***

Chapter 31

"Well, here we are! Home sweet home," Ashley sets the last of our items down right inside her house. "So, now what?" She turns to face me.

"I don't know. I suppose more schoolwork."

"You're not going to be like this the entire summer, are you?" Her shoulders drop and her head rests back; her upper lip and nose scrunched together in a 'are you serious?' expression.

"Of course not! I just want to get this work done as soon as possible so I can actually have a summer."

"Spencer Carlin: my voice of reason since September, 2012," She says seriously. "Almost a year ago, Spence!"

"That's crazy! Thank you for sticking by me through everything," I grab her hands. "You mean so much to me."

"It has been my pleasure, Spencer. You mean the world to me, too," We lean in equally and share a soft kiss; I can practically taste the pure love and appreciation. It's weird how I can tell what her kisses mean. I guess, as cliché as it sounds, we're meant to be. "Can we please try to do something semi-fun today? I mean it's your first day out of the hospital."

"Are you going to keep bugging me if I refuse this request?"

"Duh."

"Then fine. You pick; I'm not picking."

"Okay. But I want to shower first. Are you going to?"

"Yeah, if you help me. I can't get my casts wet."

"Of course," She turns and starts heading up her stairs. I follow behind before realizing there is no way I can walk up a flight of twenty or more stairs. "You coming?" She turns around and asks, confused.

"Uh, I can't." I look down at my leg.

"Oh!" She quickly comes back down to where I am. "Well," A 'hmm' vibrates from her throat. She looks around, her eyebrows furrowing. "Well," She repeats. "I can carry you up the stairs," Her face lights up as if she has thought of the most brilliant and successful idea. "Or," Her face returns to normal. "You can use the spare bedroom down here."

"You're not carrying me. You'll drop me!"

"What, you don't trust me?" She tests me, but I'm not falling for it.

"Obviously I do. I guess I'll use the bedroom down here," She maintains her happy mood and picks up one of my bags; she throws it over her shoulder and begins to walk toward it. "Um, Ash?"

"Yeah, Spence?" She stops and looks at my eyes. I just stare at her face admiring all of her features. She's so perfect. I love the way she looks at me, as if all of her focus and undivided attention is on me. She always knows how to make me feel special, even with the littlest of things. "Spence? You okay?" Her head tilts a bit her right.

"Yeah, I was just wondering, um, you'll stay in there with me, right? Like tonight?"

A smile spreads across her face. She looks relieved and happy. "Of course. For as long as you want me to."

"Always."

"Come here," She says, ironically, while walking back to me. Swiftly, she literally sweeps me off of my feet and into her arms, my feet dangling to her left side and my head on her right. I let a small gasp and giggle escape at this surprise. "What, didn't expect this, did you? Bet you didn't know I was so strong."

"You are correct about that," I turn my head to look at her eyes. They connect for a few seconds before she returns hers to the path in front of her. "It's kind of...sexy." She gives a surpressed smirk. I so could get used to this.

~.~.~.

"Just balance on your good foot real quick!"

"It's no use, Ash!"

"That's that-" She secures the bag around my cast temporarily. I know it will come off.

"How am I supposed to shower with one arm?"

"Let me see-" She switches her attention from my leg to my arm.

"Ugh!" At that moment, the bag fell down my leg.

"I'm running out of duct tape."

My problems are that the grocery bags are too small to cover my casts and they refuse to stay taped down, even with strong enough tape such as duct tape. How am I supposed to bathe with these casts? Looks like I'll be resorting to sponge-baths.

"This is ridiculous! There's no point anymore—stop!" I shout in frustration in a harsher tone than I meant. She looks shocked and maybe a bit sad and I immediately regret lashing out at her. I'm not angry at Ashley, she's just trying to help; I am angry at these dumb bags and how small they are and how they won't stay up. Despite the fact I'm nude, I am sweating from all of this. I just want a cold bath that is probably not going to happen. "There's no point." I say in defeat to the ground, a lump fighting to leave my throat.

"Hold on a second," She scurries off out of the room. I rub my eyes and rid my face of the drama-queen tears. She returns thirty seconds later. "Sit," She points to the built-in seat in the tub and I do. She props my leg to the side of the tub and turns on the water so it doesn't get my cast wet. The water quickly fills the tub up and when it reaches the top, she shuts it off. It's a comfortable warmth- not too hot, but not completely cold. "Now. We're going to try this again," I accept her hand that she held out for me and I stand up, balancing on my right foot. "You need to try to sit in the water, but lift your foot up on the side of the tub so it doesn't get wet."

"I can't." I nearly whisper. My eyes never leave the ground.

"You can. I'll help you."

"I can't."

"You can," She has both of my hands in her grasp now. We walk down a little bit together, me still in the bathtub. I slowly squat down and she lifts my leg while I plop down into the water. "Well, maybe we should have done this before filling up the tub," She gives a nervous chuckle and I wish I hadn't been so rude to her. Frustration is never a valid reason to get angry toward your loving girlfriend. She places a small and plushy pillow under my leg that's leaning outside the tub. Then she pours bubbles into the warm water. I smile at all of her efforts. I glance up at her face and see that she is smiling warmly back at me from her chair outside the tub. Hopefully my eyes are not teary. She places her hand on my right cheek. "It's okay." I don't know if she's talking about the situation with my mom, my broken bones, my tears, or my mental apology to her. She removes her hand.

"How am I-?"

"It's okay. Just don't get your casts wet." She fetches a plastic cup and I move my body ninety degrees. She pours water over my hair, careful not to get it on my face or casts. I greedily sit there, my head up, as she infuses my scalp with shampoo and then conditioner. I nearly fall asleep because it's so warm and relaxing.

After rinsing the conditioner out of my hair, I speak up. "Ash?" My barely audible, sleepy voice asks.

"Yeah, babe?"

"Come in."

"Okay," I respect her by looking away while she undresses, not that she cares. Frankly, I'm not in the mood to become horny even if I tried. I can't do much with these damn casts. She steps in behind me and slides down, her back against the back of the tub and me leaning against her. She begins softly pouring water throughout my hair again; it makes me want to fall asleep because of how nice it feels. After a few minutes, or however long, I'm knocked out of drowsiness by her soft, vibrating voice. "You don't want to go out, do you?" I shake my head and mumble a 'nuh-uh' from my throat. "Okay. We won't."

We finished out the short bath together. Ashley got out before me so she could help me get out and change and all that. Together we hobbled to her bed. I am getting better at walking, but I tend to fake it only because I want Ashley's help. I'm selfish, I know.

She tucks me into bed before situating herself.

"Are you comfy?"

"I'd be perfect if only you were next to me."

"Hold on. I'm going to go grab waters." She does that, setting one on each nightstand for each of us. She then turns off all the lights in her room. The only source of light would be the street lamps shining in or the moon, which are both very dim tonight.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." She nestles herself into my back. My head is just below hers, facing opposite. Her hand slithers over my stomach, giving me goosebumps. Good thing it's dark and she can't see those. I grab her hand with mine.

"I don't deserve you, you know." I whisper.

"It's the opposite."

"I'm such a pain. You're literally catering to me and I don't deserve that."

"You don't seem to understand that I like to take care of you. I want you to feel special and I want to make you feel better. I like it, Spencer. The fact you're living with me is so awesome!"

"As much as I want to just believe that, I can't help feeling annoying to you."

"You will never annoy me."

"Thanks for helping me so much. If I didn't have you, I'd have nothing."

She pauses before speaking quietly. "If you didn't know me, you'd have your family still loving you."

"Ashley," Her words were drowning in guilt. I feel horrible. I turn around and face her, not that I can see her. "They do. I know they do," I feel like I'm trying to convince myself rather than her. "It's just not what she believes is right, "Ashley knows who I'm talking about. "They love me. They do," I place my hand over her top cheek. "And I'd sacrifice their love for yours. And I'm going to show you that as much as I can. Okay?"

"Okay."

I turn myself back over and nestle my body into hers. I'm pretty sure she has fallen asleep, but I try anyway. "Ashley?" I whisper.

"Hmm?"

"You're going to make a great wife to somebody someday." She laughs softly and I allow myself to drift off to sleep.

~.~.~.

"Your birthday is in one week from today. There's no way you are staying in for it. I don't care if your work is finished or not."

"Ash-" I try.

"'Ash' nothing! You've done nothing but work since you got here and it's your birthday for crying out loud! You'll be seventeen!"

"Seventeen isn't even important. I could understand if it was eighteen, but seventeen? No, no," I say as I continue this chemistry homework. She's supposed to be tutoring me, not distracting me. Fortunately, her downstairs phone rings so she bolts down to get it. She returns just a long few minutes later. "Who was that?"

"Oh, uh, no one. Just a telemarketor."

"Must've been a long conversation with him."

"Yeah, you know how they like to pursuade... So, your birthday."

"Ugh, I thought we were done with this?"

"If you don't choose what we do, I will."

"Go ahead. As long as it's nothing too extravagant, please nothing extravagant." I look up from my paper and seriously beg her.

"I make no promises."

"Ashley-"

"Fine, fine. As long as you opt out from homework for the day at least."

"Fine." I say in her same tone before returning to my work.

~.~.~.

"...-day. Wake up, wake up!"

"What?" I ask, confused and slightly annoyed. It's dark in the room, so I know it can't be morning yet. Now I'm just wondering why I'm being shaken awake. "Go to sleep."

"It's your birthday! Happy birthday, baby!" She hugs me and kisses my cheek. I sit up as she pulls away from the cheek kiss; I connect our lips because it's always a pleasure being woken up to that. And hello, birthday sex. I'm slowly turning Ashley over, never parting our lips. I lift my leg so I can straddle her, but her lips pull away from mine before I can do so. "No. You're injured."

"What? No, I'm not!" I protest, a little loud for it being midnight.

"Spencer, you still need me in order to walk."

"No, I don't!" _Shoot._ "I mean, yeah, but-"

"Oh, you don't?" She tries to hide her smirk as she raises her right eyebrow. No, she is not allowed to play like this. She knows what she does to me. And she expects me to not do anything? _Ha, funny, Davies. _I smash my lips hard into hers once again, and this time she doesn't stop me. I quickly and successfully get my leg over hers; I'm straddling her now as planned. Let me just say that I can't do as much as I want with this arm cast. She gets what I'm trying to do and rips off her shirt as well as mine. I meet her lips with mine once again, my tongue winning it's way into her mouth. I put my feet in between her legs, my knees still on the outside, and lean down, rubbing our bare stomachs together. A small moan escapes her throat and I laugh into the kiss. I kiss down from her lips to her chin to her throat and all the way down to her belly button. I tug on her shorts with my teeth before I yank down with my left hand. She pulls up her shorts and I look back up to her; her face is serious. "I'm not going to injure you more."

"Ashley!" I whine out. "I'm fine! I'm getting the casts off soon, anyway! Speaking of which, I need to call and ask when I can get them off-"

"They're still on, meaning you're still injured. After you get them off, you need to take it easy, too. I want this just as bad as you do." Defeated, I plop down next to her. She turns and faces me and smiles warmly at me. I lean in and give her a peck. I know she's just caring for me and for that I'm forever thankful.

"Eh-em," I hear someone clearing their throat to my left. I stretch and blink my eyes open and see my girlfriend smiling down at me. "Good morning, birthday princess." She's holding a tray.

"What's this?" I croak and try to sit up. She sets the tray down on the nearest nightstand and comes quickly to my aid, propping up pillows for me to lean against. It's sweet. "Thank you." I say and look up to her and smile.

"I know I'm no chef like you," She sets the tray on my lap. Oh my. "But I tried."

For such a small tray, there is quite a lot on it. There's a giant Belgian waffle topped with powdered sugar and strawberries. In a bowl next to it sits sliced up bananas, grapes, pineapples, watermelon, and mangos. To the left of the waffle is a heated blueberry muffin. Above that, there's a glass of orange juice and strawberry milk. At the top of the tray is a single yellow sunflower in a long, small vase.

"And you think _I'm_ the chef in this relationship?" I look up at her in shock; she gives a small smile and blushes. "You're gonna help me with this, right?"

"I made it for you." She sounds so innocent. So cute!

I pat the spot next to me and she sits. We do get to share the breakfast together. Had it not been my birthday, I bet she wouldn't have eaten anything. After breakfast, we just laid there together, in food comas, cuddling and tickling and talking. It was nice.

"So, we'd better get going now."

"What? Get going? What are you talking about?" I ask, sitting up and facing her.

"You and I've got things to do today."

"Ashley-"

"You said 'nothing extravagant'. That's quoted. And this is not extravagant! Trust me."

"Okay. Where are we going? Should I get ready?"

"Just change into shorts and a t-shirt. Then we'll go," She still didn't answer my other question. "You'll see where we end up." Without Ashley's help, I stand up and change. She gives me a smirk. I guess my selfish plot is found out.

"What are we doing here?" I monotonously ask, staring at the large building that I haven't seen in three weeks. First I was like 'ugh, seriously?', but now I'm concerned. I don't want to be here. I'm scared. When I look back at Ashley, she's already looking at me, concern on her face as well. "Ashley, what are we doing here?" My raising voice asks.

"Spence, baby, calm down. I swear to you it's not bad. Do you trust me?" I timidly nod. We step out together and walk into the building that smells like death. She signs us in and we go to the same familiar floor that I once lived on. I sit, but she doesn't. I don't let go of her hand.

"What are you doing?"

"I'd love to be with you, but I have to go to take care of a few things."

"What do you mean 'take care of a few things'?" I look at her like she's insane. She can't just leave me at a hospital and not tell me why!

"Spencer, really, there is absolutely no need to freak out. It's not bad. Just trust me, okay?" She kisses my hand. "If you need anything, call me. Don't even worry. Alright?" I'm still worrying.

** Ashley's POV**

I plop into the drivers seat and my phone immediately rings of Spencer.

"Yes?" I smile into the phone.

"I need you. You said to call me if I needed you. I need you."

"What's up, Spencer? Is everything okay?" I ask, concerned, because there is no reason for anything to go wrong.

"Yeah, just sitting in this chair. I need you. Come back." I giggle at her response.

"That's not what I meant. I have to go though, I'm about to drive. Nothing bad is going to happen, I promise." She finally lets me hang up.

It's eleven thirty now. Spencer's appointment is at twelve, giving it isn't crowded at the hospital today. Clay's going to pick her up after it and take her some place so my time is spared; that, and I'm sure he misses her. I can tell she misses her family. I've got a ton of work to do...

~.~.~.

I pull into an open space in the parking lot of the diner Clay told me he was taking Spencer to. Coincedentally, I spot Spencer and Clay laughing their way out of the diner. They look so happy. I wonder if she made the right decision...

I jump out my car and shut the door; when I do, she spots me and her face lights up even more. I feel mine light up just the same.

"Ashley Danielle Davies!" She gives her best scolding voice, but her smile is already plastered all over her face. She's hobble-running my way. As soon as I know it, she's in my arms, giggling away. "You're such a jerk. You knew about this and you didn't even tell me!" She keeps her smile on, waving her arm in my face and wiggling her leg. They aren't completely bare; they each have small black splints, but I assume that's better than having a cast you're unable to take off until it's time.

"I just wanted it to be a surprise!" I play back.

I say hi to Clay and we all talk and laugh a little before saying goodbye to him.

"So," I shut the door of my car. "I was thinking about going to the beach for a while, since it's only three, unless you have something else in mind. What do you think?" I ask and finally turn to her. Her head is resting against the headrest, facing me, a smile on her adorable face. "What?" I smile back.

"Anywhere that's with you, I'm there." She takes my hand and we're off.

~.~.~.

"How long did he say you need the splints for?" I ask, looking in the direction of the splints which are off her body. I don't scold her; I know she just wants to be freed for a while. Who doesn't want to feel the soft sand? And besides, I'll ensure that they'll be back on full time tomorrow.

She looks in their direction and answers: "I have an appointment next month. He's going to check then."

"Good. I'm glad you're getting better."

"Me, too," She looks up at me. I have my arms folded across her chest; I tightened my hold slightly. A little while into silence, my thoughts make my giggle and I accidentally let it out. Those ones: silly little detailed memories. "What?" She looks up again asks.

"I was just thinking. About us. A long time ago."

"Oh yeah?" She asks then turns back to the ocean. "Do tell."

"I remember how much I liked you and how bad it hurt. I thought you were straight."

"Me, too." She laughs; it's contagious.

"I knew the minute I walked into Chemistry and saw you that you were different. Something had me drawn to you. I guess that's why I told you about my life on the second day I knew you! I can't believe I didn't scare you off. I'm so glad I didn't scare you off."

"You could never. I was already attached to you before I knew your first name."

"You would write notes and leave them for me when I would wake up or something. I kept them. And the one with your number on it was my most treasured. I figured to you it meant nothing, but to me it meant everything," I exhale and look at the top of her head from the ocean. "We've been through a lot, Spence. I'm so happy about that, though. We're strong. We're great."

"We have been through a lot, huh?" She continues her stare with the ocean. "I'm aware I caused a ton of it, but I wouldn't change a thing. This moment is absolute perfection. I love you so much." My heart flutters at those last words.

"I love you so much, too, Spencer," I place a kiss on her head, inhaling her shampoo's scent. After more moments in blissful silence, I speak. "You ready to go?"

"Not really," She chuckles and snuggles into me, her eyes closed. I don't alter her choice. It's her birthday and I want her to be happy for it, as well as everyday. But especially today. She notices that I don't insist, so she untangles her head from my shirt and looks up at me from my lap. "You okay?"

"Yeah! If you don't want to go, we don't have to."

"Wow, I don't know how I feel about this non-assertive Ashley."

"I just want you do whatever you want on your birthday. Home isn't moving; we'll get there eventually."

"The beach is nice. I love it here. But taking off your clothes here would be frowned upon."

"Spencer Carlin! I'm shocked at your un-ladylike behavior." I play around with her.

"You like it and you know it."

"Never said I didn't." I retort. She stands up and pulls me up with her.

~.~.~.

"I don't understand why I need this blindfold, Ash."

"Because maybe there are some things I don't want you to see yet, Spencer." I say in her same tone.

"Hasn't there been enough surprises for today?" She whines.

"Ha! You underestimate me, Carlin," I say as I shut the front door behind me with my foot. "Are you ready?" I move my hands to the back of the bandana, not waiting for an answer. Her eyes scan the room and her mouth drops open slightly. "You like?"

"Oh my-"

"It's not too much, is it?"

**Spencer's POV**

"Ashley."

"It's too much."

"No! It's awesome! This is great!" I twirl around in the middle of rainbow streamers.

It's so extremely colorful in here; it's so vibrant and bright! I like it a lot. There are balloons in every direction and loads of confetti all over the tile floor that leads into her kitchen. Up the stairs there are strewn rose petals. She leads me toward her kitchen and right before we enter, there's a sign right above me that says 'Happy Birthday, Spencer!' with a heart. I feel so special. On her table to my right is a cake! It reads 'Happy Birtday Spencer, I Love You!'. It doesn't look professionally made; I prefer homemade things anyway.

I stop us and ask: "Did you bake that?" I drop my hand from hers and point to the chocolate frosted cake. She gives a shy nod. "Wow, I'm really rubbing off on you."

"Don't get used to it," She smirks and pulls me along to her backyard.

_Oh. My. God!_

I think if I even tried to speak, I couldn't.

There are white lights strewn and lit up everywhere throughout her backyard; it literally looks magical. On her table there are different birthday themed decors. There are balloons by the dozen in each corner of the yard. Her pool has little lit up candles floating in it; beside it is her firepit that's also lit. A ways away from that, there is a large blanket laid out in the middle of the grass with a folded one on top of it. Across from this blanket is her barbeque which is, for some reason, open as if it's been in or going to be used. Odd, Ashley doesn't cook. I draw my attention away from that; I walk to middle of her yard, standing under all of the lights.

"Ashley, oh my God!" I smile and look at the lights all above me.

"It's pretty spectacular, huh?" She says in a smug tone and I look down to see her smirking. I run over and I take her face in my hands and I kiss her. Yeah, this is very spectacular, but she's more spectacular. She did this. She's spectacular. The work she put into this, the work she puts into this relationship, is nothing short of spectacular. I pull back only slightly, her face still in my hands and her eyes locked on mine. She watches me speak every word, switching between looking at my mouth and eyes.

"I love you," I say slowly. "So much. Saying that does not come close to how I feel. You're so spectacular," I give a small laugh at the repeated word. She laughs, too, between my hands. "Thank you for going through all this effort. For me," I drop my hands and move my head back. "You totally didn't have to do all this."

"That's the thing. I know I didn't, but I live for those words. Knowing that it means so much to you, I mean so much to you, is great to feel. If you're happy, I'm happy. I just want you to know how much I love you." She looks like she's blushing!

"I know how much you love me," I say and go in for a hug. "But I love you more." Her surprises are always much more than mine, I suck, but I love her so much, so much that it hurts.

"Yeah, right," She says sarcastically, laughing, as we pull back from the loving hug. "You ready to get this night started?" She doesn't wait for an answer; she's already walking away from me and back toward her house. On her way inside, she presses a few buttons and the speakers outside begin to play music from 102.7 Kiis FM. She then retreats inside.

"Where are you going?"

"To get the food, silly."

"What are we eating?" I walk back into her house and ask. She's pulling things out of drawers from her fridge and freezer. She doesn't reply instantly. In her arms, wrapped, are buns, frozen patties, frozen fries, cheese, ketchup, lettuce, and such. "Do you need help?" She gives me a sly smile, like she's about to say something but doesn't. She paces out the door and out of my sight. I obviously follow.

I can't believe my eyes. She's preparing the barbeque! This is gold. Ashley does not cook. I'm not worried about it not tasting good, it's just shocking that she is actually cooking using a barbeque!

"You?" I blurt out, trying not to laugh. "You, Ashley freaking Davies? _Cooking_?"

"Oh, shut up," She's trying not to smile. "I cook, you know."

"You can barely put together cereal." I don't get the sentence out quick enough; I'm already laughing.

"You're going to get it, Carlin." I hope she knows what she's saying. I do want it.

~.~.~.

"Oh!" My eyes widen at the taste. "What the hell, this is so good!" My mouth is full, but I don't care. As a response, Ashley smiles smugly and bites into hers. When she wants to do something and do it well, she sure can do it.

She swallows and says, "Taste familiar?"

"It does," I nod slowly. "But it's delic—OH!" The realization hits me. "Wait, I don't get it. You got them from your freezer. I don't..." I trail off.

"I bought them from In N Out."

"You can do that?"

"No. Well, I didn't think so. But the point is, I got them. You and In N Out are like weed and stoners."

"Hey!"

"Love you." She rolls her eyes innocently and takes another bite.

It's safe to say we're both in food comas now. I don't dare say this out loud, though, since I was once in a coma and I know that wouldn't go over well with Ashley. As for now, the sun has disappeared completely and the stars have come out. It's quite a sight. From Ashley's yard, you have such a great view of the sky. There aren't many trees or buildings that block it. Just me, Ashley, and the unlimited sky. That's what we're discussing now: the stars, that is.

"That's the North Star, right?" I ask and point to the brightest star in the sky.

"I think so. I mean, it's the brightest. But I think that name is weird. Because if you walk to it, from different directions, it may not necessarily be North. You know?"

"That's true. I've never thought about that before. You know, they say that if you're lost you should follow that star. They say that your home is right below that star."

"I don't think that's true." She states very factually.

"Why?"

"For one, it's not directly above us. My home is right here and it's more that way." She pushes her hand forward in the air.

"Well, maybe my home is right under it." I say before I think about what I was going to say. My home is not there. My home is with Ashley. But I think she knows what I meant.

"And for second, not everyone lives under the North Star. Not everyone in the world can fit directly under it. So I don't believe we should follow that star if we ever get lost. Who knows where we'll end up." She looks away and shakes her head, chucking a little.

"If we ever do get lost, I hope I'm with you. Then I won't be so lost." I release my hand from hers and roll onto my side, tucking my head into the crook of her neck and placing my hand on her stomach. When I do so, her breath slightly hitches. Her breathing evens out slightly; I watch as her stomach pushes my hand up and back down again.

"Hey," Her voice cracks, shakily. "What time is it?"

"Uh, I don't know. Why?" She stands up quickly and runs into her house, leaving me stranded and confused. I stand up slowly.

"Did I do something wrong?" I ask quietly; I don't think she heard me. I walk toward the back door. She gets there before I do, a smile all over her face.

"No! Stop. Go back to the blanket. Sit. And wait. Do not come in," I open my mouth. "No questions. Just do it," She commands me with a smile. Of course, considering how in love with her I am, I obey.

I wait. And wait. And wait. Okay, fine, like three minutes. Her lovely voice knocks me out of my daze.

"...To you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to Spencer, Happy Birthday to you!" Oh my. As she sang to me, she slowly brought over the cake she baked for me and set it right on the blanket. There's more: there's a giant sparkler in it! Probably to be safe, there's only one other candle which is a giant '17'. I know my eyes look shocked. I can't blow a sparkler out! It looks really pretty, though. Soon enough, it goes out. "Well, make a wish!" She encourages me, looking at me then the still lit candle.

"What if I have everything I want?"

"Impossible."

"Not impossible." I retort.

"Oh, just make a wish!"

"Fine!" I hesitate before blowing it out. I didn't make a wish. At that moment, I hear a loud boom and that startles me! Ashley just starts laughing at me. "What? That wasn't funny! What was that?" I look around, concerned.

"Spence," She looks up at the sky, so I do, too. Fireworks! "You enjoy. I'm going to go grab a knife and forks." She flies into the house and out just as quickly. Ashley, In N Out cooked by Ashley, Ashley, cake baked by Ashley, Ashley, fireworks, Ashley, Fourth of July and my birthday, Ashley, summer, Ashley, living with Ashley, and Ashley. The literal definition of perfect. Like if I were to look up 'perfection' in a dictionary, this would be listed along with a picture.

The fireworks have been going on for a good twenty minutes, if not more, and the cake that was here twenty minutes ago is long gone. That food coma that never really went away is back, stronger than ever. Ashley and I have barely said a word since the cake was finished. We're both taking in the beauty of the fireworks—and I'm also taking in the beauty of her, inside and out. God, she's perfect. What did I do to deserve her?

"You okay?" She pipes up and I snap out of it, realizing I had been staring at her.

"I'm perfect." I tag her hand and roll into her, looking back up to the sky.

"Yeah, you are." She smiles and I laugh; I place my hand over her cheek, holding it close to me.

A few more minutes in, the fireworks go crazy. This must be the finale. Suddenly, they come to a halt. I assume them over until one last, huge one flies into the air.

Oh. My. God!

I take my hand off of her cheek to cover my mouth. I roll away from her and stare at the sky in disbelief. How even is this possible?

"Ashley," I croak out, my hand still over my mouth. "Oh my God." Shoot, I know these aren't tears that are tickling the sides of my face. Yeah, they are. She wipes the tears on the side closest to her away.

"I love you, too, Ashley. So goddamn much." I reply to her message that's shown bright in the sky; I bury my face into her neck. Oh Lord, I'm crying. I'm such a girl! Ugh.

She rolls to face me, my face still buried in her, and hugs me, her arm across my body and her hand in my hair, massaging my scalp. I calm my tears down and I just lay there, inhaling her.

"Don't fall asleep on me now; we've still got more to cover."

"More to cover?" I look at her face which is just centimeters from mine. "It's already nine."

"You mean _only _nine." She smiles and rubs my cheek. She lets us lay there, entangled with each other, for an unknown amount of time. She got cold, despite my warmth, so I pulled the spare fleece blanket over us. So comfortable. The fire pit is several feet away from us, surprisingly still lit. It's giving off a little heat, so that helps. For it being a July night, it's sort of cold.

"So, any other tricks up your sleep? Or can we go to bed?" I hope she knows what I'm implying by that.

"Just one." She sits up, removing herself from me and the blanket.

"Where are you going?"

"Hold on!" She shouts from inside. So I lay and wait. She comes out a few seconds later; she pops something into her outside stereo system and soon there's a slight upbeat tune. She nestles back under the blanket with me. Several hums fill the air before I hear it.

_Hey, Spencer, _

_ I know looks can be deceiving, but I know I saw a light in you_

Spencer! That's me! Ashley is singing to me!

_As we walked, we were talking—I didn't say half the things I wanted to_

Why didn't she say half the things she wanted to? I turn my head to ask what she wanted to ask, but she's looking away, smiling and I think blushing!

_Of all the boys tossing rocks at your window,_

_ I'll be the one waiting there, even when it's cold-_

I don't doubt that.

_Hey, Spencer,_

_ Girl, you might have me believing I don't always have to be alone_

Aw! My baby is never alone. I'm always here. My hand is in hers, shaking slightly.

_'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel,_

_ Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain, so-_

I let out a loud laugh and scoot closer to her, giving her a kiss on her flustered face.

_-Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you,_

_ Can't help it if there's no one else,_

_ Mmm, I can't help myself_

I can't help myself, either; I pull her cheek to make her look at me and I kiss her lips. They're warm, too.

_Hey, Spencer,_

_ I've been holding back this feeling,_

_ So, I've got some things to say to you_

"Oh, yeah? Like what?" I tauntingly ask before returning my attention to her singing voice. She's looking up at the sky and smiling.

_I seen it all—so I thought—but I never seen somebody shine the way you do_

Oh, Ashley. I'm so plain!

_The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name,_

Apparently not to her. Oh my gosh.

_It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change,_

_ Hey, Spencer,_

_ Why are people always leaving?_

_ I think you and I should stay the same_

"We are. Forever." I tell her seriously and her smiles creeps back again.

_'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel,_

_ Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain,_

_ So, come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you,_

_ Can't help it if there's no one else,_

_ Mmm, I can't help myself_

I roll over and hug her tightly, attempting to rock her to the beat of the music, but that's kind of hard to do when you're laying down. She giggles at me.

_They're dimming the street lights,_

_ You're perfect for me,_

_ Why aren't you here tonight?_

I am, duh. And I will be for a while.

_I'm waiting alone now,_

_ So come on and come out and pull me near to shine, shine, shine_

"You're never alone. Not anymore." She's the one grasping on to me now.

_Hey, Spencer, _

_ I could give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose_

Even if she didn't give me any reason, I'd still stay. I have my reasons.

_All those other girls—well, they're beautiful,_

_ But would they write a song for you?_

Contrary, they're not as beautiful as her. No one will ever be. And only Ashley would write a song for me.

_'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel,_

_ Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain,_

_ So, come feel this magic I've been feeling since I_

_ Can't help it if there's no one else,_

_ Mmm, I can't help myself if you look like an angel,_

_ Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain,_

_ So, come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you,_

_ Can't help it if there's no one else,_

_ Mmm, I can't help myself..._

I can't help myself, either. I'm entangling myself in Ashley, my hands all over, running through her hair, giving her an uncountable number of kisses everywhere I can. The song ends as I'm planting kisses on her arm.

"Ashley," I can feel myself tearing up again. Not again. "That was a beautiful song. Thank you for writing that to me-"

"To you and for you." She whispers quietly, batting her eyelashes and finally looking up at my eyes.

"Thank you for writing that to and for me. Really, it was beautifully written and your voice is just as beautiful. You're the first person to ever write songs for me, you know."

"I'm glad I can be the first to do this. You'll never forget me now." She closes her eyes and is back to her smug self. I laugh at her.

"I wouldn't forget you anyway." Her shy smile is precious. It's a rare thing when Ashley is shy around me.

"Well," She says, sitting up and throwing the blankets off of us. "Let's go to bed."

"But I'm not tired." I protest, making a sad face at her.

"You will be when I'm done with you." She winks and takes the top blanket, running inside her house giggling. I take the blanket that was underneith us and follow suit.

~.~.~.

"You know," I mumble into Ashley's chest. "This is the best birthday I've ever had." I'm snuggled into her chest while her head rests barely above mine. I can feel her breathing on my forehead. I'm embraced by her legs and arms.

"Really?" She seems genuinely surprised.

"Yes."

"Well I am glad you had such a splended day. My life is the best. Do you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because you are in it as my girlfriend." I smile and feel myself blushing.

"I feel the same way," All playfulness aside, today was one of the best days I've encountered in my life. Whatever Ashley does for me is always so immaculate and fun. Of course I have fun with her even if we're not talking and are in the same room. But when we do fun things like this, like surprising each other, it's great. I'm not one for surprises, but hers are never bad surprises. They're semi-enjoyable for me. When I look back on the day, it's as if everything has played out as it should have. I made a great decision moving in here with Ashley. I know it has only been a few weeks, but I can't imagine myself not living with her. Doing daily activities that I wouldn't normally do with her are better to do now that I'm with her. I'm pretty darn attached and I don't think I'll ever let go even if I tried.

"Ashley?" I state her name more than ask it.

"Spencer?" She questions back in the same quiet tone as me.

"I need you."

"You have me."

"Forever?"

"And always."

"And I don't think I can live without you."

"You don't think?"

I answer back quickly; she barely has time to let the last letter leave her lips. "I _can't_ live without you."

"Good; I can't live without you either, Spence. And you don't have to. I'm always going to be here, okay?" I nod into her chest. I listen to her breathing even out and watch her chest fill with air and push it out. I lay there absentmindedly, feeling the soft-skin texture of her hand in mine. Her scent is forever implanted in my nose and in my mind. I observe her for a long while and all the beauty she has. And the most important part? I'm hers and she's mine.

"I love you." I whisper, knowing she's asleep.

"I love you, too, Spencer Elizabeth Carlin." She's awake! Hearing those words, and especially with my full name, makes goosebumps form all over my body. I give a slight shiver; she rubs her hand up and down my arm after pulling the blanket to cover us a little more. God, this is absolutely perfect.


	33. Chapter 32

**AN: Here's a quick one for ya :) More reviews = more confidence = quicker updates!**

Chapter 32

"I'll grab it for you-"

"No, Ashley, it's fine." I spit out. I stand up from the chair at her kitchen table and walk to the fridge and grab my water bottle. I don't mean to sound so harsh, but I can never do a single thing on my own anymore. She's mothering me. I'm independent and, yeah, I appreciate her help, but I've been out of my casts for a bit over a month. I'm capable of doing things on my own. I've tried telling her, but she keeps insisting. I don't know why she doesn't get it. When I'm not being helped, she always wants to go out and do things after I repeatedly tell her I want to get my work done. School starts up in less than a month and I'm still not finished with all of it. If she would leave me alone for once, I'm sure I could get it finished a load quicker.

"You okay?" She asks when I walk back into the room.

"Yeah." I glance at her eyes and flash a quick, small smile. I don't want to make this bigger than it really is.

"So, I was thinking Gray tonight." _Ugh, again!_

"I don't want to go, Ashley." I firmly state, not looking up at her.

"Spencer, we have barely done anything this summer!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you needed me for every little thing you do!" I throw my pen down and shout.

"I don't _need_ you," _Ow._ "But I _want_ you to be with me! To spend time together!"

"We're always together!"

"You're saying that like it's a bad thing!"

"It's, it's not! I'm just saying maybe we both need space!" I quickly pick up my things and retreat into my room.

I don't see Ashley for the rest of the day.

I showered alone. When I went to make dinner, Ashley wasn't home nor were Christine and Kyla. I watched TV alone until about ten. It would normally concern me that Ashley isn't home yet, but I think this space is doing me well. I just hope she gets home safely because when she drinks, she doesn't stop.

I brush my teeth alone before heading off to bed alone. I shut off the lights and leave the window cracked; the moon is shining brightly through the side of the curtain tonight. I close my eyes and try to sleep, but I can't. For about an hour I try with no success. I constantly checked my phone for the time and to see if Ashley had called or texted and I missed it by accident. The time keeps rolling on and it's well past eleven without hearing from Ashley. Being the stubborn teen I am, I did not call her, though I should have.

I'm nearly asleep when I hear some racket right outside my door. It startles me and I begin to fear the noise until the door quietly opens and I assume it's Ashley. I'm facing opposite the door, so I can't know for sure. My heart is beating really fast despite the fact it's just Ashley; it's beating like it used to when I got nervous around her. I just want her to lay down with me now. I know I complained about it earlier, but I'm over today's argument. I can hear her feeling around for things and maybe even changing clothes; I lay here, pretending to be asleep. A few minutes later, after briefly leaving the room, shuts the door and I feel the weight on the bed shifting. The blanket is lifted up slightly and I feel a whoosh of air graze across my back. It comes back down and I can feel Ashley's body heat against my back, but we aren't touching. I lay there craving the feel of her arm around my tummy, but it never comes.

~.~.~.

Ashley and I have been distant lately and I can't say that I don't like it, but I can't say that I like it, either. She still tries to help me occasionally but not as often as before. I'm trying not to get annoyed, but it's hard not to. She's treating me like a kid who can't fend for themselves yet. I'll be eighteen, a legal adult, in eleven months. I can take care of myself. Now if she was the one needing help, that would be a different story. I'd give my all to her. I suppose that's what she's trying to do for me now; I try to accept that.

~.~.~.

As quickly as Ashley laid off of me, she's back at it. And I'm annoyed. I don't want to seem like the bad person now, but I'm really not dependent on these types of things! I know this is just going to get worse and I'm just going to say something that I'm going to regret, so I have to calm myself down and tell her before I do that.

Today I'm doing my work in my room alone. I can't take it out there with her, so I just stayed in here today. I'm nearly finished with it. Maybe when I finally get it done, I'll be more tolerating of her. I really hate to feel this against my girlfriend. I did not want or expect this to happen when I moved in with her. She does so much for me and I know it's intended well, but I don't need so much help! I know how to live! I want to cook, I want to clean, I want to get my outfits picked out, I want to go get pencils, I want to get my water from the fridge. I can do it! She needs to just let me.

"Hey," The door opens and I hear her voice. "What are we doing today?"

"I don't know what you're doing, but I'm going to finish my work."

"But I wanna go out."

"Then go out. No one is stopping you." I say, as if it's no big deal, without looking up from my book.

"But I want us to be together."

"We're together everyday."

"I know, but we never go out."

"Because I have this shit-ton of work to get done in order to pass eleventh grade and proceed to twelth!" I raise my voice without moving my head from the book.

"You're going to, obviously!"

"Well if you'd leave me alone." I mutter under my breath.

"What?"

"Nothing, Ashley. Just have to get this done."

"This is so about something more than your stupid schoolwork."

"It's not, Ashley. I just want to finish this."

She hesitates. "Alright. Well, I'll go make us lunch then."

"It's fine. I'll make some later." I shake my head and tell her.

"It's fine, I can do it for you. You have all that work."

"I know," I say and look at her. "But I'm capable of making my own food!"

"I never said you weren't, calm down."

"Well you're sure acting like I'm incapable!" I throw my book down, losing the page, but I don't care.

"Excuse me?"

I stand up. "I can barely breathe on my own! You do everything for me! It was sweet at first, don't get me wrong, but I'm seventeen! I'm well now! I can make my own food, do my laundry, go get something on the other side of the room. You don't have to do everything for me! You're not my mom and I'm not a little kid, so let me just do things! Do you really think I'm that dependent on you?" That came out wrong. I'm already pacing out the door, down the hall, and out her front door, my wallet and phone in hand.

"Where are you going?" She comes after me and grabs my arm.

"Away from you," I snatch my arm away without looking at her. "_Don't _come look for me."

I spent my afternoon and evening walking, walking with no destination. Of course I'm not excellent with directions yet, but I do know how to get to a few parks and shopping centers from Ashley's house. I mean if I got lost, I could always call, but stubborn me probably won't do that. So I kept track of where I was. I skipped lunch, but for dinner I walked to some sandwich shop in a shopping center kind of by my house. I even walked past my house after dinner and to a park nearby. That's where I am now. It's nearing nine and despite the fact it's summer, I'm the only one here. It's kind of eery. I'd better start back home now; it'll take me at least an hour to walk back to Ashley's. I should have thought about this before storming off.

Despite our fight and my words, I wish she'd come and look for me.

When I get home, it's past ten. Fortunately, the door is unlocked. I don't see Ashley, but her car is here. She's not in the downstairs room or the kitchen or the living room or backyard. I quietly tip-toe up the stairs and see that her bedroom door is shut. I make my way over to it. She's crying. I can hear her through the door. If I didn't feel like a jerk before, I do now.

I know I should go in and say something, anything. Apologize. But I didn't. I walked downstairs, kicked my shorts off, and went to sleep.

The next day was worse. I didn't see her all day. I did spend most of the day in my room, working, and I did in fact finish! That's a good thing. But when I made food or showered, I didn't see her in the house. I think we were both avoiding contact. This is not something we do. If one of us messes up, we talk to the other right away. I know I was in the wrong; I need to talk to her. Maybe a different day that's not today.

I got into bed, knowing fully well that she wouldn't be accompanying me tonight. I only have myself to blame.

I feel this pain in my back, as if something is being sharply poked into it. I sit up and the pain goes away. I feel around on the spot where my back was and I pick up a case; after shining my phone's light on it, I see it's a CD in a clear case. It just says, 'I'm sorry' in scribbled writing. I don't have a CD player, but fortunately there's one in here. I turn the volume down low and place the CD inside; I hear a calm but upbeat tune. I hear a guitar strumming. I slide back over to the bed and plop myself back onto it, staring at the stereo. I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect this...

_There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard__  
__No song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart__  
__Our dreams, and they are made out of real things__  
__Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving__  
__Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart__  
__Like why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?__  
__It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving__  
__I'll tell you one thing: it's always better when we're together___

_Mmm, it's always better when we're together__  
__Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together__  
__Well, it's always better when we're together__  
__Yeah, it's always better when we're together___

_And all of these moments just might find their way into my dreams tonight__  
__But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings and brings new things__  
__For tomorrow night you see that they'll be gone too__  
__Too many things I have to do__  
__But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene__  
__I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between _

_ With only two: just me and you__  
__Not so many things we got to do or places we got to be__  
__We'll sit beneath the mango tree now___

_Yeah, it's always better when we're together__  
__Mmm, we're somewhere in between together__  
__Well, it's always better when we're together__  
__Yeah, it's always better when we're together___

_Mmm, mmm, mmm___

_I believe in memories_

_ They look so, so pretty when I sleep__  
__Hey now, and when I wake up, you look so pretty sleeping next to me__  
__But there is not enough time_

_ And there is no, no song I could sing__  
__And there is no combination of words I could say__  
__But I will still tell you one thing: we're better together_

The CD ends after a few more guitar strums. I lay there, smiling, thinking of the beautiful voice that's always singing to me and for me.

I can't be angry at this.

I quietly make my way up to her room and I don't hear her crying. I'm glad. I hate that I always hurt her.

When I open the door, I don't think she sees or hears me. Her eyes look tired; she's just staring straight ahead at nothing. She's laying in the spot I usually lay in if we're in her bed. I speak up when I think she knows I'm there.

"You have a beautiful voice, you know,"

Her bottom lip quavers a bit; she tries her best to make a mad face. I would probably believe her to be angry had I not just seen her absentminded face. I walk over to where she's facing and I sit; she turns around before I do. I scoot close and I begin stroking her hair. She doesn't say anything, so I don't, either. This lasts a long time before I decide, boldly, to join her in bed. I guess she isn't asleep because before I can see her face again, she faces opposite of me in bed. I lay there staring at the back of her head, admiring her crazy curls. "I'm sorry," I finally speak up. That's when I hear her sob escape. I can tell by the sound of it that she has been holding it in, probably ever since I saw her quavering lip. "Ash-" I place my hand across to her cheek and she smacks it off.

"No. You hurt me and you can't console me, too." She says between crying breaths. So, to my torture, I got to lay there and just stare at the back of her while listening to her sobbing, knowing I caused it. I always cause everything. I always hurt her. I don't know why she stays with me. That will change if I don't get my act together.

I try again by placing my hand on her shoulder. She jumps slightly but doesn't move it. If anything, she cries harder. "I'm sorry," I repeat. I slowly inch closer to her body so that my head is resting against the back of her neck. She immediately rolls over and buries her head into my chest, crying all the while. She holds me and I hold her, stroking her hair, holding her tightly into me. She's right: I should not be consoling her when I'm the one who did this. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. You were just trying to help me."

"Yeah, I was." She says angrily into my chest. I feel her tears on my chest.

"I just, I don't know. You were so kind, doing everything for me, but I missed being able to do things on my own. I just, I tried telling you, but maybe I wasn't clear. I shouldn't have blown up on you."

"I'm sorry."

"No, you are not. You don't have to be sorry. You did nothing but care for me, like always."

"I thought you were going to go back home. Or break up with me." I can hear the pain and fear in her voice.

"No. Never,"

We both lay together, me maintaining my hold on her, for a long while. Her crying is easing up.

"The song was really beautiful. Just like the others. And you're right: it's always better when we're together. It's nice to have some time to myself occasionally, but I need you way more than I need alone time."

"Sorry for not giving you space."

"It's okay. I love you, you know."

"I love you, too."

~.~.~.

"Hey." I look up from my rummaging to see Ashley standing in the doorway, her hands on either side.

"Hi." I say cheerfully and stand up.

"I was just wondering," She strides into the room and plops on the bed. "If I could just sit in here and listen to music or something while you do your work." I eye her phone and earbuds.

"Actually, I finished my homework. Chelsea asked if I wanted to go to the mall with her today..."

"Oh. Okay." She stands up from the bed.

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah, of course!" She says honestly. "Have fun." She cheerfully gets up and hugs me. I watch her disappear. I leave only a few minutes after.

~.~.~.

"I'm ho-ome!" I open the door and say in a loud sing-song voice. "Ash?" She's nowhere downstairs. She must be in her room. I walk up the stairs and her door is open. I hold the stuffed bear behind my back. "Hey, look what I—Hey, are you okay?" She's crying; I rush to her side. "Ashley, what's wrong?" Her eyes are shut and she's biting into her pillow.

"Cramps." She blantantly states before she takes in a sharp breath.

"Hold on, I'll go look for medicine," I drop the bear. I've sprinted down the stairs and to the cabinet in her kitchen. Oh no. "Ash, there's no Advil!" I shout up to her. No Advil, no Midol, No Ibuprofen, nothing for pain relief. What the heck? "Ashley, I'm going to go get medicine for you, okay? I'll be right back!" I shout louder. I grab her keys on the counter and race out.

I make it back within a half hour.

Ashley is still in a fetal position, clutching her stomach, tears on her face, moaning at the pain. It's quite terrible sight. I know how bad cramps can hurt; hers must be especially bad this time because she's never like this. She's clutching onto the bear I dropped on the floor. Aw!

I set the pills and water on her nightstand. "Take my hand, be careful. Sit up slowly," She obliges. Carefully I help her sit up so she can take the pills. I place the two tablets into her palm and then unscrew the cap of a water bottle and hand it to her. She gulps them down in a few sips; I screw the cap back on and set it aside before helping her lay down on her back.

"Thank you, Spencer."

"Shh, it's okay." I kick off my shoes and carefully join her in bed. I lay on my side, facing her, tracing circles on her bare tummy with my pointer finger. It takes a few minutes for the medicine to kick it, but when it does, it's noticeable that it's working. Her eyes softly flutter open and closed; she seems exhausted.

"Thank you for the bear. And chocolate." She smiles up at the ceiling.

"You're welcome. How are you feeling?"

"Way better than before, thanks to you."

"Thanks to the medicine!" I correct her.

"Which came from you."

"Which came from the store," She turns her head to me and gives me a 'shut-up-before-I-hurt-you-and-I-so-would-if-I-cou ld' smirk. "Do you need anything?"

"Just you." I smile, blush, and look away. She still makes me blush after eleven months of knowing her. I smile, turn the lights off, and fall asleep rubbing her tummy.

~.~.~.

"So, what's on your agenda today?" I ask, flipping our grilled cheeses over in the pan.

"Uh, nothing. Why?"

"Just wondering." I say and turn around, leaning against the counter. Ashley's sitting on a stool across from me at the bar.

"You're so not 'just wondering'," She uses air quotes for emphasis. "Tell me."

"No, I really was just wondering." I tell her an honest lie. She gives me a stubborn smile and looks away.

After our lunch, we sat in the living room and watched _Titanic_. Ashley was softly crying by the end of it. I can't blame her—Rose lost her true love, poor Rose Dawson. We sat there recovering and not really paying attention to the next movie that came on ABC Family.

"So," I sit up on the couch and face Ashley; we both cross our legs. "I was wondering," Her eyes are eager to hear what I have to say. I try not to blush, but I do. I hope she doesn't see. She does; she places a hand under my chin and moves it up to look at me. She smiles and I giggle back at her. "I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me tonight." My cheeks feel hot.

"I would love to." I watch her hands take mine.

"Then we'd better go get ready." I look up at her and smile as I get up off of the couch. She does the same.

"Together?" She smirks.

"I'm going to go now before I accept that offer," I prance away and I hear her go upstairs. "Don't dress too fancy! But not too casual either!"

I shower and blow dry my hair and give it a small curl at the ends. I put a gold headband in my hair to match my gold sandals. I'm wearing a nice, white tank top and skinny jeans. I only add a bit of black mascara and perfume before I'm ready to go. It's already five thirty-six; she better get down here!

"Come on, Princess! You're going to make us late!" I shout from the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm coming! God, you're so impatient," I hear her respond. I can hear the smile in her voice. And when she comes into view, I see the smile on her face.

She's wearing a black tank top, skinny jeans, red sandals, and red lipstick. Her curls are tamed; she must have curled them because they don't look like her regular natural ones. Her bangs are french braided to the side. Before I know it, she's in front of me.

"Too much?" She makes a worried face.

"No. You are perfect." I kiss her cheek so I don't mess up her fresh appliance of lipstick and take her hand before leading her out the door.

~.~.~.

"That was a great movie choice, Spence. It had the perfect amount of humor, suspense, and romance." We're walking hand in hand, shamelessly, down the street to P.F. Changs.

"It was better than I thought it was going to be. I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Do you want my bell peppers?" I scrunch my nose up and stare down at the peppers in my lo mein.

"Yes! I love them." She pinches them out and throws them in her mouth.

"They're disgusting."

"Mmm," Her eyes roll back. "They're delicious. You're crazy."

"My sanity is well, but I am crazy for you." I then take another forkful of my now pepper-free lo mein. She nearly chokes at my small comment.

She clears her throat and says: "I feel the same about you." In a formal tone. It's a few seconds before we burst out laughing and I almost spit my Root Beer on her.

"We have registration next week, you know, getting our classes and paying for our yearbook and stuff."

"Ugh, do not even bring up school right now," She rolls her eys at the word. "I have not had enough of summer yet."

"I know. We should go to the beach tomorrow."

"Lets." I smile back at her.

"But seriously, I don't have enough money for registration crap. I guess my dad will be getting a call soon." I hope he gives me money for school. I mean, this is for school, not just for spending pleasure. I feel so wrong in asking for money when I don't even live there anymore. I'm pretty sure Glen is the only child living there now since Clay is off at college. I haven't talked to Glen in a long time, so I don't know if he has moved out or what.

"I could pay for your registration." She says this as if it's nothing.

"Um, you're insane. It's fine; I'm sure Dad won't mind," I hope. "I should really get a job."

"Uh!" She almost cuts me off. "No, no you shouldn't! Then I'll never see you."

"You're such an exaggerator," I laugh and shake my head. "I'm sure it wouldn't be seven days a week. And I probably wouldn't work tons of hours in a day. I just need some spare cash. I can't make a habit of asking Dad for money since I'm the one who wanted to move out."

"That seems logical enough. But if I don't see you enough-"

"I won't take that job or I'll quit. Nothing comes before you."

"Thank you, Oh Loyal One," She says satisfyingly. "Ugh, we better enjoy these last few weeks alone because once school starts, we're going to be seeing a whole lot more of Mom and especially Kyla. Luckily for you, they both like you. I mean, unless you plan on going home before school starts. I mean I don't mind if you do want to go home, but I sure don't mind you staying with me, either; I love being able to see you whenever I want to and knowing you're always near me. Oh, God, it's going to suck when you leave-"

I cut her off of her rambling. "Whoa, kicking me out already, Davies?"

"What, no, of course not! I just," She shakes her head and looks at me in disbelief. "You don't want to go home?"

"Where did you get that crazy idea?"

"I'm happy that you feel that way. Kind of," She makes a face. "I mean I'm happy you want to stay with me, but don't you miss your family?"

"Well, yeah. I miss what we used to be like. But it's time to grow up, you know? And I have you. When I'm with you, I'm happiest. I like where I'm at right now." I flash her a smile and she sends one back at me.

"You'll get sick and tired of me eventually. Trust me." I can't tell if she's being serious; she begins stirring her straw around in her soda.

"Test me. I bet I won't," I take a sip of my soda and she looks up at me with a small smile. "What if... I never get tired of you... and... I never want to move out?" I question as if it's nothing, rushing the last part of my sentence, glancing all around the restaurant.

"Then you'll be stuck living with me for the rest of our lives." She smiles and shrugs.

"Don't get my hopes up, Davies." She doesn't get a chance to speak after blushing as the waiter, a young, attractive teenaged boy who kept trying to hit on us, clearly not getting the fact we're on a date, brought over our check. I immediately pulled out money from my pocket.

"Um, excuse me. I'm paying. You paid for the movies already."

"Do you not understand what a date is? I asked you on a date. I pay."

"You're the one who said you needed more money. Don't blow it on this."

"Excuse me, this is not blowing it. I spent it happily, with someone I love. Don't worry about the money situation! But if I am going to continue living with you, I really ought to help with house bills and stuff."

She lets out an uproarous laugh and pulls me up and out of the restaurant, ignoring my new topic.


	34. Chapter 33

**AN: Short-ish and boring-ish, but bare with me :)**

Chapter 33

I'm sitting here with clammy palms; I can feel perspiration threatening to drip from my forehead. A couch has never felt like a rock such as this one. I smell the scent of nostalgia and I can't decide if I've missed the smell or if I don't like it. I've never felt more awkward in my own house, a place I lived in for just eight months. It's an eerie quiet in here.

"Here you go, honey." Dad knocks me out of it. I'm sitting upright on the edge of my seat in my old living room. I take a sip of the ice water, wanting to gulp it all down but finding that rude, then grab a coaster and set the cup down on it.

"Thanks." I smile and say shyly to him.

"So, how are you, Spencer?" He asks from across from me.

"I'm, I'm good. I'm really good. I'm happy. I finished all my school work and now just preparing for school in a few weeks," I inhale and my next sentence flies out. "I miss you."

"We miss you, too, Spencer," He doesn't hesitate. "Your mom talks about you all the time. I don't know if she realizes it. She mostly reminisces, talking about the happy memories she recalls of you. She misses you." I could feel the tears building up. I blink rapidly trying to get rid of them.

"Well, she should have realized what effect her words would have on me. I miss you all, but I love living with Ashley. This," I shake my head. "This isn't what I wanted to talk to you about."

"I'm listening. Go ahead." His eyes are always so devoted and kind. I'm real lucky.

"We have registration soon and I, um, don't have the money to register," I tell him and look down at my knees. "I mean," I look up. "I'm going to get a job. For sure. But for right now, I don't have the money. I was wondering if I could borrow some..." I ask in a shameful tone.

"Spence, you don't need to pay me back. This is school. I will do everything for your education. I'm proud of you for thinking of getting a job without me having to ever talk to you about that. If you ever need anything, any money, you ask me. I will never leave you hanging. You're my daughter and I still care for you, even if you don't live here anymore."

I smile at him and suddenly the rock forms into a couch again, like how it used to be. "Thank you."

"I know you said you're happy, and I am so glad you are happy, but if you ever want to come back, we are more than accepting."

"I know you are, but I'm not sure that she is."

"Your mother hides behind her words. I know her. She misses you and she's ashamed of what she did. She knows that if she had been calmer when you told us, maybe you hadn't have run off and got caught in fate's way. But it's okay now. You're healthy and safe."

"Yes, I am. If she wants to talk to me about things, then you can let her know to call me or something. You don't need to translate." I stand up, gathering my bag.

"You're absolutely right," He joins me. "Oh, let me go write a check for you real quick."

"Oh, yeah. Okay. Thanks." I watch him jog slowly into the kitchen. My attention is drawn to the front door that flies open. My eyes fly open, too.

"...just got home and he needs to know that! You don't tell someone that they can go home for the day just to call them back and tell them to come back into work!...Does he have somebody or not?...Does that mean-?...Alright, well next time figure it out before calling. If I need to come back, I have no problem doing so, just don't have me waste gas driving home if I'm needed there. I'll get word from him next time. Alright, thanks, Artie. Bye." She finally finishes and my feet are glued to the floor. My eyes are plastered on her face and she hasn't looked up yet. She tosses her phone into her pocket and that's when she sees me. Her face is mirroring mine, I'm sure.

"Here you are, Spence—Oh, hello, Paula." Dad comes racing back in and we both snap our necks over to him.

"Thanks, Dad-"

"I gave you some cash for spending money, if you need anything besides for school-"

"Thank you, really," I say, striding for the door. "I'll see you soon, okay? Call me anytime."

"I will, Spencer. You call, too-"

"I will. I promise." And suddenly I'm out the door.

~.~.~.

**Ashley's POV**

"No classes together this year; how am I going to survive?" I dramatically ask Spencer as we clash through the door together, laughing. Even though I asked it dramatically, I'm serious. I won't get to see Spencer much at school. We just got back from registration for our senior year which included getting our schedules and mine and Spencer's do not match up. I'm so upset!

She kicks the door shut with her foot and twirls me; my back softly thuds against the door. Before I can get a grip, she connects our lips, her cool hands on my hot face.

"I don't know, but we better get as much of this as we can." She croaks before returning her lips to mine.

~.~.~

"So, how'd the interview go?" I ask Spencer as soon as she plops down into my car.

"Hi," She kisses me on my cheek which gives me a shiver. "I think it went very well. There were only about eight of us for the group interview and she told us that those who will be taken into consideration will receive a phone call within the next week."

"You're totally gonna get it. Don't even worry." I say, looking at her face which has a light application of foundation, blush, eyeshadow, and mascara. I told her to not go overboard with it; she ended up letting me do it. I think she's pretty with it, but beautiful without it.

"Surprisingly, I'm not that worried," She faces me and says in a cool tone. "I had good answers. I was prepared. A majority of the other teenagers looked like slackers and their answers proved that." She crinkled her nose.

"Atta baby! I'm proud of you for being so prepared." I smile at her before exiting the lot of the mall.

~.~.~.

I wake up to a Spencer-free bed and that is not the best way to wake up; it's probably the worst. I scrub my eyes, stretch, and stand up. She's not upstairs, so I head downstairs. She isn't in the living room, kitchen, spare bedroom, or bathroom. I start to get concerned, but I hear her muffled voice. I follow it. She's in the backyard. She's facing the pool, staring down at it, holding her phone to her ear. Her foot absentmindedly traces circles on the cement. I stare at her, curious as to what's going on. I don't mean to eavesdrop, but I happen to hear her half of the conversation.

"Right...Yes...No. No. Yes. Definitely!" She gives a small laugh. "Okay! Yes. Thank you, I will be there. Yes. Thank you so much! Alright. Thanks...thank you. Have a good day. Bye-bye." She turns around with a grin on her face and I can't help but do the same.

"'Definitely'?" I quote her.

"I got the job at Hollister!" She says walking toward me. Her arms extend and her eyes pop at the news. Mine do, too.

"That's great, Spence! I so knew you'd get it!" I reach her and hug her. I really am happy for her. I wish she would let me worry about the money, though. There's no need to stress over it when I'm completely stable. But this will make her satisfied, so I'll let her have it. She pulls away from me when her phone rings again. I give her a questioning look. Her face looks like she saw a ghost. "Spencer, who is it?"

She stares at for a few more seconds before croaking out, "My mom."

"Answer it, Spencer." She doesn't move, so I pull her hand up and click "answer" before it can go to voicemail. She needs to talk to Paula.

**Spencer's POV**

I really don't want to do this. I don't want to talk to her. I have no need to. Why is she calling me? _Spencer, say something!_

"H-hello." I muster up the cockiest voice I can, but I know she won't believe it.

"Hi, Spencer." She sounds nervous. This calms me down.

"Hi." I respond simply.

"How are you?"

I look up at Ashley. "I'm great. Thanks." My confidence slowly thaws out. Ashley mouths that she's going to go inside and I allow her to.

"I'm glad. Um... I miss you." She says after a few silent seconds.

"You did this to yourself." I don't hesitate.

"I'm so sorry, Spencer. I love you, I do. I'm sorry we had to go through all this to realize that-"

"You didn't go through anything. I almost died!" I cut her off, my voice raising slightly.

"-I think you're a beautiful person. I'm proud of the young lady you've become. I know now that it's not your choice who you love," She stumbles over the word. "But if you found someone who loves you just as much as you love them, then you're blessed. I want you to come home." I knew this was going somewhere.

"Thanks, Mom," I say as sincerely as I can because I really appreciate what she just said, but I can't help but think she's just trying to get me to come home. I do miss them. And she's trying to get me to come home. I better be careful before I accept her offer. "But I'm happy here. It's great. I really feel independent. I don't know. I'm happy here. Really happy." I am. I would be happier if my relationship with my family was back to normal. I know I can fix it.

"I'm so glad you are happy, Spencer. I just, I really miss you. I wish you still lived here. I want you to be happy, and if you happen to be happiest when you're living with Ashley, then you should stay there. You're always welcome back home. We miss you lots." I can her hear smile at the end of her words.

"Thank you. I'm happy. Maybe I'll visit soon. But I have to go. I'll talk to you later." We say a quick goodbye before hanging up.

I walk over to the pool and sit on the edge. I sway my feet against the soft current, losing myself in my thoughts that have gone completely downhill since the call from my new manager. I don't know how long it has been when a shadow casts over me. I don't bother to look up. Ashley sits delicately next to me, swaying her feet in the same direction as mine.

"Hey." She says quietly after a few seconds.

"Hi." I move my head up slightly, about to look at her face, but I stop. I don't know why, I just do.

"You okay?" I can feel her gaze burning on my face.

"Yeah." I say, out of habit. The truth is that I don't know how I am right now. I'm confused.

She places her arm across my the back of my neck; her right hand rests gently on the front of my shoulder. I would so love to just melt into her.

"Wanna tell me what happened?" She quietly asks a few minutes later, relaxing her grip on me.

"Um, my mom called," I can see her smile frm the side of my eye. Obviously she knows my mom called. I smile a bit, too. "She basically just said she misses me. And wants me to move back."

"Oh." I feel Ashley's demeanor change.

"Yeah..." I stare at the space in front of me, getting tired of looking at my feet in the pool.

"Are you?" She almost whispers.

"I don't know. I'm happy with you."

"But they're your family. You shouldn't have to miss them. I will always be here in this house, but they're your family, you know? You should move back if you miss them. I know they miss you."

"Yeah." Is all I reply. I don't know. I just don't know.

~.~.~.

**Ashley's POV**

"Get up," I shake my girlfriend and attempt to wake her up. She gives an undecipherable mutter, stretching and then turning opposite me. "Get up."

"Why?" She says loudly.

"It's the last day of summer vacation-"

"Yeah, so let me sleep."

"No. We are not wasting our day in bed."

"Fine. You get up then." She grabs a pillow and throws it over her head. I rip it off.

"Get up!"

"Fine!" She apruptly sits up and looks at me, annoyed. "Now what?"

"What should we do today?"

"You wake me up and expect me to get up without you actually having a plan?"

"Help me out here. We have to do something good because tomorrow we are back to hell." I roll my eyes and sit cross-legged, facing her. She does the same.

"Um, Ash, um, tomorrow... what do we do?"

"Huh?"

"Like, are we out? Or what?"

"Spence, I'm out. You aren't. This is totally up to you. I don't want you to have to hid us, but people are cruel. I don't want you to out yourself until you're completely ready." She gives out a "hmm" and stands up and walks away.

"Well, are you gonna get ready or what?" She looks at me for a few seconds before smirking and disappearing out of sight.

~.~.~.

What a day. I, for one, am exhausted. We hiked the long way all the way to the Hollywood sign, in ninety degree weather, might I add, went to the beach, went home to shower and change, went shopping, and went the movies. Now we're at the outside mall, where the movie theater and Spencer's new job is, eating dinner at Red Robin.

"Your manager doesn't seem too bad." I say with my mouth full.

"Yeah, he's really nice. I think it will be fun." She does the same.

"He's only probably nice because you're hot."

"Hey!...Thanks," She smirks, cockily. I've taught her well. Suddenly her face contorts. "Ew!" She pulls out two sliced pickles from her burger. "I hate these."

"Pickles are so good. Gimme," I snatch them away before she can object, like she would, anyway. I let a small moan escape. "Delicious."

She laughs and says, "You're gross."

"And you're picky," She smiles guiltily and nods. "So, we have school in..." I glance at my phone. "fourteen hours-"

"Ugh!"

"I know. We need to do one last thing before going home. Something big, a bang to end the summer."

"Yeah? Well, what were you thinking?"

~.~.~.

"What are we doing here?" She asks blandly. "Gray. We can't drink. Hello, school in the morning!"

"We haven't been all summer. And there's a band playing, and we don't have to drink. Come on, please? Like an hour."

"Fine. One hour." She shakes her head and we exit.

~.~.~.

"You better hope you don't feel like shit tomorrow morning." I tell her as I shut the door to my house.

"I had one drink, Ash."

"Yeah, well. Shouldn't have."

"You're just jealous because you couldn't." She looks at me, tilts her head, and smirks.

"I so could have. Kat could have drove us home or called a taxi. The point is, the first day of school is tomorrow. No way am I partying in that instance." I begin to walk up the stairs. She gives a 'hmph' and follows.


	35. Chapter 34

**AN: FINALLY AN UPDATE :) Sorry for the lagging! School is getting the best of me! Good thing it's almost done. :)**

Chapter 34

"Nuh-uh... Noo... Sto-op..." Spencer mumbles as I try to wake her.

"Come on. It's our first day of school! We're seniors now! It's not going to be so bad."

She yawns, stretches, and sits up. "I guess you're right. We're top of the school now," She surprises me with a soft, morning kiss. She inhales before saying,"Good morning." Her lips are an inch away from mine.

"Good morning to you, too," I smile and sweetly say before pulling away. "Now get up." I pat her leg through the blanket; she lets out an obnoxious exhale before standing up and retreating to the bathroom.

~.~.~.

"Explain this to me again?"

I laugh and start again for the third time. "The schedules from summer are temporary, the ones we got at registration. They usually do not change, but sometimes they do—you know, making room for every kid, and classes not being too large or too small. That's why we get our real ones on the first day. You didn't do this last year because you hadn't registered like we did this year," She nods in understanding. "Okay, go get yours from the 'C' section and I'll go grab mine from the 'D's,"

We part and meet up again, holding our schedules up side-by-side.

"Did yours change?" I ask, comparing ours.

"I don't know. Did yours?" She asks, not looking up from our schedules.

"Not sure. It looks the sa—Oh my God!" I gasp. "We have Trig together!"

"Oh my God!" We basically look like little girls who just scored on candy. I don't care, I'm thankful for one class with Spence.

"Spence, I thought you didn't like Film."

"I didn't, but then I got the hang of it and I learned so much and I really like it. I decided to take it again. What about you? You taking any electives?"

"I'm taking it easy this year. I'm not really worried about college, you know, inheritance and all. I'm taking English, History, Trig, Physics, and Guitar."

"You should still consider college. Maybe you'll find something you really like."

"Oh, I already have." I wink at her and she blushes, looking away.

She clears her throat and says, "Well, as for me, I'm loading up. I'm taking AP English and History, regular Physics and Trig, and Film. I'm irritated that my math skills deteriorated and I'm not in honors, but at least I'll be with you." I giggle and take Spencer to her first period. When we get there, there are still people around and I can tell she doesn't know what to do. I take the lead by pulling her into a soft, quick hug before smiling and strolling off to my first class. Being late on the first day is kind of what I'm known for anyway.

~.~.~.

It has been four hours and I'm so done with school already. At least I'm on my way to see Spencer in our last class of the day. When I get there, I see that the classroom is mostly full. I finally spot Spencer. She's sitting on the side farthest from the door, in the middle of the room. Her bag is sitting on the chair next to her and she's rapidly patting the spot in front of it, motioning that she saved a spot for me. I make my way over there and sit just as the late bell rings. The teacher tries to get the class quiet and when she finally does, the door opens and more chatter erupts. I look over and my stomach drops. I watch as Madison and Sherry make their way to the only two empty seats in the classroom: right in front of Spencer and me. She gives a demonic smirk and I try to give one back, but I don't feel powerful. I feel so vulnerable. I can't let myself get this way, I won't let myself get this way. I have to protect Spencer. I flinch, startled by Spencer patting on my hand that's resting in my lap. She gives me a questioning look and I just smile back at her. I can't let any of this get to me or get to us—especially not to Spencer if she decides she's coming out at school.

It's safe to say that I couldn't concentrate much during Trig with my girlfriend next to me and Satan's spawn in front of me. It's a good thing today was just an introduction day. I still can't believe we're seniors!

School's out and Spencer and I are heading to my car now.

"So, how was your first day of senior year?" I ask her with jazz in my voice and Madison on my mind.

"It was actually really good. I think this is going to be a great year," She finishes as we enter my car. I give her smile in agreement. "How was your day?"

"Average. I did have a favorite part, though."

"Yeah? What's that?" She asks and I can see her eyes on me from my peripheral vision.

"My last class."

"Your favorite part of the day is math class?" She asks blandly, clearly not understanding what I meant.

"Yeah, Spence, I just love math!" I say in a goofy tone. She laughs and I do, too; I think she understands why math is my favorite part of the day now. "So, what's on our agenda today?"

"My agenda consists of work."

I whip my head to her. "What!"

"First day today." She slowly moves her head up and down, staring to the road.

"Ugh, I'm going to be so bored without you. What are your hours?"

"They're going to vary a lot. This week I work today through Friday."

"That seems like a lot for someone who is just starting a job."

"Yeah, I know. Probably going to be a lot of training and stuff. But I don't mind it; more hours equals more money."

"True. Which I already have plenty of!"

"Shush!" She backhands my arm softly and I giggle.

~.~.~.

"Okay," Spence says as she plops into the passenger seat. "We—I—have got to do something about this." She says while looking at me and around the car.

"About what, exactly?" I question, backing in reverse.

"You can't keep taking me to and from work."

"Don't even worry, it's fine. Gas is no problem and driving to pick you up and stuff wastes time, so it's less time I'll have to be without you." I tell her and then look over to her. She's staring at the road in front of her and smiling all goofily. She's the cutest.

"As reassuring as that was," She inhales a laugh. "I can't. I have to, like, talk to my dad or something. You can't keep doing this for me."

"Spence, really, I promise I don't mind. Talk to Papa Carlin if you insist, but otherwise, I don't mind."

"Thank you. Really. I'm going to talk to him, though. Okay?" She glances over to me and asks, as if I can say no and she will accept that.

"Okay, okay."

~.~.~.

"Another Monday. Another Monday closer to graduation."

"Trust me, you'll be sad when all of this is over." Spencer tells a sulky me while walking to my locker this cool September morning.

I give a fake laugh and say, "Yeah," I go serious. "No. I want out now. Graduation could not be quick enough."

"Well, I, for one," She leans against the locker next to mine. "Can wait and am happy to wait. I want to be able to spend as much time as possible with you. Who knows what our lives are going to be like and where we're going to be after graduation?"

"I'll be here. I don't know what exactly I'm doing, but I don't plan on leaving," I look at her, waiting for her to share her side. She looks away hesistantly. "Spence?"

"I don't know where I'll be." She says quietly, not looking at me.

"Well, where do you want to be?"

"I haven't decided. I want to be with you, I know that." She says looking at me.

"And I want you be with you, too. I want you to be happy, though, even if that means not being here." I tell her, not exactly sure if that's what I meant.

"I think I will be happy." We exchange smiles before traipsing off to our classes.

~.~.~.

Last class of the week. I can do this. I so need out of this place already. I don't know where I'll go or what I'll do there, but I just want out of here and away from human beings such as Madison, who is, unfortunately, everywhere I go. I just need to be with my music and with my girl and I'll be more than happy. As for now, I'm off to Trig.

I raise my hand to pull the door open, but I'm blocked by a sudden body.

"Look who it is. Where's your playmate, Ash?" Madison hisses through her unfriendly smirk.

"Get out of my way." I blandly tell her.

"Get your eyes off of me, freak." I scoff and enter the room where Spencer is already in. I approach her and when she sees me, her smile fades slowly. I try to wipe off whatever's on my face.

"Rough day?"

"Oh, hah, yeah. Rough week. Rough school." I shrug it off in hopes that she'll drop it.

"One more class then the weekend is here. We can do it." She places her hand over mine and I smile before quickly moving it. I know this shocked her and she would have said something if the teacher didn't begin speaking.

~.~.~

"So, I talked to my dad. We're going to go car shopping." Spencer says nonchalantly from across me at the kitchen table.

"Spence, I told you that you didn't have to do that." I stop writing to look at her.

"I know," She does the same. "But I wanted to."

"Okay. Whatever you feel comfortable with will always be okay with me." I proceed on my work.

"Thank you," She says sweetly. Her voice sends a habitual smile across my face. "I love you."

I give her a nose-crinkling smile before saying, without hesitation, "I love you, too," I throw my pen down and stand up abruptly, sending the chair a few feet away from my body. "You know what? I'm going to make us dinner. And, and if we don't have what I need, I'll go to the store and get whatever I need!" I tell her quickly before scurrying off to the kitchen.

"I'll-"

"No, you will not help. You will proceed on with your homework so you'll be finished in time for our dinner. Understood?" I peek my head out from the question and tell her.

"Yes ma'am." She tries to hide a smile.

~.~.~.

"Ash, I don't know what has gotten into you. You're becoming the next Chef Carlin! Except, Chef Davies!"

"I'm glad you like it." I swallow the small piece of steak before replying to Spencer.

"I wanna help make dinner with you sometime."

"Okay. How does next Friday night sound?"

"Friday night sounds perfect."

~.~.~.

The week could not have gone slower if it tried. I had to take a bunch of crap from Madison, but as long as it was me and not Spencer, I was okay. I just don't know how long I'll be able to take it and be able to protect Spencer.

It turns out that Spencer had work tonight, but that's okay with me. We had nowhere to be the next morning, so a late dinner was perfectly okay, despite the fact we were both starved. We went to the grocery store together and shopped for tonight's meal. We were so swift and out of there within a half an hour, finding our items quickly, yet taking our time, and it just felt so nice with her. Am I crazy for thinking that I could so see us doing this together in the future? Living on our own, grocery shopping together, cooking our meals together. I hate those couples who talk about the future together when they haven't been dating that long. Spencer and I have been together for almost a year, but everything seems so right with her. I can see myself living with her, cleaning the house with her, eating meals with her, purchasing a house with her, painting rooms with her. Whatever I see myself doing in the future, I picture Spencer there right next to me. I don't want to approach this topic with her yet. She might think it's too soon; but trust me, I will bring it up sooner or later. I see what I want and I go after it. Spencer's what I want.

We're preparing dinner together now. We have every ingredient we will need for our romantic dinner spread out all over the island in my kitchen. It isn't exactly romantic yet, but once the food is finished, out come the candles and the movie!

One by one, we go through the items needed for our upcoming meal.

"Tomato sauce?"

"Tomato sauce." She slides it over toward me.

"Basil?"

"Basil."

"Diced tomatoes?"

"Tomatoes, not yet diced." She corrects me and smirks. I smirk back at her. I love when she's sassy.

"Salt?"

"The saltiest." She looks at the salt shaker with a close mouthed smile before sending it my way.

"Garlic bread?"

"Garlic bread, uncooked."

"Cool it, Carlin," I tell her seriously before sending a wink her way. "Parmesan cheese?"

"Mmm." I catch the sliding container with my hand.

"Finally, spaghetti," We both eye it. I glance to the pot over the stove which contains water that is now boiling. "Would you like to do the honors, Miss Carlin?"

"I would be honored, Miss Davies." She copies my tone. I watch her effortlessly open the box of spaghetti. She must get it from Arthur. She walks over to the boiling water and pours the entire box of spaghetti into it, the uncooked noodles clanking against each other before melting in the abyss below.

One by one and whenever necessary, we add an ingredient to the spaghetti. Upon finishing the bread and dicing the tomatoes, we sit at the kitchen table or lean against the island and talk about everything and nothing at all. We talk with each other lots everyday, yet every thing said is new information. I learn new things about her everyday and just when I think I can't fall even more in love with her, I can and I do. I can definitely see a future between her and myself and that terrifies me, but I love it.

The spaghetti was done cooking, so we decided on a movie to watch while we ate. Spencer thought that Lady and the Tramp would be appropriate for tonight and I can't disagree with that.

"Ash, I never knew you had all these Disney movies!" She exclaims from behind me. I delicately insert the videocassette into the VCR; I always feel so old using this thing, but I have so many VCR movies that I can't just throw it away.

"You a Disney girl, Spence?" I turn around and quirk a brow to her back.

"Yeah! These are my childhood!"

"Is that so?"

She turned around and looked at me, her smile plastered on, but her eyebrows furrowed together. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"No reason." I tilted my head, shrugged, then bounced away to get our food.

"Ash, you're such a good cook." Spencer tells me and shoves her empty bowl away from her on the coffee table in front of us.

"As much as I'd love to take the credit, I had some help from a lovely assistant of mine," Her large, ocean-blue eyes stare into mine with a look of pure innocence. She has a shy smile on her face. "I learned from the best."

"Really? When were you hangin' with my dad without me?" She tilts her head and asks. I give her a shove but immediately pull her back and into me.

We finish out the movie; she hasn't moved her head from under my chin, even now as the credits roll. I assume she is asleep and I don't want to wake her. When the credits finally end and nothing but a blank blue picture is on the screen, she finally pipes up. I have to admit that she startled me.

"I love nights like this."

"Me, too, Spence."

"I wish it could be like this every night."

I swallow a lump in my throat before saying, "Maybe it can be." I immediately regret it.

"I hope so." Is all she says. Maybe we both have the same hopes for the future! This gives me hope. I know that she loves me and I know that I love her with every inch of my heart and more, but one can only dream about being in Spencer Carlin's future the way I'm in her present.

~.~.~.

I miss Spencer. I have not seen her the entire day; I am seriously having withdrawals. She went to church this morning with her parentals and I'm not sure why I didn't go. She didn't really ask me, but it wasn't like I wasn't invited, either. To be honest, I'm not ready to be all friendly with Paula. I think if I'd be uncomfortable. I need to let Spence get comfortable with her family before I can get comfortable with them. I think it's good that the three of them spend some time together; Spence probably misses them. It'll be good for her.

Besides church, Spencer went car shopping with Arthur today. I'm curious to see what she brings back. I'm guessing something simple, a small car. Maybe it'll even be boring. Whatever it is, I don't mind. As long as she's happy, I'm happy.

I am concerned about her whereabouts, though. It's going on six PM and she isn't home yet. She and Arther have been talking about different cars in depth and I know that they both had some ideas in mind. I just don't know why it's taking so long for her to decide, if that's what's keeping her out. I know she will be home soon.

I hear the door open and I hope so very much it's not Christine. I move my eyes away from my novel and toward the noise. Suddenly, I see Spencer standing in the doorway of the living room and the hallway, a smirk slashed upon her face. I throw my book down and bolt to her, picking her up in a hug.

"I missed you so much! How was your day? What car did you get? How are Arthur and Paula? You hungry?"

"Slow down there!" She giggles from the side of my face. She pulls back and looks at my face but keeps my hands held in hers. "I missed you too!" She flashes her pearly whites. "My day was actually really nice, thank you," I'd have to get deats on that later. "Mom and Dad are good. They missed you," She says and shrugs and I try to hold back a disbelieving laugh. "Dad actually made us dinner, it was really good. The actual dinner, not the food. Well the food was good, too. I'm sorry I would've invited you! I just-"

"Spence! It's completely cool! I want you and your parents to be back on track again. I'm glad your day went to well! Now show me your car." She lets go of one of my hands but keeps ahold on the other. She drags me down the hallway and out the door to the driveway. Wow, I'm impressed.

The car I'm staring at is a white Mustang. For it being a used car, it looks decent. I am impressed with Spencer's car choice. I walk toward it, peering around every crevice and into the windows, inspecting it. I'm no expert, but this is totally awesome.

Her voice speaks up from behind me. "It's a 2007 Mustang," I stood up straight and looked back at Spence. "The mileage and miles per gallon are good for the price. It only cost about ten thousand. As hard as I begged to help pay for it, he just refused even harder." She gives a small, delicate laugh toward the ground. I walk toward her and place my hands on the top of her crossed arms.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I am," She uncrosses her arms, leans in, and places a soft kiss on my left cheek, right underneath my eye. "He invited us to dinner next Friday. Just the four of us. Will you come?"

I know by 'the four of us' she meant herself, me, Arthur and Paula. I can't just not go. Spencer needs to repair her relationship with her parents and it couldn't help if I tried to do the same with them. You can never be too close with your girlfriend's parents. Not to mention, Spencer probably needed me there or wanted me there. "Don't even doubt it." I kiss her tenderly on her lips before pulling her back inside.

~.~.~.

The week flew by for once and I know why. I am dreading the dinner tonight at Spencer's. Don't ask me why because I don't know. Arthur likes me, I know that. I keep getting this strange feeling about Paula. She probably blames me for all of this: the accident, Spencer moving out and with me. Had her daughter not met me, she would still be close with her family and not in the hands of me. Unfortunately for Paula and whoever else, I love Spencer more than anything else in this world and no one can take her away from me. If you can't persuade them, then I guess you'll have to force them.

Dinner is at seven and it's six fifteen now. We're going to leave in a few minutes. After pacing around my room and throwing clothes into mounds everywhere, I finally decided upon an outfit. I hope it is decent enough. I'm casually wearing dark blue, normal jeans with a cream colored tank top and large, black sweater over it. I opted for black high tops, though the 'high top' part of it goes unnoticed due to my jeans. My problem is I want to wear these jeans, but I can't wear boots with these jeans. I feel like the Converse look tacky with my top, but Spencer says I look good. So I accept it.

As for my hair, I kept it in it's natural curls, touching up a few of the stubborn partly-straight, partly-curly ones. I clipped my bangs to the side with a black clip that has three diamonds on it. For accessories, I decided upon one thin-string, silver necklace and the silver charm bracelet Spence gave me last Christmas. I used little foundation and added only mascara. I'm keeping it simple tonight. Simple, but classy. I need to rack up all the respect I can get.

As for Spencer, she looks stunning, but has it ever been any other way? She's wearing skinny jeans with light brown boots that reach her knee, topped with a teal shirt form Hollister. She seems to be wearing a lot of Hollister items lately, not that I blame her; she does work there. Not to mention she looks gorgeous in their clothes. She has a light, white button up jacket topping the t-shirt, but it remains unbuttoned. Her hair is also in it's natural state, straight, just the way I like it. Her cheeks are rosy and her eyelashes are long. She's truly a beauty.

"You ready to go?" My head whips to the direction of her. I turn away from the mirror in front of me to face her in the doorway. She's standing with one foot over the other, holding onto the side of the door with one hand and clutching the necklace I gave her with the other.

"Ready when you are." I give her a smile and walk up to her. She extends her hand and I take it, being guided down the stairs and out the door.

Spence drove and I'm glad for that. My driving probably would not have been so well considering the amount of things that are on my mind. I hope Spencer doesn't notice; I don't want to make her nervous. She has been feeling super confident lately and I don't want to down that.

Sooner rather than later, we arrived at the Carlin residence. I suddenly wish Clay and Glen would be here, but Spencer told me that her dad said her mom wanted it to be just the four of us. I don't quite know why, nor does Spencer. I'm hoping these are for good reasons.

Spencer parks freely in the driveway of the Carlin residence. We each step out of her car and as soon as I reach her side, she grabs my hand securely. I can practically feel her reassurance and confidence radiating into my hand from hers. She gives me a sure smile before we walk to the front door, which she effortlessly opens. It's unlocked.

"Hi, we're here!" Spencer calls out.

Before Spencer had said anything, I heard the clanking of pots and pans and the voices of Paula and Arthur. It wasn't deathly quiet in here like I had dreaded it would be. I hope the meal isn't like that. I hope we talk and laugh and have a nice time.

A part of me thinks that this dinner is going to be filled with awkward silence and the clinking of our utensils hitting the plates and not much else. Knowing Arthur, he won't let it be like that... Right?

I'm knocked out of my thoughts by Arthur pulling me into a hug. He just hugged Spencer.

"I'm so glad you two could make it! Thank you for coming." He tells us sincerely and I can't help the grin that forms from me. Right after he finishes his sentence, Paula joins his side and gives each Spencer and I a satisfied smile. I swear I saw her eyes flicker from ours to our interlocked hands and back again. But maybe I'm just being paranoid.

"Hey, girls," Paula softly hugs Spencer; I watch the two and see the smile remaining on Spencer's face. She's going to be okay.

And so am I. Paula has just pulled me into a hug. It's soft at first, but she gives me a tight squeeze before quickly releasing me. I wonder if Spencer's had felt the same. Maybe tonight won't be so bad after all.

I don't want to jinx it.

"I hope you two are hungry, there's only four of us and lots of Chicken Fettuccini Alfredo." Paula tells us, smile still on. Spence and I glance at each other, smiles on our faces as well.

"We're starved." Spence says relaxingly.

Prior to dinner, since we were a bit early, we helped around the kitche with little things. The table was set, for the most part. Spencer and I poured drinks into the cups that were on the tables and oddly, everyone here chose water out of the choices of water, soda, juices, and even alcohol for the adults. At least Paula wasn't going to get drunk or something and bash us.

We said Grace, as per usual in the Carlin household. Paula and Arthur had no problem digging in straight away. Spencer placed a napkin and her lap before spinning a forkful; I think I was the only hesitant one. I copied Spencer's move, placing the napkin on my lap, and slowly got a small forkful of noodles that I was able to successfully place in my mouth and swallow.

I think to myself, _Why am I Doing this?_ This isn't how I normally am around the Carlin's. They know I'm an obnoxious, loud-mouth, sloppy girl and they still liked me anyway. I don't know why I'm so worried. It's not like they didn't like me before they knew Spence was gay and with me. Beliefs always have to get in the way of everything...

"So, girls," Paula takes a sip of her water, breaking the silence. "You guys are seniors now! What's it like?" She seems genuinely curious.

"It's nice," Spence speaks first and, despite my sudden burst of confidnce, I'm glad she is speaking first. "It's like we're the top of the school and everybody looks up to us now. We know our place in the school and, luckily for Ash and I, we aren't the complete losers we thought we were." We all laugh and it feels nice. I feel myself relaxing more and more.

"How about you, Ashley?" Paula asks me, smiling warmly.

"Pretty much like Spencer said. We have found ourselves now, or are finishing finding out who we are, and we're preparing for our futures. I think that's pretty cool. You know, college and all that fun stuff." I say sarcastically. Arthur nodds in understanding and Spencer flashes me a smile.

We talk about college for a little while and it's both exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. I never saw myself going to college because I figured I already have it made. But maybe it's not about the money that I have already, maybe it's about making something of myself. Doing what I love to do. That's music. I can definitely see myself doing that in the future.

The rest of the time was small-talk conversations and the Carlin's filling us in on Clay and Glen. Clay's off at San Francisco State University while Glen has moved in to an apartment with one of his good buddies from school. I guess it's just Papa and Mama Carlin now. I wonder how they feel. I bet they miss Spencer. She's still here, but she isn't here. I feel a tinge of guilt course through me.

After we ate dinner, everybody was stuffed, but Paula still insisted on dessert. She carries in a medium sized red velvet cake topped with cream frosting. We all moan due to our stomach pains, but also because it looks delicious. She brews up coffee for each one of us as well as bringing out milk to pour into our empty cups if wanted. Spence and I shared a piece because we were both too full to finish one on our own.

Paula mostly finished hers, Arthur finished his, and Spence and I had a tiny bit left, but we are still too full to finish it, despite the size of it. We fill in this time with low murmurs of nothingness, just enjoying each others company.

Somehow, the clock turns to ten and we're heading out. Paula insisted we kept the large remainder of the cake. Despite our stomachs, Spencer said yes. When I'm not full anymore, I will so be thanking her for that.

"I wish it wasn't so late; we could have watched some TV or played a boardgame or something." Paula shrugs and tells us.

"Me, too. We can do this another time, though." Spence says in an upbeat tone. I'm not opposed; I nod in agreement, looking at Paula and Arthur.

"That sounds great." Arthur smiles at us and rubs Spencer's back.

"We have to do this again. I had a lovely time with you two." Paula tells the each of us.

"So did I. Thank you, Mr. And Mrs. C." I smile to them; Paula pulls Spencer and I into a hug. Arthur then hugs me and kisses Spencer's forehead. So cute!

We say our final goodbyes and they stand in the doorway and watch us drive off. A feeling of pure relaxation and contentness comes over me. Spence and I spend the drive home talking quietly about the dinner and how we felt about it. We both feel the same: reassured, happy, relieved, satisfied, good. Just plain good. It's nice that we're all recovering from this all.

Maybe someday it'll be just like old times and I'll be one of the Carlin's again. Maybe it will be real soon.


	36. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

I walk downstairs to get a drink of water when I see that Spencer is sitting at the kitchen table. On the plate in front of her sits a piece of the cake that her parents sent home with us the other night. She isn't eating it, but is instead mindlessly shoving it around the plate with a fork. I can't read her face; her expression is blank. Something feels strange here. I feel like Spence has been off these past few days.

"You gonna eat that?" I quirk my brows at her. I seem to startle her; she whips her head around to the doorway I'm standing in.

She looks back at it and says, "Oh. Nah, I'm full."

I walk over to the table and sit directly across from her. I pull the fork from her grasp and cut off a piece with it before sticking the chunk into my mouth. "You know," I say with my mouth full. "You're gonna be on a sugar high if you eat this so late at night."

She gives a small smile while looking down at it. "You're one to talk." I laugh and she gives a small chuckle.

"Spence, what's up? You okay?" I place the fork on the plate and ask her after swallowing the cake.

"Yeah, I'm just sleepy."

"Well, you oughta' be. It's nearly midnight. You finished?" She nods. I empty the remains into the trash and stick the plate in the sink. I walk back over to Spencer and extend my hand to her. "Come on, let's go to bed." She takes it, scoots out, and we walk together, up the stairs, hand in hand, to bed together.

~.~.~.

My heart hurts. It's a combination of ache and fear and anxiety. I need to get away from this. I can't take it. It hurts so bad. I don't know what I'm going to do. I need help. I can't tell Spencer. This will scare her. I can't keep doing this.

Everyday I'm threatened by Madison. Okay, maybe "threatened" is a strong word. I used to be strong. I used to laugh it off. I laughed it off because it hurt too much to do anything else. But I'm breaking. The words are in my head all the time; they've made it to my dreams. Madison and her stupid little posse have ganged up on me, cornered me, harrassed me with their words filled with pure hate and venom. They tell me that I'm sick, disgusting, a pervert, a freak. They say that I prey on girls. They say I convert them. They tell me I use them and abuse them and kick them to the curb when I'm finished. That part doesn't make sense considering I've been dating Spencer for almost a year and I'm totally knocked out of the whore habits. Anyway, they degrade me. They tell me that I don't belong here—here being on this earth.

What's worse is Madison is popular. She can easily persuade anybody. Why? I don't know. She's "hot"? Maybe. She's head cheerleader. She gets the guys. I don't know why this makes her so powerful, but she is. People think I'm hot, but Madison's words can do things to people. She can change their minds. And when she sets her mind to something like this, it comes hard. This is tearing me apart.

But I take it. I have to take it because I have no other choice. I know that if they found out Spencer and I are together, they would do all this shit to her, too. And I'm afraid she wouldn't be able to take it. I have found ways to handle myself. But Spencer has never been exposed to this. It's terrifying—having to watch your back wherever you go. I try not to show it. I can't show them I'm weak.

"Watch where you're going, Dyke." Madison scowls at me; she just slammed into me and caught me by surprise.

"Shut up, Madison." I spit back, not meeting her eyes.

"Wow, little Dykie, so fierce today!" I turn to walk away. She grabs my arm and pulls me back to face her.

"Don't you dare lay a finger on me again. You got that?" I shout at her.

"What are you going to do about it? That's right. Nothing. You're all talk. Keep your Goddamn eyes off of me, off of us, or else." Her demeanor changes. "I know what you're doing to that girl," She says in a know-it-all tone. "What's her name? _Spencer_?" Her name slithers off of Madison's tongue in the worst way. "You've made her sick. The last thing we need is another one of_ you_," She spits out. "You're so gross, Davies. I know what's going on between you two. You both need to leave this school. You're a worthless piece of shit, Davies," She tells me so casually that it sounds like a thing she says on the daily. "You're digusting. People like you don't deserve to walk this planet. Don't bother waking up tomorrow." She shoves into my body and walks away from my back.

I stand there, shocked at what she had the nerve to say to me. I stand there for I don't know how long. By the time I move my feet made out of bricks, nearly everyone is out of this hallway. I make my way down it, headed I don't even know where.

"Hey!" I fly around to the angelic voice from behind my fast-walking feet.

"Oh, hey, Spence! Where are you headed?" I ask, caught by surprise again.

"Um, to find you? It's lunch, AKA time for us to go home."

"Oh, right. The day is over already? Wow, weird. Okay, let's go." I shrug my right shoulder to her. She walks beside me and stands a little too close. Her hand brushes against mine often. My heart is beating too fast for all the wrong reasons. It's breaking my heart to know how innocent she is; she is not exposed to any of this. I don't want her to have to live like I do and I don't want her to become bitter like me. She is so pure, so kind-hearted, so lovely. I can't let it happen to her.

"Ashley, what was that?"

"What what, Spence?" I start my car. Yeah, we still take my car to and from school together unless she has work directly after.

"I try to hold your hand at school and you reject me." The hurt is evident in her tone.

"Oh, you did? I'm sorry, I didn't notice." She's not buying it. That was the shittiest lie I've ever told. Even if she wasn't trying to hold my hand, if we were some other place, I would try to hold hers. Of course I noticed her hand against mine. God, am I going to start lying to her now, too?

"What the hell, Ashley?" She says a bit louder. I can feel her eyes piercing my skin.

"Spencer, just stop, okay?" I raise my voice at her.

"Stop what? I'm trying to be out! For you! For us!"

"Well, don't!" I shout back.

For the rest of the ride home, we are silent and her gaze is held on anything outside the window.

Obviously I'm not trying to reject her. I'm not ashamed of her being my girlfriend. I'm not ashamed of myself. But knowing that I'm hurting her makes me feel ashamed. Maybe I should just tell her. She will understand. She is so very understanding. I don't want us to fight because of the shit that's going on. I need to tell her. I will.

Spencer has work tonight. She shut herself up in the downstairs room, got ready, and left in her own car. I don't know how long she works tonight. I know she's angry. God, I'm screwing this up. I have to tell her.

Unfortunately for me, I fall asleep waiting. That's how long she was out. Glancing at my clock, I see the time reads eleven thirty-two. I quickly hop out of bed, noticing that it's empty. I promptly make my way down the stairs in time to see Spencer walking out of the door of the downstairs room. She's wearing a jean, light-blue mini skirt with a thin silk, white, long-sleeved shirt. She has Rainbows on her feet. Her hair rests against her back in very faint waves. She looks up at me, making eye contact for the first time is almost twenty-four hours. She little to no make up on her face.

"Hi." I tell her.  
"Hi." She says and looks back down. She walks past me.

"Where ya going?" I casually ask.

"Out," She simply says. But then she turns back and looks at me and says, "With my parents."

"Oh. Okay. Tell them I say hey." I shrug softly and give a small smile. She gives one back and leaves.

**Spencer's POV**

Honestly, I need a break. Ashley tells me she loves but, but then she pulls back when I try to show her I love her. I'm proud of her and proud of us and how far we've come. I'm proud of who I am and who she is. So why is she so ashamed of me? It hurts my feelings. She needs to figure out what she wants with me, so I've given her that time. My parents aren't expecting me, but they said I could come over anytime I wanted, so I am; plus, I miss them.

I only worked until seven last night, but of course I didn't tell Ashley that. Instead, I went to dinner and a movie with Chelsea. With Clay being gone, Chels tends to get a bit lonely. I have missed hanging out with her. I guess I've been neglecting people for Ashley, though I don't regret anytime I've spent with Ash. Maybe I just need to pay a bit more attention to other people in my life, too.

I make myself at home and park in the driveway. I knock on the door this time rather than waltzing in. Dad's home, but I hear no other noise in the house.

"Hey, Spence!" He pulls me into a bear hug. "What are you doing here?" He asks, smiling down on me.

I can feel my smile on my face as I respond. "Hi, Dad! I was just visiting! Maybe I should have called first." I giggle.

"Nonsense. Come on in. Nothing much going on here," I walk in and he shuts the door behind me. "I was just about to make lunch. You hungry?" He beams at me.

I had a late breakfast, but for some reason I feel compelled to accept this offer. No one can deny his cooking. "Starved. What were you thinking of making?"

Dad and I make sandwiches and salad. We make a medium sized salad in a bowl so we can take a desired amount. We make a foot long sandwich full of fresh ham and turkey accessorized with lettuce, mayo, and tomato. We half it. We weren't going for a chef meal, but instead just having fun while throwing it all together. Now we sit facing each other from across my kitchen table. It feels so nice. It's a beautiful October noon, the sun is shining through the window above the sink, illuminating the left side of my dad's face. His left eye is noticeably bluer than the right, and that's saying a lot because his eyes are already mega blue. So are my mom's. I guess I get mine from both of them.

"So, where's Ashley on this fine day and how has she passed up such a gourmet meal?"

We laugh together and I say, "Oh, I don't know. I just wanted to hang out with you."

He takes a bite of his sandwich and says, with his mouth full, "You sure? Is everything okay?" I can tell he doesn't want to push me. I wonder if he knows I'm lying.

"No, yeah, everything's good! No worries, Dad." I give him a convincing smile and he returns it.

We watch an episode of _Criminal Minds_ together. I've got to admit: I am not up-to-date. Dad, to my shock and pleasure, still records them even though I moved out months ago. Part of me thinks that he does it just in rememberance of me, but part of me also thinks that he just forgets to stop recording them. But I don't want to think of it that way.

To my disappointment, I have to leave right after the episode. I have work. Dad's proud of me though. And he doesn't regret buying me the car. He says I deserve it. How he doesn't hate me after I came out, caused an ungodly amount of money while I was in the hospital, and moved out and in with my girlfriend is beyond me. But I am so thankful he still loves me. It shows.

On my drive home, I think about the past few hours I've spent with my dad. It was so nice, so relaxing. All my worries flew out the window. It was just me and him again. I don't know what it is about him, but he totally just calms me down. He makes you know for certain that everything is going to be okay even if he doesn't actually say it. My state of mind is totally content. I'm so happy. I've got the best dad in the universe.

That changes when I walk into the door of Ashley's. I remember our current situation and all my concerns come flooding back. I don't know what to make of this. I wish we weren't even dealing with whatever it is we're dealing with. I want to talk to her, ask her why she's pulling away from me, but I'm afraid of the answer.

I slowly and quietly shut the front door and smoothly make my way to the downstairs room. Down the hallway...past the kitchen...no sign of Ash just yet...past the living room...oh shoot. She's in there. I quickly move to the bedroom and when I'm shutting the door I hear her call out.

"Spence? That you?"

"Uh, yeah, hey Ash. Just grabbing clothes for a shower. I've got work." I grab the stack on the bed and retreat to the bathroom before she can reach me.

I immediately regret this. If we're having a problem, I need to fix it. I can't be the one pulling away. I need to bring us closer. Okay, after work. I'll talk to her after work.

I worked a six hour shift and in those six hours I had only been thinking about what I wanted to tell Ashley when I got back home. But now, as I turn off my car, I am even more lost than before. Before I can make up an excuse not to talk to her, I immediately make my way to the door, turn the key, unlock it, march up the stairs, and swing open the door. I stop.

"Ashley."

"Spencer." Ashley springs up and looks at me dead in the eyes. She had just been laying down, sobbing, on her bed. Her face is tear-struck; they fall freely off of her face and onto the blankets in front of her. Her lower lip is being pulled in by all the air she is trying to inhale; she's struggling breathing. She starts coughing, so I rush over to her.

"Ashley," I repeat. She immediately pulls me into her and I don't move away. Obviously this has been hurting her. I knew I should have talked to her instead of just abandoning ship. God, I suck. "Ashley?" I slightly question. Her response is just harder sobs. I don't want her to cry anymore, so I decide to not say anything.

We lay there for minutes. The stomach of my shirt could be twisted and all the tears she has cried on me would come pouring out of it.

Her crying is beginning to subside. She says, "I'm sorry." Before more tears free themselves from her eyes.

"It's okay, Ashley. I am sorry, too. I'm really sorry."

"No. You don't have to be, Spencer." Her muffled voice says sternly

"But I ran off. I was a jerk at school and-"

"It's fine, Spencer. I pulled away and..."

"Ashley?" I question after a few seconds. I look down at her eyes; they are in some distant place. "Ash, what's wrong?" I demand rather than ask. "I know there is something more. Please, tell me. I want to help you. Please, Ash, tell me what's wrong."

"I can't!" She cries out as fresh tears slide down the side of her face. I wipe them away rapidly with my thumb. It does no good; soon my thumb is too wet to dry her face.

"Ashley, don't say that. You know you can tell me anything. We're best friends, remember?"

"I just want to protect you, Spencer-"

"Well can you let me in on this secret here? Then I promise I'll let you protect me." I softly say.

She leans her head up to look into my eyes. I smile at her.

"I don't want to hurt you, Spencer." My heart drops at her sentence. Oh, God. She's breaking up with me. Oh my God. Oh my God. _Oh my God!_

"You won't hurt me. Go on." My voice cracks, but I keep my smile painted on.

"I don't know where to begin."

"Take your time." I hope she doesn't. I hope she starts right this second. I think I'm going to be sick.

"It's all a jumbled mess. It's mainly Madison, and some other things."

"What about Madison, Ash?" I watch as a tear slides down her face. I sit perfectly still, not moving my head to look into her eyes or attempting to dry the tear.

"Sometimes I don't want to be alive." She croaks out in a whisper. For a second I don't believe I heard correctly, but I have. I just didn't want to hear those words. Ashley has never spoken like that in all the time I've known her.

"Ashley, why? Why do you say that?"

"I just," She takes a minute to form her sentence, as if it's a new spoken language. "I'm tired of being put down for who I am. And I don't want you to feel like this, either."

"Ashley, I'm proud of who I am-"

"Yeah, so was I." _Was._

"You can't change you you are, Ash."

"Yeah, but sometimes I wish I could," I look down at her, not believing my ears. "Spencer, I so didn't mean it like that. You know I love you-"

"No, I know. I know what you meant. It's okay," I smile down at her,

After a few minutes of not speaking or looking at each other, she looks up to me. I just stare back at her, unsure of what to say. I want her to tell me more. I am so confused. Her eyes look so vulnerable, so scared, so lost. She hasn't ever been this way. When she just keeps staring and not saying anything, I decide to. "So this isn't just about my wanting to hold your hand at school?" I whisper and give a tiny smile.

"Spencer, you know I'd hold your hand. It just, I, it's, don't know."

"Tell me. It's okay."

"I don't want you to go through what I go through."

"What are you going through, Ash? I see you everyday. If you were going through some tough stuff, why haven't you told me?" I gently ask her as I run my fingers through her untidy locks.

"I don't want to worry you, Spence. I want you to stay happy and I want people to love you still."

"Ash, I've been worried for some time already," I give her soft giggle. "I'm happy. As long as you're mine, I'm happy. Now just tell me what's bothering you. Please?"

"It's Madison," I nod a few times, urging her to continue. "She, well, she...she may have been..."

"What, Ash? What did Madison do?" I say louder.

"I'm so afraid of her, Spencer." Ashley? Afraid of Madison? This must be the apocalypse.

"What did Madison do to you, Ash?"

"She tells me things," I nod again. "She says bad things to me, Spence. Things I would never tell anybody else," Her words scare me. I tighten my hold on her. "She tells me," I watch as a new batch of tears form. "She says that I'm disgusting, and I'm a pervert, and that I converted you, and that I use girls, and that I don't belong, and that I should die, and-" My heart drops.

"She said those things?" I say in angry disbelief.

"Yeah. Is she right?" She asks in the most naïve tone.

"No, Ashley. No. She isn't. None of that is true, you know that."

"No, I don't," She says seriously. "When you hear things like that so many times, you start to believe it."

"Ash, how long have you been having to deal with this?"

She inhales before saying, "On and off since Aiden and I broke up. He told Madison, Madison told everybody else. Madison persuaded everybody else. Everybody is always on Madison's side even if I'm the one not doing anything wrong," She inhales a shakey breath. I have to steady my own breathing. "I'm sorry. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry about me or worry about coming out. But I should have told you, so you wouldn't come out at school. People are horrible and I don't want Madison and the school to turn on you, too. I don't want you to feel like this, Spencer." Ashley rushes her sentences out.

"Ashley, baby..." I cradle her close to me.

I had no clue any of this was going on. I should have known, but then again, how should I have known? Ashley sure hides it damn well. She can't go back to school. She's broken, she's a mess. My girl has been broken. My badass, tough girlfriend has been broken. And I fear that she may never be her tough self again. All because of one person who has the power to change everything. All because of one persons beliefs.

"She...she told you that you should, that you should die?" I finally choke out. Now I'm the one crying.

"Spence, please don't." Her eyes are begging me.

"She made you feel like this. Don't die. Please, don't die. I need you. I'm so sorry she did this to you. Ashley..." Ashley sits up and, despite her tears, pulls me into her arms. "Why does all this shit happen to you, Ashley! You're the least deserving person for this!"

"Spence, I wouldn't go that far." She gives me a smile, but I just can't return it.

"We're gonna get out of this. You and me. You hear me? We're going to graduate together and we're going to get away from all of these people. We're gonna be free. We're gonna be together. You got that?"

"Spencer, no matter where we go, people are always going to discriminate against us and people like us."

"Don't die, Ashley."

"I'm not going to die, Spence."

"Why didn't you tell me? Tell me when shit like this happens, please!" I almost yell at her. I look at her face and I let my tears fall. Her eyes are red and her voice is kind of nasally.

"I promise I'll tell you. We just have to stick together, yeah?"

"Yeah," I grab one of her hands. "Together. We're going to get through this. You and me."

"Together."

"You're better than Madison. You know that. You know that you're better than her, right?" She looks around, avoiding my eyes that are boring into her face. "Ashley, you are. Okay? You're better than anyone I've ever met. There's more to you than your sexuality. I just wish other people would realize that. Then again," She looks down at me with slight confusion on her face but waiting for the rest of my sentence. "Maybe I don't want them to know you. I want you all to myself so no one can see how perfect you are and steal you away from me." I smile and snuggle myself into her chest. She laughs and squeezes me and nothing has warmed my body quicker.

"They'd have to put up quite a fight to steal me. So much that it'd be considered a kidnapping. I'm all yours, forever."

"And I'm all yours?" I asked shyly.

"As long as you'll let me have you."

"Have me forever."

"Okay." She smiles at me and I smile back.

I pull her down next to me and we collapse onto her bed together, giggling and cuddling. Despite all the crap that she has been put into, she still manages to pull through. She's even laughing!

"Hey," I say once we've calmed down a bit. "I'm proud of you."

"Why?" She asks, looking curious and actually wondering why I said this.

"You're strong. Through everything you've been through, you're strong. You can take on anything. And for that, I'm proud of you."

"I wasn't so strong before, you know."

"Well yeah, but that was a long time ago. You didn't even know me then. But you're great now."

"Yeah, I am." I slap her arm and tickle her, sending her into another fit of giggles.

After a few minutes of laying facing Ashley, watching her eyes droop, I say, "Hey, I feel kind of gross. I think I'm gonna shower." I say and swing my feet over the bed and onto the floor. Ashley grabs my wrist before I can stand.

"Can I come?"

"You sure? You look like you're gonna pass out," She gives me a look. "Okay, I'll go run a warm bath."

We sit together, Ashley's back leaning into my front. I run my damp hands through her hair, wetting it. We stay in the bathtub not very long. We barely say anything, but it's comfortable. I know how tired Ashley is, and she should be. It's well into Sunday morning now. I unwrap my arms from around her neck and help her up; I grab us towels and we dry off and change into fresh pajamas. We brush our teeth and make our way back to bed; by now Ashley is like a zombie. She immediately molds her body into mine, her face touching mine and her breathing tickling it, too; our arms and legs are tangled up in each other in the most perfect of ways. I can smell her; I'm getting lost in the deliciously overwhelming scent that is Ashley Davies. This girl in my arms ins mine. I don't know how I got so lucky.

"You're the sun to my shine," I whisper and slightly giggle. "I love you more than you could ever begin to imagine. Goodnight, Ashley Davies."

Without hesitation, she replies, "You're the moon in my night sky," Always much better than me. "I love you so much that it hurts. Goodnight Spencer Carlin, my love, my life." She whispers in a very sleepy tone. I kiss her forehead, move closer into her, if at all possible, and feel her rest into me. I wait until I'm sure she is asleep before I allow myself to drift off into dreams of Ashley.

**AN: Sorry it's been a while! Here's an update. Tell me what you think and what you predict. Don't lose faith in me! If you hate me for putting Ashley through this, hold on tight.**


	37. Chapter 36

**AN: I tried getting this to you guys as soon as I could :) School's slowly coming to an end and that's what's keeping me from writing. I've been using as much free time as I have to write! I really hope you guys like this chapter as much as I liked writing it!**

** Chapter 36**

The moment I wake up, look over at a sleeping Ashley, and realize that we have school, anger fills every crevice of my body. If humans were powered with batteries of emotion rather than sleep, my anger would keep me powered up for weeks.

Ashley rolls over so that she is now facing me. Before her eyes open, a smile creeps upon her lips. She opens her right eye and soon her left. She's a beauty. She has a bit leftover mascara that has made it's way under her eyes. I reach out and swipe my thumbs under eyes, remove the black ink, and rub it on my shirt. She gives a small, innocent laugh and I can't even believe anybody would have the audacity to intentionally hurt her.

She clutches my hand that has just tucked a stray piece of her bangs behind her ear; I let my hand linger there atop her ear.

This moment right here is perfect. Me and my girlfriend, my life, looking at each other as if we're diamonds or something of the sort. The sun is trying to make it's way into her room through the curtains but fails miserably. I would never complain if I didn't have to leave this bed for the rest of my life if Ash could stay with me here. Thinking about this turns my brain to mush and my stomach into butterflies; I feel a hot warmth creep onto my cheeks.

"What?" She croaks out to my blushing.

"Nothing." I smile and avert my gaze from her.

"Tell me what you were thinking about." She says sweetly in a morning voice.

"You, obviously, and how I wish we never had to leave this bed."

"Okay, then let's not." She moves closer to me and wraps my arm around her neck.

"Okay." I exhale and tell her hair.

"Okay?" She questions and looks up at me from under my arm. I simply nod. Knowing everything she told me about Madison and people at school, I knew I would be a shitty person if I were to make her go back to her own personal hell.

I had mentioned to her that I didn't want to leave the bed, and leave the bed we did not. Literally, we laid in bed all day besides when either of us had to pee or were hungry. Sometimes you need a day to just laze around. Yeah, I know it was just summer, but something feels different about staying home when the school year is in session. If Ashley wants to skip school, I'll let her. I'm not going to try to force her. I have to admit: I so could get used to this staying home with Ashley thing; I enjoy it a lot.

But it's Tuesday now. I know Madison is probably suspicious that me and Ashley both weren't at school and I know I'm going to get whatever is going to be thrown at me. But what if I don't take it? What if I throw back?

"Spence, don't make me go." Ashley mumbles. Her head is shoved into a pillow and I'm concerned for her breathing.

"If it was up to me, I'd never make you go to school again-"

"But?"

"But you have to. I'll try my best to help you get through these next seven months, okay?"

"Ugh, seven months!" She rolls over to face me. "Too long." I grasp her hand with one of mine and intertwine our fingers.

"I agree, too long. It'll fly by. We can do it." I smile assuringly to her and she gives a believing smile back.

On our way to school with Ashley driving, the same pure angry feeling waltz's back into my body. It overtakes me and I can't think of anything else other than what people have done to Ashley. Ashley, full of love and desire and passion. Ashley, tough but innocent. Ashley, undeserving of what she's been put through. I'm disgusted.

"Spence?" I whip my head to the left and see Ashley giving me a questioning look. Her head is peering into the car; she has already gotten out of the car. I, with some effort, give her a laugh and get out of the car, too.

~.~.~.

I can barely contain myself. It seems as if I see Madison behind every corner I pass and I'm not exaggerating. It's taking all of my willpower to not cuss her out or something. I know Ashley wouldn't want me to do that, but part of me wants to disregard that and kick her ass anyway. I'm not kidding when I say that I am infuriated and I could punch her. I've never gotten into a fight, verbally or physically, besides the coming out thing. I've always been one to go with the flow and to not tamper with anything, but this situation is in no way tolerable.

I only have an hour to go. I've got Trig now and at least I will be able to see Ashley. That cancels out from having to see Madison. I hope I'll be able to contain myself and not do anything stupid.

As if on cue, I spot Ashley directly across from me about fifty or so feet away. She doesn't see me since she's looking down as she walks. Even without looking at her eyes, the pain in her movements is evident. She's been broken. Fuck, I'm so mad!

_Oh, shit._

Madison has literally just come out of nowhere. Ashley stops abruptly and now Madison's back is facing me, so I can't see Ashley that much. I'm moving quicker now in order to rescue Ashley from whatever Madison's currently putting her through. I'm walking to the side so that I can see Ashley completely. I'm only about twenty or so feet away...

"...too scared to come to school, Davies? Or was yesterday "Lesbian Ditch Day"?" I look back and forth from Madison to Ashley constantly before arriving to the two girls. Madison looks so smug; she towers over innocent Ashley with her asshole friends right behind. Ashley looks like the little nerd who gets picked on; she has three books in her arms. She usually goes to her locker before we go to Trig; that's where we both were headed now. I grab the largest one from her hands and stand in between Madison and Ashley, moving so that I am now no longer in the middle, but instead facing Madison with Ashley practically hiding behind me.

"Oh, hi, sorry," I smile sarcastically at Madison. "I heard "Lesbian Ditch Day" and I knew this was some sort of convention that I just couldn't miss," Well, there's one way to come out at school. "What were you saying?" Madison looks back at Sherry and Danielle before smirking back at me.

"So, the whole school's right. You and Davies are fucking." She says this matter-of-factly and I drop the smile I had on. I'm so not dealing with this shit right now.

"What's your problem? I didn't know you were so insecure that you have to make everybody else seem like a shitty person when, in actuality, you're the bitch." Madison's smirk evaporates. There is no going back now. Even if there was, I wouldn't.

"Spencer, please don't-" Ashley squeaks out from behind me.

"Listen to your little girlfriend." She talks down to me.

"Shut up and don't tell either of us what to do."

"Wow, aren't you two just the fiercest freaks at this school."

"Who do you think you are to tell someone that they shouldn't be alive? What kind of power do you think you have? To make someone feel so broken just by being who they are!"

"More power than you will ever have," Madison gives a haunting laugh and says, "Chica, I am not just a bitch. I am _the_ bitch," As cliché as can be, she tosses her hair over her right shoulder. "But you know what I'm not?" She casually asks before leaning closer and snarling: "A dyke."

I drop the book I was holding and it lands right next to my left foot. People look to the source of the noise and find me and Madison about a foot apart. "What's wrong with being a dyke?" I say, rather than ask, in a monotonous voice.

"Oh, I could go all day. Let's start with the basics: it's disgusting, it's embarrassing, it's intolerable. Do you think we want you perverts staring at us?" By this time, there is a well crowd forming. "We don't. It's unnatural. It's sickening. You people don't belong here-"

"So basically," I cut her off in a loud voice. "What you're saying is that if someone's gay, being who they are isn't acceptable. Being who they are isn't okay and who they are shouldn't be flaunted. They shouldn't be who they are; in fact, they should act like someone they're not. Is that what you're saying?" I practically shout at her in just a few short breaths. I feel a slight tug on my shirt and I quickly push Ashley away from me.

"That's damn well what I'm saying! You're an embarr-" She's cut off by my right fist to her mouth. She flinches and her head flies backward. I watch as blood dribbles down her chin. She spits out red saliva and before I realize what I've done, not regretting it, I'm the one being socked. She gives me a hard blow to my left temple and I immediately feel the headache. It feels as if my brain has been disconnected and it's in my skull just bouncing around. Everything's going in slow motion. Despite that, I give her another punch to her abdomen and immediately retreat to her nose. I feel the crack in her nose the instant my fist touches it. Glancing back at my knuckles, I see Madison's blood on me and I feel sick. Angry, but sick.

"Don't you dare talk about us like that! Don't talk about anybody like they're less than a human being!" I scream at her. "Do you think we can help the way we are? Because we can't! And if I could, I wouldn't change myself! I'm proud of who I am! Good luck finding love in your life, bitch!" I grab Ashley's arm and drag her away from the scene. We have a bit of trouble escaping the large crowd that had formed around us. I glance back and realize that nearly everybody is staring at me and I don't know what to make of that.

"You're going to get suspended." Ashley blankly says to me. I turn around to face her after we've escaped the madness.

"Huh?" My eyes make their way to where hers are looking. I see the principal storming this way.  
"You just go to Trig, okay? Drive home. I'll call you as soon as I can," She opens her mouth to speak, but I stop her. "Don't. No questions. Go straight to Trig. I love you." I rush out. Then I meet my principal halfway and don't bother looking back toward Ashley. I know she's gone anyway.

** Ashley's POV**

I definitely didn't know it was possible to lounge so many ways on stairs. I've been so bored sitting here for hours after I got after school. I haven't heard from Spencer yet, but I know she'll call. I know she'll be okay, I know this whole thing will be okay. Maybe not right now, but eventually. Spencer taught me that.

As I lay my back against the stairs, I hear keys fumbling with the door. I immediately bounce up and open the door before Spencer can get it open herself. Our eyes briefly meet before she looks away in a semi-bashful manner and my attention is drawn to the sight on her left temple. I move out of the way to let her in and then shut the door and locking it behind me.

"Hi." I say quietly.

She slowly turns around and her attention is removed from the ground and on my face. "Hi." Her voice is the same level as mine.

"What happened?"

"I got into a fight," She smiles toward the ground and I feel a small smile form on my lips. "Then I got suspended and they called my parents." _Crap. _My smile drops and I'm instantly worried.

"What'd they say?"

"Well, they were upset with me," She exhales. "But it has been worse. I explained how it happened and why I did it. I think maybe they understood. They weren't thrilled about it, but like I said, it could have been worse."

"Why did you do it, Spence?" I ask, still looking at her face.

"To make a point," She says and then looks me dead in the eyes. "And for you." Quicker than I could decipher, her hands are around my waist and the once there distance is gone. I smile as my heart flutters in my chest. I stare at every part of her face: her glacier eyes, her adorable nose, her small chin, her rosy cheeks, her flawless skin, and most importantly, the black and blue area to the direct left of her left eye. Her eye itself is a bit redder than the opposite. I can make out knuckle marks. Fuck Madison.

"Thank you, really. I wish she hadn't hurt you." I pout and remove one of my hands from around her neck to tenderly touch around the bruise.

"It's okay. It was worth it." She smiles with a look of revenge on her face as she scrunches up her nose satisfyingly. "Too bad I didn't knock her down and get a few kicks in." She says in the most serious and regretful tone.

"Whoa, calm down on the pyschopathic thoughts, Spence," I say and then giggle. I've never seen this side of Spencer before, but I'm actually glad I have. I know she wouldn't go around hurting people for the fun of it. Doing what she did today was so weird. Spencer has always been kind and against violence and I wonder why she truly did do what she did. Maybe she really did do it for me. I'll go with what she said. My girlfriend is the best.

I slither out of her arms but take one of her hands with me. I lead her to the couch in the living room and have her lay down on it. I tell her to stay, run into the kitchen, fill up a small zip lock bag with ice, wrap a napkin around it, and meet Spencer back in the living room. As I spot her, she's beginning to stand up. She faces me and I ask, "What are you doing?"

"I was going to get Advil. I've got a killer headache." She takes a step and I stop her.

"I'll get it." She gives an appreciative smile and sits back on the couch. Along with the ice, I bring her two pills and a cold water bottle. She accepts the pills and swallows them down in an instant, taking just one gulp of water. I sit on the couch and pull her down so that her head is on my lap and her feet are up on the couch. She kicks off her shoes before doing so. Gently, I place the wrapped up ice pack on the side of her face and I nearly cringe when she does upon making contact with the pack. I very slowly let the pack settle on her face, holding it still, and watch Spencer's face as it contracts from pain to relief. I flip on the TV and go through the guide and spot that _Criminal Minds _is on. I see Spencer form a small smile as I click to the channel.

Spencer's eyes look droopy and I know she's sleeping into sleep, but I don't stop her. I lean my head down and kiss her forehead, careful to avoid anywhere near her bruise. She smiles and grabs one of my hands and holds it. I watch as sleep overcomes my girl.

~.~.~.

** Spencer's POV**

Oddly, I wake up wide awake. Too bad I'm not going to school today. Or tomorrow. Or Friday. Glancing at the clock over Ashley's shoulder, I see that it is only five thirty-six in the morning. I lay my head back down on the pillow so that I'm facing Ashley. She's sound asleep. She's laying on her stomach with her arms out and under the pillow that her head is resting on. Her head is facing me, her mouth open just a tad. Her curly locks are thrown over to the opposite side, leaving nearly her entire face exposed. I stare at her in the non-creepiest way for several minutes, admiring her features, trying to prepare myself for what I'm going to tell her. I watch as a single ounce of drool escapes from her lips and slides on to the pillow just under her. I reach out and wipe the drool off of her face with the back of my hand.

She stirs slightly and her mouth closes. Her forehead crinkles up. I lie perfectly still while my gaze still rests on her face. A few short seconds later, her eyes squint open as if she's gazing into the direct sunlight when, actually, there is no sort of brightness in the room.

I give her a warm smile which she returns. My hand, which rests palm down on the bed in front of me, is grabbed by Ashley's hand and brought close to her face. I move myself closer to her. Cuddling with my hand, she smiles into it and closes her eyes again.

"Ash?" I whisper.

With her smile still on, she answers in a whisper, "Yes?"

I attempt to swallow, but my mouth is so dry nothing helps my throat. My hesistation causes Ashley to open her eyes. I watch for a few seconds as her smile fades.

"What is it, Spence?"

I open my mouth to speak but don't know how to form the words. "I...Um... I," I stutter out. "I'm going to move back in with my parents." I close my eyes and wait for her response. When nothing comes, I open my eyes to see what awaits me. As I do, Ashley's head is in motion and she lets out a soft laugh. My hand remains in hers, but her head is facing opposite; her hair tosses over to my side.

"Well, then that was kind of pointless to buy the car."

I give her hand a squeeze and smile. I'm glad she didn't get upset.

"Are you mad?" I tentatively ask.

She moves her head back to face me. She looks me in the eyes and tells me, "No," I believe her. I stare down at our interlocked fingers. I softly rub my thumb against the side of her hand underneath her thumb. "I am gonna miss you, though."

"And I'll miss you, too. You can come over any time you want, though."

"You, too," We smile at each other for a long time before Ashley scoots into me, her head resting just under my chin. "When are you leaving?" She whispers.

"This weekend."

"Geez, Spence, don't sprint out of here soon enough." I giggle and hold her tighter to me.

I have hopes for the future. These hopes involve me and Ashley, alone, a home, a future together. Of course these aren't the only hopes I have, just the ones that I'm most hopeful for and know that they are possible. I know that I love Ashley with my entire being. It's crazy how just a year ago we had already become best friends and now look at us. We're strong and I know we can make it. I'm devoted to her and she shows me the same devotion. I don't doubt us for a minute.

"I'm not leaving you because I'm tired of you, you know." I smirk.

"I know," She releases my hand and rolls over to her back, sticking her hands under her head. "I can't wait until you miss me when you're gone," She says in a sassy tone then looks directly at me with a smirk on her face as well. "Because I know you will."

I fling a pillow at her face, but not too hard, and say, "Shut up, I know."

We giggle together and eventually that somehow leads to Ashley leaning over me. "Don't make me go to school today without you." She pouts and I so want to kiss it away.

I laugh and say, "But you already missed on Monday."

"Yeah? So did you. And you're missing for three more."

"Yeah, but I'm suspended. You're not."

"But," She rebuts. "I'm scared to see Madison." A look of worry fills her face as she averts my gaze.

"Baby," I turn her face to look back at me. "She's suspended, too. She's done much worse than I have."

She smiles. "Please let me just skip today? Please?" She drawls out the word, aside the pout.

"Fine! Put that thing away." I motion toward her lip. She gives me a nose-crinkling smile before puckering her lips up for a kiss which I gladly accept.

~.~.~.

**Ashley's POV**

Spence and I allow ourselves to drift off to sleep except for the fact I don't allow myself. Instead, I lay here clutching Spencer close to me and dreading what's next. I know I'm being a little dramatic; I mean it isn't like one of us is moving away. I'll still see her at school. But living with Spencer has been wonderful. Spending my days with the only one I want to spend them with and being with her twenty-four-seven has only made me realize that I am so attached to her. I don't know what it's going to be like when she leaves. I don't want to be selfish. I know that she misses her house and her family and I know that she loves me. I guess I need to let her do this because college is coming up and if she happens to leave the state, oh God, I don't even want to think about that, I know she will regret not being as close with her parents. I'll always be here, I'm not going anywhere. But these are her parents I'm talking about and they're only getting older. She needs to spend as much time with them as she can. At least she has parents that love her so much. I don't want to be the one to deprive her of them.

I'm glad we have the next few days together, though.

I feel a stirring next to me and open my eyes. It's brighter in here. Below me slightly is Spencer. I'm on my back, holding her to me, and she's on her side laying into me. Just seconds after I open mine, she opens her eyes, stretches, and looks up at me with a smile.

"Good morning." I say.

She inhales and says, "I'm hungry."

"Wanna go make breakfast?" She nods with puppy-dog, innocent eyes.

It's eight o'clock when we begin to prepare for our gourmet meal. Together we make pancakes, bacon, sausage, fresh fruit, juice, and coffee. We take our time in this, savoring each remaining moment with each other. We're finished cooking by nine and we begin our meal together. I sit across from Spencer and hold her hand, only looking away when I'm grabbing a piece of my food. She looks at me just the same amount and has conversations with me through our eyes. Our responses are smiles and giggles and blushing cheeks.

She tells me something her eyes can't: "I'm full."

"Me, too. Wanna sit on the couch for a bit? Then maybe we can do something today."

"I'm not really supposed to leave the house..."

"But?" I continue.

"I'll go wherever you go." She smiles compromisingly.

We watch the news for a total of five seconds before switching it to a recorded episode of_ Criminal Minds_. We've both already seen it, but we watch anyway. Spencer could see an episode a hundred times and she'd still watch it.

Afterwards, we washed the dishes together and put them away together, all while talking of nothing relevant—just nothingness, but the best kind of nothingness. It's so comfortable with Spencer. It's so great that I can be so obnoxious and she still loves me endlessly.

"So," I put the last dish away and turn to face Spencer. She's leaning against the island, gazing expectantly at me. "Any preference for today?"

"Surprise me. But no blindfolds are involved!" She points an accusatory finger toward me and dips her head slightly. I just shake my head and giggle, acting as if she's crazy. She knows me so well.

"Would you rather lay in a cage full of tarantulas or," She pauses to think. "Worms?"

"Ew. I think I'd have to go with the worms. At least they can't crawl wherever."

"Yeah, but they're slimey and wiggly and," She shudders. "Ew."

"So you're saying you'd rather lay in tarantulas?"

"Yes. They're just giant spiders."

"Just giant spiders? Spence, you're terrifed of spiders." She blushes and I giggle. She smiles.

I take a bite out of my deli sandwich. "Would you rather eat five live cockroaches or one giant squirrel?" I squeeze my nose up; she does the same.

"Can I fry the squirrel?"

"Sure." I laugh.

"Then definitely the squirrel."

"Me, too," Spence and I are enjoying a late lunch at a cute little sandwich shop on the beach. We spent the morning roaming up and down the beach, but not going in the water due to the temperature of it and outside, and walking along the peer with Spencer in my grasp. She loves the pier, but she always wonders what would happen if we were on the end of it and it just broke and fell. I kept telling her it wouldn't, but if it did, I told her I would hold on to her and I'd save her. She believed me. "How's your sandwich?" I ask after a few seconds of silence. I needed to hear her voice talking to me again.

"Yummy. It totally hits the spot. Yours?" She says after swallowing.

I speak with my mouth full, "Delicious." We giggle like little school girls. Her laugh is such a beautiful melody. I wish I could click a button and her laugh would come out of it.

"So, what do you wanna do for the rest of the day?" She asks, swallowing the last bit of her sammie.

"I was thinking we could try to swim at the beach? It's the warmest around afternoon, so I'm sure it'll be warmer than earlier. Then maybe shopping on Rodeo?"

"My funds are at your house. I only brought a bit with me." She says disappointingly.

"Don't worry about it."

"Ashley, I-"

"You done? Let's go." I pull her up and drag her away with me to the cool salt water sea.

~.~.~.

To much of my dismay, Spencer forced me to go to school on Thursday and today. I don't use the word "force" lightly. I literally mean she dragged me out of bed, changed my clothes, shoved a poptart in my mouth, and threw me into my car after turning on the car. I figured I had gotten that far already, I might as well just go to school. So I obeyed her and went to school both days. It wasn't pleasant, but it would have been worse if Madison had been there. It also would have been better if Spencer was there, but then again, Spencer makes every situation better.

It was weird, though. Everyone would glance or stare at me while I'd walk throughout school. Hardly any would say anything. I didn't know what was up. Maybe it was the fact they pretty much knew Spencer is my girlfriend or maybe it was the fact my girlfriend had decked Madison, the most popular leech in school. Maybe they thought it was strange that innocent Spencer had a whack at it rather than her usual bad-ass girlfriend. No matter the reason, the vibe was weird. But whatever, it means nothing.

Anyway, I asked Spencer to go on a date with me tonight. Very fortunately for me, she, for once, doesn't work tonight. I want tonight to be extra special since it's my last night alone with her until I don't know when, if there ever comes another time for it. But I know there will be in the future.

I quietly open the door and shut it the same. I tip toe up the stairs and peer down the hallway, careful in case I spy Spencer in the hall. I make my way to my bedroom door, a secretive smile on my face. The door is cracked open. I discreetly peek one eye through it. Spence is laying on her side, opposite me, with a book in her grasp. _Oh, Spence, I would hate to disrupt you...but I would so love to!_

In one big motion, I fly through the door and literally jump to my bed while yelling, "AAHHH!" In a deep tone. Spence drops her book and nearly cracks her neck by how quickly she turns around with a look of pure panic all over her face. I topple over her, tears spilling down the sides of my eyes, and clutch my stomach as I try to get my laughter under control.

"You bitch! You want me to have a heart attack and _die_ or something?" She shouts.

I'm laughing too hard to take her seriously. Her face. Her face was so priceless when I scared her. If only I had recorded that.

"That wasn't funny!...Ashley...Ash..." I watch as she cracks a smile and soon she's laughing along with me. While laughing, she wipes the water away from my eyes. I pull her to me and then on top of me. I can feel the heat of her skin through my jeans. I simultaneously place my arms around her neck and lift my head up to kiss her. Her lips are moist and I feel her smile continuously through the kiss. I taste the flavor of Spencer and get lost in it. We stop and she lays her head on my chest, just under my chin. I stroke throughout her messy locks, taking in all of this. I am so dreading tomorrow. The thought of it makes me want to cry. But I can't think about it now.

"I missed you." I tell her with a smile.

"I miss you, too." I quirk a brow at the present tense, but I say nothing.

"I was thinking we could leave around five? Is that okay?"

She lifts her head up and I stop stroking. She looks me in the eye and says with a smile, "It sounds perfect."

After finally parting ways, I shower upstairs while Spence gets ready downstairs. We agreed not to see each other until it was time to leave. I am excited to see Spencer's apparel for tonight's activities.

I shower, throw on sweats, blow dry my hair, then straighten it out of it's crazy mess. Numerous outfits later and hair that had begun to frizz back up, I finally choose an outfit and put it on. I speculate myself in my body-length mirror. I'm wearing a blood red halter top, black shorts, and casual black heels. To add to my black purse accessory, I've got a black coat for when it gets cooler and the jewelry Spence has given me. I straighten out the bits of hair that had started to curl up before heading to the make up. I put on foundation, blush, smokey-eye eyeshadow, a tad bit of eyeliner on the bottom, and mascara. I finish my outfit off with two spritzes of my normal perfume. Glancing at the clock to my right, I see that it is four fifty-two. Now I'm the one running behind. I grab my purse off of the counter and shut the light off in the bathroom as I book it to the stairs.

"Spence, I'm coming!"

"Finally. I thought we'd never get to go." Her voice becomes clearer with each step I take. Then I see her. My breath literally gets stuck in my throat. This is not Spencer Carlin, this is an angel.

Her patient smile draws my attention. I move my eyes over her body. Yeah, I'm checking her out. She has on dark skinny jeans and tall, black high heels. She's wearing a black strapless top that leaves her shoulders bare, sagging off the side, with the bottom of it ruffled up so that the slightest amount of skin is shown. Her hair falls in curls behind her back, part of it tucked behind her left ear. In her hand at her side is a small black bag, not too fancy and not too casual. I take in all of her and before I know it I'm nose to mouth with her (her heels make her significantly taller than me). I look at her part of her face. It's glowing, literally. It's covered lightly with foundation and light pink blush. She did a good job at trying to hide the bruise. Her face is topped with tiny sparkles. I notice the sparkles also lie on her shoulders, neck, and arms. Her eyes are seemingly popping; she has little dark brown eyeshadow, but mostly eyeliner and mascara. Her eyes look huge. They're so blue and beautiful. She's beautiful. Not to mention, she smells amazing.

I take her hand. "You are..." I say but no words come out.

"You are, too." She smiles and I lead her to my car.

We saw a classic romantic chick-flick. It centered around a guy who met this girl, but he was already enlisted for war, but she waited for him, and he got to visit occasionally, but when he came back for good, and she was unaware of that, she had married somebody else. It was terrible. The movie was great, but the fact she did that was terrible. Their love was so true and so strong. Spencer and I don't know what in the heck she was thinking. When the credits started to roll, I lifted my head off of Spencer's shoulder to see that she was slightly crying. That's how powerful the movie was.

I escorted her back to the car and we drive about ten minutes further to the restaurant I am taking her to. I drive us to King's, a fancy seafood restaurant. I park and look over at Spencer, raising my brows at her. She looks back at me, her eyebrow quirking as well.

She says, "King's? I'm impressed," In a formal tone. "And also starving," She moans. "Let's go!"

I watch her remove a piece of shrimp from the small platter, dip it in the sauce, and insert it into her mouth. A few bites later and the shrimp is gone. She sets the tail gently on the platter. She looks up from it, tilts her head in her oh-so cute way, and says, "What?"

"Nothing. I just love being with you." I say and smile sweetly to her.

Her pearly whites shine back at me. She reaches up and cups my hand with hers and says, "I _love_ being with you, too."

With just our luck, the waiter brings over our main course which consists of crab, scallops, and fried salmon and cod. We heave into our food, talking little. Time takes its course and, little by little, we stop eating as our bellies can't take anymore. As the food disappears, so does our talking. It takes far too much effort. It hurts to even laugh, which means I'm in constant pain because Spence always makes me laugh.

Soon, we regain our abilities to breathe, talk, and laugh. We take our time in everything we do. It's nice. Having no rush or no place to be. It will be like this some day, I know it.

I finally pay the bill and leave a nice tip; the waiter was a nice guy. I don't think he got the clue that we were on a date, though, despite the hand holding. He definitely kept checking us out and attempting to hit on us. Boys are so dumb.

Once we're in the car, I say, "I have one more stop I want to make. Is that okay? We don't have to be there for long."

"I'll be there for as long as you want us to be," She purrs. "Because you're my ride home!"

"Shut up! I'll leave you there!"

"As long as it's not some underground sex trafficking place, I'm good." She laughs and I smirk at her and give her a wink. A look of worry crosses her face and quickly evaporates.

We pull into one of the lots at the beach. I park. There aren't too many people here. The lights on the pier are shining and there are a few bonfires, but it isn't crazy packed.

I lead Spencer along the beach near the water. We don't walk to where our feet will get wet because it's cold out tonight. I take her hand in mine and rub the back of it with my thumb. It's silky smooth and from that I can tell she's calm. I am, too, and hope she feels that from my hand. Spencer knows where we're going now because upon reaching it, she sits down. I join her at our spot at the beach. No matter the time of day, this spot can always soothe and relax me. Maybe because I think of Spencer and it's at the beach. Such a perfect combination.

I sit cross-legged while Spence hugs her knees to her chest.

"This is my favorite spot." She says.

"It's mine, too." I say and look over at her. She's looking toward the water; the wind is blowing her hair back as if a fan is blowing straight into her face, like a model at a photoshoot. I lean myself to her and pull her to me with my left arm around her shoulder.

"Why's it your favorite?" She almost whispers.

"Because I really love the beach. It calms me. And this spot makes me think about you. It's almost incomplete if I'm here without you," She lets out a puff of air and smiles at me. "What about you? Why's it your favorite?

"The same exact reason. I don't think I'd be able to come to this spot without you. I just wouldn't be able to. It's like I have to have you in order to enjoy myself. You and the beach are the perfect combination, you know. You have the ability to calm me and also the ability to rile me up and persuade me and drive me insane. I don't know how you do it, Davies, but I'm so glad you do." I feel the flames on my face and I let out a shy giggle.

"What can I say? I'm one of a kind," I say in a seductive tone. She laughs this time and I chime in with her. Suddenly, she shakes and I look at her. Her face is completely normal. I look down and her arms have goosebumps. "You cold?"

"I'm okay." She shakes me off.

"Here." I let go of her and slide off my jacket. I fling it around her shoulders and she nestles into it. I knew she was cold. I slide back and lean myself against the rock and pull Spencer in between my legs. She quickly relaxes and settles into my body. I wrap my arms around her neck and she holds onto them.

"Thank you." She whispers.

"You're welcome."

After a minute or so of silence, she speaks up. "Do you ever wanna just sleep out here? In front of the ocean, under the stars? In the sand? The only sound you can hear are the waves breaking on the beach and all you can feel is the crisp, salty sea air. I think it would be nice."

"Wouldn't you get cold?"

"Probably. I guess I would bring blankets. And you." I smile.

"We should do that some time, Spence."

"Really?" She asks in a hopeful, child-like voice.

"Really."

"What else do you wanna do?" She asks.

"With you?" I ask this in the most serious of ways.

"Well, no, just in life in general."

"Uh, I haven't really thought about it. I wanna do anything I'm able to do. And skydive. I so want to skydive." She smiles.

"Aren't you scared?"

"Scared of what?" I ask.

"The height. Falling through air. The possibility of your parachute not working and falling to your death." She bluntly says.

"Not really. If I wanna do something, I don't want any fears to hold me back."

"So as long as you're happy with the outcome, you'll do something? Despite the risks."

"Definitely." She nods at my response.

"I want to travel the country on a roadtrip." She says after a bit.

"That would be fun. Going to all sorts of new places and seeing how other people live."

"Exactly!" She says. "I want to go to all those places I see in pictures. It's cool being in LA. I've always wanted to come here, maybe not to move here, but now I'm so glad I did," She turns to look at me and I kiss her right under her right eye. "I can't believe I almost stayed in Ohio with Debbie."

I throw my head back and laugh. I just say, "Debbie." Spence laughs, too.

"What do you want to be?"

"Huh?" I ask, perplexed.

"I mean for a career."

"Oh," I ponder. "I don't exactly know. I guess an artist. I love writing my own songs and singing them. I'd love to make albums and have other people listen to my words. I'd love for you to be my inspiration." She looks down and smiles bashfully.

She looks up in that same bashful manner and says, "Can I be your inspiration now?"

"You already are." I kiss her nose.

We sit there for a bit longer, listening to the waves and feeling the breeze, listening to the steady breaths of each other and feeling Spencer's chest puff up and down. It's all so blissful. Spence gets up and holds her hand out for me. I take it, she helps me up, and we walk slowly back to my car, letting the water hit our feet.

~.~.~.

I watch Spencer from the doorway. She's washing her face; the mascara drips down her face and I laugh. She does, too. She washes the soap off and I hand her a warm towel to wipe her face with. We brush our teeth together and she bounces off to bed, while I drag myself to it. It's killing me knowing that she's leaving in under twenty-four hours.

She smiles at me from the bed and I turn off the light as she pulls me in. I quickly mold myself into her body and I try to loosen up in her grip. I feel her legs right behind mine; I wrap one of mine into them. I grasp her hand that's holding my shoulder. Her other arm slithers to the side of my head so that I'm laying my head against it. She begins stroking my hair with that hand which makes it so hard for me to stay awake. I need to savor as much time as I can with her.

"I'm going to miss you so much." I whisper, almost asleep.

"I'm going to miss you, too. I'm sorry for doing this."

"It's okay. I want you to be happy."

"I'm happiest when I'm with you, but I feel like I owe my parents more. You know?"

"You don't need to explain, Spence. As long as you're happy, so am I." She tightens her hold on me. The hand that was stroking my hair now rests on the top of my forehead, cooling it down.

I'm almost one hundred percent asleep when she whispers, "Maybe it can be like this someday."

"Like what?" I murmur.

"You and me. On our own."

"Don't get my hopes up." I say and chuckle in a sleepy manner.

"Someday."

"Someday soon?"

"Really soon," I allow myself to finally sleep when she says, "I love you, Ashley."

"I love you, too, Spencer."

"Don't leave me." She whispers so quietly I can't tell if it was real. I answer anyway.

"I'll never. Don't leave me, either."

"Never." She finally grants me permission to fall asleep gracefully.

~.~.~.

This morning is a blur that I wanted to never come. Since we woke up so late, we had less time to make and eat breakfast together and lounge around together. To my dismay, I helped Spencer gather what she had been keeping at my house and bring that to the front. Her dad will be coming to help transport what she has here. She doesn't have much, so it'll probably only take one trip between the two of them.

"That was my dad," She says, coming into the living room with her phone in hand. "He'll be here in ten."

"Already?" I whine. "I miss you already," She gives me a smiley-pouty face and spreads her arms out. I fall into them and hold myself there, wanting to never let her go and let her leave. "Do you have everything outside already?" I ask, holding her to me all the while.

"It's all there." She says, muffled by my hair.

We pull apart. I ask, "Well, now what?"

"We wait." She pulls me over to the couch with her. She sits and I sit with my legs over lap. I place my head in the crook of her neck; she holds me there.

We talk about unimportant topics to avoid the fact she's leaving. I honestly don't know what I'll do when she leaves. I'm going to be so bored. I guess I can write a song about how my girlfriend left to go live with her parents to finish out her senior year. Ah yes, my first hit single.

The doorbell rings and I lift my head up to look at Spencer. She's looking toward the door. She looks at me, sadness in her eyes. I know she saw that and more in mine, too. I grudgingly remove my legs from on top of her. I stand up and pull her from the couch. I let her lead me to the door, where we greet Arthur. He hugs us both and says how good it is to see me. He says some other things, and Spencer says some things, but I can already feel the sadness and missing coming in. They take the small boxes to their cars and that's when I realize I need to help them out. Once they're all loaded, Arthur turns to face us.

"Ashley, thank you for taking such good care of my daughter. I'm sorry to be stealing her away from you." He chuckles.

"Anytime, Mr. C," I look from him to her and back to him. "You guys are welcome over any time. Paula, too." I give a tight smile. Spencer shifts her stance.

"Thank you, Ashley. The same goes for you," He looks at Spence. "Well, I'm going to get this stuff home. Take your time gathering the rest of your things, honey." He kisses Spencer on the forehead and then hugs me. It's warm and full of appreciation, just like Spencer's hugs but bigger.

"See you around, Mr. C." I tell his back. He waves back to us and we watch as he drives off.

"So," Spencer says, kicking around pebbles with her feet. "I guess this is it."

"I guess so." I shrug.

"Thank you for taking me in. Being able to live with you, eat with you, see you, and wake up with you every morning was my version of Heaven. I'm so glad I got to spend so much time with you."

I smile and feel like I'm going to cry. I pull her in before she sees.

"I love being with you, Spence. You know it's my pleasure." She gives a tiny giggle that I feel in our embrace.

"There's always the future." She says, rubbing the small of my back.

"I can't wait for it."

She pulls apart. "Me, either."

"Bye, Spence."

She drops my hand and steps back. "Goodbye, Ashley." I watch her enter her car. She waves before driving off. I watch until the car goes completely out of sight, and even then I stare. I fall where I'm standing and have no intention of getting back up until Spencer comes back.


	38. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

I knew I would feel like this, but I just didn't expect it to be like...this. I don't know. I miss Spencer. I miss how her presence was pretty much here twenty-four-seven. I understand that I see her daily at school and on weekends, but it isn't the same. I miss doing stupid little things with her that I now realize I took for granted. I know that I'm allowed to go over to Spencer's at reasonable hours and Spencer is definitely allowed here whenever, but it's weird. It's different. Our business is everybody elses. I miss how it was just me and her most of the time. Honestly I don't even know what I'm saying. All I know is that I'm sad and I miss her.

**Spencer's POV**

_The worst is when you're positive you're making the right choice but soon begin to regret it. What's worse is when you know it's the right choice, but you still regret it. _

"Spence, the dishes?" Mom rushes past me.

"Yes, one second, I missed Ashley's call and I just have to call her back."

She looks back at me. "The dishes." And rushes off again.

Everything was going fine. Of course I missed Ashley, I still do. I miss living with her. But I know I have to at least finish out this year living with my parents. I at least owe them that. But Mom owes me the decency. I mean, she is the one who practically chased me out of my own home and to Ashley's. I don't regret it. I had fun at Ashley's. But Mom has been different. I can tell she's changing. She was as lenient as my dad is, but little by little, she is becoming less lenient and more stern about my whereabouts, especially if they concern Ashley. I don't know why she is like this. I don't want to bring it up. Things are going okay and I don't want to make it worse. Maybe it's just all in my head. That has to be it. I'm just afraid she is going to not let me see Ashley. But she's different now. No, she won't do that. She's different. Her views are changed. She loves me and I love her.

My phone vibrating from the bar knocks me out of my chain-linked thoughts, fortunately. I glance over from the soapy water and am automatically relieved when I see who's calling. I wipe my hands on a towel and spring to the phone.

"Hi." I whisper to the caller.

"_Hi to you, too_," She whispers back. "_What are you doing?_" She asks in a normal tone.

"You mean besides missing you?"

"_I miss you, too_," I exhale deeply. "_Halloween's this weekend._"

"Yes, it is," I say. "Do you have any plans for it?"

"_You mean besides a repeat of last year?_" She asks then giggles. "_Besides that, no_."

I hear my mom call my name and say something about the dishes. I don't want to get on her bad side, not yet at least. Not while I'm living here.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow. Love you."

"_Love you, too, Spence._"

Time to play Cinderella.

~.~.~.

"So, any Halloween plans, Spence?" Dad asks over his crossword puzzle. We are enjoying an evening together. It's nice, despite the fact I rejected Ashley for it. I love her and I love spending time with her, but Mom's always around when I wanna hang with Dad, so knowing she had work this evening, I jumped at the opportunity.

"Nothing too huge," I say as I flip through the guide on the TV. "Ash and I might go trick-or-treating again, you know, before we get too old-"

"You're never too old to trick-or-treat." Dad chuckles.

I giggle along with him. "And when we're over that, we'll probably just eat candy until our stomachs explode. And watch movies in the process." I nod at the thoughts.

"Sounds like a good time."

"What about you? Any plans?" I ask.

"Nothing too huge," He mocks and I look at him, smile never departing. "Probably just passing out the candy to the trick-or-treaters and some spooky movies."

"What, I thought you're never too old to trick-or-treat!" I face him and open my mouth in shock.

He knows he's caught and he just laughs and I can't help but laugh, too. It's very contagious. It's a laugh that reassures you instantly and every little worry you seem to have goes away.

"What's all this? I thought a pack of hyenas ate my family." I look to the voice who disrupted our laughter.

"Oh, Spence and I were just talking about our Halloween plans." He looks to Mom and back at me and smiles.

"Oh! Speaking of," Mom sits next to Dad on the couch. He sets his crossword on the coffee table in front of us. "I was thinking we could have a family Halloween this year, you know. Hang out together."

"Mom, you hate Halloween."

"No, I don't. It's a nice holiday," It's funny because every year in Ohio when we were little, Mom would try to stop us from going out trick-or-treating. Dad always took us, despite her protests. "Anyway, I was thinking Clay and Glen could come back home to celebrate it with us. Play some board games, eat some popcorn, watch some scary movies," Her shoulder pops up. "I think it will be fun."

"Yeah, but I already made plans with Ashley-"

"Oh, that's okay," She smiles at me and I feel relief. "There will be plenty more Halloweens for you two," I feel like a fish that's trying to breathe outside of water. "Well, I better go heat up dinner," She stands up and heads to the kitchen. "I brought home chicken!"

When she's gone, I look to Dad with a look of confusion and disbelief. He just gives me an apologetic shrug. Hopefully things like this won't be occurring in the future.

~.~.~.

"What, she totally just disregarded our plans to make way for "family ones"? I'm sorry, I'm glad you guys are bonding and all, but we had plans. And for her to just ruin them? That's-"

"I know. I'm really not thrilled about it. I thought maybe Dad would say something, but he didn't. I really just wanted to be with you." I look to the pavement we're walking across.

"I know, I wanted to be with you, too," Ash bumps her hip into mine and I quickly regain my balance. "But she's right. We will have more Halloweens. Right?"

I look up to her, and she's looking back expenctantly. "Of course." I smile.

~.~.~.

I walk into the back door of my house, the one that leads into the kitchen. I don't feel like being bothered today. I grab a banana and start my trek up the stairs when I hear someone clear their throat behind me.

"Yeah, Mom?" I turn around and blankly ask.

"Where are you off to?"

"My room?" I question rather than state.

"You know we are going to church tonight." She says in a tone that is trying to make me feel guilty.

"Uh, I know that. You've told me at least three times this week. I'm not going to Ashley's anymore, it's fine." She smiles in a falsely kind way and leaves the kitchen.

I thought maybe Ashley and I could have our own little Halloween tonight, since tomorrow is Halloween, the Halloween I will be spending at home. But of course, Mom decides we're going to church tonight. We didn't go to this ceremony last year. And I don't know why she's at home; she almost always works late on Fridays. Something weird is going on and I'm not fond of it.

I trudge up to my room and fall to my bed. I right away dial a number on my phone.

"_Hey there_." Comes the voice.

"Hi to you, too. So, we're going to church tonight. Wanna come?" Mom never did say it was just a family thing. Ash used to come with us to church all the time.

"_Are you sure Mama Carlin wants that?_" Ashley monotonously asks.

"She never said she didn't. Come over at five, okay?"

I hang up with Ashley and knowing that I will be seeing her in a matter of hours lifts my spirits. I take my time in showering, making sure to scrub every follicle of my hair to cleanliness. I use a fruity body wash that I can smell on myself after I get out of the shower but not too strong. I blow dry my hair and pin part of it back, but leave the rest hanging loosely. I wear a simple white v-neck with a floral skirt that drops to almost my knee. I finish out the outfit with tan sandals that wrap around my ankle and toe. I decide on just mascara for tonight's festivities.

I grab my tiny satchel and throw my phone in it as well as my license and money. _You never know when you're going to need it_. I put the bag around my opposite shoulder so that the strap goes across my chest and the purse part rests on my hip. I quickly make my way downstairs and, of course, I am stopped.

"Well, someone cleans up very nicely. Where are you in a rush to?"

"Thank you," I smile and say to my mother. "It's almost five, Ashley should be here in a few." I start toward the door.

"Whoa, what? Ashley?" Mom grabs my wrist softly. I turn around.

"Yeah, I invited her. I figured since we couldn't really hang tonight or tomorrow...plus, she always used to accompany us with to church. You surely remember."

"Yeah, but Spencer, you didn't ask." Just then, Dad comes strolling in from the living room.

"Hey, Dad, can Ashley come to church with us tonight?" I ask. He glances at Mom then back to me.

"Sure, Spence. Any time, of course." I smile back and he moves to the kitchen.

"Well, there you go. I'm going to wait outside for her." I tell Mom then go out into the front.

~.~.~.

"What's going on with your mom? She hasn't said more than two words to me tonight." Ashley whispers. We've staggered behind the crowd; we're headed to the car. Church has just ended.

I laugh and say, "You're so dramatic."

"No, I'm serious! Her words were "hello" and "Ashley". It's like I'm non-existent or something."

"Hey. You are plenty existent. I mean, geez I hope you're not some ghost I'm in love with or that would be pretty strange, and heartbreaking..." I make a face and shake my head. Ashley giggles.

"Fine. But don't come crawling to me when you know I'm right and there's something going on with her. And I'll be the one saying "I told you so"!" She finishes the sentence out in a child-like tone.

So we all returned home from church and Dad cooked up one of his five-star meals, no doubt he was trying to impress Ashley, Chelsea, and Kyla (yeah, the boys brought along their girlfriends to church, too, not that I mind). I bet he did impress them considering I am impressed myself. That has got to be the best steak I've ever eaten.

I hop off the couch next to Ashley and tell her I'll be right back. I quickly make my way to my dad who is in the kitchen doing the dishes. I grab a plate from the right side of the sink and begin to wash it off and add soap to it. I feel his gaze down on me.

"Well, this is a nice surprise. You really don't need to help me, though, Spence."

"I want to. You do so much for me, so it's really not a problem." I watch the suds slide off the plate. I run it under the warm water.

"Thank you, wweetie."

I nod my head. After a moment of silence, I begin. "So, no plans for tonight, right? Just our little shin-dig tomorrow?"

"No plans for tonight. Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering if I could go over to Ashley's tonight since we aren't hanging out tomorrow anymore. I'll come home any time you want me to."

"Sure. Try to be home by the afternoon if you can, okay?" He says without hesitation.

"Thanks, Dad. I will." I look up to him and smile; he returns it with a gleam in his eye.

After we wash the dishes, he dries them and I put them away. This process only takes us about five minutes. We got a routine going on.

Dad and I make our way back into the living room. He slides onto the smaller couch against the wall next to my mom; she smiles at him as he sits down. _Saw_ is playing on the TV and everyone is having a good time by either teasing each other, being drawn into the movie, or hiding behind their hands, the latter being Ashley. I approach her from behind and lean against the sofa; right as the guy begins screaming bloody murder, I whisper "hi" into her right ear. She lets out a little squeal and jumps with a look of horror on her face.

"Spencer! Jesus!"

I try to get my laughter under control but fail. "Come here." I tell her and begin walking away toward the stairs. She follows.

"Where are you two going?" Mom calls out.

"Ashley's!" I shout back.

"You're mean." Ash mumbles from behind me as we ascend the stairs.

"No I'm not. That was hilarious!" I say over my shoulder.

When we reach the hallway on top of the stairs, I grab Ashley's hand. I whisk her away to my door, which is thankfully shut, and slam her back against it but not hard enough to hurt her. I entwine both of my hands in hers and raise them above her head. By now my face is only a few inches away from hers; her breath gives a hitch and becomes unsteady.

Just then, I hear footsteps treading up the stairs which means whoever is coming up will soon be viewing me and Ashley.

"Just you wait." I tease her and let go just quickly enough that I see my mom walking toward us. I open the door to my room and whisper to Ashley to go in.

"Where did you say you two were going?" Mom asks smiling at me.

"Ashley's house." I shrug.

"I don't believe you asked."

"I did. Dad said I could. I'll be home early, don't worry." I put my hands up.

"But Spencer, we have-"

"No, Dad said we didn't have plans. Our only plans are for tomorrow evening. Unless you have something else you need to tell me, I'd like to go pack for Ashley's as it is getting late," Mom stares at me. "Okay, well, I'll see you downstairs in a few." I smile, nod, and walk into my room, shutting the door behind me.

~.~.~.

"Paula doesn't like me."

"Shut up, she does like you."

"No, she doesn't-"

"Ashley-" I protest and change the radio station.

"Spence, I heard you guys. She tried to weasel her way in so that you would stay home and not be around me. Had you not asked your dad, she would have said no and made up some excuse."

"I don't think it's you."

"Then what, Spence?" We look over at each other at the same time. She looks away first, returning her attention to the road.

"I think it's the fact that I'm gay and she still can't accept it. She thought she could, but now maybe she realizes she can't."

"How do you know?"

"I don't."

"But you're supporting it?"

"No," Ashley doesn't reply. "Are you mad?"

"No," She shakes her head. "Maybe a little hurt," She gives a soft giggle. "But I'm not mad. Especially not at you."

I smile and grab her arm. "Thank you. I'll try to make things good, I promise."

"Thank you."

A few short minutes later, we arrive at Ashley's and, thankfully, it is clear of Christine and Kyla; not that I mind them, I just prefer their absence. I follow behind Ashley as she makes her way to the front door and unlocks it. We carefully step inside and I shut the door quietly behind me. I drop my bag right next to the door, out of the way, before turning around to face Ashley, who has her back toward me.

"Mom?" Her voice echoes through the house. She turns around to face me. "Guess Kyla will be staying at the Carlin household tonight. Who knows where Christine is. Why are you looking at me like that?"

A smile spreads wider across my face. Ashley smiles and her eyes widen. She tries to make a run for it, but I run out and grab her wrapping my arms all the way around her lower stomach. She shrieks as I giggle with a sort of evil intention. She grasps my arms and I place my lips to the side of her neck below her right ear. We walk forward toward the stairs as I gently suck. She's still in my strong hold as we start to step up the staircase and now she's the one giggling. At the top step, she wiggles out of my grasp and I nearly fall backward, but she catches me in time. It makes my heart soar, going from fear to relief; her lips are now on mine and she's staggering backwards to her room, never parting her lips from mine. We kiss away until we reach her door that's shut. I remove one hand from the back of her head and twist the knob. Ash stumbles in and I kick the door shut behind. She tries to make our way to the bed, but I rapidly turn her around so that her back's against the door. I repeat my earlier action by raising her arms above her head. I glance back and forth between her barely-parted lips, hurriedly trying for air, and her eyes that are permeated with desire.

Ashley lets out a little whimper. A smug smile ascends from my lips; I move my head in slightly more and stare at hers.

"What, you knew this was coming," I whisper into them.

I take her two hands with one of mine and continue to hold them over our heads. I kiss my forefinger and then gently press it against her lips. My finger dances across her lower lip until it's practically a pouting lip. I wrap my right arm around her head and rest it gently on my shoulder. I suck on her neck's pulse point until she lets a moan escape.

I release my grip on her hands and they immediately fly to my lower back. She holds me tightly against her chest and attemps to kiss my lips, but I turn my head the opposite way and she ends up kissing my neck. I almost succumb, but I snap out of it and push her down on the bed. She falls to her back and scoots herself up on the bed so that her head's almost on the pillows. I place kisses on her forehead, cheeks, nose, chin, neck, chest, and completely avoid her lips because that's what she wants the most.

I run my hands over her bare stomach from underneath her shirt and she shivers at the contact of my cool hands against her warm tummy. I rub up and down in her stomach as I straddle her lap. She looks me in the eyes and places her hands on my back and tries to pull me into her. I move my face close to hers and I take her face in my hands.

"What do you want?" I seductively ask.

My thumbs graze across her lips and she finally musters out, "You."

I smile and grab her hands again. I hold them over her head and kiss small kisses across her neck. I stop on her left side and gently nibble on her neck before moving up to her ear; I give it a small nibble and she softly laughs. I smile, too, and almost laugh, but I know if I do, she'll somehow take me over and that's not going to happen.

I go in for a kiss, but move my head up last minute and she ends up kissing my chin. She makes a displeased noise and I place my forehead against hers and allow myself to laugh. She's getting frustrated.

"Aw, don't cry, baby, it's okay." I run my finger down her lips and neck, swerving all over the upper half of her body.

She lifts a knee up and it pushes me forward to her; she laughs now. I lace our fingers together and hold her hands up on either side of her head, leaning against the bed. I touch my nose to hers and let her take the wheel. Her lips scoop mine up and I can pretty much taste the lust. With each second, Ashley gets hungrier and hungrier and soon enough her tongue finally meets mine again. Her head is up now and, quicker than I know it, I'm being flipped over. She now has total control over me, that is, if she wants it. I know she does by the way my hands are being taken away from me.

"Now what?" She whispers onto my lips. I can feel her warm breath on them and almost taste her taste without them even being on me.

"You tell me." I look dead into her eyes.

"Okay." She holds my hands above my head with one of her hands and uses the other one to move my shirt up so that is rests over my breasts. Her hands graze across my stomach, purposefully tickling it, and now I'm squirming and have goosebumps from shivering from the touching.

She quickly moves her hand up under my armpit and starts to tickle me and this sends me into complete panic mode. She switches from armpit to armpit and to both of my sides and my stomach. I can't do anything because she has such a strong hold of my hands, no matter how hard I try to wiggle out of her grip.

"Ow...Ashley...Please..." I am gasping for air; I can hardly breathe because I'm laughing so much. "S..st-stop...! Ash!" I giggle away. "...I'll...do ANY...thing!"

"You will, now?"

"Yes! Whatever...you want!"

"Okay. I'll think about it then get back to you," She jabs at my left side and my body arches to the left. "Okay?"

"Okay! Fine! Just...stop!"

"Okay."

"Okay!" And she stops.

She takes my tear-filled face in her hands and kisses me hard and passionately. "I miss you."

I kiss her and say, "I'm," Kiss. "Right," Kiss. "Here." Kiss.

She lays on her side and faces my body, so I turn and face hers. I look into her eyes and put my right hand on her cheek and my left arm tucked into my body. She puts her left hand over my right.

"I know, but I miss you."

"Then come over more."

She gives a small smile. "I'm sure Mrs. C. would adore that."

"Well, I don't care what she does or does not adore. I adore you and that's all that matters," I scoot myself closer to her and whisper, "And, for the record, I miss you, too." I tuck my head under her chin. She places a kiss on my head and inhales the scent of my hair, which is, unfortunately for her, a boring smell that is nowhere near as addicting as hers.

I don't know long long we have been laying here, but I guess it has been pretty long considering she's dead asleep and we're still in our normal clothes. I unbutton and slide the jeans off my body; I throw them on the ground. I scoot my legs closer to Ashley's in an effort to keep them warm. She gives a sharp intake of breath through her nose and closes her mouth. Her eyebrows furrow together and she lays on her back, but keeps her head facing me. I giggle a little and grab her closest hand.

I interlace our fingers together, one by one, and observe it. I notice the way our hands fit together so easily. I look at how my sky-blue nail polish mixes with her black nail polish. I look at all the wrinkles that each of her fingers contain. I graze the side of her hand with my thumb and feel how soft her skin is, as usual.

"Hi." I look up, surprised. Ashley is smiling at me all groggily-eyed.

"Hi, sorry, did I wake you?"

"No," She shakes her head and looks at our hands. After a few seconds, she lays back on her side and faces me, keeping her hand in mine. "I love you, did you know that?"

I look up and smile before sheepishly looking down and nodding, feeling my face blush up. Good thing it's dark in here.

"What, no love back?"

"Shut up!" I take my hand away from hers and shove her but immediately pull her back. I tuck her head to my chest. "I love you too much and sometimes I question why I left."

"Don't do that."

"Too late."

She moves her head and looks at me. "Seriously, Spence. It's fine. I want you to be with your family-"

"But I want you."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"That doesn't change my mind."

"I figured," She smirks. "Let's just not worry about any of this right now. We have all the time in the world, okay? You can come here whenever you want to. It's okay. Now come here."

She pulls me into her warm and protective embrace—a sure-fire way to get me to fall asleep.

My eyes jut open to the sound of my phone ringing from the floor, in the pocket of my pants. I squint because my eyes have not yet welcomed the light beaming into Ashley's room. I grab the jeans from the floor, careful not to fall off the bed, and answer without checking who's calling.

"Hello?" I say, a bit agitated.

"Spence, honey, where are you?"

"Mom! I'm at Ashley's! And you know that!"

"Well, honey, it's ten o'clock."

"Okay?"

"You're supposed to be home."

"No, I'm not, Mom. Dad said afternoon. It's not even noon yet," She mumbles something unintelligable. "Bye, Mom. I'll see you later." I annoyedly hang up and throw my phone on the floor.

"That woman will do anything to get you away from me."

"No, she won't."

"Stop covering for her. It's me and you know it."

I look over to Ashley for the first time this morning. "No, I don't know it. And I don't care if it is you! I don't need her to be comfortable with this; I need her to just drop it."

"She's not going to drop it easily."

I look over to her again. "Yeah, well neither am I," She puts her fist up; I knock hers with mine. "So, we're awake. Now what?" I lean on one elbow and face her. She copies me.

"I have a few ideas." Ashley coyly says and leans in and kisses me softly my lips. Her lips taste sweet and like a calm morning, such as now. They are gentle but have they ability to knock all sleepiness out of me. I'm enveloped in her, but she pulls back. She just smiles at me and I smile back.

I lay down and cuddle into her. "I don't want to leave you."

She squeezes me. "I don't want you to go."

I look up to her. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," She smiles. "Everything's going to be okay. I feel it."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely."

~.~.~.

"Oh hey, honey, you're home," I shut the door behind me and head for the stairs. "Spence? Something the matter?"

_Yeah, something is the matter, actually._

"No, Mom, I'm fine. Just gonna go shower and get ready for tonight's festivities." I say in a falsely enthusiastic voice.

"Alright. See you soon."

I trudge up the stairs and walk down the long hallway and into my empty room. I drop my bag and shut the door before running and plopping onto my cold bed. I turn on my side and pull out my phone.

**I miss you already. XO -S**

Within seconds I get a reply.

**Glad I'm not the only one. XOXO -A**

I groan into my pillow and allow myself to sulk for a while before getting ready. I decide not to make myself look great, considering I'll only be seeing my family tonight and they've seen me at my worst. I settle on jeans and a black shirt that has a jack-o-lantern, ghost, and frankenstein on it. I put on black socks and leave my hair down, letting it dry from the shower.

I make my way into the kitchen where I see Dad adding the finishing touches to an array of finger foods. I grab a piece of celery and dip it softly through the peanut butter next to it. I think that Dad will scold me for this, but he just shakes his head and laughs.

"So, what's on the table for tonight's events?"

"I know you don't want to be here tonight." Dad looks at me. I guiltily look down.

"It's not that I don't want to be here, I just feel bad because Ashley made these plans with me and then I bailed and now she's going to be home alone tonight. And she feels like Mom-"

"Alright, well, I'll see you two later." Mom comes in wearing her work clothes. She bustles through the kitchen and grabs a few crackers from the large plate Dad set out on the way to the door.

"What?" I shout.

"Uh, Paula...?"

"Something came up and I have to go in."

"Mom!"

"I do what I'm told, Spencer."

"Paula, is this absolutely necessary? I've already started on dinner-"

"Sorry, guys. I need to go. I'll just have leftovers later. Have fun." She smiles at us and exits, leaving the room completely silent. I stare at the door she just left out of.

"Well, I guess it's just the four of us tonight. Could you help me bring these into the living room?"

I say nothing and instead grab a few plates and bring them into the living room.

~.~.~.

"I'll buy it!" I shout and look at Dad.

"Come on, Spencer. I'm already in debt! I don't want to land on it and have to pay you more."

"That's life, Glen." I place a little house on the square of the monopoly board.

"There are only two empty places now. I wouldn't be surprised if you got those, too." Clay eyes my property cards.

"Your turn, Dad. Go." I urge.

"Eight. One, two, three, for, five...oh no. How much do I owe you for that one?" He asks.

"Only five hundred."

"There. That's all of mine. Now I'm in debt, too."

"Alright, Spencer, you win," Glen says. "Let's be done now."

"No! You can't quit!"

"You're only saying that because you're winning!" Clay protests.

"You could catch up."

"It's been two hours. I forfeit." Glen pushes his property cards onto the board.

"He makes a point." Dad says and places his cards on top of Glen's.

"Let's watch a movie." Clay suggests.

"You guys pick a movie out and I'll go check dinner." Dad exits into the kitchen. Glen and Clay make their way to the DVD rack.

"_Halloween_. We are so watching _Halloween_." Glen says. He and Clay high five.

"No, not _Halloween_! Something else, please?" I beg.

"Majority rules. _Halloween _it is." Glen hops to the DVD player and inserts the disk.

"Come in here, kids! Food's ready!" Dad calls from the kitchen.

In the kitchen, I'm instantly hypnotized by what smells like brownies. Oddly enough, I spot no brownies, but I do see chicken, pasta, and green beans. I'm so hungry that I'll take any of these.

"I smell brownies, but I see chicken." I eye my dad.

"Never you mind," Dad tells me. "Grab your plates and we can eat in the living room. But don't you dare tell your mother." He smiles and we laugh.

~.~.~.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't having fun. I'm thoroughly enjoying myself. It's nice to have my brothers home, as much as I can get annoyed by them. With good movies and good food and good games, it's no doubt that fighting isn't involved.

Mom still isn't home and it's nearing midnight. I don't mind her absence, but I'm not sure how I'd feel if she was here. I do miss Ashley, I know that. I hope she's trying to enjoy herself. I really do feel bad about not hanging out with her tonight; of course I want to be, but it's not wrong to be enjoying myself now.

We're all pretty consumed in the movie, but Glen has devoted the most attention. He's been holding the same brownie in his hand for twenty minutes. Meanwhile, I've eaten about a brownie per minute. Right as Michael Myers strikes, I grab the brownie from Glen's grasp. He jumps and socks my arm. I just laugh.

"What, you were gonna let that brownie go stale!" I say with my mouth full. He grabs another and starts to eat it but slows down, just like last time.

"Dad, did Mom say when she was going to come home?" Clay asks. I look at Dad for an answer.

"Nope, she didn't say. I had no idea she even had work today until she walked through the kitchen and told me and Spence she was leaving." Dad looks at me when he mentions my name.

"Well," I stand up and take another brownie. "I'm beat. Tonight was fun, but I think I need to go get some shut eye."

"Alright, sweetie. Goodnight." Dad tells me. Clay waves. Glen acts as if I said nothing, which, to him, is probably true.

I ascend the stairs and brush my teeth before heading to my room. I change my pants but keep my Halloween shirt on. When I get settled into bed, I decide to call Ashley. It's been too long.

"_Hi._"

"Hello," I husk back. "Did I wake you?"

"_No, I've been awake. Just laying here. How's your night going?_"

"It wasn't bad. I miss you, though."

"_I miss you, too. How was Paula tonight?"_

"Ugh." I groan into the phone.

"_What?_"

"Get this: she worked tonight."

"_What?"_ Ashley asks in disbelief.

"I know! I asked the same exact thing!"

"_It's me. Don't even argue. I know it's me._"

"It's not you. She just said it was a last minute thing."

"_Or she tricked you so you wouldn't be with me tonight but instead home with your family."_

"Would she do that?"

_"I don't know."_ Maybe something is up. Maybe I need to defend Ashley more. She's like family to me, so she ought to be treated like that.

"Don't worry. Everything will be okay. Right?" She mumbles a "mhm" into the line. "Okay, well, try to get some sleep. Call me whenever, okay?"

"_Okay. Goodnight, Spence. I love you."_

"I love you, too, Ash. Goodnight." I wait for the line to clear before putting my phone on the table across from me.


	39. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

I've come to the conclusion that I need to sit down and talk to Mom about what she's feeling. It's so clear that something is bothering her—something about me or Ashley or us. There is a constant excuse being made and I'm not seeing Ashley as often, besides when we're at school. I miss her and I regret leaving.

I want to maintain a happy and fulfilling relationship with my family. It's going well with everybody except for Mom. She's always short with me and she hardly looks me in the eye. I can't help feeling like she's ashamed or disgusted by me. It hurts.

Honestly, if I had to choose between Mom and Ashley, I'd choose Ashley. Mom underestimates how good Ashley is to me. I thank Mom for all she has done for me in my life, but she can't just continue to act as if Ashley doesn't exist. Ashley exists and will always exist; Ashley's going to be in my life for a long time, so Mom better accept this now.

"What's going on in that crazy little head of yours?"

My eyes dart up and reality comes flooding back. Ashley and I are sitting outside a sandwich shop downtown, having just finished school for the day. Her eyes show me reassurance and a bit of confusion.

"Nothing, just thinking about when I should start my Film project." I look at her face then down before finishing my lie. I always feel like shit when I lie to Ashley; I know I shouldn't have, but I don't want to concern her. I'll take care of this.

"That's not like you to procrastinate in Film."

I look up at her and smile. I adore how much she knows me. "I'll start this weekend."

~.~.~.

"Hey, honey, where are you off to?"

"Hey, I'm heading to Ashley's to start my Film assignment."

Mom's demeanor changes from friendly to bitter. It's evident, but she would deny it if I were to ask. "You're going to get distracted. Please stay home and do it."

"What do you mean 'I'm going to get distracted'? Ashley's going to be in it, so I need to go over."

"Your brothers are here, and your father should be home soon. Chelsea is around, too."

"I'm aware of that; thanks, though." I grab my camera bag and start for the door.

"Spencer!"

"What?" I shout back.

"You're not going over!"

"What? Why not?"

"Because I said you aren't."

"Wow, legitimate excuse, Paula." I reach the door knob and grasp it.

"Excuse me? Spencer Elizabeth Carlin!"

"We're talking about this later. I need to go now." I calmly tell her.

"I said you're not leaving!"

I whip around. "But see here: I am. And so are you," I note her work clothes. "And I'm not going to continue to be pushed over by you. Like I said, we're talking about this later," I place my hand on the knob behind me. "But for now, I have to go." I dart out the door, my heart beating in fear of what's to come, and jump into my car and go off to Ashley's.

I try to keep my hands steadily on the wheel and my vision clear. I try so hard to fight back the tears, but no matter how hard I try, they keep sliding down my cheeks. It gets so overwhelming that, halfway to Ashley's, I have to pull over because I'm shaking and can't see the road.

I sit here and hold onto the wheel and hit my head against it, allowing the salty water to drip onto my jeans just below my face. I keep thinking about how when I lived with Ashley, Mom actually appreciated me and my relationship with my family was just growing higher and higher. Now, it's like whatever positive feelings my mom and I shared have been transferred to my dad. He's so good to me, but I don't understand why Mom has such a problem with me seeing Ashley. It hurts. I can't have a large part of my life hating another large part of my life. I need both of them.

I hear the familiar sound that is Ashley's ringtone. I stare at the phone on the passenger's seat, debating whether or not to answer it. If I don't, Ashley will get concerned and I don't want that.

I scrub my face to try to rid myself of tears, as if getting rid of them will change the fact that I have been crying. I grab the phone and answer before it can send Ashley to voicemail.

"Hey." My voice cracks and I cover my mouth.

"Hey, uh, you okay?"

I wipe my face around my mouth and stretch it. I clear my throat before speaking again. "Yes, I'm on my way."

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong." My voice cracks again—dead giveaway.

"We'll talk about it when you get here."

"Okay." I say in defeat and hang up the phone.

I pull down my sun visor and look at myself in the mirror. It's obvious that I cried. I rub my eyes and clear my throat and attempt to look like I did before I left the house. When I decide I'm okay to drive, I put the car back in Drive, put on my left blinker, and get back on the road.

Just a few short minutes later, I arrive at Ashley's and park in her driveway. She's waiting on the swing in her front yard. When she sees me, she walks to my car and opens my door. I step out of it, with the help of Ashley's hand, and shut the door, not worrying about getting my camera gear out.

She puts her hands on my face and swipes at the leftover tears with her thumbs. I give her a small smile. Ashley kisses my nose then takes my hand and guides me to the passenger side; she puts the camera bag over her shoulder and escorts me into her house.

Ashley never lets go of my hand, even after shutting the door and setting down the bag. She leads me up the stairs, down the hall, and into her bedroom. She shuts the door and pulls me onto the bed with her. She sits upward and I melt against her, my back to her front, in between her legs. Her arms rest around my chest and I can feel her cheek against my head. I realize that we haven't said a word to each other since the phone call; she's probably giving me time to talk, rather than asking me what's wrong again. She's so patient and caring and I'm not deserving of her.

A tear slides out of my left eye then my right and then I sniffle. Ashley tightens her hold on me and I feel ashamed. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" She whispers.

I find it hard to explain, so I just shake my head. She lets me take my time in gathering my thoughts, never pressuring me to speak, but instead, stroking my hair all the while. I absentmindedly graze my finger from side to side on her bare leg.

"When is your project due?" She whispers after a long while.

"The fifteenth. Why?" I answer back.

"Good, so you have a little over a week to finish it. Can you make that?"

"I'm gonna have to." I say and chuckle a tiny bit.

I sit up and for a second I get dizzy because I got up too fast. I turn around and face Ashley, cross-legged. She looks at me expectantly and questioningly.

"My mom and I kinda had a fight. I don't know what's going on with her. I planned on talking about it with you, I did, and I still do-"

"Spence, what did you you guys fight about?" Ashley fearfully asks. I avoid her eye contact; I don't know how to word this. "Spence?"

I look up and her face shows hurt. "She told me not to come here...to stay home...and I don't know why. I don't know why she's treating me like this, or you especially, or us maybe? I don't know why she's giving us the cold-shoulder now. Remember when we went to dinner at my house when I was still living with you? She was fine then. Dad is still great, but Mom...I don't understand it, Ash. And it sucks. Because you don't deserve this-"

"Spencer-"

"We didn't do anything wrong. I'm obedient, I do what she says at home. You're so kind when you're around my family and she acts as if you're not...there. But you are. And I know I shouldn't say this, but I regret leaving you because when it comes down to it, I'd rather be with you than with her. I don't deserve you, I will always believe that, but I just don't understand why she's being like this." I finally finish and look up to gauge Ashley's expression.

"Don't say that you don't deserve me."

"I just want all this to stop," I say with a cracking voice. "It's like when it's you and me, I'm good, I'm happy, anything seems possible. But when other people get involved there's always discrimination and nosiness and judging and I'm tired of it. I only want you. I want Mom to be happy for me—for us—and stop being so cold-hearted because this isn't her."

"I don't know what to say, Spence," I look at her and her expression matches her words. She's lost.

"I really didn't want to pile this all on you. I'll fix it. I'm gonna fix it. This needs to just stop." I raise my hands.

"Are you planning on talking to her?"

"Yes."

"I want to be with you."

"What?" I question.

"When you talk to her about this, I want to be right next to you. This is about me, too. I don't want you to go through this alone. We're a team, remember?" She smiles and extends her hand.

I put my hand in hers and she pulls it in to her lips; she places a small kiss on the top of my hand.

"Okay. Thank you."

"Let's go," I widen my eyes. "Right now." She nods.

I tell Ashley, "She's working."

She looks at me and then sits back on the bed. "Oh."

I smile. "I'll let you know when."

~.~.~.

**Ashley's POV**

I glance up from my phone in time to see Spencer gliding her way over to me with a smile spread across her face. I toss the phone in my bag without taking my eyes off of Spencer as she gets nearer and nearer. When she almost reaches me, I lean away from her car and meet her partway.

"What are you so happy about? Not that I'm complaining." I smile. She grabs one of my hands and kisses it before dropping it. We're out at school, but she's not big on PDA, not just with us, but with everybody.

"I just am. My project's done and turned in, it's the weekend, oh, and I am taking you on a date tonight." She raises her head as I dip mine.

"Oh, are you now?" I raise my brows at her.

"I am. Now get off my car. I will see you at six." She shoves me away from her car and flashes me a warm smile as she steps in. I watch her drive away from school and to, probably, her house.

After Spencer's car is out of view, I make my way to my own car and head for home. Upon arrival, I notice the home is clear of people—even Kyla—but I'm not complaining. I stroll up the stairs and into my room, throwing my backpack under my desk. I hop over to my iPod dock and put it on shuffle; I turn the volume up so loud that I can't even hear the pitter-patter of my feet. I decide then that I might as well shower now, so I won't have to worry about it later.

After showering, and after using vanilla scented body wash and lotion to match it, I stride into my walk-in closet and look all around me. This is when it occurs to me that I have no clue what our date is and how I should dress. In just my bra and underwear, I skip my way over to my bed to where my phone rests itself. I fall onto my back on the bed then I dial the number I've had memorized for a over a year now.

"Okay, what do I wear?"

She giggles and then replies, "_Clothes!"_

"Aw, really? Do I absolutely have to?"

"_Well if it was up to me..._" She giggles again and I join in.

"But seriously. Where are we going?"

"_I'm not telling you!_"

"But I need to know how to dress!"

"_Not fancy. Very casual._"

"So does that mean-?"

"_Decipher it how you will. I'm coming in an hour." _The line goes dead and I'm left with about half of my clothes narrowed down.

As the time presses on and the outfits are shed, I finally come across something that I deem suitable for tonight's events, whatever they may be. If I had more time, I'm sure that I would contemplate on more outfits, but I think this will do. I'm wearing dark, regular jeans with a tight, red tank top and a thin red, blue, and black flannel over it, the sleeves rolled up to my elbows. I finished the look off with black high-tops.

The next step is my mess of hair. I decide to brush it, blow dry it, then curl the strands that don't agree with the blow drier. I decide that it looks well enough, so I leave it hanging loosely. The final step is make-up, a weak last step because I leave my face clear of besides eyeliner and mascara.

I stand back and look at myself in the full-body mirror and note that I have seen better days. Right then, the doorbell decides to ring and everything I want to change about my outfit can't be done because Spencer is here. I go back into my room and grab my wallet and phone; I shove the wallet into my back pocket and the phone into my front and simultaneously head for the stairs.

I'm sprinting down the stairs as the doorbell rings another two times.

"I'm coming! Calm down!" I say and then smile. I reach out for the knob, unlock it, then open the door and say, "Spencer, I'm gonna change, I-" Then I lay eyes on her.

"No, you're not. You look perfect, but that's not unusual. Let's go," She grabs my hand, but not before I can take her in. She still looks breathtaking. She's wearing dark jean shorts, a white v-nick, and a jean jacket over it, with white low-tips. Her hair is straight with a french-braided headband. To my pleasure, she seems to only be wearing mascara and eyeliner. "What, you dreading something?" She stops pulling me along and turns around to face me.

"No, no, of course not."

She moves her face slowly to mine and leaves it a few inches away. She takes her hands to my cheeks and kisses my lips passionately, something that catches me off guard in a good way. She tastes fruity and when she pulls away, I taste her familiar lip gloss on my own lips. She smiles before pulling me to her car.

Before I know it, I'm strapped into her Mustang and not by my own doing. She promptly backs out of the driveway and accelerates down the street.

"You look really pretty, Spence." I sheepishly tell her.

She glances over at me and flashes her pearls before returning her attention to the road. I wish I was the road right now. "Thank you," She husks. "And I wasn't lying about you looking perfect. And about you always looking that way."

I look down, smiling. "Thank you," I can see she's trying to hide a smile. "So, you wanna tell me yet?"

"Tell you what?" She innocently asks.

I exhale dramatically and say, "You suck." She flashes a smirk and winks at me; I blush and look out the window.

As we drive on, I gaze everywhere outside the window to try to find a place that I recognize. On and on, I have no luck, but I do hear loud beats of a sort.

"Spence, do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

I turn the volume of the radio off. She mutters a "shit" under her breath. I look to her with concern. "Spencer, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, don't worry."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive! We're almost there."

"Where to, exactly?" I pry.

"You'll see."

And I do see. Just a few minutes later, Spencer pulls into a completely crowded parking lot. People are everywhere and the beating noises are even louder now. Everyone seems to be headed in the same general direction.

"Spencer, where are we?" I ask as she pulls into a parking space.

"You'll see. Come on." She says and exits. I follow suit.

Spencer walks close to me so that her warmth radiates to me. I wish I could hold her hand. As if on cue with my thoughts, her hand slides into mine. I look down at our hands, a smile spreading across my face, then back up at hers. She smiles as she grabs something out of her back pocket and holds it in her hand as she walks.

"Spence, is this-?" I say as we slowly follow people into wherever we are at.

"Maybe." She mumbles with a small smile on her lips that she's trying to hide. It's more like a smirk.

I look around as Spencer holds my hand, guiding me along through the line. I can't see where we're at, but I do see lots of lights coming from the direction we are walking toward. It's very crowded, but not crowded to where I'm not able to breathe. I smell food of some sort and Autumn air. The beat is changing and then I hear voices that go along with the beat.

Before I know it and before I can decipher whose voice I'm hearing, we're at the front of the line and Spencer has just handed two tickets to a man. He scans them and hands them back to her and tells us to enjoy our night. Spence thanks him, as do I, and she walks through the metal-barred entrance and I follow, never parting hands with her. We make our way in and we stop and I look at her. She's smiling at me; she looks over my shoulder and I follow her gaze. I spot a large sign with some sort of names on it. I walk over to it and begin reading the names.

"No way? All these bands are here?" I ask, continue reading, then look at Spencer. She just nods. "This is so cool, Spence! Lead the way." I raise my head and hand, which is still linked with hers, and she giggles, and I laugh, and pulls me away.

~.~.~

We've been here about two hours and so far have heard four bands play and I have to admit that it's insanely awesome. The atmosphere and vibes here are totally me. I wouldn't expect Spencer to hang at a place like this, but then again, it's Spencer and she's unpredictable; she's having as great as a time as I am. It's so awesome to be able to share this experience with her.

We found a nice, wide grass area that isn't very filled. A lot of people are trying to get as close to the stage as they can. Spence asked if I wanted to, but I said no, so we found this spot. It's so relaxing. We're laying on the cool grass as tunes are being played. My body is perpendicular to Spencers; the top of my head is resting between the top of her right shoulder and the right side of her neck.

"Spence, this is great. Thank you so much for bringing me here." I tell her and bring my arm up so that my hand rests on her shoulder. She grabs my hand with hers.

"I'm glad you like it. It's something different, you know?" I nod my head, but I doubt she can feel it. "If you wanna leave early, just tell me."

"Of course not! When's it over?" I ask.

"About another hour."

"That's perfectly okay with me." I say and smile.

As we're jammin' out to the music, despite my throat's urge for water, my voice majorly cracks, sending Spence into a rage of giggles. I slug her on the arm; she grasps it and looks at me with her jaw on the floor.

"Don't make fun of me! It's just because my throats dry!" I say and try not to smile.

She cracks a grin again. "Do you want me to go get you a water?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Yes. Come on." She pulls me by the arm, despite my protests.

Right when we nearly reach the line, I spot and say, "Look, there's a water fountain right there. I'll just use that." I say and begin to walk toward it, but she grabs my arm yet again.

"Nope. Look, the line's moving pretty quickly," She says with my arm still in her hand.

And she's right. In less than five minutes, we're at the front, waters paid for and in hand.

We move out of the way of oncoming orderers and I immediately unscrew the cap and down my water. I hadn't realized how thirsty I had really been until I finally stop gulping and see that the water is three-fourths finished. I look up at Spencer and she is looking at me with a goofy grin on her face. I blush and I'm glad it's dark out so she can't see.

"Now give it about ten minutes or less, and you're going to realize just how hungry you are." I shake my head at her assumption.

Spencer is right again. We've been sitting for a solid five minutes when my stomach begins to growl furociously. Luckily, the band is loud so it can't be heard. I ignore it and turn my attention back to the band.

A husk enters my left ear. "Hey, you cold?"

I look down at my forearms and see them infatuated with goosebumps. I guess that's another thing I hadn't realized. I move my head up and sideways so that I can see Spencer, seeing as I am sitting in between her legs and leaning against her. She's smiling down at me, and I look away sheepishly and shake my head, but I don't know why. It's obvious I'm cold.

She says, "Here." I look back and she's taking off her jacket. I sit up.

"Oh, no, Spence, it's okay. You're going to be cold now."

"No, I'm not. Here." She puts it around my shoulders and I tuck my arms into it as if it's a blanket of a sort. I feel warm right away since Spence was just wearing it. And there's an extra bonus: it smells like Spencer!

"Thanks," I mumble then look up at her. She kisses my temple then moves her knees up so that I'm secured by them. She squeezes me. It's like we're our own little rolled up ball. It's rather comfortable. I love her so much.

The final band finishes their final and the final song of the night. The crowd is far away but so very loud. Claps and cheers and "woo!"s are heard all around and even back where we're sitting is pretty loud. Spence and I engage in the final round, too. I am sad, though; I'm dreading leaving.

People begin to pack up their things and gather each other up and head toward the exit. Spence and I sit here, clearly neither of us wanting to leave.

"I don't want tonight to be over." I admit.

"Who says it's over?" I sit up and she stands up and grabs my hands; I spring up by her pull. I hand her back her jacket and she quirks an eyebrow at me and won't take it, so I put it on. My body temperature is okay, but putting on a layer of Spencer couldn't hurt, either.

We walk to her car hand in hand, squeezing through the hundreds of people who are also trying to find their ways to their cars. We finally are able to walk freely, not feeling claustrophobic anymore. Bittersweet because I love being so close to Spencer, but I like it when it's just us two around. She spots her car first, before me, and unlocks it; she opens the door for me and I smile and get in it. She leans down and kisses my lips hard but pulls away quickly. She walks around to the drivers seat smugly.

"So, now where to?" She asks as if she hadn't just kissed me and left me high and dry.

"I don't know. What are my choices?"

"Anywhere," She looks at me. "I meant for dinner." She glances at my lips just once as she speaks. I notice.

"You pick." I tell her.

"No, you. I want whatever you want."

"Well, I want whatever you want." I rebuttle.

"Well, I want you."

I smirk while looking straight ahead, just as she. "Well, I want you, too."

"Well, that's dessert. We're at the "Dinner" stage right now."

"Okay, fine. Let's drive home and see what we pass on the way there."

She firmly nods and starts the car. Once we exit the lot and are on the open road, Spence snakes her hand into mine, which is gently resting, palm-up, next to my left leg. I securely lock her hand in mine and I look at her from the corner of my eye, careful not to move my head. She is smiling all cutely to the road in front of her, but I know that smile is only intended for me.

"Hey, young lady, wake up!" Spence says and shakes my hand. I blink out of my daze and lean up from the window to look at her. "You're missing all the food places," She pauses and I look out my window. "I mean, unless you wanna skip out on that part and just go-" She taunts.

"No. Food. Now."

"Well, take your pick."

I double-take at both of the shopping centers that we're passing, one on either side. At random, because all the the food places I see look delicious right now, I say, "Go that way." Spence enters the parking lot of one of the shopping centers and toward the part where most food places are at.

"Okay. So are you in the mood for American, Chinese, Mexican..." She looks in all directions. "Italian... Indian..."

"Honestly, any place is fine with me. Can you pick?" She looks over at me, ready to throw one. "Pleaaaase?" I drawl out.

"Fine." She turns off the engine and I follow her out of the car.

I follow her out of the street and onto the pavement and try to spot where she's headed. I narrow down the possibilities as we pass them. We finally reach our supposed destination and I am satisfied with her choosing.

With a quick "welcome to Denny's", we are immediately seated and the place is nearly empty besides a few tables. We're the only ones in this small room of the restaurant. The service is quick; our waiter greets us right away with waters and menus.

"Nice choice, Spence." I look at her and smile; she looks up when she hears my voice. She reaches out and grabs my hand on top of the table and then goes back to scanning the menu. I do the same.

We decide to order a bunch of pancakes, hashbrowns, sausage, and bacon because we don't care about how much we consume right now. We barely talk the whole meal because we are either eating so much or are too full to speak. Unsurprisingly enough, nintey percent of the food we order is consumed.

Even after the waiter takes our food away and leaves the bill, Spence and I kinda just lounge here, not having a certain place to be. It's nice. Besides, I'd rather drive home when I'm capable of walking, rather than having all this crap inside my stomach and feeling it move everytime I walk.

"You ready?" Spence suddenly pipes up. Her eyes look alert.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so." She leaves a tip after I try to help pay, then we go to the front and she pays there. Again, I try to pay, but Spence is just as stubborn as I am. Geez, I've taught her well, I guess.

We're nearing home and it's almost midnight now.

"You're staying over tonight." She says as if I'm going to argue. No way would I argue with that.

"Okay." I smile.

We pull up to Spencer's house not too long later. She takes my hand right when she reaches me; it gives me a sense of security and faith somehow. It's kind of like we're a team and we're going to conquer whatever's thrown at us. I always feel that way, but at this moment, there's something definite about her grasp.

We walk in, hand in hand, and I hear a low murmuring sound. It turns out Spencer's parents are in the living room watching television, waiting for her to arrive home safely. I love that they'll do that for her, that they'll do anything to ensure her safety, no matter what the cause is. I'd rather have my girl safe than anything.

"Oh, hi, Spencer," Paula says when she sees us. "Ashley." She nods in my direction. Spence squeezes my hand. I now think I know why I had that feeling earlier.

"Hi, girls. So, how was your night?" Arthur asks. Opposite Paula, Arthur's hair goes in all different directions and he seems indifferent about it, while Paula looks all done-up and careful about her looks. I like Arthur.

"It was fun." Spencer smiles and looks at me.

"It was a really great night. I had a lot of fun, too." I tell them and look back at Spencer, smiling.

"I'm glad to hear that." Arthur smiles and Paula just nods in a too casual manner.

"Okay, well, we've had a long night. We're going to go up to bed." Spencer says and begins to escort me to her staircase.

"Um, actually, sweetie," Paula chirps. "May I talk to you for a quick second?" Spencer turns around and I do, too. She lets go of my hand.

"Yeah, Mom. Go ahead." Spence replies expectantly.

"In the other room, if that's okay."

"Okay, yeah," Spencer takes a few steps. "Come on, Ash."

"Alone." Paula raises her eyebrows now.

Spencer stops walking. "Mom, I don't have any secrets here, and I'm sure you don't, either. So whatever news there's for me, Ashley can know it, too."

"No, Spencer, actually that isn't true."

Spencer spits out, "Well, Mom, if we're going to have a conversation about where I know this is headed, this is great because Ashley is here and I've been meaning to have this conversation with you. Ashley." She looks back at me and I stand here, confused and debating on what to do. I move my eyes quickly over to Arthur and he's just sitting there watching this play out.

"Spence, if Paula wants to talk to you-"

"I want to talk to her now," She looks back to Paula in an accusing manner. "And I would love if you could come, too."

"Um, okay," I say nervously. I follow Spencer into the other room and walk past Paula; I can feel her gaze burning through the back of my head. Spence and I sit at the kitchen table and wait for her to join us. My heart's beating rapidly. "Spencer, I don't know if this is a good idea." I hesitatingly tell her.

"No, Ashley, I need to say this. And you said you wanted to be with me for it, right?" There's a hint of worry in the last part of her sentence. I can see the fear in her eyes.

"Yes, of course."

Right after I say the words, Paula walks in. She leans her hand on the table and doesn't sit down. She looks at me quickly before devoting her attention at Spencer.

"So, go ahead."

"Can you please sit down, Mom?" Spencer tries to reason.

Surprisingly, she obliges. "Sure." Something about her tone is off.

"Okay," Spence inhales and then begins. "Mom, I want to know why you've been acting so different. When we came over for dinner that one time when I was still living with Ash, you were so happy and normal. And ever since I moved back in, your attitude towards me has changed. And it has changed toward Ashley, too," Spencer looks at me when she says my name. "And well, we both want to know why this is. We didn't do anything wrong, did we?" The hurt is in Spencer's voice is everywhere. "If either of us did something wrong, we want to know what it is so we can fix it."

"Spencer, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine," Paula smiles tightly. "You girls are both fine." She looks back and forth at us.

"If this is about being gay," Spencer emphasizes and furrows her eyebrows together and for the first time, she looks away from her mom. "You're going to have to drop it. This is who I am, this is who Ashley is. I can't change. And I wouldn't want to change. I don't know if it's about the fact I'm gay or about the fact I'm with Ashley. You don't know Ashley like I do. She's the perfect gentleman, but in girl form," Spencer smiles a tad. I feel myself blushing. "I don't deserve her because she's so good to me, but I'm so happy I'm with her. And I want you to see that, too. Please," Spencer begs. It sounds like she could cry. "I want everything to be happy between us all again. All of you are my family, blood or not. You might as well get over whatever hatred you have now, because I'm me and Ashley is who she is and she's gonna be in my life for as long as I can make her stay."

"Spencer, I am happy for you. I'm happy for you both." Paula's voice is cheery, but her expression is clear of happiness. It sounds so creepy that I can feel the hair on my arms stick up.

"Then why have you not been acting like it at all, Mom? Seriously?" Spencer's voice raises.

"Spence-" I whisper.

"Dad has been nothing but supportive. Hell, even Glen is happier than you seem. You're my mother. I need you," Just then, Arthur walks in. We all look at him. "Just, please, think about it. Okay?" She questions Paula and then gets up. I try to smile at Paula, but her look is unreadable, so I dart my eyes back to the ground and quickly follow Spencer. Arthur just kisses her on the head as she walks by; he pats my back as I follow.

I walk behind Spencer up the stairs and down her hallway into her bedroom. She steps in and I look at the door then back at her. She nods, with a worried expression, and I shut it with her permission. I don't want Mama Carlin to blow up on us! That's just what we need now.

She plops on her bed with her feet dangling off. She looks up at me and says, "I'm sorry."

I sit on the end of her bed right next to her and wrap my arm around her farthest shoulder. "It's okay, Spence. I'm sorry, too. Is what she said true? She made it seem so much more different than what you've told me."

"She was acting so different! I barely knew the lady down there. Mom is always running her mouth at me. It's probably because you were with me. Oh, God, she's so gonna give me hell about it later." Spencer drops her head into her hands.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay. Just trust me, okay? Everything's going to be okay," I lean my head against her and hug her with both arms. I let us sit there for a few minutes before saying, "Come on, let's get ready for bed."

I stand up and look down at her. Her eyes are big and blue and in them is tiredness, not from the fact it's past midnight, but from her trying so hard. She's putting so much effort into this when she could give up now. She could let Paula continue to act how she is, she could give up on me, even. But Spencer's a pursuer. I learned that from her.

I walk to Spencer's pajama drawer and grab her usual outfit and some for me. I throw them onto her lap. I move to the side and remove my clothes and toss them in a pile on Spencer's floor. I throw the pajamas on me and then brush my teeth in Spencer's bathroom. I'm here so much that she bought me a toothbrush. She is the sweetest!

In the middle of the teeth-brushing, Spencer trudges in with her pajamas on. I grab her toothbrush and put paste on it her for. She sticks it in her mouth and begins scrubbing.

"Hey, be happy. It's gonna be fine," I say through a foamed up mouth. "Don't you trust me?" I ask her in the mirror. She nods. "Good. I wouldn't lie to you. Well, unless I was trying to surprise you or trick you or something. But I'm serious. It's gonna be fine. I'm always gonna be here for you. She's your mom, Spence. She's not going to hate you. I don't think she could ever do that."

"She's Paula," Spence musters out. "She can do anything."

I smile and spit. "True," I place my toothbrush in her toothbrush holder. "Now hurry up and come to bed with me."

I walk back into Spencer's room and make myself comfortable in her bed. I hear a creak and look up and watch as Arthur peeks his head in. He smiles at me and I smile back.

"Is she...?"

"She's just brushing her teeth."

"Oh, okay. Thanks." He walks into the bathroom. The door is cracked now and I can't hear what they're saying. I try to listen, but before I know it, they both walk out together. Arthur gives her a sideways squeeze and exits, waving at me on the way out. I happily wave back.

Spence turns out the light and slithers into bed with me. We both lay down and she, right away, twists herself into me. It's my turn to hold her tightly.

"What did your dad say?" I whisper.

"Oh, just father-daughter stuff. Telling me basically what you said: it's gonna be okay, she loves me, blah blah blah."

"So, do you believe me now?"

"I never did not believe you." She replies sassily. I giggle and kiss her forehead.

She tilts her head up and reaches her lips to mine. They taste minty with a dash of Spencer added to the concoction. I inhale her to me as she gives herself to me; it's like a need to be needed, and boy, do I need her.

"It's gonna be okay." I softly repeat and slowly rub my hands through her hair near her roots.

"It's gonna be okay." She repeats in a jumbled up whisper. I listen as her breath evens out; I continue running my hair through her golden locks. I never want her to feel as if she's less than what she really is, even if it's in her dreams.


	40. Chapter 39

**AN: So sorry for the long delay. I hope you guys like this. ;)**

**Chapter 39**

I am sweaty and disgusting and not for the reasons I'd like to be. No, I am driving home from the gym, where I spent my Friday night since Spencer is working, with every window in my car rolled all the way down. It feels so nice; the wind is hitting me from every direction and the heat is slowly exiting my body. Despite the sweat, I feel great. My body is already thanking me and I think it for suffering through tonight with me. Getting back into shape is so what I owe to my body. Not to mention I bet Spence will appreciate it, too!

I decide when I exit my car that I am going to take a nice, cool shower to relax my muscles. I make my way to the front door of my empty house and when I arrive to it, what I see happily surprises me. To make sure I'm correct, I lean down and read the little card that is attached to the bouquet of flowers. My face breaks out into a silly grin when I read it.

"_To the love of my life: Thank you for sticking by my side through this and through everything. With you, anything is possible. I love you. -Spencer_"

I pick up the bouquet of a variety of assorted flowers and bring them to my nose and sniff. They smell lovely. I hold them in my right hand and unlock my door with my left. I zip down my hallway and into the kitchen to find a decent looking vase to put these babies in. When I finally find something suitable for them, I gently place the flowers in it. I hold the vase in both of my hands before I skip up to my room. When I get there, I turn on my light and then put the vase on the windowsill so that sun will be able to reach them tomorrow.

After taking a much needed shower, and wishing Spence was with me for it, I change into comfy pajamas, bra-less, and hop into bed and put on a movie. I watch it all of five minutes before I decide I miss Spencer too much. I know she's working, but I want to call her anyway, so I do. I click on my most recent dialed and press send. I expect voicemail to come up, but after five rings, I hear a voice.

"_Hey, what are you doing? You know I'm not supposed to talk while I'm working." _She whispers over the loud music in the background. Despite the scolding, I can totally see the grin on her face now.

"I missed you too much. Trust me, I tried to distract myself, I really did." I dramatically tell her.

She giggles. "_I miss you, too._"

"I wanted, actually, to thank you for the lovely flowers. You're wonderful."

"_It isn't a problem. I'm serious, you know,_" I hear the clank of hangers. "_It really means a lot to me that you're not giving up. This probably is just as hard on you and it must suck to have to deal with all my crap-_"

"It isn't a problem," I mock her words and smile. "I'd go to Hell and back for you."

"_I would, too, Ash,_" I hear a voice in the background. "_Shoot, I have to go. It's crazy packed. I don't think I'll be able to make it over, after all._" She sighs into the line.

I exhale and say, "Someone just had to get a job," She laughs again; I do, too. "It's okay. Call me tomorrow?"

"_I'll check my schedule._"

"Hey!"

"_Hey!_" She mocks. "_I love you!_"

"I love you, too."

"_Bye, Ash._"

"Bye, Spence."

So, how many more hours until tomorrow?

~.~.~.

**Spencer's POV**

Since the confrontation between Mom and Ashley and I, things have been steadily moving upward. Mom isn't acting superior to me, but she isn't acting her normal, pre-Spencer's-out self, either. Despite that, I'm happy that there have been no more outbursts and she is seemingly coming to terms with this. I am happy.

"Spencer, dinner's ready." I peek my head up to meet the face of the voice. Mom has hear head slightly inserted in my room. She's looking at me in a slightly expectant manner.

"Okay," I say and begin to get up. "Oh, where's Dad?"

"He got caught up in some work things. He'll be home late. Just us two." I send out an "okay" and follow her downstairs and into the kitchen.

Mom is definitely not the chef of the family—that role belongs to Dad—but she does try when she has to cook. I hate to say this, but this dinner doesn't look all that well prepared. Of course I am thankful she cooked, I am simply noting that it is unusual for her. Laid out on the table are two place mats across from each other, one for Mom and one for me. She sits at the closest one, so I make my way across to the other. On Mom's place mat sits a glass of white wine and on mine rests a cup of ice water. In the middle there is a small bowl of dry looking salad next to a pan full of flat lasagna. I smile at her before heading to the fridge to retrieve some ranch dressing. I set it next to the salad then sit down in my chair and scoot myself in. Mom says Grace and then begins to feed right away. She immediately packs the salad into her bowl without using the ranch. I copy her action and then add ranch for myself. Much better with the ranch.

"Thanks for making dinner, Mom." I say after a bite of salad.

"You're welcome."

I allow myself to begin on the lasagna after she takes some out of the pan. Looks are deceiving; the no-volume lasagna tastes good! Who knew?

"This is good, Mom."

"Thank you."

"You should cook more often." I pry.

She softly laughs a bit. "Oh, I don't think so."

"Why not?" I ask as she sips her wine.

"I'll leave it up to your father. Before you know it, someone would end up with food poisoning."

"Well, it's a good thing you're a nurse then," I smile and she finally returns one back.

The eating of her lasagna comes to a slow halt, but she continues steadily sipping her wine. I take this time to speak.

"Hey, I just wanted to apologize for bombarding you the other night. I really needed to talk to you about it with Ashley there, but I realize maybe that wasn't the most decent manner in doing it."

She immediately speaks, barely leaving a chance for me to intake air. "Yeah, Spencer, you're right. It was completely inappropriate especially with Ashley present."

"No," I furrow my eyebrows and say slowly. "Ashley needs to be involved. She's a part of this, a part of me," Mom doesn't look at me. She shoves her lasagna around with her fork, which she stopped eating five minutes ago, shaking her head slowly. "Mom?" She looks up at me with a blank expression. "Can you please tell me how you're feeling? I want to understand. If you're unhappy about something, can you please tell me?"

"You don't seem to understand it yet. It doesn't matter what I tell you. You will still defy it."

"What do you want, Mom? Please tell me."

She drops the fork and it lands with a loud clank on her nearly empty plate. "I don't want you to see Ashley, I don't want you to be gay. I want you to be normal." She exhales deeply after the rush of words. I stare at her; it's as if the wind has been knocked out of me. Then again, I'd be crazy to expect something else from her.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is who I am. Surprisingly enough, this is harder on me than it is on you. I'm going through something that I have finally come to terms with without your help. For someone who was so close and important to me, I could have really used your help on this," I finish and stand up. I bring my dishes to the sink and head for the stairs. Before I disappear from her site, I turn around and tell her: "You adored Ashley before you knew about us. Please don't treat her how you're treating me." She doesn't look up. I continue without looking back.

~.~.~.

"Come in." I tell the knock on my door. I set my book down and smile when I see Dad.

"Hey, mind if I come in for a second?"

"Not at all." He returns the smile and I sit up and move my feet, making room for him on my bed. To my surprise, he sits right next to me and leans against the headboard. He picks up my book and inspects it.

"I don't understand what it is with teenage girls and Nicholas Sparks books."

"Yeah, me either. But it's good."

"I should try one some time."

"You should," I agree. He sets the book on my lap. "So, lay it on me, Pops." I say and look at him. He looks at me with a smile and shock on his face.

"How do you mean?" He asks in a fake appalled tone.

"Well, you asked if you could come in and you made small talk. Now it's time for the main reason why you're in here. So, I'm ready for it."

"What, I can't just come in and visit my daughter after a stressed day of work?"

"Oh. Well, sure you can, Daddy." I say and lean my head against him.

"Okay, then I can do both of these things tonight."

I move my head up. "Is it bad?" I ask.

"No. Well, at least, I don't think so," I continue looking at him, urging for him to continue. "The first thing is concerning Thanksgiving. Rather than spending our Christmas in Ohio, we will be traveling there for Thanksgiving with the family."

I nod. He has either shared the bad news first or the good news first. I really hope this is the bad news because this isn't even bad. "Okay, that sounds fun," I smile. "Second topic?"

"I just wanted to make sure everything with you is okay. Actually, no—I know something is wrong. You have not been talking as much as I've seen that jabber mouth go," He smiles and I can't help but laugh. "So, what's going to happen is you're either going to tell me straight away what's going on, or I will be your roommate until you decide to." He picks the book up from my lap and opens up to the first page.

"Wait, what are you doing?" I ask, confused.

He looks away from the book and answers, "I just figured you would be stubborn and not say anything, so I wanted to get a start on this book you suggested." He waves the book and I snatch it from his grasp, laughing.

"It doesn't matter. I'm fine. There's nothing I can do to change it." I wave him off.

"To change what, honey?"

"Mom's mind."

"Mom's mind about what? About...you? Or you and Ashley?" He asks hesitatingly.

I'm open to Dad about everything. Okay, I'm open about almost everything to Dad. Despite that, I feel hesitant to talk about this with him. I know it'll help me by talking it out and I know he supports me one hundred percent, but I still feel slight shame in it.

"Both of us I guess," I answer without looking up. I continue gazing at the cover of my book. "Mom doesn't support me. Mom doesn't support my relationship. Mom doesn't like me. I don't care what you or anybody says, I know that she doesn't like me anymore. I'm not saying I'd change myself because I'm proud of who I am, but I somehow wish I could change all of this. There's so much pressure and criticizing and shame," I look up at him. He is looking at his lap. "It isn't fair. I can handle being treated like this. No, I can't, really, but I can't handle her treating Ashley like she is literally nothing. No one seems to understand just how large of a part Ash plays in my life. She isn't just some temporary thing," I look at my hands that are fiddling with each other. "She was my best friend before we began dating. Even if we weren't dating, I'd still be gay, she'd still be gay, and we'd still be best friends. I'm just so lucky to be in love with my best friend. It doesn't make sense to dislike her. It doesn't make sense to dislike your own daughter, either, especially for something I am unable to change," I say bitterly, more to myself than him. "All I need is her support. She's my mother, for God's sake!" I look back at him. "You support me, right, Dad?" I can feel the desperation on my face as well as in my voice.

"Of course, Spencer. I'll support you on nearly anything." He seriously answers.

"Nearly anything?" My heart sinks.

"If you decide to become a serial killer, I'm sorry, but I can't support that." He shakes his head ashamedly and I laugh and shove him.

"Good thing I didn't plan on that."

"This isn't like your mom, I just want you to know. She has never displayed this behavior, especially on her own flesh and blood. I'm not trying to make up an excuse for her because this is inexcusable. I agree that she is your mother and she needs to support you through anything. Even if it takes her a while to come through with that, I will always be your biggest supporter, aside from Ashley. I'm trying my best to work on her. Just trust that everything will work out. Can you do that?"

"I'm really trying, Dad."

He pats my knee and says, "Never give up. Despite everything, don't you ever give up. Things happen as they should: don't forget that." And with that, he gets up off of my bed and heads for the door. As he's exiting, I stop him.

"Dad?" He turns around. "Thanks." I send over a grateful smile. He nods toward the ground and closes the door behind him.

Without him as my father, I truly would be lost. I'm aware that Clay and Ashley support me, but having a parent who is a thousand percent on your side through anything is something incomparable.

~.~.~.

**Ashley's POV**

"Hey," I tell the face behind her locker. "How are you?" I ask in a serious manner and tilt my head slightly to the right. She gives me a warm smile and grabs her last book before shutting her locker and turning to me.

"I'm okay," She looks up from the ground and smiles at me. "How are you?"

"That's not what I meant."

"I know, but I want to make sure you're okay, too."

I shake the heaviness of this conversation off by flashing a toothy grin. "I'm great as long as you are. Are you?"

"I will be. Walk me to class?" I give her a smile and a nod. I take her book from her and we walk together to Spencer's first class of the day.

After an excruciatingly long day, I finish my last class with Spencer by my side. Our teacher has managed to move everyone around because they talk too much, but Spencer and I have remained in our same seats we've had since day one. Oddly, we talk just as much, if not more, as the other kids in our class. But whatever, I'm glad we stay the same!

By instinct, Spencer and I make our way over to my car. Today I drive us straight to my house since Spencer makes no requests for a stop and I don't have a place in mind, either. I don't mind going straight home. I've realized that I'm happy wherever I'm at as long as I'm with Spence.

Even when we're doing homework such as now, I'm happy. Doing homework alone is torture, but doing homework with Spence in my presence makes it bearable.

"I can't believe you're leaving for nine days," I say as a scribble onto my notes. I look up at Spencer. "This is going to be so much worse than last year." I whine.

Spencer looks up with a sad smile. "I know. But," She perks up. "At least we'll be spending Christmas together! And you know how much I lo-"

"Yes, I do know how much you love Christmas," I cut her off and laugh. She blushes slightly and looks down at her paper with a small smile playing at her lips. Immaculate. "Which is why I'm so stoked that you'll be here for it," She slowly moves her head up and her smile simultaneously grows. "You're rubbing off on me," I smirk at her and narrow my eyes. "I'm excited for Christmas and this doesn't usually happen."

She giggles and looks up to me with those huge blue eyes of hers. I quickly lean in and steal a quick peck to her cheek. She looks at me in surprise. She drops her book, along with her paper and pen, and crawls to her knees and up to me on the edge of the bed. My face is pulled into her warm and soft hands and she plants one on my lips. I can feel her smiling and that makes me smile, too. She pulls back just slightly and I can feel her breath on my lips. I haven't opened my eyes yet.

I whisper into her: "Homework."

She scoffs and scoots back to her work but sends a sly smile over to me before returning.

~.~.~.

I watch as Spencer pulls her head back from her locker and I reach it just in time to shut it for her. She looks alertly at me and then smiles in relief.

"Oh, hi."

"You're leaving tomorrow. I do not want that." I blatantly tell her. I feel my forehead wrinkling by the second.

Her smile washes away. "I know. I don't want that either. But hey, remember we have Christmas. And it's only a week."

I grab her book for her and we begin walking to Trig. "Nine days. Over a week." I correct. "I was nearly dying last year and you were gone about a week."

"Yeah...but..." I look at her from the side of my eyes. She looks back. "I have no other excuse of reassurance."

I grunt and poke her in the side with my elbow. She flinches and giggles; it's exactly the perfect melody. "So we need to spend today in a great way that will last me until you return. Anything in mind for you?"

When she doesn't answer in the immediate second I ask, I look to her and she's looking straight ahead. As we walk through the doors of our classroom she says: "We will discuss after class."

And we do. If it was up to me, we'd be talking about it during class, but we had a test. And I was so not in the mood to get a zero for talking. I also wasn't in the mood for Spencer to get a zero for talking. She's trying so hard with school work and trying to balance that out with her family, friends, me, and work and I don't want to get in the way. She wants to get the best grades as possible so she can get into higher level universities. She's going to go far. No way am I holding her back from that.

"What did you think about the test?" I ask as we casually walk to my car.

"It was okay. The front page was easy, but the back toward the bottom was really hard. It, like, got harder with each question."

"Yeah, I have no idea what I just did," I shrug and she shakes her head at me. Spencer's the one with these dreams, not me. It's not like I'm going to be using math in my life. My career is music, not math. "You didn't happen to spark any ideas about what we should do today?"

"I don't know, Ash. I kinda just want to spend it with you. Your house? Movies? Food?" She looks over to me. "Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay."

"Maybe we can go by the coffee shop and quickly do our homework there. At least there we won't get distracted." She smiles coyly and I watch her head lower and she gets into the car.

Oh, Spencer, she is always the sensible one in this relationship. She is right, too. I know we would get distracted and I want to spend as much time with her as I can. Fortunately for us when we arrive, there are few adults there and no kids our age and younger, so we find a table to sit at. We finish in less than two hours which is great. We said like ten words to each other in that time span, but as long as we got it done a speedy manner, I'm good. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been stealing glances at her throughout that time; I so was. I'm not seeing her for a week, so I deserve to look at her as much as I want! And sometimes I can hardly believe that I'm Spencer Carlin's girlfriend and she is mine. She's perfect and I'm like the lost cause. Despite this, I'm always forever thankful.

On the drive to my house I hold her hand. She's easing back into it. The first couple of months she would be very particular of how we would act in a car and I don't blame her. That was a terrifying experience that no one should have to go through, especially Spencer. Poor baby. But she lets me hold her hand while driving. If I sense something bad or have a bad grip on the wheel, I will let go to hold the wheel and she knows that. It's amazing how much trust she puts in me. I never want to let her down.

We get out of my car and I take her hand and lead us to the door. I don't let her bring her bag in because I want to be the one to take her home so I have more time with her. This could be classified as selfishness, but at this point I don't care. She's actually leaving me for two hundred-sixteen hours_._

When we get inside, I shut the door behind us and pull her back into me. Her arms snake around my neck and I feel my hair raise. I can barely handle what this girl does to me.

To her face that is about half a foot away, I whisper, "How about you go pick out a movie and make yourself comfy and I'll go get us snacks."

She keeps her small smile on. "Okay. Can we watch it upstairs?" She asks and cocks her head to my right. I wonder if she can hear my heart beating or even feel it!

"Anything for you, baby girl."

Our lips make their way together in a slow and almost painful manner. I hardly feel them touching before I feel the air again and Spencer's sassily making her way toward the living room where the DVDs are. I am most definitely checking out those hips. No, I am not a pervert.

Upstairs I bring with me water bottles, chips, and grapes. I'm trying to keep it healthy. Grapes aren't bad!

"So, what have you chosen?" I shut the door all the way with my foot as I look at Spencer lounging on my bed. I want her.

"You'll see," She sits up and pats the spot next to her. I plop myself and the food down on the bed. "Thank you." She looks at me and says sincerely.

"Go ahead—play it," At this, she presses the play button on the remote.

She has skipped the previews thankfully. When I see the main screen with the "play movie" on it, I automatically break out into a smile. This is one of my all time favorite movies. Emma Stone is hot and, maybe if I wasn't a lesbian, I'd think Ryan Gosling is, too.

"You know me so well." I tell her lovingly.

She turns her head back over her right shoulder and smiles at me and then looks back to the screen. "You could watch _Crazy, Stupid, Love._ over and over again."

"You're saying you couldn't?" I raise my brows at the back of her head.

"I could," She looks at me again. I'm melting. "If I was with you." Correction: now I am melting.

"Come here." I open my arms for her and she obeys, but not without bringing the chips with her! She leans against me and puts the chips on our laps.

I think she laughs more at how hard I'm laughing during the movie rather than the movie itself. Her laughing and smiling just makes me happier. To be honest, this movie is funny, yes, but I don't know why I always laugh so hard at it! My favorite part is the end. The whole plot twist gets me every time. The first time we watched this, Spencer hadn't seen it, so I had to explain some parts to her. Thanks to me, she now totally understands it.

So, two hours and too many chips and grapes later, the movie is finished and Spencer and I have let the credits roll down to the very last second. Now the main screen is all that remains and neither of us have moved to turn it off or change it. I don't want us to, either. I'm so comfy with my girl in my arms.

"Now what?" She says quietly in a groggy voice.

"Up to you. I'm fine like this."

She sits up and says, "Can we at least turn this off? It's getting annoying."

Without waiting for my answer, she just turns off the TV and, suddenly, quietness fills the room. She looks down at me—I'm laying down—and smiles in an adoring way. Before I can question her, she falls on her back and rolls into me with her left hand resting on my stomach. I look up from it because I feel her gaze burning into my cheek.

"What?" She smiles at me with her teeth and asks.

"Nothing," I look away and blush some more. "What time do you need to be home?" I ask and look back at her.

"No later than seven."

"What time is it now?"

She peeks her head over my body to glance at the clock. "Five fifty-six."

"So I only have an hour with you before you leave me for nine days?" I say to myself rather than ask Spence.

"No, I leave tomorrow. Then you won't see me for nine days." She sassily corrects me.

I turn my head and look at her. "You seem really torn up about this!"

"I am! You think I want to leave you for that long? I can barely handle a day," She exhales deeply. "I wish I could take you with me."

"You can," I drawl out and stretch. "But I don't think anyone would approve of that."

Spencer snuggles in closer to me. "Who cares what they think?" She tests.

"I do."

"I thought you didn't care what anyone thought about you." She says skeptically.

"I don't. I just want their approval eventually. I want them to realize how special you are to me. I want to prove to them that the only difference is that I am a girl just like you, but that shouldn't affect anything. The way I feel about you shouldn't be determined whether I'm a guy or girl," I look at her. "You are who you are, I am who I am. I don't think that's going to change."

"If the world thought like you and I do, it would be a much more peaceful place."

I give an obnoxious laugh. "Don't overestimate me, Carlin." At that, she gives me dreadful smile.

I sit up and she gives me a confused and questioning look, almost as if she's hurt by the fact I let go of her. This look goes away when I toss one leg over her body. She doesn't say a word when I lower my lips to hers. She doesn't question when I press my body hard against hers and tug at the button on her jeans.

~.~.~.

Here we are. This is the second moment I've been dreading, the first being when Spencer actually leaves tomorrow after school for over a week. Being the classy lady that I am, I make Spencer let me open her door for her and shut it as well. I take her hand and we walk together to her porch. It's like the cliché after-date thing. I lean myself against the wall and, as if our bodies are magnetically attracted, she moves close into me. Her hands find their way to my front pockets and she dangles her fingers in them while gazing into my eyes. My hands snake up to her waist and under her shirt. Her skin is warm and I can feel the goosebumps forming on her body from the contact. I slither my hands to the small of her back and pull her into me as I spread my legs about shoulder length. She pulls her hands out of my pockets and tucks her arms to her chest as she leans her left cheek to my left shoulder. I remove my hands from under her shirt and wrap them around the top of her back in an effort to warm her up. We stay like that for a few moments as I watch the wind whisk her hair gently around. I let go and she looks up to me with huge, sad eyes. I take off the jacket I am wearing and wrap it around her shoulders. She looks up again, but this time I see gratefulness in her eyes.

"You should go in," I look at the ground. "Don't want you to be late."

She places her hand under my chin and looks at my eyes again. "It's seven. I'm home. They said be home by seven," I look up at her. She's smirking. "And technically I'm obeying that. You're not trying to get rid of me, are you?" She bows her head slightly and crinkles her forehead.

"That's exactly my plan!" I throw my arms up and bring them to rest on her hips. She giggles as I pull her back into me. I smile and I say, "No. You know what I would do if it was up to me. Nevertheless, I hope you have a fun time in Ohio."

"I would have more fun if you were there." She says in a high voice.

"Well, duh." I shake my head obviously at her.

Spencer rolls her eyes and then locks them on mine. Before I know it, her lips are pressed lovingly against mine and I'm no longer leaning against the wall on her porch, but against Spencer. I become aware of her arms that are wrapped tightly around my neck. I move my hands from her hips and place my left on the back of her neck and my right under her right ear. She pulls away first and inhales heavily. I don't open my eyes; I remain still and breathe deeply, intaking Spencer's scent that I will be missing for a long, painful, sorry week.

I whisper and feel my breath reciprocated back to my lips, realizing that hers are still centimeters away from mine. "I love you."

Without hesitation come the words that make my stomach churn every time. "I love you, too, Ash."

She steps away from me but keeps my hands held in hers. I never break eye contact with her, even as she releases my hands. The cold immediately grasps my hands and I already feel myself longing for her return.

My voice cracks like a teenage boy when I say, "Tell your family I said hey." She returns the smile.

"I will. I'll see you tomorrow, Ash."

"See you tomorrow, Spence."

That night I dream about Spencer. It's more vivid than any I've had in a while and I can see why since she is leaving. This dream may or may not have consisted of me and Spencer living together in our own home. We may or may not have been married in it. Honestly, I do not remember if we were married in it. I don't know what this is supposed to mean, but I would be lying if I said it didn't get my hopes up.

It would be fortunate if this was any regular Friday because the day has totally sped through and now I'm entering Trig to a warmly smiling Spencer and Madison who is avoiding my gaze. But this is not a normal Friday. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I see that Spencer's flight is in three hours from this exact moment. My heart rate speeds up and I feel myself get panicky for a moment before I hop back into the present. Spencer leaving me cannot be good for my health.

I plop myself down and as our teacher begins her routine, beginning-of-class talk, I whisper to Spence. "Your flight is soon."

Out of the corner of my eye I watch her grab a red pen from her bag. She begins marking on her homework. I decide I should probably take out my homework, too.

"I know." She whispers back.

Of course the teacher decides today, of all days, to talk the most that she has ever talked this year. That being said, Spencer and I barely got another word to each other. Apparently this lady doesn't realize that I will not be able to see or talk to my girlfriend much until over a week from today. The only time she briefly stops talking is when the bell, signaling the end of class, rings. Even after the bell she proceeds talking! I like her, but she needs to chill!

Even though I wanted to talk to Spencer, we don't talk as we pack up and exit the classroom. It's solemn as we make our way to her locker. She puts all her books in it and she lets me put all mine in hers so I don't have to make an extra stop at my locker.

She walks closer to me than she has in a while and I don't mind it. It makes me happy. I don't think we have much to worry about now. We don't get stared at as much as before which is pretty ironic seeing as Spencer kicked Madison's ass! Whatever.

The sound of Spencer's car unlocking snaps me out of it. I focus my eyes on the sight in front of me. I promise I wasn't looking at her ass, that's just where my eyes happened to be looking at!

She leans against her car and I slowly approach her. She looks around hesitatingly, but I don't know why. She grabs one arm with the other and holds it. I wait until she looks back up at me.

"I don't want you to go," She quickly looks down. "But," I say and she looks back up again. "You better get going so you're on time to your flight." It's my turn to look down.

"It's only a little over a week. We can do it." I look up at her and back down at my hands when I see that she has grabbed them. "I'll call you when I get to the airport and I'll call you when I land. And I'll call you when I get to my family's house. And I'll call you before I go to sleep. And I'll text you all the time in between."

By now a smile is spread on my face, not a big smile, but a smile, nonetheless. "And if you fail to do that, I'll be the one calling you." She laughs and I giggle, too.

Spencer glances around, still holding onto my hands, and moves her lips to mine before I can do anything else. My face is held in place by her lotioned hands on it. The kiss is deep and completely full of need, want, lust. By the time she pulls away, we're nearly entangled with each other and gasping desperately for air. This is by far the most intimate we've ever been at school. It shows me how proud Spencer is to be who she is and that makes me totally happy for her. I'm proud of her, too, for all she has been through and how she proceeds with it.

"I should get going." She says after a few seconds of trying to catch her breath.

I'm the one who steps back, something that takes all my power to do. "Yeah."

She drops her hands to her sides and pulls the door of her car open without moving her feet. Her eyes are pressed at something that is seemingly at my side; her eyes aren't looking at mine. She turns around and opens the door wider so that she can get into the car. I glance around, noting how empty it is. I guess people want to get out of here. I do, too, on Fridays.

"Hey," I jolt my eyes down to meet hers. She's smiling. "I love you." She says cutely and I feel my nose crinkle up as I smile.

"I love you, too."

"Come here." She holds her hand out and I grab it and go closer to her. She wraps one arm around my neck and holds onto my cheek with the other as she simultaneously kisses my lips hard again. I feel myself get lost in this kiss. Her tongue doesn't try to battle for dominance; she lets mine slither into her mouth and I feel a whimper escape her throat. Her whimpers come more frequently as I tangle my hands through her hair. Selfishly, I don't try to keep it neat, but I don't try to purposely mess it up, either. When we pull away to look at each other, I see the water in her eyes.

"Hey, don't do that," I place my hands on her cheeks, my thumbs just below her eyes. "You're gonna have a great time. Don't let me ruin your fun."

"I just miss you already."

"I'm right here." I give her a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, but in a minute you won't be."

"I'm just a phone call away."

"Okay."

"Okay," I nod. I take her hands and stand up. She smiles up at me and I smile down at her, glancing at our hands one last time. I watch as I let go of them and they fall limply into her lap. I place a hand on her car door, ready to shut it. "Love you, Spence."

"I love you, too, Ash."

I shut her car door and watch only until I hear the engine start. She smiles at me from inside the car and I smile back. I don't bother to watch her exit the lot; instead, I find my own car, unlock it, and get into it. By the time I'm ready to reverse, Spencer's car is nowhere in sight.

~.~.~.

For that Friday, Spencer kept her word and called me all those times when she said she would. She called me extra times just to check in, too. But the calls have been less frequent as the days drag on, ironically; the more days I go without seeing her, the more I miss her and the less calls I get. I don't hold her responsible for calling me all the time—I make the calls, too. But we've gone from like ten phone calls a day to about three. I know she is having fun like I told her she would, but I wish we could talk more often for more ten minutes.

Needless to say that with all this spare time, I've been going to the gym lots more. It's like my home away from home—my first home being with Spencer. Sometimes I go to the gym more than once a day;9 I don't mind it. I actually feel great. Not my mind, but my body. It's a bitch while I'm working out, but afterward I am so glad I did it each time. Not to mention that going to the gym so often distracts me from missing Spencer. That might be selfish, but hey, I'm not expected to be sulking around all day when there's nothing I can do to make her come home quicker.

After my shower, I lay on my bed and wait for the clock to roll around to seven, which is ten PM her time. Sometimes she calls me first and sometimes I call her first, it's all random. But right as the clock strikes seven, I pick up my phone and press the speed dial that is Spencer's—she beat me!

"You think you're so sly, don't you?" I say.

"What, you think I'm not?"

"Nope."

"Fine. I guess I'll just go to sleep then-"

I cut her off. "No, come back."

"That's what I thought," She giggles. "What are you doing?"

"Laaaayin' here," I sing. "What are you doing?"

"Also laaaayin' here." She mocks.

I giggle. "What did you do today?"

"Today I helped my grandma prepare food for tomorrow. Everyone's coming over, so we had a lot of cooking and preparing to do for tomorrow," She exhales. "What did you do?"

"That sounds fun! I woke up early, hit the gym, watched TV until I fell asleep, then gym again, then I showered, and then I tried unsuccessfully to call you before you called me." She laughs over the line. I can practically see her.

"You're gonna be so ripped when I come back that I'll hardly be able to recognize you!"

Now I'm the one bursting out laughing. "Yeah, probably." She laughs along with me.

"Are you guys gonna eat together tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that's what Kyla told me. I actually don't mind it, either. Kyla said Mom's gonna be out until the evening, so it's just gonna be me and her cooking until Mom joins us. I'm not even dreading it like I usually do."

"That's awesome! Kyla could be worse, you know."

"Yeah, I've realized that," It's true. I used to not even give Kyla the time of day a year ago. But she is sweet and it's not my fault if Christine likes her more than she likes me. "Hey, you don't have to call me tomorrow. You'll probably be busy."

"I'm still gonna call you." She immediately replies.

"Okay, good!" We laugh together until it subsides.

"Goodnight, Ashley."

"Goodnight, Spence. Love you."

"I love you, too."

I fall asleep to dreams of Spencer, yet again. This girl is my entire life and there's no going back now.

~.~.~.

"I'm impressed," Christine says after a few chews and swallows. "Kyla, Ashley. This is a nice meal you've prepared."

"Thank you, Christine." Kyla smiles widely at my mom.

"Thanks, Mom." I mumble and give a small smile.

In all honesty, Kyla prepared most of this. I'm not this great of a chef. I've learned bits from Spencer and Mr. C., but this is way more than I'm able to do alone. She just told me what to do and I did it. It helped her out a lot. It's better to do that than to do things that I don't even know what I'm doing.

"So, Ashley," Kyla starts and I look up. "Spencer's in Ohio?" I give her a nod and a slight smile. I miss her too much. "That's cool. How is she enjoying her stay?"

"From what I can tell, it's going pretty well."

"That's good to hear," She smiles warmly at me and then looks at Mom. "So, Christine, do you have any exciting plans coming up?"

Mom swallows and wipes her face with a napkin. "Actually, yes. I meant to tell you both that tomorrow morning, before you are awake, I have a flight to catch to New York," She looks at both of us. Kyla just nods and smiles. "I'll be back Sunday. Just a quick trip."

"That sounds fun. What's the occasion?" Kyla asks.

"Oh, you know, just to visit old friends and catch up. We have some things we need to discuss."

I don't bother to ask what these topics of discussion are about because I don't care enough to ask and, even if I did, she probably wouldn't tell me anyway.

~.~.~.

"Hey!"

I jolt my head away from the television on the couch and up to Kyla. "Hi." I respond and smile.

"What are you up to?" She asks from the doorway and leans a hand against it.

"This," I chuckle, motioning to me on the couch and the TV. "How about you?"

"Nothing. I'm pretty bored."

"Yeah, I bet. You're usually out twenty-four-seven!"

She looks down and giggles and looks back up at me. "Not true. I sleep here, you know."

"Sometimes." I counter.

"Most times," She raises her brows. "I was wondering if you wanted to do something?"

I sit up. "Yeah? Like what?"

"I don't know," She says and plops on the smaller couch across from me. "But it's a Saturday night and I don't really feel like being home. I don't know of much to do here, honestly. I'm always with your mom and we usually go different places like parties and-"

"It's fine, I get it," I wave her off. "I don't know, we could go to Gray. Unless you find that-"

"No, yeah, that's fine, that's great!" Her smile slowly spreads across her face. "You wanna go at like," She looks at the clock. "Seven?"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"Okay, I'm gonna go get ready." She smiles with her teeth before hopping upstairs.

Don't ask me why it's apparently going to take her four hours to get ready. As for me, I'm going to get ready at about six. It's not like I have anybody to impress anyway. It is guaranteed that Spencer will not be coming home to save me tonight; I don't mind that, seeing as tomorrow is when she is coming home! I can't wait!

Okay so coming to Gray on a Saturday night is always a horrible idea and I think that everytime I do come to Gray on a Saturday night, but I continue coming anyway. The lot is always one hundred percent full and that means I must park by sketchy alleyways or across the street in a different parking lot. Then once we do park and walk all the way over to the front, it takes like twenty minutes to get in. So now it's nearly eight. We should have left at six.

Thank God I know Kat. Even when it's packed like this, she can always manage to find me a spot within five minutes. When the waitress comes over and takes our orders for drinks, I can't help thinking about Carmen and how much I hate her and also wondering where she is and why she got fired. Whatever, I'm just glad she's out of mine and Spencer's lives.

"So, Ashley, how come I never see you at school?" Kyla asks over the loud thuds of the bass. I turn my attention from the gigantic crowd to Kyla.

"Um, I don't know. What classes do you take?"

"I have a zero period and a seventh, all consisting of AP and IB classes," She rolls her eyes. "I leave the house earlier than you do."

"And apparently come home later, too. But it's still weird how I don't see you around the halls and stuff."

"I know. I always have to make trips to my locker in between classes and manage to not be late to them."

"You take school seriously, huh?" I say with my straw in my mouth.

"Sometimes I wish I didn't, but I need to go to college. Gotta make something of myself." She stares at the crowd and swirls her straw in circles in her drink.

"I know what you mean."

She looks at me. "Are you thinking about college? Going?"

"I don't know. Not really, kind of. Maybe. I've thought about it, yeah. But I don't really care much about anything besides my music."

"That's okay. You can go to junior college then transfer to a music school or you can just do junior then go for whatever you're trying to go to for or," She drawls out. "You don't even have to bother with college if you don't find it necessary for your career. I couldn't tell ya because I know nothing about the music industry." She shakes her head and widens her eyes.

"I have no idea. I'll figure it out. But not now. Right now I'm thinking about how badly I wanna just dance." I squeeze my face up. Kyla reaches her hand over the table and I take it and allow her to pull me into the crowd that is hell for a claustrophobic person.

Once I look at my phone for the time and notice I missed calls from Spencer, reality came back and I realize it's way too late to be out. I grab Kyla and she is more than accepting for us to leave even though we were both enjoying ourselves. I'm just not into staying out all night partying, not that I was drinking or hooking up or anything, I just don't prefer to stay out so late. Kyla and I both got virgin drinks tonight, so I am able to drive us back home again.

We get home safely by three in the morning and, for me, my adrenaline is still coursing. I feel really guilty about not answering Spencer—I would have if I had even realized she called. I hope she doesn't think anything of it. I will definitely call her tomorrow morning when I wake up. I mean today morning. In a few hours.

Me and Kyla giggle our way upstairs and we part our ways to our rooms, not exactly declaring whether we're going to sleep or not. I shrug out of my dirty clothes and slither comfortably into warm pajamas, bra-less. Spencer has my jacket still and I wish I had something that is owned by her.

I hear a shuffling outside my door and I turn around to face it. I face Kyla through my open door. She's smiling at me.

"I just wanted to say thanks for tonight. I had an awesome time!"

I smile back. "You're welcome. Thank you for hanging out with me." I feel myself blush as I look down and I mentally smack myself for blushing. I don't know how I've become so weak over this past year.

Just kidding, yes I do: Spencer Elizabeth Carlin.

~.~.~.

"Shit" is my first thought of the morning. I wake to the sound of my vibrating phone in my mess of blankets and I don't have to look at it to know who is trying to reach me. In the search for my phone, I see the clock and it reads one twenty-seven. I slept for like ten hours!

"Hi, Spencer!" I pick up the phone right before the ringing would stop. My voice sounds hideous.

"Um, hi," She says in a not-so-thrilled tone. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I am. Wow, geez, I'm sorry. I was going to call you this morning when I woke up, but of course you beat me at it again." I laugh a little.

"That's okay. Uh, I called you lots last night and some this morning. Where were you?"

"I'm so sorry, Spence. I did not even hear my phone. I was at Gray."

"Oh, that's cool," I can so totally hear the jealousy in her voice. It shouldn't be making me smile, but it is. "Who'd you go with?" She tries to ask in a nonchalant manner.

"Just Kyla. No need to worry." I smile.

"Oh, sounds fun!"

"Yeah... So, where are you?"

"Airport. I board in about twenty minutes. Just wanted to tell you that."

"Thank you for telling me. Will I be seeing you today?" I ask in a hopeful tone that I hope she can't hear.

"Of course, but-"

"But?"

"But I have work."

"Work? Spence!"

"I know. It's more money and I didn't want to take today off, too. Don't wanna be fired. I'll come over after, though?"

"Sure. What time do you get off?"

"Eight." She answers.

"Okay. I will see you right after that, then!"

"Okay. See you then, Ash."

"Spencer?"

"Mmm?"

"I love you and miss you a lot."

"I miss and love you, too."

After the phone call with Spencer, I decide to take my time in everything I do because I still have seven hours until I see her. I actually take a bath and read for a bit, despite how hungry I am. I decide to skip breakfast foods and jump into a late lunch and early dinner. I make soup and a grilled cheese and I allow myself to eat it in the living room while watching _Wife Swap_ because nothing else is on. Shortly after, I scan through the TV guide and I see that _Criminal Minds _is now on, so of course I change the channel to that and of course I think of Spencer.

I open my eyes and see that this is not _Criminal Minds_. I rub my eyes and yawn and that's when I taste the gross, after-nap taste of my late lunch. I sit up, feeling gross, and grab my empty dishes to put them in the sink. It's six now. Only two hours!

I finish washing the few dishes I used for my early dinner and I see Kyla walk slowly into the kitchen. She's looking down but looks up after I look at her.

"Hey, um, your mom wants to talk to you."

"Okay? I'll go talk to her." I reply suspiciously.

I head for the stairs and to my mom's room. Before I get start on the stairs, I see her walking down them.

"Oh, hello, Ashley. A word, please?" I nod and she comes down the stairs and I follow her into the living room. She sits on the closest and smaller couch so I sit on the longer one on the edge of it. I look at her expectantly and wait for her to go on. When I don't say anything, she does. "Well, I don't quite know how to put this, so I will just say it bluntly," She pauses. "We're moving."

It doesn't register in my mind. Obviously I did not hear her correctly. So I ask, "What?"

"We are moving."

Okay. So I did hear her right. But she can't possibly be serious. "'We' meaning...?"

"Myself, Kyla, and you."

It's okay. I'm not concerned besides the fact I love this house. I hate admitting it, but if I'm told I'm moving, of course I am going to be sad. I like this house and I don't want to live anywhere else. "How come?"

"Elsewhere holds better opportunities."

"Opportunities...?" I pry.

"LA just doesn't have anything left for me anymore. There are many more and better things ahead. New people, different parties, jobs-"

My forehead crinkles and my eyebrows furrow together in realization. "Wait, we're leaving LA?" I ask, shocked.

"Yes, Ashley, the three of us are leaving LA."

"Mom, no. You can't be serious," I raise my voice. "You can't be serious!"

"I am dead serious, Ashley." Her voice raises an octave.

"Mom, my life is here. I'm finally happy. I'm a senior and I'm about to graduate. Can't you wait until I graduate?"

"No, Ashley, I can't. I am wanted now and I can't let this slip-"

"I'm not going." I state blatantly.

"You do not have a choice."

"I'm not going!" I repeat loudly.

"There's no option for you in this! Kyla was obedient in this; you need to be more like her."

"Why do you always do that?" I let out and I throw my arms up in exasperation. "Kyla is not me, Mom," I bitterly say. "I have finally got what I wanted. I am so happy here. There's no way you're going to take me away from that."

"There's nothing you can do, Ashley, so if I were you, I would just get over it now. This is final." I stare at her, with my jaw on the ground, as she gets up. Her back turns away from me. By now I feel the tears stinging at my eyes.

"You don't even want me, so why are you making me do this?" I cry out.

She whips around and says in a voice just as loud as mine, "Because I have to!" After that, we don't look at each other. I only look up when I see her walking away.

I keep my voice composed despite the water threatening to spill over. "Let me into my inheritance."

"You are not eighteen." She doesn't turn around.

"Oh, like you give a shit! You don't care about me! Just let me have my inheritance from Dad so I can buy my own place and finish out my year! You don't _need_ me to accompany you! You have Kyla for that!" She avoids my gaze. "Where are you moving to?" I quietly ask.

"We," She emphasizes. "Are moving to New York."

I practically yell. "New York? That's on the other side of the country!" My voice is raising with each word I speak and more tears keep coming. I feel one tickle my face and I angrily swipe it away. "I'm not going. I'm not moving! I'm staying in LA." I stand up and am about to pass Mom in the doorway.

She steps in front of me. "Ashley Morgan Danielle Davies," She hisses. "This has nothing to do with you and your opinions," She says slowly. She is practically whispering. "This is about what I want. You are under my care until you are eighteen, when you can do almost any little thing that you desire to do. Until then, you obey my rules and my wants. This is what we are doing and you do not get a say in it; nothing you do will change my mind," I watch as she walks away triumphantly. Before she hits the stairs, she says, "Our flight leaves December first at six AM sharp."

I stand there numbly for a long while, taking in the news, or, rather, being in denial, when I look up to the tapping on the ground and see Christine and Kyla walking toward the door. It must have been a long while because they are both changed in fancy clothing. Christine doesn't look at me and Kyla just sends over an apologetic look before shutting the door behind her.

I'm all alone.

I can't stop crying. I can't catch my breath; it hurts too much, both physically and mentally. This can't be happening. Spencer.

Spencer.

I fall to the ground, my first movement in too long to remember. I don't even know what time it is. It's dark out and I wonder when Spencer will be here. Oh my God. I'm leaving Spencer. I can't do this. _Why me? _For once in this God forsaken life of mine, I am happy and now that it being ripped away from me. Long distant relationships rarely work out. I can't even deal with not seeing Spencer for a week. I am going to die not seeing her for however long. My life is here. I can't do this. I can't do this.

I drag myself, literally drag, myself over to my stairs and I sit on them. I can't let Spencer see me like this. Oh my God, I don't know what I'm going to tell her. She's going to be crushed, but not more so than me.

This is so frustrating! If Christine would just let me chip into a little bit of my large sum of inheritance money, I would be okay. I had planned on getting my own place after high school anyway, so it would work out perfectly. Why can't she just let me go?I know of high school kids who are under eighteen who live alone in their own homes.

That's it! Emancipation! But would she agree? That would be the perfect solution.

She would never agree. I drop my head into my arms and feel the tears jump hotly onto my jeans. I rub my face over and over, but it's still wet and the tears won't stop coming. I get angrier and angrier; I get so angry that I actually scream. It doesn't help. Now my throat hurts and my anger is slowly pulsating down. This can't be happening. I don't want to leave. LA is my home. I have lived here my entire life and now I am expected to just pack up and jump ship? I can't do that. If I didn't have Spencer, maybe it would be easier. It would probably be easier. But I do have Spencer and I don't plan on losing Spencer, so this is hard as hell. I need help. I can't do this. I can't tell Spencer this.

While contemplating what to do and trying to rid my face of the never-ending waterfall, I hear a noise right outside my front door. I attempt to quiet myself down as I watch the knob on the door turn quickly. I don't know what to do. The door opens and I don't yet see Spencer-

"Ash, I'm here!" The voice yells. "I'm so sorry that I'm so late; my flight was delayed which caused me to be late to work-" The door shuts. She locks it. "So I had to stay overtime, but I brought lots of-" She spots me. She drops whatever is in the brown bags she was holding.

"Ashley." She is immediately in front of me and I feel the warmth of her embrace for the first time in nine days. Not exactly how I pictured my warm welcome to her, but she is here and I am glad. I pull her into my arms, or I'm pulled into hers, more so. We're standing up now and she has just let me out of her hug. I want her and I need her because in a week from today I will be gone from her.

"I'm sorry." I look at the ground as I sob. I feel so pathetic but so sad.

"Ash, what's going on? Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm moving to New York."


End file.
